Searlus and the Sailor
by Mordelle
Summary: My life was already over when my husband died and Papa is such a frail man. I could not care for him or myself any longer. Beauty was all I had. It was either the brothel or try to woo the monstrous King Searlus. I chose the latter. It paid better. (AN: A completely different retelling of the classic Beauty and the Beast fairytale from Belle's perspective.) AU OW
1. Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

Yesterday started off beautifully. Spring is here in earnest now and the flowers are in full bloom. The garden is just to die for, honestly. Searlus seems to love it there just as much as I do as he spends most of his afternoons amongst the roses and other fauna. However, he is out of sorts. Again. It's been six months since I arrived at the castle and every month is the same when it comes to his moods. I've discovered a pattern, you see, and it is quite an interesting one indeed.

It cannot be chance that his temper coincides with my own irritable moods during my moon time. Maybe I annoy him. He is a creature forged by magic, after all, so maybe he is empathetic? In either case, I feel guilty that I might be causing his distress. And his distress seems greater than my own if it could be believed. Yes, during this time, I've seen him wandering the grounds at unspeakable hours. His presence wakes me. The more time I spend here, the more in tune I am with him it appears. Not just him, but the castle, the grounds, the animals, and even the trees. Magic is such a curious thing. By the by, I've recently begun to study alchemy and other old magical crafts, but I'll get to that later. In any case, I know he does not get much sleep, if at all, during this time. I'm sure that doesn't help with his already quite brooding nature. If only he could accept himself as he is, he'd be happier for it. As would I.

It would be such a simple thing, to sit him down and explain that I never even saw a beast to begin with. I mean, he was shocking, I cannot lie about that. But he doesn't understand that I did not have any glamorous fantasies about how my life would be here when I first came upon his doorstep. I knew what to expect. No, actually, I did not. I _thought _I knew what to expect and quite honestly I expected worse!

The others who had offered themselves during the Courting Festival had all forgotten the King's appearance or what transpired behind the gates as soon as they were released the next morning. With no details and sheer lack of information, you could imagine the rumours that sprouted and how rampant and disturbing they became over time. The whole village knew he was deformed in some way since his birth. It was no secret that an Alchemist was summoned to save the Prince's life. The price was great, however, as the Alchemist would have had no other recourse but to exchange another's life for the babes. I know this from recent studies in the subject. The story goes, that his mother willingly offered up her own life, but the King would not allow it. The prince was dying and no one else would or could sacrifice themselves. So, the Alchemist used their exotic pets in order to make quick work of saving the baby boy. Save him, he did. A chimaera is what they called him. A monster. An abomination. Very few had laid eyes on the Prince. The courting festival was started by the Queen herself for she was afraid he'd live a lonely life without love. The King died young and the Queen Mother followed not long after. He dismissed all of his servants but the courting festival continued to be a tradition.

Only one young woman had stayed longer than a night, but she too left the castle soon enough with only her pittance for trying and no memory of her time there. My life was already over when my husband died and Papa is such a frail man. I could not care for him or myself any longer. Beauty was all I had. It was either the brothel or try to woo the monstrous King Searlus. I chose the latter. It paid better.

Oh, but why am I dwelling on such sad memories now? For some time, I have felt renewed. I have hope once more and I have my dear Searlus to thank for that. He has been kind and patient with me. He is still rigid with his rules and that irks me to no end, but I have enjoyed my time here very much. It was rough going at first. He can be so frustrating but he says the same about me. The thought makes me smile now. Though he may look like a beast, he is so very obviously a man. Bullheaded. Not that he looks like a bull. Oh, sometimes I could just rip my hair out and yet… other times… No, I must not think about that. I need more time to sort my feelings. Gerard was my life and the guilt of letting another into my heart is sometimes too much to bear. The mourning period has only just ended, but a year is not enough. Not for me. Searlus helps me to forget my pain… my Gerard. Sometimes it is a wonderful relief and other times, especially during my moon time, I want to punish myself for being so unkind to his memory. Papa never remarried after mama died, maybe I am to have the same fate.

I care for Searlus, I do, I might even… No. I cannot let myself think on it. To name it is to make it real and I am not yet ready. He is no rush anyway! Why do I feel such urgency? Searlus is happy with just my company. My friendship. I'm not even completely sure he has romantic feelings for me. He sees to my every need, that is certain. I'm quite sure I could ask for anything - within the ridiculous rules of course - and he would grant it. I catch his lingering glances here and there but it could be that I am still as strange to him as he is to me.

Though recently, we've begun to touch. The first time, I had stayed his hand when he tried to offer me more wine at dinner. The poor soul dropped the bottle in a clumsy fit as its contents spilt all over me. I laughed aloud as we both tried to right it, making an even greater disorder when we knocked over his glass as well in the process. He was a stuttering mess and I couldn't help my amusement at seeing him so disarmed. He thought I was laughing at him, however, and the merriment ended quickly. Idiot. But he is not an idiot. Far from it. So intelligent and I love our conversations. He has as curious a mind as I do. I found him later that evening brooding in the library. He apologized for the whole affair.

"Forgive me," he said. Goodness, he was a sad sight. He was slumped over in his favourite chair by the fire, eyes cast down in shame and hands balled into fists. "If you wish to leave, I cannot fault you."

"Searlus, honestly, you think I'd march out the door for something so trivial?" I retorted. "What kind of woman do you think I am?" I laughed good-heartedly but he dropped his head down further and furrowed his brow. I instantly remember how many others had abandoned him over the years. "I am not angry with you," I said gently while I knelt before him and firmly placed my hand over his large, furry fist. He tensed and his eyes grew wide. "Does my touch bother you? Shall I remove-"

"No," he interrupted hurriedly as if I was about to wrench my hand away. "I-I raised my voice."

"You yelled," I corrected.

He grimaced. "Yes, I yelled… at you earlier. I thought you'd be angry with me."

He kept his eyes on our connected hands. I could read the pain in his eyes and I wondered whether it was the thought of me being angry or my touch that was causing him such misery? How long had it been since he'd felt the kind touch of another living soul? My heart broke for him.

"I am not angry, but never yell at me like that again," I warned with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. "Or I'll have to show you what a woman's wrath really looks like. Be afraid, your Grace. Be very afraid." I smiled at him and he smiled back as he carefully grazed the rough pad of his thumb over my wrist.

My blood runs warm just thinking of it. Since then, he pretends not to notice when I touch him. I can tell he enjoys it and finds it quite special. He becomes so shy and gets lost in whatever musings are transpiring in his quick mind. Adorable and so endearing. Damn him. My intention was only to stay a night, as the others had, and get my pittance. But his lonely soul spoke to my own and I stayed. No promises were made. I can leave whenever I like, but if I leave I cannot return and I would also lose all memory of being here. I cannot lose that. I'm allowed to receive letters but not send any in return. My father wants for nothing except his daughter by his side and he worries so much for me. I wish I could just write him to tell him that I am happy. Happy? Am I happy?

I'll have to think about that later. I can sense him nearby. Wish me luck for I intend to voice my theory about his empathic abilities. I'll admit, it will be quite embarrassing to mention my moon time to him but I can think of it as a test of his maturity level depending on his reaction. Men do not like speaking of such things and prefer to ignore anything they would deem unsavoury in a woman. But Searlus is different in so many ways. Let us see.

Love,

Belle


	2. Chapter 2

Diary!

I am _mortified _. Absolutely and completely _humiliated _! What was I _thinking _? Oh, it was dreadful. Heaven knows I am not one to be embarrassed easily and I've taken lesser humiliation with my chin up and strong strides. _Kill _me now. I should fling myself from the window. Bury me in a hole somewhere. Good lord. How will I ever face him again? I cannot. I will not! Oh, death, please visit me and take me by the hand before I have to see him again for dinner! No, I cannot go to down for dinner. I shall take it here in my room. Yes, that is best. Our arrangement be damned!

To even think of writing how things transpired after my last entry- it's so hot. I'm sweating through my dress. Oh, my god. I'm drenched. Was I this sweaty in front of him as well? Add more to my chagrin why don't you, Belle. Foolish woman that I am! One moment whilst I remove myself from this infernal, Iron Maiden that is this corset!

That's better. Though freeing myself from the frivolous and lacey confines that I so willingly wore for _his liege _has done little to quell my shame, I do feel better now that I can breathe properly and I believe I can put it all into words. I might burn these pages later. So, it went like this…

I went down for lunch and ate quite contentedly as I waited for the bastard Searlus to arrive. He's been joining me for more meals than just our arranged dinners and I fully expected him to be there. I knew he was nearby and was disappointed that he did not meet me. So, after I finished my meal, I went to _him._ Every time I was sure I would catch up to him, I'd catch his cape disappearing around the corner. Was he avoiding me? Purposefully evading? A game, I thought so foolishly. I ran and finally found him ducking into the garden. I pretended to rush past but doubled back silently and searched for him. His goat-like horns were poking out from behind a bush and I stifled a victorious snigger. Carefully, I crept around and pounced on him!

"By the Heaven's, Belle!" He cried out in surprise as I tried unsuccessfully to tackle him to the ground. "You startled me!"

He tore my embrace from his person and stepped away from me as I giggled like a schoolgirl. I want to kill myself. Since when do I act like a _schoolgirl _? Giggling like an idiot, more like!

"Did I? But don't you sense my presence as I do yours?" I questioned, still laughing like the stupid fool that I am.

He seemed uncomfortable. "You can sense me? That is new, is it not?" He turned away from me and went straight for the roses.

I realized he had not been playing a game as I had originally thought. This dampened my mood a bit but not as much as it would later, I should tell you! I was almost running in order to keep up with his long strides. Usually, he walked so leisurely in my presence and this was another warning I should have read, but did not, because I'm an idiot. Did I say that already?

"Somewhat new. I feel like I could always tell when you were around but as time passes, my sixth sense has become more precise." I beamed up at him, like a halfwit, and he didn't even spare me a glance.

"Interesting." That was it. That was all he said. He stopped to smell his blooming flowers and I could see his panther-like face relax some.

"Is something wrong?" I asked so innocently. Moron that I am.

"No." He seemed frustrated by the roses and moved on to the Gardenias.

I followed and decided this was as good a time as any to mention his sour moods being connected to my monthly, womanly woes. So, I took a breath, steadied my nerves and just prattled on like a squawking Magpie.

"I've noticed a pattern in regard to your mood swings, Searlus," I quipped. I gave him a chance to react and I was rewarded with a slightly offended expression. "Every month, for a week or sometimes a bit longer, you become more reclusive and your talent for brooding returns with a vengeance."

If he wasn't covered in fur, I would have seen him blanch. With an abrupt about-face, which made his cape billow right into my face, he continued his trudge through the garden. "I don't know what you mean," he practically growled at me with that grave, baritone voice of his.

"Let me elaborate."

"Please don't." He almost sounded like he was begging.

"You see," I ignored him, "I think, and this _may _be shocking to you, but I have noticed that it coincides with my-"

"Belle, please."

"My Red Tide, as it were." I was gratified when he was suddenly rooted in place and sighed heavily. I walked around and looked up to find him with his eyes shut tight. "You know what I speak of?"

"You insist?" He breathed, his warm, piney breath bathed my face as he visibly fought for patience.

I ignored him again, finding the situation too amusing. "My monthly visitor? My _crimson tide _? Yes?"

His eyes finally opened and he stared down at me with his best, bored expression. "Yes, Belle, I understand your meaning quite well, in fact." Then he pushed past me before I could reply.

"I'm sorry," I said without an ounce of apology, "does the subject make you uncomfortable?"

"Yes."

His answer was so curt and resolute that my smile faded instantly. I felt a pang in my midsection. It was so hurtful. Then heat filled my eyes as my rage started to boil. How dare he make me feel inadequate for speaking of something that Mother Nature herself bestowed upon females. Stupid man. Stupid Beast. Stupid _me _, it turns out. I was so insulted that I ran before him once again and blocked his path.

"I thought you were more mature than this," I spat with as much venom as I could muster. I will admit, maybe my emotions may have taken the helm.

He was instantly shocked and his eyes grew wide. He collected himself and I could see his defence brewing in his look, but I did not let him speak. I stepped closer, I wanted to be nose to nose with him but he is so tall! I barely reach his breast but _felt _taller at that moment, I will say!

"You think you're so different from your fellow man, but this _proves _just how much _man _is still in there!" I poked and angry finger into his black, furry chest with almost every spiteful word. "You misogynistic brute!"

He was clearly and truly offended now. "Is that so?" I could hear a rumbling in his chest. He growled in earnest.

"It is."

He straightened up as if he wasn't already towering over me and puffed out his chest. He pushed forward, forcing me to retreat. "I have treated you as an equal, regardless of your status, sex or gender, of _that _I am sure! Ungrateful woman."

"HA! There it is again!" I pointed a finger at his nose. "Using 'woman' as if it's some derogatory word!"

Searlus rolled his eyes. "I did not."

"Did too."

He was getting angry and frankly so was I. "I did _not _."

"DID TOO!"

A vicious snarl escaped him. "WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO _PESTER _ME?!"

I must have dropped my guard completely because his face instantly fell and turned panicky. My hands shot to the pain in my gut. I whipped around and fled, hot tears beginning to build in my eyes.

"Belle, wait!" I heard him scream, concern etched in his voice.

It didn't matter how fast I could run, he caught up and grabbed my arm to stop me. It was the first time he had ever touched me. He had only ever waited for me to initiate any kind closeness or familiarity. Especially when it came to touching. So, of course, this was unexpected and when I gazed angrily at his large paw wrapped around my arm, he released me as if he'd touched a hot iron.

"Please-" he began, but I would not let him finish. I didn't care how wounded he looked, crouched before me in order to look into my eyes.

"I pester you, do I?" I interrupted.

"No, I-"

"That's what you said."

"I didn't mean it. You know that I…" His mouth fell open but no other words came out. He seemed like he'd seen a ghost.

"You what?" I challenged.

"Well, I, uh, I c-care for you, of course. I enjoy your company, very much, you must know that."

"And how am I supposed to know?" I shrugged my shoulder and frowned dramatically.

"You want for nothing, do you not?" He defended. "And-and I grant you everything that you ask!"

" _Not. Everything."_

He withered visibly and brought a paw to his face. "Please, let us not discuss _that _again. I cannot let you-"

"Fine. Let us not discuss _that _but let us discuss _this _! Why do you shun me? It was obvious you were trying to evade me and then you say I pester you-"

"I swear, you do not pester me-"

I raised my hand to shut him up and continued my rant. "I thought you were empathic. That you were feeling my distress during this awful time of the month, and that you would be willing to talk about it. I felt _bad _for you. Blamed myself for your sleepless nights and your misery. When I try to confront and offer you comfort, you shun me! Treat me lesser than because you can't talk about something as natural as menstruation! If you think I would tie myself to such an immature lout now, think again!"

He shrunk into himself even more and seemed to have a war within. He raised both hands to his head and held it as if it were going to explode. I realized too late what I had just said. I implied I was willing to tie myself to him! As if I had ever entertained the idea that I would marry him, not that he'd asked. I suppose we are courting after all- but nevermind that!

"Of course, you are not lesser than," he thankfully interrupted the awkward moment, "and the topic of-of… well, blood or menstruation does not bother me. My mother was very adamant that I receive the highest education possible. I am well versed in biology, in fact. I'm even curious about how you personally experience it."

This time, I rolled my eyes. I crossed my arms and tapped a foot with impatience but I let him continue.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "It's just…" he rubbed a clawed paw through his dark mane and seemed very anxious and apologetic. Embarrassed even. "You smell," he mumbled almost to himself.

It was like a blow to my head. "What?" I whispered, utterly stunned.

"I can…" he sighed heavily. "I can smell you."

"Oh." I had no idea what else to say. What could I have said? I was slowly spiralling into the abyss of monumental mortification of the likes no one on this earth has ever experienced! And suddenly it all made sense. His running from me and diving head first into flowers! I. Smell. "Oh."

I vaguely remember excusing myself and no memory at all of how I came to my room. And there it is. There it is. Now, I'm going to bathe and scrub the pungent stench of menstrual blood from my person. Then I'm going to crawl into my bed and stay there until judgement day. That is all. Farewell.

An Utterly Foolish and Smelly Woman,

Belle


	3. Chapter 3

Oh, Diary,

He came to my room. When I first arrived here, Searlus promised me that I'd have my privacy and that I could keep my distance, the only exception being that I was to dine with him every evening. I broke that agreement tonight, so I cannot fault him for breaking his promise. It's not like he broke down the door or anything like that. His knock was gentle, and his voice was comforting even though it brought fresh waves of embarrassment upon me.

"Belle, are you all right?" He asked. The rumbling of his voice could be heard clearly even through the thick, oak door.

I had no spine to answer him.

"I'm sorry." He meant it but what could he possibly be sorry for? It wasn't his fault that he had tried to spare my feelings and that I had insisted on pushing him to tell me the god-awful truth. "Please speak to me," he entreated, "I cannot stand the thought that I might have caused you pain. It's unbearable."

The hurt was so acute in his voice that I couldn't help but sit up and stare at my door. I wanted to say something but I couldn't. For a torturous moment, I wondered if he'd leave. I wanted him to stay as much as I wanted him to leave me to my wallowing. Instead, I saw the doorknob begin to turn ever so slightly. I held my breath, not knowing what was to happen. I didn't even know if I had locked myself within. The knob stopped short and was released. I let out the breath I had been holding. The door remained closed.

"Belle, if you don't answer me, I'll have to assume you are unwell and need assistance. I will come in. Locked door or no."

"I'm fine!" I blurted out before I knew what I was saying. And thank goodness because what was I thinking? I was practically naked! "I-I was asleep." It was all I could offer.

"I see. You missed dinner, would you like me to send up some supper for you?" Damn him why is he so kind.

"Yes, please," I squeaked.

"After you've supped," I could hear him sigh, "please join me for a nightcap. We must speak on… the matter that has caused a rift between us."

I felt sick. I had to endure yet another conversation about my… smell? "No need really!"

"It's important. I didn't get a chance to explain what I meant by… what I said."

What the hell was there left to explain? I frowned and shook my head knowing he could not see me. "Is that an order?"

There was silence except for a creak in the floor. Maybe he was praying for patience. "No," he finally let out. Before I could thank him and send him on his way, he spoke again. "I will allow you to write a letter to your father if you join me and let me explain myself." He did not sound happy at all.

My heart fell into my stomach, and I buried my face in my hands. "All right," I murmured. His impeccable hearing caught what I said.

"Good. See you soon and-" he paused a moment. "No need for elegance. Dress as comfortably as you'd like. You never need to suffer those corsets on my behalf. Ever."

I heard him saunter off and I was filled with fresh misery. He somehow knew I dressed up for him earlier. I suppose it was apparent, seeing is I had hardly ever done so before today. He's more perceptive than I thought. Maybe he hated my dress. Or how I looked in it. Wonderful. Since when do I doubt myself? My body? Well, since he told me I smell, I suppose. That could really shatter anyone's self-esteem, I should say.

Nevermind, I will bathe… again. I wonder if I should even dilute the perfumes. Just dump all the bottles in the bath and soak in it. That won't do. Obviously. All I can do is wash away my current shame and hope we don't talk for too long… or have the urge to sneeze.

Still waiting for death,

Belle


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Diary,

It grew quite late last night and quite frankly, I had no idea what to write after my nightcap with Searlus. It was an enlightening conversation, to be sure. However, it was a lot to process. I told him I'd spend most of today in my room, not only in light of our conversation but because I need time to myself. I need to write out what happened and how I feel about it. It would be wrong of me to do otherwise. He even excused me from tonight's dinner and mentioned he would be staying in his wing of the castle, just in case I decide to venture out for fresh air. I am thankful to him. More than he will ever know. Let me write about the previous evening as it transpired.  
After my third bath of the day, a douse of perfume, and stuffing as many rags between my legs as I could, I decided on wearing a simple tunic and sturdy trousers. Very similar to the ones I wore back at sea with Papa. I also decided on a cloak. It helped me feel less vulnerable, and if I were to see even a small sign that Searlus could smell me, I could at least wrap an extra layer around myself. With my hair tied behind me and my thigh high boots, I looked quite the strapping lady. But I am no lady. Never was one.

I braced myself at my own door and finally had enough courage to leave my room. The whole time berated myself. I am Belle Bonnet! Widow and former First Mate of the fearsome Captain Gerard Bonnet! Nevermind that I was only named First Mate because my father fell ill and Gerard had to take over. I earned my spot whether my husband was biased or not. The crew respected me! It was also only a short month's trip, but again, not relevant. My hands have as many callouses as any brave man I've ever met. I've worked in farms, a library, I've been a governess, I'm well travelled for a woman of my status. You understand my point, I'm sure. Still, Searlus was disarming. It wasn't his fault. His appearance alone could disarm the most formidable people on this wretched earth. I was never terrified of him, however. I most certainly respected his size, horns, teeth and claws though. But I wasn't scared. Not of his appearance. As I've alluded in previous entries, he's disarming in other ways now. I care for him. I care about what he thinks of me. I don't want to care, but I do, and I cannot lie to myself over that fact. Damn him.

Before long, I walked into the vast library. There he was, by the fire, his adorable spectacles on, reading. Or at least pretending to because his nostrils flared and I knew, just knew, that he smelled me. Damn it all. I wrapped the cloak around me and refused to take another step toward him. He finally lifted his gaze and gave me a small smile, which I returned with an awkward smirk and glance to the fireplace.

"Please come and sit with me," he requested so gentleman-like.

"I'm fine right here, thank you," I replied politely but resolutely.

I could see him shake his head and remove his glasses in my periphery. He adjusted in his seat and cleared his throat.

"I'm going to be frank with you, Belle. I know you value candour. It is true that I have reserved some of my bluntness in your presence because, well, we're still getting to know each other. But here it is…"

I sent my gaze to my boots and waited for him to continue.

"I can smell you just as well if you stand there all night or decide to sit by me."

"Fuck it all to hell," I muttered under my breath, knowing full well he could catch my barely audible, unladylike, sailors prose.  
He stood and began to walk toward me. "Indeed," he said, a wicked smile hidden in his tone. "And it doesn't matter if you try to mask it with every perfume within these walls or bathe several times in a day." He edged closer, and it took everything in me to stay rooted in place and not run for the hills. "Or wrap a cloak around you." He bent down and murmured right in my ear. "I could smell you behind a closed door and twenty paces away."

His deep voice sent shivers down my back. I quickly walked past him and sat in my usual seat by the fire. Cloak still wrapped around me as tightly as prey in a python's deadly embrace. He had the nerve to chuckle. I snapped my head in his direction and fumed as he sat in his sizeable winged chair.

"Laughing at me now, are you? Will this be your new sport? Sniffing me out like a hound and pointing and laughing?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "You're always laughing at my expense. Now I have the upper hand, finally." I've never seen him so smug.

"I'm leaving." I made to stand, but his paw landed on my thigh, stopping me. Before I could look, he removed his hand and gazed at me earnestly.

He seemed so sad, and I could tell by the way his eyes shifted, he was very uncomfortable. "I'm trying to make light of a very serious conversation I must have with you. And… I'm afraid, Belle."

This surprised me, and I was feeling cold though the fire had fresh logs. "Afraid? Afraid of what?" For a creature of his size and majesty to be frightened, it must be dreadful. I was growing fearful of just thinking about it.

"I'm afraid you will no longer see me the same way you do now. However that may be."

I immediately forgot my plight and sprung forward, reaching for his hand. His bare palm was leathery and thick but warm to the touch. I knelt before him and peered into his human-like, emerald eyes. "You are my dearest friend, and you need never be afraid of telling me anything. I promise I shall not judge you."

"You should not promise me that," he replied morosely and tried to pull his hand out of mine.

Without realising it and moved with passion, I let go of his hand and held his face instead. His eyes grew wide. "I should, and I do. I promise that whatever you say tonight will not make me hate you or think less of you."

His pupils grew so large that they nearly obscured the beautiful green of his irises completely. His inhale was sharp, and his mouth fell open slightly, exposing his sharp canines. He looked more beast than human to me at that moment, but I was fascinated by the change in him and stood still. He sniffed again, shut his eyes tight, turned his face toward the flames, and pulled my hands away from him. My plight returned, and I remembered why he wanted to speak to me in the first place. My stench.

"God, Searlus," I whined as I collapsed into my chair once more. "Can't you just pretend that my foul odour this time of the month is non-existent? For my sake? It's so embarrassing."

"Heaven help me," he said with a loud exhale. "I do not shun you because you smell foul, Belle."

I wanted to die. He'd basically confirmed I smelled foul. "What is it then?" I asked to change the subject and save whatever dignity I had left.

"I shun you because you smell… good." He groaned and brought a fist to his forehead.

I'm sure I appeared as confused as he did wretched. "What now?"

He looked pained, but he explained himself anyway. "I have heightened senses, as you know. Your essence is alluring, and especially so during your moon time. May I go drown myself in the lake now?"

I took in his appearance once more, maybe it was to give my mind time to understand what I had just heard, or to gauge how truthful he was being at the moment. He looked so haggard, so tired. His mane was in a bit of disarray, he was slouching, which was highly unusual for him, and I could see he missed a button in his silk shirt. More than anything he looked vulnerable. As vulnerable as I had felt earlier. He was ashamed.

I tried my best to hide my features as my mind started to catch up with the facts. My essence was _alluring_ to him. The scent of my womanhood was _enticing_. That somehow made sense all of a sudden. He was part… well, whatever creatures were used to save his life. An animal. It became clear to me that I too was an animal. Not like his unusual pedigree but not far from it either. After all, he was born human. Like any female mammal, I released pheromones. If a normal man could sense a woman's fertility approaching, what did that mean for Searlus with his heightened senses? It must be overwhelmingly... _arousing._

"I see," I said quite neutrally, though I could feel my blood rise into my cheeks and ears. "Quite warm in here, isn't it?"

"Gods, yes," he exclaimed with relief.

"Mind if we chat on the balcony?"

"I welcome it with every ounce of my being." He stood quickly and stepped aside for me to lead the way.

Once on the veranda, I breathed steadily to calm my quickening heart. He was right, this was a serious matter, and I wasn't sure I was ready for this conversation. I decided not to jump to conclusions. Lust was one thing, and love was another. I glanced his way in time to see him fidgeting with the hem of his cloak.

"Searlus?" He barely looked at me. "It's a natural thing."

"Yes," he whispered but did not look comforted.

I swallowed hard. "I know, you have lacked company for many years. Save for the yearly festival."

There was a brief silence before he answered. "Yes."

"Have you ever… been with another? Intimately?"

A more extended silence at that time. "Outside of my own fantasies?" He laughed mirthlessly. "What man or woman would have the likes of me in their bed? Though some have fancied they'd be able to stomach it or even enjoy it, they quickly become reluctant when the opportunity arises." He sounded so mean. So disgusted.

It soured my stomach to hear the spite in his voice, referring to himself as if he was some slimy maggot not worthy of a loving or sensual touch.

"Don't speak like that." I reprimanded him. "I forbid it."

He was visibly taken aback and challenged me with a look. I knew what he wished to say, but he dared not say it. Instead, he pondered silently before addressing me again. "Earlier today, you said…"

"I know what I said or may have implied, but I'm not ready to talk about it, please don't press me on the matter."

Though it was dark, I could see his crushed expression. How could I let him feel rejected after he had been so open with me?

I bit my lip before amending my words. "I was angry, earlier and shouldn't have said it but not because I find you abhorrent, which I don't. I shouldn't have implied that I'd thought of marrying you because that is a grave matter that should not be taken lightly. I know that I came to you during the courting ceremony. That we are in fact, courting-"

"I don't want you to feel obl-"

"I married for love once. You know this. It was important to me and my father to marry for love. I don't want to say more, save for one thing, Searlus." I strode toward him with purpose and wrapped my arms around him. He turned rigid in my embrace. The first hug we have ever shared. "You are worthy of love. Don't ever believe otherwise." Then I felt his arms gingerly wrap around me. His hold was light as if he was afraid of crushing me.

The rest of the evening was a blur, I'm afraid. I don't know how long we stayed like that. When I released him, I felt off balance, and my breath was short. My heart was racing, and my mind was foggy. I know we agreed to retire and talk again soon. He assured me that I had all the time in the world to digest the tumultuous day we shared. That he too needed some time to ponder on certain things. I think we laughed over forgetting to drink our tea and then I came back here. I didn't know I could sleep, the emotions had run so high, so quickly, that when I laid in my bed, I immediately blacked out.

I'm tired just remembering it all. I think I'll rest a bit more, then take a walk later. Maybe tomorrow, I shall write my letter to my father.

Belle


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Diary,

It has been two days since my last entry. I did skip dinner that night, but I sent a note as not to worry poor Searlus. I told him that I was quite tired and that I still needed time. He sent a note back, sweet man, saying that he understood and that he hoped to see me the next evening.

Last night, I went down for our arranged meal as usual, but it was awkward. We barely spoke to one another. I suppose too much time thinking about the idea that he finds me alluring did more damage than I thought.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. That was the point of having some space, wasn't it? To think about it. My mind constantly ran away with me. One moment, I'm completely fine with the idea that his body is responding to my scent - flattered even- the next, I'm overwhelmed with imagery that would make anyone blush. How could I not think of those things? He desires me, physically at least. It's obvious he does not _want _to desire me. He has kept silent on the matter until I probed him. The look he gave me while I held his face in my hands is burned into my mind, and it plays over and over again until I feel like I will go insane. I didn't know it then, but that look was of pure lust. Animalistic and primal desire. He willed it away that night, and I don't know whether to feel relieved or hurt about it. What is it about me, I wonder, that gives him enough reason not to pursue me in that way? Then I think about what he said on the veranda and how he didn't think anyone would want him in their bed, that others could not "stomach it" when the opportunity arose.

That just leads to more questions and curious musings. Such as, what does he look like without his human clothes? What does _it _look like? Made up of what seems to be human, goat, cat and who knows what else, well, there are too many options to choose from in my lewd mind. I've seen cats mate, I've seen goats mate, and I cannot lie that I shudder at the thought. However, his overall look is humanoid. Maybe his genitalia is more human than anything else. I pray to any god that will hear me that it is. Goodness, what is the matter with me? Why am I thinking about this again? And writing my wicked thoughts down, no less! Surely, I will have to burn this book.

Anyhow, dinner was awkward, as I mentioned. I had another thing on my mind and was cautious about how to approach him with it. The letter I wrote to my father.

Searlus noticed I had barely touched my meal. "Are you not hungry this evening?"

"I guess not. I do have a lot on my mind." I said apologetically.

He nodded somberly but gave me a slight smile. "Yes, I do too. So that you know, I am not averse to speaking on the matter. Maybe it will help clear the air." He shrugged and casually sipped at his wine. I could tell he was trying not to look at my reaction.

I couldn't help the nervous chuckle that escaped me. "We probably should talk more on that subject, but there is something else." I pulled out my letter from my trouser pocket.

I could hear him gulp loudly as I placed it on the table. "Ah, yes. You've written your letter to your father already?" He shifted in his seat nervously.

"Yes, and I know you didn't ask, but I imagined you would want to know what it says." I pushed the letter toward him. I always sat at the head of the table, and he two seats away, but his long arm reached it easily.

"You didn't have to, but..." He didn't finish his sentence as he lifted the letter and pulled out his reading spectacles from his pocket. He read it silently, a few times by the look of it, then handed it back to me. "Thank you for letting me read it," he said as he choked down emotion. "I am glad you are happy here and that you consider me... your friend."

I nodded and put away the letter. "He worries so much. I didn't think you'd like me mentioning you at all, but he at least needs to know that we are getting along well."

Searlus pushed his plate away and stood. "Hopefully, this puts you both at ease. I know you worry about his wellbeing too." He stood at my side and offered me his hand. "Shall we continue with Petrarch tonight?"

I looked at his waiting palm with slight surprise before I willingly and purposefully took it. When I stood, we were so close, and I could feel heat emanating off of him. His fur was standing slightly on end. I looked up at him and smiled. "That would be lovely, but should I not retire to spare your _overwhelmed _senses?" I jabbed with mild drama.

He chuckled and placed my hand on his arm. "I'm glad you can joke about this." His face showed mild concern briefly. "I wasn't sure how you'd feel after having time to ponder on it alone."

My eyes widened briefly at the thought of my more vivid ponderings. "Well, as I said before, it's natural."

He nodded again but said nothing. When we reached the library, I was shocked to find that our reading chairs were nowhere to be found and in their place was a loveseat. I was confused, and when I gazed on my companion, I found his look mirrored my own. Then his nostrils flared, and his eyes grew fierce. He let out a roar that made me and the poor seat jump. The small sofa scurried away, the closet opened, and our chairs came scrambling out to their usual place. I would have laughed, but Searlus was so angry. I squeezed his arm gently to break him from his temper. He snapped his rage-filled eyes to me, and I could feel my body erupt in goosebumps. He must have noticed because he flinched and looked away. He led me to my seat and took his own.

When Searlus looked to the flames, he took a deep breath, but I noticed his hands clenched. I should have waited patiently but, I'm me. So. "Are you all right?"

A grunt was his only response.

"Are you going to read tonight or should I?" I asked gently.

"Whatever you wish," he replied as he looked at the ceiling.

I watched him struggle with himself for a few moments. For some reason, he could not recover from his annoyance. I realised why. "I make it difficult for you, don't I? During this time."

It was clear he was weighing what to say when he closed his eyes and gripped the armrests of his chair. "It's not your fault."

I shook my head in denial. "I now know why you become so reclusive. I told you I noticed a pattern. I know it gets worse before it gets better. I will barely see you in the coming week." I checked to see his reaction. It unnerved me a bit to see him watching me with a hooded gaze. "Is that why you sit two seats away at dinner? So when the more difficult days come, it is easier for you?"

"Partly," he rumbled.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my hurt from showing. "I should be the one to stay away. This is your home."

"Do you wish to stay away?" His question seemed like a challenge.

I furrowed my brow because I was unsure of where that question would lead. "Well, my presence obviously agitates you to a point where you feel the need to keep your distance."

"And you realise why?" He questioned seriously.

I grew hot almost instantly. My cheeks were ablaze. "Well, yes."

He scoffed slightly. "Maybe you should say it aloud, and with your usual bluntness so we're both on the same page."

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. "Are you implying that I am naive or ignorant to ways of nature, your Grace?"

"Concerning my nature? Absolutely." He condescended.

I was completely insulted. "Is that so? Do you really believe you are so different from any other man I've encountered? How narcissistic," I hissed. I could hear him begin to growl, but it only egged me on. "I was hardly a maiden when I married my husband." His left eye twitched, and I became haughtier. "Does that shock you?" I asked with sarcasm dripping from my voice. "Or were you so naive as to think I did not know my way around the male and female body before my wedding night?" His jaw grew slack before he clenched it shut once more. I was proud, but still, I almost faltered before my next words. "You evade me because my scent arouses you. You lust for my body. You want me in your bed. And as I approach fertility, the more you want to fu-"

"ENOUGH!" He shouted as he shot to standing.

I stood too and yelled right back. "Well, you wanted me to be clear, did you not? Be on the same page, yes? Are we not?!"

With a rabid sounding snarl, he turned on his heel and fled for the balcony. When he was out of sight, I collapsed in my chair and stifled a cry. At this rate, I would lose my friend. Sex. What an annoyance. It didn't have to be. I was very free in my youth. I am the daughter of a sailor, you know. But then I married, and for two happy years, Gerrard was my only bed companion. I'm not sure I can say the same for him while he was out at sea, but while he was home, he was mine. I was his. We wanted no one else.

I had a mind to chase after Searlus and even thought to retire to my room, but I stayed. Had he not wanted to see me again, he would have left entirely. Instead, he went out for air. So, I waited. I tried to read, but my efforts were fruitless. Finally, I felt him enter the library again.

"You're still here," he noted aloud but without anger.

I kept as still as possible as I gazed at him. "Did you want me to leave?"

He shook his head as he sauntered toward me as if he might frighten me away. "You know the truth, and yet you do not fear me." He reached the edge of the fireplace and stopped there.

"I have never feared you."

"Maybe you should," he replied with a hint of warning.

"Oh? Are you saying the rumours are to be believed? That you have raped and defiled all who walk through your gates?"

His eyes widened in fear, and he tripped over his own words. "What?! No! Is that-is that what they say? I have never, never, harmed or-or-or raped anyone!"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Then what have I to fear from you? Hm?"

His shoulders slumped, and he ran his claws through his mane as he sighed. "No one has stayed as long as you have. It is true that you have treated me like a normal man. You don't seem to see me as I view myself. Or the way others do, apparently," he shuddered. "And the way you speak of… carnal pleasures, how I deserve love, and… how you... seek my touch…" It was growing more difficult for him to speak and I began to blush once more. "Well, it confuses me."

I felt my heart ache for him. I wanted to make things right. "In what way?"

His face contorted as he fought for words. "You would make it seem that it would be an easy thing for you to-to allow yourself… allow me… well," he growled with frustration, "that it would be a natural thing to lay with me." He finally blurted out quickly. He seemed to regret his words instantly because he whined and brought a fist to his mouth.

He looked so innocent at that moment that I couldn't help a giggle. He sent a glare in my direction, and that only made me laugh all the more.

I stood up and went to embrace him, but he held up a hand to stop me. I complied but kept my smile. "Oh, Searlus, all creatures of this earth have the capacity to-"

"I do not speak of other creatures, Belle. And I do not speak of capability. Obviously, I am capable." He straightened up and crossed his arms over himself. "Very capable."

I waggled my eyebrows in jest and grinned mischievously. "I'm sure you are."

He scoffed and smothered his own amused smirk. "You would not find this so humorous if I invited you to my bed, I'm sure."

"Well, the thought certainly does not frighten me," I replied simply.

His jaw dropped in earnest, and he looked at me as if I was beginning to sprout horns. "You're mad," he whispered. Then he narrowed his eyes. "Or a good liar."

"I'm an awful liar." I bit my lip to keep my smile from widening while I stepped closer to him. I suddenly felt brave. "I have to admit, you know I have a curious mind, and I cannot help but wonder…" I let my eyes trail over his form until they landed on his belt.

His fur puffed out in a way I had never seen before. "Do not test me," he rumbled warningly. "Although I have never harmed anyone I've courted, as I mentioned, no one has stayed long. Or long enough for things to go awry."

"I have questions." I stood a mere few inches away. "Hypothetically…"

"I'd rather not play this game."

I ignored him. "Hypothetically, if I wished to lay with you-"

"You would not."

"But if I did-"

Abruptly, he snatched an iron poker and lifted it to my eye level. "Hypothetically, if this iron rod was forcefully swung at your legs, do you think your bones would survive the blow?"

I placed my hands on my hips. "Are you threatening me with violence?!"

"Answer the question." He demanded.

I tilted my head and inspected the poker. "No. My leg would surely break."

Before I could finish my sentence, he held the rod horizontally in both hands and bent it as if were pliable bread dough without so much as a grunt. I gasped audibly.

He let the thing clatter to the floor and sidestepped me. I continued to stare at the iron pretzel while he paused beside me, arms nearly touching. "If your frail, human bones stand no chance against that poker," he murmured, "what are your chances at surviving even one night in my bed?"

He strode out of the library, but I could not let the evening end that way. I couldn't let him think he'd be able to frighten me. And even though he was quite far from me, I knew he'd be able to hear when I shouted...

"Are you implying you have an iron rod between your legs?!" I smirked victoriously because my sixth sense knew he stopped dead in his tracks and I could have sworn I saw a warm glow emanate from him in my mind's eye before he entered the West Wing.

Hopefully, my jest was enough to salvage the evening. I will try not to broach the subject again anytime soon for I know things will only get more difficult for him. I shall wait and keep as much distance as I can for now, but I also want to study his behaviour more than ever. Perhaps my own heightened senses can help me with that.

Goodnight for now,

Belle


	6. Chapter 6

**AN/Chapter Notes**

**A longer chapter this time. I thought I'd experiment and start off with some letters between Belle and her father and a letter from Searlus with everything he wants to say but doesn't. ****You'll see that I've bolded what he actually writes and everything not in bold is what he WANTS to say but Belle does not see that, only the readers do! That's you! Thank you so much for the comments. It really makes my day to read them! **

**WARNING: Talk of past trauma ahead.**

* * *

**_Dearest Daughter,_**

**_You have no idea how happy I was to receive your letter. Although I have been assured by the King's Royal Council that you are well, it is difficult to take their word for it, especially since they can't recall ever seeing you with their own eyes. Seeing your god-awful handwriting put my heart at ease and broke it at the same time. A father will always worry. Now that I know you are safe, and - I almost can't believe it - happy, I may just have a full nights rest._**

**_You're the talk of the village, you know? Six months and counting. It's hard to believe. Everyone has read your letter by the way. I didn't want any more horrid rumours sprouting about what may or may not be happening in the castle._**

**_You say the King is your friend, eh? You even call him by his given name. I'll admit it's a bit strange to hear, but you are beautiful, clever, and my daughter. I'm sure you're handling yourself as you always do. The King has provided for us more than I could have ever imagined. I refuse to leave our little house, but I did restore it to its former glory. I wish you could see it._**

**_Belle, are you truly happy? You'll have to write more in your next letter. The castle and the magic, it all sounds so glamorous. I never dreamed a glittery, royal life would suit you. I always thought the sea would claim your heart. I suppose the prospect of becoming Queen sounds more alluring. Just don't forget who you are. If you're not happy, and you only say those words to spare your poor father, I implore you to come home. The King has never punished anyone for breaking their courtship. We have enough now to live the rest of our lives comfortably, and you would have a proper dowry. You need not marry him. You need not stay a widow either. You need not suffer for me any longer. That's all I'll say on the matter. You're as stubborn as your mother was._**

**_I think I feel well enough to make a trip to the city soon and maybe even the castle. Do you think you could petition your new friend to allow a poor old man to see his only child? I do not see the harm in it, as I will probably not remember our meeting once I pass the gates. Write to me again soon._**

**_Love,_**

**_Papa_**

**_Maurice Dubois_**

* * *

**_Dearest Papa,_**

**_My "god-awful handwriting" is your own fault. As you recall, I was the only one who could read your logs and ledgers. I swear, you still write like you're on the Esperanza during a hurricane! Truly, I am glad you are feeling better. You're not the only one who worries, you know?_**

**_I don't think it matters whether the whole world reads my letters, they'll still manage to create all kinds of gossip just to have some entertainment. I don't care what they say about me. I do care about what they say about Searlus though. I know he won't want me writing too much about him, but I think I might be able to get away with a few details. He is indeed my friend. I hope you believe me. He has been very good to me, and as I've mentioned, I want for nothing. He is kind, intelligent, an excellent conversationalist once I get him going. We have many things in common. Books, gardening, he loves horses, and I have a suspicion that he has a lovely singing voice. He loves to hear about our sea voyages. We can talk about anything. It took a long time to know all these things. He doesn't like talking about himself, and he is in no rush in regards to our courtship._**

**_I do whatever I please, but now that you've questioned my happiness, I suppose I do lack some purpose. Six months may seem like a long time, but I was still wrapping my head around everything. This place has been a refuge and now that I feel more like myself, I no longer wish to leave my hands idle. I shall think on it some more and tell you once I've come to a decision._**

**_The sea will always be my tempting mistress, but I am needed here. I do not wish to leave, father, but I also don't want to be a hermit for the rest of my life. I would be happier if I were allowed to see you and leave the castle every now and then. Maybe someday those things will happen. Trust is no easy thing to build when one has so many barriers, and Searlus can be a brick wall when it comes to certain things. The possibility that I shall become Queen someday is a laughable notion. It does not beguile me in the least. I don't think Searlus is looking for a Queen per se, but a companion. That I can be, most willingly._**

**_I doubt that Searlus will grant my request to invite you to the castle, but it is worth a try. You have a good point that I think his logical mind will not be able to deny. I do so wish to see you. Very much._**

**_Love,_**

**_Belle_**

* * *

_Dearest Belle,_

_To Belle,_

_My Love,_

**_Belle,_**

_I hope I scared you out of your foolish notions._**_ It is my sincere hope that I did not frighten you when we last we spoke. _**_I must admit that it was my intention._**_ It was not my intention. _**_You know not what you do to me._**_ The subject of our discussion is not an easy topic for me. _**_I envy those you've been intimate with.__ I** envy your candid approach to everything. Your openness and modern perception of the world, and of me, is something I aspire for myself.** **You are easy to talk to **__most times__. **Please forgive me. **__I don't know what I'd do should you reject me or leave me.__** I hope I will see you tonight for dinner. I understand if you need more time alone.** __Though I know I should keep my distance, I cannot help myself._

_Love__,_

_Yours Always,_

**_Sincerely,_**

**_Searlus_**

* * *

**_Dear Searlus,_**

**_Think nothing of it. There is nothing to forgive. As I've mentioned before, I know I have nothing to fear from you. My candid nature that you so envy will be the bane of your existence, I can promise you that. I look forward to seeing you tonight. I promise to be on my best behaviour._**

**_Sincerely,_**

**_Belle_**

* * *

Dear Diary,

I've enclosed two lovely letters from my favourite people in this world. Silly men and their fussing, but it pleases me to know they care about my happiness. Papa wishes to visit me, and I would love nothing more than for that to happen, but I know it will be a difficult thing to ask for so, I will bide my time for now. I did not see Searlus until dinner. He was holed up in the West Wing where my sixth sense fails me. I can sense when he is there, but cannot form his image in my mind or where exactly he might be. He must ward it well. I've never seen him perform any magic, but he has extensive knowledge on most any subject. The Castle's almost sentient nature intrigues me the most, and I wanted to learn more about the interesting phenomenons around here. I thought it was a safe conversation to have at dinner, so I had prepared some question for Searlus on the matter along with other personal questions.

My food was getting cold, and I wondered if he'd show up at all when I finally saw his form exit his wing in my mind. I waited while he paused, retreated slightly, and then finally entered the dining room with his eyes cast to the floor.

"Forgive my tardiness," he muttered as he sat at his usual seat, two chairs away, "I had some duties to attend to, and I lost track of time." He poured himself some wine but did not fill his plate.

"Not to worry," I said as I watched his rigid manner. He was obviously tense.

"What duties?"

"Nothing of urgency," he replied and then sniffed discretely in my direction.

I smiled. "I picked fresh flowers from the garden and placed them in my pockets. I thought it would help." I couldn't help but blush, so I began to eat to hide my slight embarrassment. "Does it?" I asked hopefully after he gave no response.

He gave me a curt nod while stared down his glass.

"My father replied," I offered after just barely swallowing a mouthful of carrots. "He was delighted to hear from me and thanks you for your kindness." My father made no such remark, but I felt it wise to prime Searlus for my future request of having Papa visit.

He gave me another nod and a grunt in reply. I wanted to stand up, charge right for him, and shake him by the horns, but I had promised to behave.

"Would you rather we eat in silence?" I barely smothered my spite.

He sighed but looked at me for the first time since he arrived. He seemed so exhausted. "It was not kind of me to let you write to your own father, Belle. It was cruel of me to deny it in the first place." He turned his face away again and drank his wine eagerly. "You should write to each other as much as you wish."

The brooding. Good lord the brooding!

"You are anything but cruel. I'm sure you have good reasons for your rules."

He scoffed. "You have fought my rules since you first set foot in this castle and now you say I must have a good reason."

"Don't you? I'd love to hear them, to understand them better, and maybe not fight you so much." I managed a slight laugh to try and lighten the mood.

After sipping at his drink, he shrugged. "It's just easier to manage a Kingdom when your people are not dying from fright at the sight of you. Better they have their own conjectures about a deformed King than know without a doubt that a monster rules them."

"Searlus!" I outraged. "I will not allow you to say such things about yourself!"

His face contorted with disdain as he growled but he did not reply.

My stomach soured. "All right. I think we both need a nice walk outside. You're not eating, and I've lost my appetite." Without waiting for him to agree, I pushed my plate away and stood up. I was outside before he even moved from his seat, but he eventually followed.

The sky was clear and spackled with stars galore though there was still moonlight. I inhaled deeply half expecting to smell the salty sea, I smelled the forest instead. I looked over my shoulder to find Searlus standing in the shadows, watching me. I extended my hand to him. "Walk with me to the garden. Please."

He stood straighter then slowly walked toward me. I linked my arm around his limp one, and we weaved our way through the heart of the nursery in silence. When we reached its centre, where a mossy statue of Demeter stood, I let my head rest on his arm. He did not move.

"How do you conduct business with your council if they do not come to the castle?" I asked, curious and also wanting to diffuse what had transpired.

"I send letters," he replied evenly.

"What about for pressing matters? Surely you must convene with them in person sometimes?"

I thought I noticed he shifted his weight some and leaned into me. "Yes, I have an enchanted mirror for more important meetings."

I gasped and gave him a slight slap on his arm. "You have an enchanted mirror?! So, they see you?"

"No, I stay obscured."

"Of course, you do," I pouted. "Did you enchant everything here yourself?"

He took a moment to answer, probably wondering how much he should tell me. "My family has always loved magic and had several Alchemist advisors. Somethings have been enchanted since before my birth. Eventually, I became adept to the practice and made my own enchantments to the castle and grounds."

"I would love to witness an enchantment!" I marvelled aloud.

He looked down at me and smiled. "Then I shall show you someday."

"Why not now?" I whined.

He chuckled, which made my heart light. "You know very well there must be enough time to prepare."

I frowned. "Yes, you're right."

A series of howls filled the air suddenly, and Searlus titled his head back slightly to sniff the air. "They're hunting. Boar, I think."

We stood there and listened to the ominous song of the wolves, and before I knew it, I blurted out what I thought would ruin the evening thoroughly. "Do you have wolf in you?"

He seemed surprised but not angry. "Yes. Wolf, panther, and mountain goat." He said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Could you not guess?"

I was relieved he was not put out by my question, so I laughed. "Well, I guessed goat and panther, but I don't see much wolf in you."

Searlus unlinked our arms and sat on a nearby bench. He raised one leg over the other and motioned toward his barefoot/paw. "My legs and feet are quite wolfish."

I walked closer and inspected them in the little light afforded by the moon. "Yes, I suppose you're right. Anything else?"

He sighed and gave me a look that screamed misery. "Physically? Yes, there is another thing." _Good god_, I thought. _Please let him not say penis. _He rubbed a hand down his face. "It's embarrassing. Are you sure you want to know?"

I gulped hard but nodded. "Of course," I squeaked, "I want to know everything about you."

Another wave of mortified facial expressions passed before he mumbled, "I have a tail. There it is."

I was shocked. I had never seen any evidence of a tail before. "You jest?"

"I'm afraid not," he said somberly.

"Well, where do you hide it?!"

"In my trousers, of course," he snapped, then shifted uncomfortably in his seat as if the tail was bothering him now.

All was silent right before I burst into fits of giggles.

He groaned. "I knew I should not have told you."

"No, no!" I waved away his comment as I tried to compose myself. "I just thought you were going to say something else!"

He furrowed his brow. "Like what?"

I immediately regretted saying anything. "Oh, nothing," I said, but Searlus caught on quick and stood up with outrage.

"By the stars, Belle!" He barked at me. "Is your mind always in the gutter?!" He shook his head and reminded me so much of a teacher I used to vex that it only made me laugh more.

"Hey, now," I lifted a finger in my defence, "no part of the body is shameful or to be compared to a filthy gutter. So my mind is technically shameless and clean."

"Tell that to those who call me an abomination," he spat out with venom.

I gasped. "Did someone say that to you?" I was suddenly fit to murder.

He scoffed with contempt. "That is what I am. And you delude yourself if you think otherwise. My father could not stand the sight of me and my own mother, who I knew loved me, could not bring herself to-" he stopped short and took in a shaky breath before he whispered the rest with choked, raw emotion, "could not bring herself to kiss her son goodnight."

My hand involuntarily went to my heart while the other covered my mouth to keep from crying out my grief for him. How could a mother not kiss her own babe? "No, Searlus, no. That-that… that cannot be. Maybe you've forgotten-"

"No, Belle," he interrupted calmly. "It is you who seems to forget, or refuses to acknowledge what you see with your own eyes. I may have been human once, but that only lasted mere moments. I have spent my entire life trying to find a way to change that fact, but there is no undoing what has been done. So, if you had any delusions in that regard, it is time you face reality." He took a giant step toward me and crouched low, his face hovering inches away from mine, his piney, warm breath was all-encompassing. "I am a beast."

I knew he wasn't trying to scare me. He believed every word he said, and he said them without spite or challenge. He needed me to understand. He needed me to acknowledge his truth. My cheeks were damp from my silent tears, and I nodded solemnly. "I understand."

"Do you?"

I closed my eyes, took some calming breaths, and nodded again. "I do. But I need you to understand something as well."

He looked disappointed, probably because he thought I was going to try and change his mind. "Go on," he said regardless.

"You are not human. You are a beast," I concurred. "But there is something you are to me that means more than those things ever could."

He furrowed his brow but said nothing.

I took a deep breath and looked deeply into his eyes. "You are my friend and rescuer. You saved my fathers life, Searlus. You saved mine too."

"No, Belle," he breathed as he stood erect once more. "Do not make me out to be a hero, for I am not. You are here because I am selfish-"

"I am here because I choose to be here. My grief led me to you and not death because I feared for my father's life." I said these words as calmly as he had done so that he could understand my truth as well. "I never told you," I squashed down any lingering grief to say my next words, "I… gave birth to a beautiful baby girl."

His eyes widened briefly. "You… are a mother? But then why-"

"She died. She was already dead when she came into this world." Oh, it was hard, so-so hard to make myself steel. I had not spoken of it for over a year. "My husband and I were overcome with grief. We were drifting apart and barely had enough to feed ourselves let alone care for my sick father. So, my husband found work on a ship headed to find new land across the ocean. He died on that journey. Papa is all I had left, and he was dying too."

I could see his eyes glisten in the moonlight. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"I had planned to come here for the eve of the festival and leave the next day. That is the ugly truth. I was going to leave my pittance to my father and jump into the sea. So you understand now?" I implored. "Coming here saved my life. You saved my life." My tears flowed, but my voice stayed strong as I moved into him and wrapped my arms around him. "Say you are a beast as much as you like, I do not care. For you had given me refuge when I needed it most. You had given me hope when I had none. You cannot be rid of me so easily now… you big brute."

I buried my face in his shirt and breathed him in as deeply as I could. His scent was of the forest, wild and free. Even though he was like a wooden board in my embrace, he returned it. He was as gentle as the first time, lightly placing his paws on my shoulders. I squeezed him tighter.

"Hmph," he uttered softly, "what a sad pair we make."

I chuckled and gripped onto his shirt. "We don't have to be sad. You taught me that."

"I shall try not to be from now on," he promised.

I scoffed. "You? Not brood? We'll have to make a wager on that. I give you until…" I pretended to think, "until we say goodnight."

He snorted, which was always funny to me. "Impudent female." He made a slight movement to release me, so I let him go, though I wish I had not. At least we were smiling again. "You look very tired. Things have been difficult these past few days, and yet, I am glad for it."

"Me too," I agreed. "It has brought us closer, and I would not change anything. Well, maybe one thing," I snickered.

"What?" He asked suspiciously.

"I'd ask to see your tail."

"Absolutely not," he crossed his arms at his chest.

"Oh, come now! You say you've accepted your fate to stay a beast forever, might as well accept all of you!"

"No."

"What if we bargain?" I teased.

"No."

"Is there nothing you'd ask of me that you might want?" I asked coyly.

He contemplated a moment, and his eyes grew dark. I immediately felt my skin become hot. "Perhaps."

"I agree to your terms then," I said courageously though I was a nervous wreck within.

"You don't know what I want," he warned in his deep rumbling voice.

Oh, I can guess, I thought lewdly. "Name it," I jutted out my chin in challenge.

He tilted his head and surveyed me. "A dance," he said finally.

I barked out a laugh. "Silly request! I would dance with you now if you wish it!"

"No, I mean a real dance. After dinner. With music and dressed in formal, royal attire." He exposed his sharp canines with his wicked smile.

"Blech!" I gagged dramatically. "You want me to wear those blasted corsets you said I never had to wear again?"

He shrugged. "You choose whatever outfit suits you, but it must be fit for a royal occasion."

"Fine then," I stuck out my hand to shake on it.

He looked at it and smirked before taking it gingerly. "Shall we schedule it for tomorrow evening?"

"Are you sure that's best?" I asked, knowing that his mood would only worsen in the coming days.

"I think I can manage not to brood for an evening." He chuckled.

His mirth gave me confidence. "Tomorrow evening it is then."

And now I'm filled with anxiety, for I know not what I will wear and I am a terrible dancer. Still, I am eager to experience an evening. I'm sure it will be filled with magic. If all goes well, I will see his wolf tail and maybe even ask him if I can see Papa.

Royally,

Belle


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: YIKES! The formatting here is different. I've updated chapter 6 and bolded the letters between the characters (it takes time to replace so hopefully it updates soon). Originally, Searlus' letter had things scratched out to signify that he has written the letter before with things he wishes he could say but doesn't. So, I've BOLDED what he actually WRITES and left the unbolded as the things left UNSAID. So, Belle does NOT read the unbolded parts. Hopefully that works well enough if you'd like to go back and reread that letter from him. SORRY! **

**Here's another chapter for tonight. I'll continue posting tomorrow. Have a good night and please let me know what you think so far!**

* * *

Dear diary,

From the moment I woke up on the day of the Ball, it was as if I had butterflies in my stomach. It was an even blend of anxiety, excitement, and doubt. I hadn't felt that specific mixture of feelings in so long and I refused to try to remember what was the cause of them accurately. I blamed it on not knowing what to wear for the 'Royal Ball.' I climbed out of bed in a hurry and threw open my wardrobe. All that it contained were my vast amount of casual breeches, vests, and shirts. I closed the wardrobe doors and pleaded with it.

"I know we have plenty of time to find the perfect outfit for this evening, but I really need to see what you have for me. Give me some options, any, I trust you!" With a deep breath, I threw the doors open once more and was blinded by the excessive array of shimmery gowns adorned with jewels.

"Goodness! That's a bit much!" Without any assistance from me, the doors slammed shut. I had insulted the large piece of furniture. Again.

I placed my hands on its engraved panels and began to comfort it at once. "Oh, no! I mean, it was all lovely! I didn't mean it in a bad way, I promise! It's just, well, you know me."

I tried the handles. The stubborn thing wouldn't budge. "Oh, come now! I know we've had our disagreements in the past, but I want this to be perfect!" For a moment I wondered why. Why did this matter so much to me? I decided not to dwell on it a moment longer. "You know he likes my androgynous style!"

Abruptly, the wardrobe opened up to reveal men's clothes in tatters and then started hurling them at me. I cried out in surprise and took cover. "You know very well you are being overdramatic!" I yelled from safety. "Do you want me to tattle on you? I will!"

The rain of clothes ceased, and I heard the silly thing shut again. I peeked out from behind the bed and eyed it suspiciously. I knew I had to use her master to get what I needed, but I wasn't exactly sure how. More questions started bubbling up in my mind. With a groan, I sat on my bed and frowned.

"He wants to dance with me. I'm not very good at it, I'm afraid. I know I'll be a disappointment in that regard, but I want to at least look fantastic while I accidentally break his toes." The wardrobe shuddered with mirth. "I want him to notice me. And I mean me, me. I want him to see everything that makes me who I am. So, tonight, I want to go as Kari."

You see, Kari is my first name and it was the name I used whenever I was out at sea under my father's command. It was to gain the respect of the men on board and abroad. When I became Kari, I walked differently, spoke different, I felt strong and confident. For some reason, I needed to be Kari to face Searlus this time.

The wardrobe creaked and groaned its defiance then shot out a golden gown that would make any woman swoon. "Wardrobe," I said gently, "it's beautiful. So beautiful I could almost cry, but," it started to protest, "but I'm very nervous about this evening. Kari will know how to act."

I sighed loudly and thought aloud. "I don't know why I need the extra courage tonight. Maybe it's because I want to ask him about Papa coming to visit." It creaked again, and I nodded. "No, you're right. That's not all." I glanced at my toes and started to cry silently when I remembered that he'd said his mother had never kissed him. "I think, wardrobe, I think I want to kiss him."

The wardrobe nearly fell over from rocking side to side on its stubby legs. "Now, now," I said as I brought my hands up, "just a friendly kiss. Maybe on his cheek or his hand." I smiled nervously, "I don't think I have the courage to do it - not-not because he is a beast!" I said hurriedly before the wardrobe could misunderstand me. "But because I-I don't know how he'll react, and, well, when I'm Kari, I'm more flirtatious and… suave, just more confident."

I bit my lip as I imagined him recoiling from me. "If he reacts badly, I'll say that I was playing a part and got carried away. Maybe he'll forgive me. Kari did it… not Belle," I finished with a doubtful whisper.

The wardrobe shuddered, and then its doors swung open slowly. Inside, was one single outfit. The most beautiful suit I'd ever seen. I screeched with delight and ran toward it. I was almost afraid to touch it. It was gold and black with gold trimmings and embroidered flowers that travelled down the front on the jacket. The vest beneath had the same lovely floral pattern but was an ivory colour. The breeches had the same net-like pattern in black and gold. It was obviously made of the purest silk. It was perfect.

"Oh my," I breathed, "oh my… thank you. It's better than I could have imagined."

I barely ate my breakfast. I wondered the entire time whether Searlus would come out of his quarters and seek me out. I admit that I was relieved he didn't even though I was dying to see him. I stayed in my quarters for the rest of the day and survived on fruits and other light snacks. I could not handle another meal. I took my time in the bath and scrubbed every inch of myself twice over. I meticulously scraped under my fingernails even though I had not done any physical labour in over six months, and that must change for I do not wish to lose my strength or physique. After I was done, I sat in front of my vanity and brushed my hair until it was completely dry. My arms would have fallen off had the brush not helped me along. My wavy locks had never felt so soft and polished in my life. I thought the time was going by excruciatingly slow until I heard the clock strike at six o'clock.

Then it became madness.

All manner of ribbons flitted through the air along with powder, perfumes and other knickknacks. I was tripping over my beautiful suit and being tugged in different directions. I wasn't sure what was happening as my face was being attacked with all manner of makeup. Finally, the commotion ceased, and I could see what was done in the mirror. I almost didn't recognize myself. I was the most devilishly handsome thing I've ever seen - not to be vain. I let out a long whistle and nodded my approval as I turned this way and that to see myself from all angles. I looked like a golden prince, and I loved it!

I felt my transformation at once. "Well, my friends, you have outdone yourselves," I said with a slightly lower register. "His Majesty has no idea what's coming to him." I was filled with a predatory sensation as I gave my reflection a wicked, toothy grin. "Tonight, I am the beast, and Searlus my prey."

A loud bell sounded off the time. Seven o'clock. I walked to my door and it opened for me of its own accord, and I could hear soft music echoing from afar. My heart began to race, but I walked erect and with confidence. When I reached the stairs, the music changed and raised in volume. It was announcing my arrival. I placed my hand on the bannister and began my descent. For a moment I was troubled by the idea that I may have chosen wrong. That I should have come looking like a delicate and rare flower. My thoughts were interrupted, thankfully, when I reached the landing, and the music changed again.

I felt Searlus exit the West Wing. I closed my eyes and saw his warm glow in my mind. His aura was large and brilliant, and when I opened my eyes again, I saw him emerge from the shadows above me. We locked eyes, and I was struck dumb. If he was surprised by my appearance, he hid it well. I was not so subtle as my mouth fell open slightly and I unabashedly surveyed him from head to toe while he descended with the grace of a King. A King. My heavens, I thought, he's a bloody King. It wasn't as if I didn't know, for goodness sake, it was just that it was easy to forget that fact now that we were such good friends. He was always so easy to talk to, and he always wore casual, albeit Royal, but leisurely clothes. He looked like a Lord most of the time, but now? Now he looked like a King.  
No doubt about it.

On his head was his crown I had never seen before. It was fitted just for him as it perfectly weaved around his large horns. His clothes were a forest green, trimmed with gold, with elaborate folds and embroidered vines. His illustrious and bulky cape was draped over one shoulder and dragged on the ground at least six feet behind him. To my surprise, he wore knee-high boots - I'd never seen him wear shoes before - and the most massive sword I'd ever seen was sheathed at his waist. Finally, he reached the landing just in time for me to compose myself and remember my manners when in the company of royalty.

I bowed as low as I could go and flashed him a brilliant smile that had always charmed both the ladies and gents I had set my heart on. To my satisfaction, he lifted his brow slightly. I raised up enough to extend my hand. He looked at my waiting palm before placing his ringed paw in my grasp. "Your Majesty," I purred as I brought his ring as close to my lips as I could without touching, "I am honoured by your invitation to attend your Royal Ball." In a split moment, I thought of accidentally-on-purpose kissing his hand, but thought better of it and kissed his ring instead. His aura grew warmer, and when I looked up at his face without completely lifting my own, I could see his eyes had darkened the same way they had when I held his face by the fireplace that night. I gave him my best coy smirk and waited for his signal that I had fulfilled my greeting to his satisfaction.

"The honour is mine," he said gravely in his rumbling voice. He bowed his head slightly and removed his hand.

I straightened and held out my arm like a true gentleman. "May I have the pleasure of escorting you to the dining hall, My King?"

He seemed amused and a little unsure of my behaviour but placed his large hand on my arm. "I'd be delighted." I took the lead while he spoke again. "And how should I address you this evening, my royal guest?"

Clever man, I thought with a smile. "You may call me Lord Kari, Your Highness."

"Ah, yes," he smiled in return without glancing at me, "I've heard many stories of your adventures. You were the First Mate of the Esperanza. Your trades, in the past, have helped make our kingdom prosperous. I thank you for your service, Lord Kari."

I cheered internally, he was playing along. "I live to serve you and our Kingdom, Your Grace, but you flatter me unnecessarily for it was my father who saw to your trades success. I'm just a humble Sailor."

We reached the dining hall, and I had to stifle a gasp. The decor was glamorous and magical, and I could barely pay attention to Searlus as we made our way to the opposite end of our usual places. White and red roses where in every corner and new tapestries hung on the previously bare walls all depicting magical creatures, humans, and gods celebrating the Springtime.

"It is unfortunate that your father fell ill, our current traders do not have the same work ethic or talent for the business."

I could see clearly that Searlus' seat was to be the head of the table this time so, I went behind his huge chair to move it for him. I almost panicked when, at first, I could not move the ridiculously heavy thing. Thank heavens it was enchanted and it moved away from the table easily and slid beneath him as he sat.

I was so happy to see that my seat was right beside him to his right that I could not wipe the smile from my face as I sat down. "I'll make sure to tell him that you said so. It will make him very happy."

"Please do," he replied with his own smile.

The meal was fit for kings, of course, and everything was done perfectly. We conversed about trade, and he asked me for more stories of when I was out at sea. I flattered him every chance I got and called him by his proper titles all the while. After some time, he smiled and laughed freely, and even indulged in more wine than I'd ever seen him drink. I drank eagerly as well, but just enough to keep me bold. I wanted to be sober enough to recognize the right opportunity for the success of my plot. I was still wondering how I should go about it. Should I wait until we said goodnight and kiss his hand like I had planned before? Or should I try to woo him in a quiet moment and ask permission? Maybe just get him to sit down so I could reach his face and surprise him? My heart pumped at an alarming rate just thinking about it!

"Are you all right, my Lord?" He asked, bringing me out of my momentary panic. His eyes showed mirth and only slight concern. "Where did you go?" He inquired again when I merely shrugged and stared into his beautiful eyes.

I decided it was time to summon the flirtatious prowess that made me so well known in foreign lands. I looked at him thoughtfully and smiled. "I was suddenly enraptured by you, Sire," I said boldly.

His face froze, and he gulped down a mouthful of wine loudly. He cleared his throat slightly and narrowed his eyes at me. "Is that so?"

I nodded and raised a brow playfully. "Yes, and I also realized my folly in not having mentioned how handsome you look this evening." I kept my eyes on him the entire time and held my breath as I kept a tight grip on my persona to keep myself from fleeing the scene.

His reaction was not what I expected. I thought he'd go into a rage or at least sputter some nonsense about how silly I was being and how beastly he was. Instead, he blinked twice, tilted his head, then threw his head back, and laughed so hard and loud that it made my neck hairs stand on end. I actually saw a few tears roll down his face. I would have felt insulted had I not been so thoroughly amused by his unexpected behaviour.

I sipped at my wine and chuckled nervously as I waited for him to compose himself. He finally looked at me again, a broad smile still plastered on his face. "I have been called many things, but handsome has never been one of them." He dabbed his handkerchief on his damp cheeks. "Your boldness precedes you, Lord Kari," he chuckled again. "I've always heard you have a way with flattery, but I must admit, I have not fully experienced it until now." He gave me a knowing look and a mischievous smile.

I shot my own wolfish grin back. "It has garnered me much success in the past," I replied coyly and leaned closer to him, "in many areas of my life." I winked.

I held it together as his eyes travelled over me slowly until they reached my own again. "I have no doubt," he murmured. After a moment, he leaned back and gave me another curious once-over and seemed to contemplate his next words carefully. "I'm loathed to admit…" he began cautiously, "that I had some lowly preconceptions about sailors."

My brow nearly shot to my hairline. "Oh? Please indulge me, Sire." I leaned back languidly in my own seat in preparation for his admission.

He snickered softly and looked down at his plate with slight embarrassment. "Well, I imagined that sailors were ignorant, foulmouthed, diseased, unwashed, and unpolished."

I scoffed loudly. "Is that all?" I bantered.

He chuckled again, shamefaced. "That was before I met you. You've enlightened me."

"Oh, I wouldn't discard those preconceptions so quickly, Your Grace," I chortled good-heartedly. "Though I think you are relying on stories of pirates and not merchants."

"Yes, I think you're right."

I gazed at him again and played with my armrest engravings as I regained my efforts in trying to woo him. "If I may speak freely, your Majesty?"

He nodded and grabbed at his goblet once more. "Of course."

"I know I have a reputation for being a flirt, but…" I bit my lower lip and gave him a hooded gaze, "I never say anything I don't mean."

He averted his eyes to his glass and straightened in his seat.

I decided it seemed safe to continue. "You look quite dashing." I continued to watch for any signs that I should stop, but he continued to appear somewhat pleased as he swirled the contents of his glass, though he refused to meet my gaze or say a word. "Alas," I sighed forlornly at his silence, "I seem to not be pleasing my King."

His eyes finally shot to me, but he kept his expression blank. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, you've yet to acknowledge or return my compliment." I gave him a sad smile.

Searlus brought a hand to his chin in silent contemplation before he placed his cup down on the table, pushed his seat back, and stood. Knowing my place, I rose from my own chair and bowed. I could feel his eyes lingering on me. "If I've offended you in any way, please know it was not my intention," I said quickly.  
"You have not," he replied, and extended his hand to me. I took it and again I was faced with the decision. Was this the moment, I thought to myself? Just as I brought his hand to my lips, he spoke again, interrupting my second chance. "I am not accustomed to such compliments, my Lord. I thank you."

I cursed internally while he removed his hand from my grasp. "I shall have to shower you with them more often then," I promised.

He graced me with a breathy laugh and smiling eyes. "Then I shall have to return them with vigour. Though I suspect," he narrowed his eyes once more playfully and pointed a claw in my direction, "you already know how handsome you are."

I could feel my blush spread through my cheeks, and I hoped my makeup kept him from noticing. I bowed again slightly and gave him a guilty smile. "Maybe I do, but what matters more to me right now is whether you think so. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as they say. For all I know, you may find me quite repulsive."

He appeared affronted and brought a hand to his chest. "I'd be mad if I didn't find you to be anything but enchantingly beautiful." His eyes widened suddenly as if he just realized he spoke those words aloud.

My heart may have stopped, I'm not sure, but I was rooted to the spot, and my mouth fell open into a wide smile. "Thank you, Sire," I whispered gratefully.

He seemed about to say something else when music filled the air once more, and the ballroom doors began to open. "Shall we?" He asked softly with a nervous look in his eye.

I nodded, extended my arm, and escorted him. When we entered the ballroom, I was dumbfounded. My eyes didn't know where to land. What was once a drab, empty room, covered in sheets, was now a clean and grand space filled with light. Marble and gold bounced off the surrounding mirrors that encircled us. It almost made the room seem full of people. I shimmery substance appeared to be falling from the ceilings and disappearing a few feet above our heads. The music was coming from a string quartet, and the instruments were played by human-like forms made from the same shimmery cascade above. They had no discernable features, but they moved like people.

"What are they?" I asked, my eyes glued to their graceful movements.

"All of the castle's magic is concentrated here tonight. For you." Searlus released my arm and stood at the centre on the room. Without a word, the magical dust fell from the ceiling beside him and took the form of a servant. Searlus removed his cape, and the servant accepted it. With the cape gone, I could now see that Searlus had kept his end of the bargain. His dark, wolfish tail swayed behind him. I stared like an idiot and didn't even notice that the servant had already left with his cape and crown and that Searlus was waiting for me to join him. When I realized his arm was outstretched in my direction, I all but ran to his side. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "If it's going to be a distraction, I'll put it away," he grumbled.

"No! It's a handsome looking tail, and you should not hide it," I said sternly, forgetting my place briefly. I cleared my throat and removed my jacket. I would need all the mobility I could get to dance. Another servant took my jacket away, and I straightened my vest and tugged at my cuffs before finally taking my place in front of my dance partner. "I'm afraid I have a confession to make," I announced.

He looked at me expectantly. "Go on."

"As much as I would like to lead, I think I would accidentally send us to our deaths or at the very least a broken bone or two," I replied matter-of-factly.

"I see," he drawled smugly, "you don't know how to dance?"

"Psh," I waved away his pompous remark, "I can dance." I shifted side to side nervously. "As long as there are no official, choreographed steps involved."

He laughed then curled his fingers, summoning me closer. "Considering our vast difference in size and strength, I should probably lead anyway."

And there it was, the moment of truth. I placed one hand in his and waited. It did not escape me that this would be the most intimate thing we would physically share. The few embraces I had been able to get would not compare, I knew, because he hardly participated in them. It was as if he kept himself from enjoying them and was quick to tear himself away each time. This would be different. I could already sense it. Slowly and gently, he took my other hand and placed it on his chest. His other paw, he gingerly placed on my waist. My heart started to race, and the room felt warm.

"Oh good," I squeaked with nervous relief, "I thought for a moment this would be an uptight minuet. A waltz is much more exciting."

"I'm glad we agree on that," he murmured. "Try not to resist me. I would like to avoid those broken bones you mentioned earlier," he said very seriously.

I gulped hard and nodded.

It felt so sudden. One moment we were standing there quite still and the next, the room was a blur. He led so expertly and confidently that I'm not even sure my feet touched the ground at all. I stared up into his face, and he stared down at mine. He was in complete control, and I relaxed as much as I could though it was sometimes hard to breathe. Once I grew used to the movements, I found a steady rhythm for my breath. At one point he pressed me against him, lifting me off the ground, and spun us around the dance floor. It was exhilarating, and I laughed openly while throwing my arms around his neck and burying my face in his mane to keep me from getting nauseous. He slowed to a stop but held me in place. I could feel his breath in my hair and his chest heaving against my own. My giggling trailed off as the reality of the moment set in. The music had stopped playing. We had stopped moving. I could hear a rumbling in his chest. Was it a purr or growl? I am not certain. I stayed still and tried to catch my breath, but it was nearly impossible. His chest vibrated right through me, and if the room felt warm before, it was sweltering now. Slowly, I leaned away from him to look at his face, but he held me tighter.

"Don't," he rasped desperately.

I could tell he was trying to steady his own breathing. His embrace was almost cutting off my air supply, but I kept still. Finally, he bent forward until my feet touched the ground. He was rigid while he peeled his arms off me, slowly, as if it was painful to let me go. His face hovered over mine, and I could finally see him. He looked almost fearful. His irises were nearly swallowed whole by his black pupils, and he was taking deep, shaky breaths through his mouth. I was transfixed once more to his primal features. This was it. This was my chance to kiss him, and I was aiming for his dark, smooth lips when he abruptly took steps away from me and stood straight.

"My apologies," he said with a long exhale, "I got carried away and thought I'd lose my footing."

I blinked in surprise. Did he lie to me, I wondered? Or was the passionate moment really just him trying to keep us from falling over? "Oh," I let out, "that's all right." I felt so stupid. My arms dropped to my sides in disappointment.

"I think that's enough dancing for tonight," he chuckled nervously, "It's been ages since I've had a dance partner and I'm afraid I've indulged in too much wine." He almost turned away from me but then remembered himself. "Lord Kari, would you join me in the parlour?"

I bowed stiffly. "Of course, your Majesty," I said curtly and escorted us out of the ballroom.

I had not stepped foot in the parlour since the first time I came to the castle. We preferred our evenings in the library. The parlour was the place where I first laid eyes on Searlus to discuss the terms of our courtship. Walking into the room at that moment, I felt odd. Although the room looked inviting and there was a friendly fire waiting for us, the memory of the place gave me the same ominous feeling I had when I first arrived six months ago, but it was fleeting. As soon as we reached the fire's warmth, the sensation was dispelled.

There were several chairs available, but I caught sight of a loveseat and led us there. In the moments it took to get to my target, I pondered on what the hell I had been thinking in trying to Kiss Searlus on the lips. Was I mad? It was supposed to be a friendly kiss. Though a kiss on the lips could be friendly, I was sure it would be too shocking for the poor man. Still, I wondered what had possessed me. I had felt warm and impassioned. I dare say I may have even felt aroused. But it had to have been induced by the dancing and our intimate embrace. I knew I was lying to myself. I've been ignoring the fact that my feelings for Searlus have deepened over time, but I could not bear to face how deeply my feelings ran. Regardless of my earlier failure, my mind was made up. I would kiss Searlus before the night was over, not only for his benefit but to see how I felt when the deed was done.

We reached the loveseat, and I played innocent. "This a comfortable distance from the fireplace and enough room for both of us."

I didn't even look at him, but I could feel his hesitance. He sat, and I noted that as long as I was standing and he sitting, I could easily give him a smooch when the opportunity arose. I sat next to him and crossed my ankle over my knee in a casual manner. He seemed to relax, but I saw his tail twitch whenever it grazed my leg.

A tray rolled over to us with tea. I took the liberty of pouring brandy in our cups. "I have a proposition," I said as handed him his cup. "Ask me any question, innocent or personal, and if I answer, I will ask you a question of the same, and you must answer."

He groaned a bit. "And if I wish not to answer?"

I chuckled after taking a sip of my tea, "you may skip as many questions as I do. I think that's fair."

"Hmm, yes, I suppose it is."

"Are we game them?" I looked at him expectantly, and he nodded. "Good! You ask first."

He looked into his tea as if the questions were swirling around in there. "How many hearts have you broken?"

I nearly spit out my beverage but swallowed instead. "Wow."

"Sorry, that was too forward-"

"No-no! Just odd that you assume I've broken any!" I snickered.

He shrugged and gave me a sad smile. "With a face like yours, I assume it's more than you think."

I looked at him thoughtfully. "Maybe." I sighed. "I suppose I don't know how many in truth but there was one woman who wanted to leave her husband for me. She was lovely and apparently deeply in love with me, but…"  
Searlus eyed me intently. "But you did not love her?"

I shook my head. "It was a short affair. She didn't know me, not really." I looked up at the ceiling and pondered on the question again. "There was another. Barely a man but old enough to marry. He was younger than me by a few years, he worked for my father, and we spent one night together. Just one. And he proposed the next morning."

Searlus laughed a bit mirthlessly. "Poor bloke."

I smiled sadly. "Yes. Poor bloke. No matter how many times I broke his heart, he pursued me. He asked me to marry him a dozen times over the course of a year. He was a pain in my arse."

"How did you get him to stop?"

I looked down at my wedding band. "I said, yes." I glanced at Searlus who looked deeply saddened.

"I'm sorry," he breathed.

"Don't be." I gave my knee a slap and straightened up. "My turn!" I exclaimed triumphantly. "And you must answer because I answered your question. "Before me, which courtship was your longest?"

Searlus became as still as a statue. I thought he'd insist on not answering the question, but again, he surprised me. "Princess Amelia," he replied softly. "She stayed just shy of three months."

I was astounded. "Really? When was this? I thought the longest was a tavern girl who stayed a whole week!"

He let out a sigh. "No, that was Lizette, and she stayed five days. The Princes' stay was kept secret for her sake. Hard to imagine, but I am a King, after all. Greed and ambition lead all sorts to my gates."

As he sipped at his tea, I was struck by a sad notion. "Do you remember all of them?"

"Every single one," he admitted. "I keep a log."

I frowned. "I don't think that's very gentlemanly, Searlus. Keeping a little book of all your conquests," I jeered.

He was quick to amend his statement. "It's not like that!" He placed his cup down and gesticulated while he defended himself. "I must keep track, you know, for the allowances, keeping the treasury in order and all that. You know!"

I placed a hand on his thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. He looked down and stared at my lingering touch. "I understand. I was just making fun. You're adorable when you get all flustered."

He didn't seem to have been listening because he never retorted and instead he gently placed his large paw over mine. I felt an ache I thought I'd never been able to feel again as he stroked my fingers. He was lost in the moment and when he spoke it was as if he was talking to himself rather than to me.

"When we first met, here in this very room, I knew you were different." He continued to caress my hand very slowly with the pad of his thumb and never blinked as he continued reminiscing. "You were calm when I came out of the shadows, and I thought maybe you were near blind because you did not react as I expected. Just a brief look of mild surprise. You didn't gasp, or scream, or faint. And you spoke to me without an ounce of fear." He let out a breathy laugh but still would not look me in the eye. "Forward. Courteous but very forward. You treated me like I was your equal."

I was losing my senses. My whole body tingled with goose pimples, my heart rivalled the speed of rabbits, and all I could do was stare at his lips. I decided to let my eyes linger over his form since he was still gazing into nothing. His cat-like face was not ugly. In fact, I found it handsome. He had broad shoulders and looked like he might be very muscular under all of those layers. His chest seemed so welcoming. I just wanted to curl up on his lap and listen to his heartbeat.

"Amelia was set on marrying me, you know? She was to bed one of her distant cousins to produce my heir."

I nearly choked on my own saliva as I sputtered in shock and outrage. "W-what?!" He was snapped out of his reverie at my loud exclamation and set his surprised eyes on my own. "How-how could you say something-something like that so nonchalantly?! As if it is some normal thing to say! 'Oh, by the way, I was almost married to some Princes who planned to have an affair and an illegitimate child for me to raise as my own!' Outrageous!"

He started to chuckle before I even finished my rant and I could not believe my ears. "It was part of the arrangement," he said as if I was some naive child, "all royal heirs are arranged to be married and usually before they take their first breath of air!" He laughed again and patted my hand reassuringly. "And now is when you decide to look at me like I am a freak of nature?"

I realized I was giving him a look of disgust. "The freak of nature is not you, but that arrangement! Firstly, no one - especially children - should have their marriages arranged! Secondly, I absolutely scorn the idea of such a loathsome union where it is planned, for god's sake, to stay loveless! Have an ongoing affair. Have someone else's child! Psh!"

Searlus tilted his head and gave me a strange look like he was confused by my words. "You surprise me. You being so open-minded, it did not occur to me that you would find an arrangement like that loathsome. I agree marriages should not be loveless, it is why the engagement was broken, but…" he shrugged and shook his head, "how else am I to produce an heir? I'd never leave my kingdom in the hands of my cousins. What a disastrous thing that would be!"

I was still so out of sorts that I did not consider my words before I foolishly let them escape my mouth. "Then you produce an heir the old-fashioned way, thank you very much, and father your own children!"

His face was suddenly void of all feeling or expression, and before he replied to me, I knew I had said something very wrong. "My own… children." He removed his hand from mine. "Assuming it was possible, my Lord, how do you imagine my child would look? Soft, pink, delicate and human like their mother?" He leaned close to me, held up his paw, and let his claws glisten by my face. "Or would they be more like their father?"

"I-I don't know but-"

"Let us imagine them to be as monstrous as their papa," he sneered, "do you think their mother would survive long enough to birth them? Do you think they'd claw their way out of her womb?"

"Searlus, please-"

"Do you think me so cruel as to subject anyone to such a curse? "

"I'm sorry," I pleaded and grabbed his hand, but he pulled it out of my grasp and turned his face away from me. I threw myself to my knees before him and begged. "Please forgive me. Please. I'll never forgive myself for ruining such a wonderful evening because of my stupid mouth."

He shook his head and kept his face averted. He was angry. He was hurt. And it was killing me. I could tell he thought of charging for the door so I decided that this was my moment. At the very least, a kiss would distract him, and I could say I was beside myself with worry and could think of no other way to gain his forgiveness. I gripped onto his pants and pushed myself to stand. I was aiming for his cheek, but my sudden proximity must have startled him because he turned his head and by doing so, crashed the brunt of his horn on the side of my head.

"BELLE!" I heard him exclaim as the stars started to recede from my vision only to be replaced with nothing but black...


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: **

**COMMENT REPLIES: ****Guest: Are you aware that this story is a Fantasy set in an unknown universe where magic and a Beast King exist? And that the Castle is, in fact, surrounded by forest? And that the garden is also enchanted? A little imagination is always recommended. ;)**

Seriously, it doesn't take a genius to know that I meant to write "other flora and fauna." There will be sentences that are not structurally great, there will be typos, and missing words galore because I'm letting grammalry do all the "beta" work and it misses stuff. Can't handle that? Don't be rude and just leave. ANYWAY, looks like I'll be turning off guest reviews because FF is just as bad as tumblr with regard to anonymous a-holes.

If you actually LIKE this story so far, please leave a comment saying so. Seeing negative reviews on a story that a writer is writing for FREE can be discouraging. Don't be like that "Guest." Not that I would let that dictate whether I keep writing.

**NOW... onto the story notes: **

**I've been moving this story from somewhere else so I apologize for any formatting issues. I can't catch all the problems but at least you know I have more chapters already written. **

**It is not finished and I should probably say this now for the _fragile_ "guests": Searlus is NOT under a curse. So, don't expect him to turn into a beautiful Adonis at any point in time. Again, leave now if that is going to bother you.**

**Second thing, I did not write this story in mind with any Disney - or other production - characters in mind. Some characters have the same names. That is all. Physical descriptions of the characters are all new and I have drawn them to the best of my ability on DeviantArt at Mordelle. If you WANT to picture characters from any film or work, I can't stop you. Personally, I'm not really a fan of the live-action Disney film. I also don't want to twist the animated version from my innocent childhood. lol **

**I've seen many versions of the story and my favorite so far is the 2014 version with Vincent Cassel. This story has been retold for centuries! Pretty sure it's public domain.**

* * *

I vaguely remember opening my eyes to find myself in a room that was strange to me. I could hear a fire crackling and there were candles by the bedside, which I discovered was on the ground. I was covered in heavy blankets and was much too warm, but they smelled of pine. Of him. I heard and felt breathing close to my face but when I turned my head, the world spun, and my head felt like I had been struck once more. I keened with pain, and the bed shook and dipped. My vision blurred but I knew Searlus' face hovered over my own.

"Belle! Try not to move," he said with urgency. "I've done all that I can. The Healer said you are almost out of danger. Please try to stay awake. I can't..." he choked down a sob, "I cannot lose you too. Please." He begged quietly.

All was dark again but because I had shut my eyes. The little light available was blinding. I tried to speak, and I realized my throat was so parched, I could barely make out a word. I squirmed again.

"What is it?" He panicked. "What can I do?" He must have seen I was trying to escape the blankets that were binding me and quickly made work to remove them. "You're sweating. It is too warm!" He finally realized. He left my side, and I felt a gust of cool air breeze through. It was heaven, but my lips burned for water. "Here, don't move." I heard him say as something cool poked at my lips. It felt like glass. "It's a dropper," he explained, "with water and something for the pain." I sucked on the invading tool eagerly and winced when shooting pain enveloped me again.

"More," I requested hoarsely.

"A little bit at a time. You could get sick again and faint once more. That would be dangerous."

I groaned with misery. I had a concussion and probably vomited all over him at some point. How dreadfully mortifying. "I... don't... faint," I growled. Those were the last words I remember before I did exactly that.

I could hear soft murmuring when I next stirred from my slumber. A feminine voice was speaking, and I was suddenly filled with jealousy. He's brought another woman to replace me already, I thought in my delirium. Why? I lamented and started to feel a deep ache in my chest that rivalled the pain in my head. I snivelled like a child when I imagined Searlus dancing with another in his arms.

"Belle?" A man's voice called to me. Not just any man...

I opened my eyes, and a familiar face greeted me. "Papa!" I gasped and threw my arms around his neck and pulled him to me.

"Oof! Belle, for goodness sake! You'll injure yourself," he muffled into my pillow. I pulled my arms off him, and he leaned back to look at my face. He grimaced but smiled. "My child, I'd say I've seen you in worse conditions, but you look quite dreadful."

I heard a soft chuckle and turned to the source much too quickly. "Oh dear god," I groaned and shut my eyes, "I'm dying."

The woman scoffed. "You most certainly are not! Here, I have something for the pain."

When I dared open my eyes again, a plump, rosy-cheeked, woman sat by my side with a dropper in one hand and glass of water in the other. I gulped down both with vigour. I glanced around the room and frowned. I was in my bed, in my quarters. The medication was fast working because I was able to think clearly almost immediately. I marvelled at my present company.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned with joy. I hadn't seen another person in over six months, and I was as ecstatic as I could be for a head trauma patient. "And who you are you?" I asked the woman.

"My name is Anne. I'm the Royal Healer. The King sent for us both. You gave him quite a fright," she ended seriously.

"And me!" Papa said sternly. "What happened, Belle? The King wouldn't say. Just said you had an accident." He looked at me expectantly, but I noticed a shadow in his eyes. It was the same look he gave anyone he thought was stealing cargo off his ship.

I moaned aloud as I recalled how and what had befallen me. "I'm a fool," I said somberly. "It... it was an accident."

The two older and wiser ones in the room gave each other a worried look. Anne turned to me and grabbed my hand gently. "Did he... did he hurt you...?" She asked tentatively.

I was immediately defensive. "It was an accident, and it was my fault."

She nodded, but my father began to fume. He slammed a fist to his thigh. "Belle, if that monster put a hand on you-"

"Stop, please!" I yelled as my head began to throb again. "He is not a monster, father. I got in his way. He didn't see. That is all." I brought a hand to my bandaged head and winced.

"All right, dear," Anne comforted, "we believe you."

"Well, I don't!" My father cried out indignantly. "I'm your father. I know when you're not telling the truth. You're an awful liar."

"I'm not lying," I said through clenched teeth but blushed anyway.

He narrowed his eyes and pointed an accusing finger at me. "You're hiding something then. Tell us how it happened. Exactly how it happened or I will not put this to r-"

"I tried to kiss him!" I finally growled out. I let the information sink in and watched my father turn white. Anne looked astounded. "I wanted to surprise him... and... I failed. Obviously." I groaned again. "I'm a fool."

Anne looked thoughtful for a moment before she grimaced. "That explains it then. He must have accidentally knocked you with his horn."

I was shocked that she had guessed that so accurately. They must have seen him during their stay. He showed himself to them. "But how did you know it was his horn?" I asked bewildered.

Anne frowned and shook her head. "I had to treat his injury as well and-"

I jolted to a sitting position and nearly fainted again, but I didn't care. "What injury?!"

"Goodness, girl!" Anne supported my weight and helped me settle back down. "Do you have no sense?" She scolded.

"What injury? I demand to know," I cried.

She raised an angry brow at me. "Patient Healer Confidentiality," she replied indignantly. "If you don't know, then inquire with the King himself." She stood up and padded her skirts. "You seem to be recovering nicely so I must go now. I have other patients to attend to. No sudden movements and don't you dare try to leave this bed under any circumstances until I say so. I'll return tomorrow." She turned to my father. "Until tomorrow Maurice." She smiled coyly, which did not escape my notice. "Keep an eye on her."

"Thank you, Anne," he bowed with gratitude and blushed. "I'm sure when Belle is feeling better, she'll show proper gratitude." He glared at me.

"I'm sorry, Anne," I muttered. "Thank you for everything." She nodded and turned to leave. "Wait!" She looked at me again. "Please tell Searlus I'm awake and I'd like to see him." I was beyond worried for him. I needed to know what injury she spoke of. "Could you at least tell me he's all right?" I pleaded.

Anne gave me a sad smile. "He'll be fine. And I'm sure His Majesty will be relieved to know that you've asked for him." She nodded and took her leave.

My father turned to me with eyes cast down. "You really tried to kiss..." he cleared his throat, "the King?"

I could feel my blush spreading across my cheeks. "I, well, yes. Yes, I did." I sighed. "God, what he must think of me. I'm such an idiot!"

"So," he walked toward me and sat on my bed once more, "you're doing this then? This courtship isn't a farce?" He looked at me with grave concern.

I frowned. "I never meant it to be a farce, well, I mean, I suppose I hadn't expected to stay here longer than a night but," I closed my eyes and sighed then opened them again, "I can't explain it. He's so... I just..."

"My god," he breathed in shock, "you're in love with him."

My eyes widened as those words were said aloud. Love. In love. With him. My god. "I... I don't know. I think..." I gazed into my father's eyes and sobbed, "I think so!" Then I cried. I cried out of guilt of being able to heal and love again. I cried from relief that I didn't have to battle with my feelings any longer. I cried over the possibility that my feelings for Searlus would ruin our friendship. I cried hard so hard and for so long that my pain returned with a vengeance. It was poetic really. I had been trying to beat down those feelings and questions as hard as I could. And they beat me back bloody.

Papa finally comforted me enough to quite me, but it was too late. My nose tingled, my head throbbed, and I could barely open my eyes from how puffy they'd gotten. I hiccuped through my request for more water. I was exhausted and hadn't even noticed I was falling asleep.

"It's all right, Belle," my father soothed, "get some sleep. We can talk about it when you wake up."

I sniffed and whimpered. "Okay." And I slept.

I had a nightmare of epic proportions. I was at sea. A violent storm overhead was trying to blow me overboard. I held a hand at my eyes and squinted, trying hard to find Searlus. I was suddenly in the crow's nest, and I spotted Searlus on a rock in the middle of the ocean. I screamed out his name, but he could not hear me. I yelled and shouted but to no avail. He threw his arms open and let himself fall back into the dark, raging waters. I cried out again then threw myself to the sea to save him, but when I hit the water, I awoke.

I awoke with a start. It was dark now, but I could see that a hooded figure loomed over me holding a candelabra to my face. I was about to cry out when the figure spoke. "I'm sorry," Searlus whispered urgently, "I didn't mean to frighten you. I was just - I shouldn't have come. I'll leave." He retreated, but I threw out my hand to him.

"Wait! Please!" He froze. "Don't leave. I wanted to see you." I couldn't make out his face under his hood. "Come here," I reached out further, stretching my fingers out to him desperately.

He approached and set the candelabra on the table near my bedside but never took my hand. I was able to see his chin and mouth, but only a nocturnal glint of his eyes. "How do you feel?"

My hand fell to my side, and I tried to ignore the pang in my gut. "I feel better," I assured him. "I guess I do faint," I said guiltily.

He grunted and dropped his head. "You do remember," he muttered with misery.

"Searlus, I'm so sorry," I started to tear up at once.

He snapped his head up. "I am the one who should be sorry. In my carelessness I nearly killed you," he grieved.

The pain in his voice almost drove me to madness. "No! It was my carelessness! Mine alone. I shouldn't have surprised you. I should have asked your permission. I was just so distraught after my remark. I made you so upset. I just thought I could make it up to you-"

"Permission? Permission to what?" He asked, confused.

I held my breath. He didn't know. He had no idea I had tried to kiss him. He had been blaming himself not knowing that I was entirely responsible for my injury. His wound came to mind.

"Take off your hood. Come into the light," I commanded as gently as I could.

A silent moment passed before he finally complied. He moved into the light and slowly removed his hood as he crouched near. My hands shot to my mouth, and a loud gasp escaped me. One horn was a quarter of its original size, jagged and broken, and the other I could not see at all because a bloody bandage covered it.

"It will never happen again," he muttered, "I'll keep them as short as I can. I promise," his voice shook.

I sat up despite Anne's instructions and grabbed his face. "Oh, Searlus, how could you?!" I sobbed. "How could you hurt yourself so?"

He furrowed his brow and frowned. "I'm fine. I should have had Anne do it properly, but..." he shut his eyes, "I was overcome with grief, Belle, I thought you would surely die in my arms. There was so much blood." He shuddered. "I was rash, but it's nothing. Nevermind me. I'm so glad you are - I was so worried-"

I pulled him to me and wrapped my arms around his neck. "We're both fools then," I rasped into his ear. "Sit by me." I pulled away and moved aside gingerly so that he could sit on the bed. He made no move to sit and stared at me uncertainly. I patted the mattress and managed a smile. "Come." I leaned back on my mountain of pillows and waited.

Finally, he came to a decision and sat carefully. The bed groaned and dipped under his weight, but it held. I grabbed his paw with both hands and brought it to my cheek. "This is all my fault," I whispered then turned my face into his palm and placed a light kiss there. I feared he'd tear away from me, but he didn't. So, I glanced at his face to see his expression. I smirked into his hand when I saw how baffled he looked. That's what I was trying to do," I admitted quietly. "All evening."

"What?" He let out in one big breath, utterly perplexed.

"I tried to kiss you, but you turned-"

"Because of what I told you the night before?" He shook his head and pulled his hand away. "I did not tell you that to take pity on me, Belle," he chastised. "You could have died over something as foolish as that," he spat severely then turned from me.

My heart threatened to shatter to pieces. The thought of a kiss from me was foolish. Tears burned in my eyes once more. I could never tell him that I loved him. The rejection would be too much to bear. But I had to say something. "It wasn't out of pity," I whispered.

He stared at the palm I kissed for a long time even when he spoke to me. "Then what?" He murmured back. I thought I heard him hold his breath with a quick, soft gasp.

I needed to tell him the truth for both our sakes but I could not form the simple words. "It's just been you and me in this empty castle for months until today - and I don't know how I will ever show my gratitude to you for letting me see my father - but you have been my only friend, and I hurt you. I wanted to show you affection to dispel your anger towards me. It's... natural between... friends... and family to do things like that."

"You said you had been trying to kiss me all evening," he accused and sent glance my way.

He had me there. "I was," I wracked my brain, trying to find another excuse, "Kari!" I sighed with relief. "I was planning it, yes, because I was playing a part but then - then what happened was-"

He dipped his head into his hands and sighed loudly. "You were telling the truth that day," he murmured, then lifted his face once more and stared into the candlelight, "you're an awful liar." He eyed me with a blank expression then gave me the slightest of smirks.

I flushed and shrunk into my blankets and pillows. "It wasn't out of pity," I said firmly again.

He nodded his head before he narrowed his eyes. "Never try to surprise me like that again. No more games of trying to catch me off guard or goad me. You've seen only a fraction of my strength and..." he grimaced, "instincts. I care for you, Belle, I cannot stress enough how grief-stricken I was at the thought of," he forced down a sob, "losing you. Especially at my hands," he finished hoarsely.

"Or horns," I offered with a shrug.

He scoffed mirthlessly and shook his head. He muttered something about impudence and clowns. I couldn't make it out, but I knew he was only slightly frustrated now. That was better than depressed or angry, so I smiled at him. He managed to smile back, then took my hand. "Promise me. No more surprises or plots."

"Oh no," I denied, "I promise not to surprise you with kisses or tackling, but you cannot take away my plots."

"Belle," he said gravely.

"But I need them," I pouted, "how else am I to sneak over your extremely guarded walls?"

He chuckled and gave my hand a light squeeze. "Just ask. Where there are walls, there are doors. I'm sure I have at least one I can open for you upon request."

"And if you deny me?" I asked as I folded my arms over my chest.

He sighed. "I don't think I could ever deny you anything."

I felt my heart skip in my ever warming chest. "Really?"

He nodded somberly. "Really."

My mind raced with possibilities. "Then I think I have a request."

He rolled his eyes. "Of course you do. Well, name it."

"I'd like a kiss," I blurted out before I could regret not saying it. I was fidgeting with my fingers, waiting for him to scoff, laugh, yell, anything. He stared into my eyes, maybe to decipher my intentions or gauge my seriousness.

He must have seen my earnestness because he looked down at our hands and gingerly lifted them to bring my fingers to his lips. He brushed them ever so lightly; it felt more like air than lips. Still, my arm erupted in goose pimples, and he eyed the phenomena curiously.

"You call that a kiss?" I finally let out wondering how far I could take things. "I'd prefer one on my cheek."

Searlus tilted his head and surveyed me again. He appeared apprehensive as his eyes shifted in thought. He leaned over me, bracing himself with arms on either side of me and stopped a hairs breath away from my face. I heard him sniff me and then listened to a soft purr in his chest. I waited and kept my eyes on him the whole time expectantly. He closed the distance and placed a quick, chaste peck just above my jaw, then lifted himself but not wholly.

While he continued to hover over me so intimately, my heart thumped in my ears. "Thank you," I murmured.

"I'm honoured," he whispered back. "Anything else?" He asked with a playful quirk of his brow.

I couldn't believe my luck. "I could, that is, I would like to return it - only if it pleases you, of course. No pressure."

"It would," he purred, "please me." The way he said those words made my belly pool with warmth.

I trembled from the anticipation when he started to lean close again. I wanted to do it right and make it memorable. I wanted to cup his face and capture his lips, but I'd be breaking my promise, and I would not ruin the moment. I placed my right hand on his outer cheek and my other hand just behind his head. I turned my face and pressed my lips just shy of the corner of his own. It was deep and long, and I made sure to make the tiniest smacking sound at its end. I caressed him with my thumb for good measure and leaned back into my pillows.

His eyes had darkened, and his nostrils flared. That look promised there might be more to come and I wanted whatever he would offer. "You should rest," he rumbled instead and stood. He lifted his hood over his head once more.

"Will I see you in the morning?" I asked.

He paused mid-step. "Enjoy your time with your father. Heal. I will visit when your company is asleep tomorrow night."

"But I want you to meet him!" I protested.

Searlus gave me a sideways glance. "We've met."

"Not properly, I can tell. Have breakfast with us," I offered.

He frowned. "Perhaps. If my duties do not keep me long, I will visit sooner. Now rest and good night." He gave me a slight bow, and I watched him leave.

I was filled with so many emotions, and I had no idea whether to laugh or cry. My hand and cheek still tingled from his kiss. Had it really happened? I wondered. It was so surreal in the eerie light of the candelabra that he left by my bedside. I looked at the elaborate thing. Its candles were still full and tall though its light began to dim as if telling me it was time to sleep. I watched it, entranced, and by the time the light was snuffed out, I was dreaming of exciting waltzes, furry embraces, and lingering kisses.

That morning, I awoke to my father trying to be as quiet as possible and failing miserably. He had bumped into the wardrobe accidentally, and it retaliated by swinging its door open and hitting square on the shoulder.

"Ouch!" He shook his fist at it. "Blasted thing, I'll turn you into firewood!" he ground out.

I chuckled, which reminded me of my ailment immediately, though I was feeling much better. "She's a feisty one. I wager she'll turn you into clothing fit for a clown before you get an axe anywhere near her."

My father shook his head with wonder and brought a chair by my side. He coughed a bit, and I frowned. He saw my concern and waved it away. "I'm much better recently. Anne herself has been seeing to me under the King's orders for some time now. Apparently, it's not consumption. So, that's good news."

"Thank heavens," I breathed with relief, "what is it then?"

He shrugged. "She says I have weak lungs. The coughing fits, fatigue and wheezing might be environmental, she said. Whatever that means. She suggests I move to the city or right by the water."

"Then head her words," I suggested.

"I might, now that I'm allowed to visit you." He looked uncertain. "Or at least, I think I am. I wonder if this visit was only allowed because he nearly killed you."

"Father, please. You know it was my doing already," I tried to explain again.

He fidgeted and threw out his hands with frustration. "Yes, well, it wouldn't have happened if he were normal, now wouldn't it? "

I scowled. "That's hardly his fault," I defended and started to feel the heat rise to my cheeks from anger.

Papa hung his head and sighed. "You're right, of course. Sorry. It's just," he took my hand, "he has you, and I don't." He patted my hand. "I've been very lonely without you."

I raised an eyebrow at him and gave him a suspicious look. "Anne hasn't been keeping you company then?"

He blushed, and immediately grew flustered. "I-uh-well-I- she's a good friend. I'm an old man - I have no time for such things!"

I smirked. "I think she's smitten with you too, Papa."

His eyes widened, and he appeared hopeful. "You think so?"

I nodded. "Mhm."

He chuckled and straightened his jacket. "I still got it then."

A light knock came at the door, and I bid them enter. Hoping it was Searlus, I sat up as quickly as I could without injuring myself and tucked my rat's nest of hair behind my ears. It was Anne. I visibly deflated and my father gave me a bewildered look. A small tray followed the Healer into the room with breakfast and tea.

"Good morning," Anne said with a brilliant smile at us.

My father watched her with pure adoration. "Good morning," he lilted with gentlemanly charm, then suddenly started hacking and heaving. I would have laughed had I not been so worried for him.

"By the stars, Maurice!" She scolded and patted his pockets until she pulled out a pipe. She helped him up and began to push him toward my balcony. "Outside with you and smoke the Jimson weed I gave you!"

He was still coughing but complied and made his way out. Anne stayed out with him until his coughing ceased, then came to bed, leaving my father to smoke outside. I thought about the irony of Papa's medicine, but I had a more burning question to ask her as she unwrapped my bandage.

"Hello Anne," I greeted as politely as I could while I winced from the change in pressure on my head. "How are you today?" I asked chipperly, hoping to disarm her with charm so that she'd speak to me freely about Searlus' injury.

She smiled and didn't even look at me. "His Majesty is fine, Miss. You need not worry about him. I just left him. He heals quickly. No permanent damage was done."

I sighed and gave her a guilty smile. "Thank you."

She winked at me and gingerly rubbed a salve on my head wound. "This will help, but I can't promise it won't scar."

I waved away the comment. "Bah. A little scar is nothing to worry about." I was more worried about the fact that I could not feel or use the sixth sense that helped me locate Searlus and accurately decipher his moods.

I noticed Anne looking at me as if she wasn't sure I wanted to hear what she had to say next. "Maybe I should give you a mirror," she nodded soberly, pulled a beautiful hand mirror out of her pocket, and handed it to me.

I looked, and my jaw dropped open. The stitched gash on my head was definitely not little - about three or four inches in length that ran from above my eyebrow, up over my temple. I was missing hair - probably shaved off to stitch the wound. I had black, blue, and purple stains surrounding it that dipped down around my eye. I looked horrid.

"Mother of Pearl," I breathed, horrified, "he saw me like this."

Anne scoffed. "And that's what she thinks about," she muttered in disbelief.

I inspected myself some more and lamented the fact that I would, indeed, scar very badly. The hair would grow back but not along the offensive line that would forever be there. I liked to pretend that my beauty never affected me, but it did. I knew I was beautiful and used my beauty to my advantage whenever I could. I had other smaller scars but never on my face. My vanity suffered.

"There it is," Anne chuckled, "there's the reaction I had expected." She patted my leg reassuringly. "Not to worry! Lots of things available to you to hide it once you've healed."

I nodded but was still utterly depressed. "Anne," I pouted, "would you help me brush my hair before you bandage me. In case Searlus comes to call on me?" I widened my eyes in horror that I had not bathed since the morning of the ball. "Oh, I must have a bath as well!" My moontime had surely ended but having not bathed - I shuddered at the thought of Searlus smelling me. I was sure I had been in his bed the evening on the accident. "Oh-my-god, I must have a bath immediately!" I panicked.

"I'll fetch the basin and rags-"

"NO! I must be submerged! Scrubbed until I'm raw!" I whined with misery.

My father entered the room at the same time a hooded Searlus did. Everyone froze and stared at their King in shock. Then awkward chaos erupted.

"Your Majesty!" Anne stood abruptly and nearly fell over from her quick curtsy.

"Sire!" My father dropped his pipe and scrambled to pick it up while also trying to kneel and show respect.

"How dare you just waltz in here!" I lashed out at him undeservedly.

He flinched visibly at my heated remark while my father and the Healer looked at me like I would be sent to the gallows. "My apologies, the door was ajar," he explained quickly. "I didn't mean to-" he finally noticed the state I was in and stared at the side of my unbandaged head with a mixture of guilt and terror.

I pulled my sheet up to shield him from witnessing my gory and unappealing disposition. "Leave this instant!" The familiar sound of his billowing cape told me he had gone. I peeked over my sheet to make sure, then dropped my face into my hands and groaned. "Shit." My head was pounding from all the yelling I had just done. "Pain-pain-pain! I'm in pain!"

"Here, dear!" Anne held out a small vial, which I took in a frenzy.

After a few moments, the pain receded, and I sighed with relief. I looked at my present company who eyed me like I was a madwoman. "What?" I asked, annoyed.

"Oh, nothing-nothing." "Nothing at all," They muttered in unison.

Then Anne erupted in loud guffaws. "You just yelled at and dismissed a King, you lunatic! Ohohoho! Maurice!" She slapped my father hard on the shoulder, which made him jump. "You said she was gutsy, not daft!" She placed her hands on her belly and laughed louder. "I love her - I love you, darling!" She wiped her tears from my eyes and started for the bathing room. "Oh my word," she continued giggling as she disappeared, "the look on his face!" Her laughter diminished in volume under the sound of the enchanted tub being filled with water.

My father had a bemused smirk on his face. "I guess we just found out who's really in charge around here, eh?" He chuckled. "I'll let you get ready and," he looked to the door and shook his head, "see if I can find the King and hopefully remedy the situation."

"Bah!" I dismissed the idea. "He won't sentence me to death, if that's what you're worried about," I muttered, annoyed.

"Ha! That's for certain, but I wasn't referring to that, child. I was referring to his ego." His eyes widened, and he pursed his lips. "Poor man," Papa said with a sigh and exited the room making sure to close it properly on his way out.

"Wonderful," I bit out to myself, "at least Papa is taking his side instead of despising him." I frowned. The more the pain in my head receded, the more the ache in my heart grew. I tried not to be too hard on myself. I had a head injury for god's sake! But the look on Searlus' face broke my heart. I kept seeing it in my mind and changing how I could have better handled the situation. His kiss came to memory, and I threw my hands to my cheeks suddenly. "I must make it up to him," I thought aloud.

I caught Anne staring at me from the doorway of the bathing room with a knowing look on her face. She nodded. "I'm sure your recovery will suffice. Now let's get you cleaned up. Call the chaise over, and I'll help you onto it."

I was confused. "What?"

"Well, I can't carry you. You're much taller, and I'm too old for that! Come on now." She crossed her arms and waited.

I shook my head and gave her an uncertain smile. "I don't know how to just summon furniture!" I laughed rudely at the ridiculous thought. "What am I to say? 'Here little chaise! Come hither from the-' "

My jaw dropped. The chaise was already on its way, happily clacking its wooden legs on the floor, and stopped right by the bed. It even grew to the hight of my bed to ease my transfer. It seemed very eager to please.

Anne chuckled. "You've been here over six months, and you didn't know you had command over your own furniture?"

I glared at the wardrobe and pointed an accusing finger at it. "So, you're just plain old defiant!" It groaned at me in what seemed like a series of chuckles. I looked to Anne again in wonder.

Anne walked over and patted the wardrobe. "This one?" She laughed. "She was the Queen Mother's, so she has some lofty ideas about herself, don't you old girl?"

The large piece of furniture huffed with dignity through its doors. I looked at her with new eyes. She had once serviced the Queen herself. Searlus' mother. I was overcome with gratitude at the thought of Searlus thinking me worthy enough to have access to his mother's closet. I started to cry.

"Oh, my," Anne lamented as she helped me slide onto the chaise, "your moods might be sensitive for some weeks. A head injury as bad as yours, I'm afraid will induce several symptoms for some time," she explained. "Nausea, mood swings, trouble thinking clearly, memory loss in the worst cases."

I cried harder. "You're not helping."

She patted my shoulder reassuringly then helped me out of my nightgown, and carefully set me in the warm bath water. The soft, lavender and minty aroma soothed my nerves and aches almost immediately. I sighed with content. Anne carefully tied my hair out of the way - I always keep my hair at about shoulder length for practicality.

"How did you know that I could command my furniture and that the wardrobe belonged to the Queen Mother?"

Anne scrubbed at my neck and shoulders gently. "Oh, I've been the Royal Healer since the King was just a wee Prince. I cared for the entire family and the castle's servants."

I started and nearly drenched my companion. "Really?!" I asked excitedly. "Do your memories return when you come to the castle?"

Anne stayed quiet for a long time. I gnawed at my lower lip with anticipation. She finally sighed. "I supposed there's no harm in telling you," she relented. "I don't lose any memory when leaving the castle."

I gasped loudly and tried to turn and face her. She stopped me. "How is that possible?"

"Stay still," she scolded. "It was the Queen Mother who insisted that I be the only one, after my own mother, to never be affected by the magick at the gates. It'd be difficult to perform my duties as a healer if I had to overcome my shock every time I needed to tend to the Prince - I mean King. Not to mention having to relearn his erm… unusual makeup every time to treat him. That would be tedious and dangerous in cases of emergencies."

A thought came to mind. "Were you present at his birth?" I asked with quiet awe.

"I was," she replied somberly. "My mother, God rest her soul, was the midwife, and I assisted her."

I marvelled at the information. "Tell me about it?" I asked politely and hopefully.

"Ooof, that was thirty-three years ago, but I swear I can remember every detail. It's a painful tale, and I don't think the King would like me talking about it. What I will say, is that damned Alchemist got what he deserved." She said with venom.

I furrowed my brow in confusion. "What happened to him?"

"He was stripped of the right to practice or study Alchemy and was exiled. The King wanted him dead, but the Queen thought it was too severe a punishment."

"But he saved his life!" I protested.

"But at what cost, dear?" She retorted. "What kind of life has the King lived? Alone and shunned save for one lowly subject and false admirers, on occasion, for company?"

I grew despondent at once. "I'm not a false admirer," I muttered, hurt. "In any case, the Kingdom has prospered under Searlus' reign. We should all be grateful he's alive."

"Yes, my lady," she replied formally but with a smile in her voice.

I asked a few more questions about his family and what Searlus was like as a child. She gave me little details but mentioned that Searlus was always a dutiful son. He knew his appearance was strange and was taught early on that life would be difficult for him. He treated all with as much kindness as possible in hopes that someday, his appearance would be overlooked. Unfortunately, his experience was worse than his parents anticipated. His sensitive hearing would catch offensive words, and when his cousins visited, he was subject to their cruel pranks and ridicule. He would seclude himself in the library most days until the Queen could no longer stand it and dismissed the servants one by one so that Searlus could roam where ever he pleased without having to suffer for his deformity.

"Before my head injury," I could sense his location and be starting to learn his moods, "why do you think that is?"

Anne looked thoughtful. "No one has ever mentioned that before. I certainly don't have that ability. It might be the castle magic itself. Not everyone can command the enchanted objects here, you know? I was testing you earlier, I admit, to see if that castle likes and respects you. Apparently, it does."

The castle liked me. I smiled at that thought then frowned. Maybe I could no longer sense him because the castle was angry with me for Searlus's injury. "Do you think the castle dislikes me now for what happened?"

"Are you joking?" She laughed loudly. "That chaise nearly tripped over itself to serve you. If you can't sense the King now, I'd say it's just letting your mind rest."

I hoped she was right.

I was magically dressed in the most comfortable nightgown and hooded cape. It was soft, light, and straightforward. I asked the vanity to cover the bruising around my eye, and it obliged most eagerly but gently. After Anne helped me with my hair and bandaged me, I was eager to call on Searlus.

"Shall we go see the King?" I asked Anne hopefully.

"You will go straight to bed," she replied sternly. "I'll let His Majesty know you are ready for his visit."

She left the room, and I twiddled my thumbs impatiently. The next thing I remember was the smell of pine. My eyes fluttered open, and I saw him. Searlus was crouched by my side with his paw in mid-air. He retreated his hand quickly and looked caught off guard.

"You were asleep," he murmured.

I smiled. "And what were you about to do that you look so guilty?" I asked coyly.

He grunted in disappointment but then appeared to gain a little confidence. Instead of telling me, he reached out again slowly and paused before reaching my face. He looked into my eyes as if asking permission to continue. I raised my brow expectantly. I noticed his claws were now filed short, smooth and rounded. I was about to complain about it, but he grazed them softly against my cheek and moved a lock of hair from my face. The pad of his fingers was warm, and his touch sent a shiver of desire through me. I blushed, and he must have noticed because he smiled. He removed his hand, to my disappointment.

"You're not angry with me?" I asked, worried about my outburst earlier.

He snickered. "If I were angry for every impudent thing you've said or done in my presence since you arrived here, I'd never have a moment of happiness," he jested.

My mind quickly went to the next thing floating around in my brain, and my mouth opened involuntarily. "Was I in your bed two nights ago?"

His smile fell. "I, erm, yes, but I—"

"I knew it! And you were sleeping next to me!"

"No! No-no-no." He lifted his hands in defence. "I was keeping vigil. I was watching over you to make sure that you… that you…" he appeared pained, "that you were still breathing." He grew flustered again. "My room is next to my lab. All my medicines, tinctures, and healing instruments are there. It was the most convenient place to put you."

I gave him a mischievous smirk and took his hand in mine. "So, I survived a night in your bed, after all."

I chuckled when his eyes widened in embarrassment. Then he scoffed and looked away. "You're impossible," I thought I heard him say with a smile before I fell asleep holding his hand.


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Diary,

It's been some weeks since my last entry. So much has happened and time has gone by so fast. The days have grown longer, warmer, and more beautiful here at the castle. I have recovered for the most part. My head wound has closed nicely, and my hair has grown long enough to cover the still discoloured skin around it. My eye is no longer bruised. Whatever Anne has been rubbing on the area has done wonders in a short time, and I am very grateful. It's hard to say what I've been up to these past four-odd weeks. I feel like so much has been going and at the same time not much at all. Towards the beginning of my healing, I slept so much, the days blurred together. I'm hardly ever left alone. My father is always around, and Anne sometimes stays at the castle so that she doesn't have to travel so much. Her other duties take her elsewhere sometimes, but I have been her primary patient. And Searlus, well, I've actually spent little time with him.

I already knew he'd keep his distance for a specific time, what with my "alluring scent" being heightened and all that nonsense. Not to mention that Searlus does not do well in a group setting. I cannot describe how torturous that week was for me.

Dinner was the only time I knew I'd see him. Anne and my father were always invited, once I was allowed to leave my room and start walking again. Because we had guests, Searlus took his rightful place at the head of the table, and would you believe it, our seats were at the opposite end! I at my usual spot and my father and Anne to my sides. Ridiculous. The table is so large, we must have looked like right fools, but the rooms being enchanted, conversation - which was seldom - carried efficiently. What's worse? He never visited me alone during that time, which meant no more kissing — no hand holding. No embraces. Nothing.

And I will say this: My injury did nothing to stifle my body's desires. If anything, being confined to my bed for so long made things much worse. The frustration was like nothing I've ever experienced. At least I know now that my depression has left me for the most part. In my days of mourning, I had felt little desire to do anything. The confines of the castle were a refuge and not a prison. The outside world did not interest me. Nothing did. I was numb. Well, I'm not numb anymore! My body feels like it has awoken from a very long slumber and the one I've set my heart on has no interest whatsoever in reciprocating my wants. How things have changed. How I have changed. My father took notice of this one afternoon.

"You're different, you know?" He had said while he puffed at his medicinal pipe.

I grunted, barely acknowledging him because let's face it, all I can think about is the sulking, maddening brute that I've fallen in love with.

"When you left me," Papa said gravely, "I was sure that," he sighed, "I felt like I'd never see you again. You used to be so lively, so carefree - maybe a bit too carefree. Everything you suffered, it changed you. I didn't think you'd find yourself again."

I gazed at the floor. I could not admit how right he was, how he had almost lost his only daughter for good. "And what do you think now, Papa?" I asked as I gave him a playful smirk and held his hand.

He smiled and took a long dose of the weed. "You've come out of it all even stronger." He nodded and looked thoughtful. "You've found a piece of yourself here and have built on it. You're happier. Love will do that though."

I looked at him sharply, but his merry eyes disarmed me. "I've yet to actually say the words aloud, Papa." I sighed sadly. "Guilt still gnaws at me whenever I let myself feel too happy. And not knowing if-if my feelings will be returned, well, it keeps me in a safe state of misery - if that makes any sense at all."

When I met my fathers gaze again, he was looking at me with a bored expression. "Are you really going to try and convince me that the King has not already fallen head over heels for you?"

I shook my head and scoffed. "You've seen how he is with me lately."

"Bah," he barked and waved me off, "he's a King, not some barmaid or lowly sailor you were so used to. He's not going to flaunt his affection for you, especially not in front of guests. You're courting for shit's sake. And the guilt," he turned and pointed his pipe at me, "you've nothing to be guilty about." He adjusted in his seat and grew a bit sad. "I know what you mean though. Even now, after so many years, I spend a happy moment with Anne, and I feel like I'm betraying your mother."

"Papa!" I exclaimed.

"No, no," he defended, "I know your mother would want me to be happy. It's natural for those doubts to sneak up on you sometimes, but you must overcome them, Belle, or you'll regret it. Trust me."

I nodded in understanding. "I'm trying." What I didn't want to say was that my guilt did not stem from loving another, but from not feeling guilty that I did. That was the biggest betrayal in my mind.

"I know. Listen," he leaned forward and spoke in a more subdued voice after looking around to see if we were truly alone, "I don't ever want to entertain the idea of what details are entailed should you two marry, I don't, Belle - please never tell your poor old father. But he's a kind soul. Even I can see that. Make sure you know for certain that you love him and figure out what that means for both of you right from the start." He shuddered.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. "The details are dismal, father. You should read my contract," I muttered bitterly.

I had signed away at it the first night I arrived at the castle without so much as a glance. My strong, newfound feelings for Searlus led me to reread it while I was bedridden. My father was curious too, so I took it from my trunk and handed it to him. His brow furrowed deeper and deeper the longer he read.

"I don't understand," my father finally said as he lifted his gaze in my direction. "This isn't a marriage. It's a farce!" He flipped through the pages again determined he'd misread. "A marriage in the eyes of the kingdom only?" He looked at me again. "Explain this."

"The King," I sneered, "is not looking for love. If he finds me to be a suitable Queen, we are to marry in name only. So, you don't have to worry about unappealing details of what would be happening under this roof, my poor old father," I mocked, "because nothing will be happening. Nothing," I bit out resentfully.

Papa scoffed. "You're expected to be abstinent then? You? Ha!"

I frowned at my father's insinuation that I had no self-control when it came to the pleasures of the body. "First of all, I have been abstinent since Gerard. Secondly, you missed article forty-seven," I said through clenched teeth.

Papa flipped through the pages again and ran a finger down the paper until he reached what I had mentioned. "The King and Queen shall decide together, who will... father their heir?" He looked at me over his spectacles and blinked with confusion. "You'll be twenty-nine soon, Belle, better get cracking," he ridiculed. "I'm sure Gaston would love to take the King up on his offer!" He glanced down at the pages again and chuckled. He stopped laughing once he saw my despair. "Oh, Belle, don't you see? This is written for someone who is not expected to love him. You do! Have him toss these in the fire and just love him if that is what you truly want!"

I shook my head. "You don't understand. Anytime I try to get close to him he pulls away. One step forward and ten steps back. What if it's a simple as he does not want a wife? What if he has no desire to have a loving, intimate relationship?" I was running out of breath. "What if he just needs a Queen because he needs an heir? He's already made it very clear to me that he will not, under any circumstances, try to father his own children because of, well, his..."

My father nodded. "Condition?"

I groaned and nearly forgot to stop myself from banging my head against my backrest.

Papa clicked his tongue and frowned. "Well, I don't blame him for that, honestly." He seemed about to say something else and changed his mind. "Anyway, what would you do if he does propose?"

I shut my eyes and took a steadying breath. "I'm not sure."

He shrugged. "You could still have a fulfilling marriage, Belle. Many marriages that are built on mutual respect can be just as strong or stronger than those built on romance. It's still love. Just a different kind." He cringed a moment before he spoke again. "And if you are both completely open about your needs, whatever they may be - again please don't tell me - you might be able to come to some kind of compromise. One can still perform husbandly duties without fathering children, you know." He flinched again.

I rolled my eyes at his childish behaviour. "You're so mature," I deadpanned, then I bit my lip in thought, "but you are right." I grew pensive, and I could not help the new plot that began to form in my mind.

At that moment I had the sense I was being watched. A familiar flicker in my mind's eye told me to look over my balcony towards the garden. I saw Searlus gazing up at me from afar from beneath his hood. He seemed so alone in his dark clothes, surrounded by brightly coloured flowers. I smiled and waved at him. He barely lifted his paw to return my greeting. I motioned for him to come as my father stood next to me to see who I was waving at. Searlus took a step in our direction but then noticed my father. He hesitated there for a moment, then turned and disappeared into the garden.

I deflated as my ego shrivelled up in my gut. "I'm going to take a nap," I muttered before I made my way to my bed.

My father followed but then turned again to the balcony. He stayed there looking very sad and reflective. He was still deep in thought as he left the room.

I thought things would get a bit better the following week. Searlus made more appearances but kept his visits short, and was never seen without his gloomy hood. Then, finally, one evening at dinner, he asked us all to join him for a nightcap in the library. I lit up and was filled with hope until we sat together in silence. It was so awkward. We sipped at our teas and nibbled at our desserts without one bloody word between us.

Just as I was about to speak to break the ice, Searlus spoke.

"Are you enjoying your stay at the castle, My Lord," he referred to my father.

Papa nearly dropped his cup, and I noticed he would not dare look Searlus in the eyes. "Aye, Sire. It's stunning here. Thank you for being so kind as to let me stay with my daughter as she recovers."

"Of course," Searlus replied dryly. He sent a fleeting glance my way then turned his face to the fire.

Anne cleared her throat lightly, and I caught her giving my father a knowing look. He glanced at her and seemed to understand what was unsaid but looked at his unfinished torte sadly. She nudged him again, and he started.

"Ah, Your Majesty, would it be all right if I retire for the night?" He asked a bit nervously. "I must have overextended myself today. I'm feeling rather unwell."

"Oh," exclaimed Anne, "I should tend to you then!" She turned to Searlus as well. "With your permission, of course, Sire?"

Searlus nodded his head without a word. My father gave me a kiss goodnight, and Anne gave me an exaggerated wink before they both left the for the night. I understood immediately what they were trying to do, they were so obvious, and I thanked them internally.

"Will you be retiring as well," Searlus said with a slight bitterness in his voice.

I pleaded with the castle's magic silently for help, and it came to my rescue as I closed my eyes. I ignored the slight thumping on the side of my head and focused on the dark aura before me. He was sad and something else I had never seen. It wasn't quite anger, though the feeling mirrored some of the same erratic behaviours in his glow.

"I'd like to finish my dessert and my tea if that's all right," I replied.

He didn't respond and continued to stare into the flames.

"You know," I warned with a smile, "if you keep referring to my father as Lord, he's bound to start having some lofty ideas about himself. I dare say he walks straighter every time you use the title." I snickered.

He grunted.

I frowned and had the urge of throwing my cake at him. So I did. To my utter surprise and with lightning speed, he caught without so much as a blink my way. It would have hit him on the side of the face had he not. For a moment I didn't know what to do. He just stared at the fire in a strange, silent rage, then he slowly - very slowly - turned his dangerous, darkened eyes on me.

"What?" I asked indignantly as I tried to hide my alarm, "do you expect me to applaud you for catching a cake?" I scoffed and sipped at my tea casually.

"I told you," he rumbled with a deadly tone, "no sudden attacks of any kind. I warned you that my instincts and strength-"

"You don't frighten me," I shot at him with arrogance.

He snarled viciously just as he pounced at me. I was disappointed in myself for flinching and dropping my tea all over me in the process. He was so close, crouched before me, trapping me in my seat with his arms on either side. His glare was ruthless, and his sharp canines glinted menacingly as he continued to growl in my face as my chair crunched and splintered in his deadly grip. My breathing came in short and quick, and I could feel my body tremble of its own accord, but I kept my expression as bored as possible. Then, very suddenly, I growled as well.

He roared so loud that it sent my hair billowing behind me. I clenched my fists and shut my eyes until the explosion was done and then I roared right back as loud as I could. I could feel my vocal cords strain in the process, but I kept at it until I knew for sure that I had roared longer, if not necessarily louder. He got angrier, and as he took another long breath to sound off again, I grabbed the hairs on his chin, and I closed the space between us, snatching his lower lip with my teeth. I felt him stiffen and root the spot. When I was sure he would not move, I let my lips rest on him to soothe my gentle bite with a proper kiss.

He stayed stock still, but when I let my tongue tease his mouth, he whimpered and collapsed to his knees before me. He dropped his head onto my lap and sobbed most despairingly. I raked my still trembling fingers through his mane until he calmed. My own body was not as quick to ease. I was still trembling head to foot from the rush of adrenaline when he finally lifted his head and looked me with pained, bloodshot eyes.

"Belle," he rasped. He searched my face with deep concern. "I... I'm..."

"I'm very tired all of a sudden," I whispered as I tried to squelch the tidal wave of emotions threatening to overcome me.

"I must explain myself," he pleaded, "I cannot leave things like this, please," he finished quietly.

I shook my head slowly. "I finished my dessert and my tea, I'm afraid." I failed to smile at my joke. I nodded gravely as I brought the focus back to our situation. "We can speak about this tomorrow. When we're both rested and clearheaded."

He brought a paw up to my face. Before he could touch my cheek, I cast my gaze away. He took it as a rejection and dropped his hand forlornly but then nodded as well. "As you wish," he murmured. He stood and backed away as he kept his gaze on the floor.

I must have gotten up too fast, or my nerves were still beyond my control because my legs gave out beneath me. Just before my knees hit the ground, I was caught and hoisted up. I was face to face with Searlus once more. Even after everything that had transpired, I felt safe his arms. I rested my head in the crook of his neck as he carried me up to my room. He paused before my bed, and I swore I felt his heart quicken beneath my hand which laid on his chest. He lowered me to the ground and was slow to break away from me.

"Until tomorrow?" He asked, his voice laced with doubt.

"Until then," I replied gently.

Had he requested to stay longer, I would have yielded. I itched to entreat him to spend the night or at least wait until I had fallen asleep. Who knows what else I would have had the courage to do that night. But he left. I don't think I slept at all the night.

* * *

I was up at the crack of dawn, and I meticulously worked on my appearance. I found myself pacing and biting my nails and if I was seated, my legs danced of their own accord. I was a ball of anxiety. Different scenarios played out in my mind. I imagined Searlus becoming even more reclusive, or ignoring what transpired the night before, or worse… breaking off our courtship.

My depressing thoughts were soon interrupted by a note that flitted into my room from my bedroom window like a little bird. It landed in the palm of my hand, and I opened.

**_Belle,_**

**_I hope this note finds you well. Please let me know when we might be able to speak privately. I shall remain in my quarters until then. I am anxious to see you._**

**_Searlus_**

He was anxious to see me. He wanted to meet in private as soon as possible. At least that's how I interpreted it. I must have read it a hundred times before I scrambled to write my response.

**_Searlus,_**

**_I can meet whenever and wherever it pleases you. I await your reply._**

**_Belle_**

My note folded itself as soon as I was done and took off. I began to pace again and kept checking my reflection. I picked at the skin around my nails and gnawed at my lip. Another note fluttered to me. I snatched it out of the air and almost ripped it in my hurry to read its contents.

_**Follow me.**_

That's all it said. I turned the piece of paper this way and that to see if there was more, but that was all the note contained. As I pondered on the riddle, the little note started to twist on my hand as if demanding it be released. I opened my palm, and it launched into the air, folded itself into the shape of a falcon, and soared in the direction of the door. It circled as I hurried to place my contract in my pocket and my cape around my shoulders. With a deep breath and my heart already racing, I swung my door open and ran after the tiny falcon.

I could see my father up ahead. "Belle?" He squinted in my direction. "You're up early." He frowned as I rushed past him.

"Sorry, Papa! I've been summoned. Can't keep the King waiting!" I panted.

"Anne will have a fit if she sees you hurrying like that! You're not completely healed yet, you know?" He yelled.

I was indeed pushing myself too hard. I was starting to black spots in my vision when Anne shouted an obscenity my way from downstairs. "Oooh, I'd box your ears if I didn't think it'd kill you! Slow down this instant, young lady!"

I did not heed her words in the slightest. I smiled at her as I continued to rush along and lifted a hand to my ear. "Hark! I didn't know there were three sailors under this roof! Buh-bye!"

I heard her cuss some more and begin to give chase. It only spurred me faster. The quicker my steps, the faster the little note darted this way and that until I reached two large oak doors with intricate engravings of thorns and roses — the Kings Crest. I had reached the West Wing. A place forbidden to me by Searlus himself. The falcon flattened itself and slipped through. Slowly, I placed my palms on the doors. They groaned and creaked before they opened wide enough for me to pass. I stood in awe in the grand hallway as the doors closed behind me. To my left, some arches opened into a private courtyard I had never seen before. It was open to the sky which allowed for a vast array of birds to fly in and out. Some were making nests. A fountain was at its centre, and a little creek weaved its way around it. Many of the flowers that could be found in the large garden grew here as well but in smaller quantities. To my right, portraits of the royal family lined the walls. I scanned them long enough to know that Searlus was not in any of the paintings. At any other time, I would have scrutinized them all one by one, but I was all consumed with my purpose at hand. The little note dove by me and led me past several doors until we reached the end of the hall. Again, it unfolded itself to slip through the cracks afforded to it. I was breathless. Whether it was from fatigue or apprehension, I was not sure. I let my forehead rest on the smooth wood of the door and tried to take slow, deep breaths. No matter how many I took, my heart refused to calm. It felt like too much time had passed and I decided to enter. A slight touch of my fingertips to the handle and the door gave way. Standing casually at the far end of the room by a window, was Searlus.

Time slowed in my mind when he turned to face me, and I gave him what I thought was a quick once over. He was barefoot as usual and wearing short, casual breeches. Not very different from usual until I noticed the sleeves of his simple shirt were rolled up to his elbows, exposing his muscular forearms covered in short, dark fur. His loose shirt was buttonless, untucked, and he wore no cravat, which left some defined chest out in the open for my ogling eyes to feast on. His hair was damp and hung low over his broad shoulders. Since he was missing one horn, the left side of his face was nearly obscured by his wet mane. I wanted to whistle long and sharp but kept my composure.

I noticed him studying me as well before he sucked in his lower lip and cleared his throat. "Good morning," he croaked out. "Can I offer you something to drink? Or eat?" He asked hoarsely. "I'm not sure whether you've had breakfast yet." His eyes shifted with nervousness.

"Are you ill?" I asked with concern. "Your voice…" I motioned to my throat.

"Oh, erm, no, I just haven't-didn't," he clenched and unclenched his hands "… sleep."

I nodded silently. "Water," I said with a shrug.

He titled his head in confusion. "What?"

"I'll just take some water for now, if you have any available."

"Ah!" He exclaimed and patted at his abdomen as if searching for the water was on his person, "Yes, of course." He spotted his bar and strutted toward it.

As he busied himself with his task, I looked around the room. It was a beautiful parlour with two doors. The one behind me and one to my right. If it were anything like my quarters, the other door would lead to his bedroom. It was suddenly hot.

Searlus offered me my cup and motioned toward a sofa. "Please, sit." I went to where he pointed, and he took a wing chair that was much too far away. He must have noticed this as well, because he frowned, furrowed his brow, and stood up again. "You look flushed," he noted as he edged toward me and tried to decide where he should sit, "I should have come to you and not made you walk all this way."

"I'm all right," I assured him while I watched his amusing dilemma.

He seemed to give-up and sat on the coffee table in front of me. It groaned beneath him, and Searlus looked worried for a moment as if he were waiting for the thing to collapse. "Probably not the best idea," he muttered and stood up again.

I snorted with laughter and shot a hand to my mouth when he snapped his gaze at me. He shook his head and dragged a paw down his face then placed his hands on his waist. He sighed. "I'm going to be frank," he announced before biting his upper lip.

I nodded. "Very well."

He pursed his lips and nodded as well. "I'm nervous."

I wanted to laugh, but I knew it would not bode well. "I can see that," I said with a gentle smile. "I suppose I am too," I admitted.

"You speak first," he demanded and crossed his arms over his chest.

I scoffed and gauged his seriousness. The poor man looked like he had been up all night and had spurred himself into preparing for a worst-case scenario. "All right, fine." I stood up. "I want you to burn these."

He appeared to brace himself when I pulled out my contract and held it out to him. He recognized it immediately, and instead of taking it he backed away from me, horror-stricken until he collapsed into the wing chair he had sat on earlier. "So, you are leaving too then," he gasped as he continued to stare at the pages in my hand.

"What?" I asked confused. "Oh!" I realized he misunderstood me. "No, I only—"

He groaned with despair, hunched over, and buried his face in his hands. "I don't blame you," he agonized. "I've been horrid. My behaviour was unacceptable."

"It most certainly was," I scolded, "but—"

He stood up and wrapped his arms around his midsection. "I have no excuse. I let my jealousy get the best of me. I'm a fool to think-to hope…" he took in a shaky breath and turned away from me. "Just go," he whispered harshly.

I was speechless and just stood there with my mouth hanging open in shock. "Jealousy? Of who?"

He banged his horn into the wall. "It doesn't matter now," he muttered.

"Of my father? Oh my god, you've been acting like an ass because you've been jealous of my own father?!"

His silence was my confirmation.

I charged for him and whacked him with my contract. It didn't seem to bother him. "Oh, you, you-you-you," so many nasty names came to mind, but I held my tongue. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Childish." I finally said. "Men," I muttered with exasperation, but then a glimmer of hope broke through the clouds of annoyance.

I eyed my poor Searlus with suspicion and overcame my bitterness when I saw his shoulders shake and heard him sniff. My father's words came to mind. Searlus was a kind soul. A King taught to hide his true feelings in front of others but he never really had much practice since he rarely dealt with anyone face to face. I wondered if his jealousy stemmed from romantic love or simply because he imagined that I preferred my father's company over his. I tried to see things from his perspective. He'd never had a true friend, and even if he did, I was most certainly his longest friendship. I could not take that from him. I loved him too much to ruin things between us because of my selfish desires. I needed to be cautious. I had already done so much damage, no doubt, with my flirting and that kiss from the previous evening.

I pocketed the contract and placed my hands on his back. He flinched, but I continued to caress him. "I'm not leaving, my lo—uh, Liege!" Thank god he couldn't see the look of horror on my face at my near slip-up.

He let out a choked sob. "I'm not your King right now, Belle, I'm a foolish beast. You owe me nothing. Leave if you must."

I rolled my eyes at his drama but again tried to keep his perspective in mind. So many had scorned and abandoned him, but that also didn't mean I would excuse him. He needed to learn. "Searlus, I never had any intention of leaving. I didn't sleep either." I tried to think about how to broach the subject best. He was vulnerable and so innocent at that moment. Like a delicate flower, he needed tenderness and soft affection. "Let me embrace you," I dared. "Let me comfort you as I did last night."

I heard him gasp and hold his breath.

I slipped my arms around his waist and rested my cheek against his back. If I were male, he'd have felt something else pressed against him, but I digress. "Breathe deeply," I murmured. "Deep and steady."

He let out the breath he was holding and tried to heed my words as I dragged my hands up and urged him to break his grip on himself. He let go and allowed me to slide my hands higher until I reached his rapidly beating heart. He shuddered violently in my embrace, overcoming his melancholia. We stayed like that for some time, and it was heaven for me. I was filled with warm fuzzy feelings as I drank in his scent. My mind was foggy even when he slowly grabbed my hands in his and pulled them away so that he could face me. I had a silly, satisfied grin on my face, which fell immediately upon gazing into Searlus' sad eyes.

"You wish to be released from your contract and end our courtship?" He asked numbly. "But you still wish to stay?"

I knitted my brows together and opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off again.

He knelt before me. "I will grant it. Give it me, and I will burn it if you promise to forgive me and stay," he pleaded hoarsely.

I cupped his face in my hands. "Have you forgotten your purpose? Eh? You need an heir."

There was a strange look in his eyes. Like he was under some spell. Entranced somehow. Maybe it was delirium from not having slept or emotional exhaustion. I'd never seen him that way before. "The festival is four months away. Others will come. You can choose for me for all I care. As long as you promise never to leave me."

My heart splintered to pieces, and he noticed my displeasure.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" He dropped his head and snarled. "I can't do anything right!"

"Stop it," I commanded in a tone I had not used since I was employed as First Mate. "You will not berate yourself in front of me anymore!"

He snapped his head up. "Then tell me! Tell me what to do."

I took my hand out his grasp and collapsed on the couch. I held my head in my hands at a loss of what to say. "I already said I'm not leaving," I breathed with exasperation. "I won't leave. And I do not want to end our courtship."

He dropped down further, sat on his heels, and blinked at me with confusion. "But you want me… to burn your contract?"

I groaned with frustration. "Searlus," my plan to be cautious was failing, "If you decide that you wish to make me your wife, I will not tolerate sharing you with anyone else just as I would not expect you to tolerate sharing me. Not even in name only. Do you understand?"

He shook his head. "Um, I'm not—"

"I will not bear another's child for you. And I will not be your mistress while someone else here parades around as your wife."

It finally sunk in. "Oh."

"So, you see?" I pulled out the contract again and dropped it on the table in front of me. "I came to discuss new terms. If you're willing. But if you think we are at an impasse… then… then we should not continue this-this…" I waved my arms in an attempt to come up with the best answer but failed, "whatever this is." My heart plummeted into my gut at my own words, and I started to cry silently.

Searlus stood and sat next to me on the sofa. He reached out but hesitated to comfort me physically. "May I hold your hand?" He asked with uncertainty.

"You don't need my permission for that," I whispered.

He took my hand in his large ones. "Forgive me for jumping to conclusions. Help me understand. Give me your terms. I'm sure we can work it out." He rubbed his thumbs over my knuckles. "I don't want to be at an impasse. I've thought a lot about other options actually. The best option is the one aforementioned because the child will have a claim to the throne by blood since they will be the Queen's child. What are your thoughts?"

I took a steadying breath. "I haven't really put too much thought into the details, but might not one option be that you name your heir? The same way you choose a petitioner during the Courting Festival maybe? Or-or maybe discretely keep an ear out for babes who are not wanted or who suddenly become parentless? It happens all the time."

He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "Yes. I've thought of this, and it would be tricky, but under the right circumstances, it could be orchestrated as such to make the babe appear like they are a legitimate heir."

"What?" I laughed. "As in, hide me away for nine months and pretend I gave birth?" I giggled.

He smiled but nodded. "Yes, exactly."

"Well, if you think it would cause less trouble, I suppose that's fine," I chuckled again.

He patted my hands reassuringly. "There. We've solved it. You need never worry about miscarrying again."

I shook my head to dispel my outrage. "What?" I snatched my hand away. "You think I've asked for this because I'm afraid of having another miscarriage?"

He was suddenly embarrassed. "Eh, erm, well? Isn't it?"

"Searlus, are you sure theirs no ape in you somewhere because the way you jump to conclusions is akin to a baboon swinging tree to tree!"

"Baboons don't really-" he sighed deeply. "I'm so tired." Then he facepalmed and began to laugh hysterically. He composed himself and slapped his paws on his thighs with new confidence. "I thought you wanted to dissolve the contract because of how I treated you last night. Your father sent me a letter this morning that he wished to leave, so naturally, I thought you were leaving too."

I blanched at the news and was at a loss for words.

"Then you correct me and say it's because of a specific grievance about not wanting to bear children, so again, naturally I thought it was because of your past loss, but yet again, I was wrong." He leaned back casually, crossed his ankles, splayed his arms on the backrest of the sofa and shrugged. "I may have jumped to conclusions, but they seemed like logical ones to me. The only illogical thing so far is that neither one of us has brought up that kiss or what transpired afterwards. But go on," he leaned his head back, closed his eyes, and gave me a royal wave for me to commence, "continue setting me straight." He chuckled, not noticing my change in mood.

I would have kicked him in the chins had I not been so depressed and hurt by Papa's betrayal. Caution was thrown to the wind. "I'm in love with you," I said dryly and simply.

Searlus' eyes burst open before he gave me a wide-eyed, sideways glance. He said nothing, so I continued.

"That's why I wanted to burn the contract because I wanted you to know that I could be a real and honest companion to you in every way. Not some whoever-off-the-street-bitch to churn out princes with whatever dog you so choose."

He hadn't moved a muscle or said a word and just continued to stare without blinking.

"And as for that kiss," I commented, "I was going to let you broach the subject because I have no idea how you feel about me. And rather than ruin our friendship and leave you to rot in this castle all alone over unrequited love, I would have tried to keep my feelings to myself for as long as possible. Maybe woo you over time." I shrugged. "Ah, well," I said with no emotion, "now it's all ruined."

He was a statue or paralyzed. I didn't care. I stalked out.


	10. Chapter 10

How I wanted him to chase after me in some dramatic fashion, grab my arm and whirl me around, and crush his lips to mine. How romantic it would have been, but I made it all the way back to my room. I stared at my bed and considered throwing myself on it and crying myself to sleep. Instead, I brought a pillow to my face and screamed until I thought I lost my voice entirely. My headache, which I had learned to deal with over the past week became too much to bear, and I barely made it to a chair in time.

"Well, now," my father said cautiously, "I haven't seen you throw a fit like that since your horrible teenage years." He entered my room further when he saw my anger had dissipated some.

I turned to face him with pure loathing in my eyes. "When," I croaked, "when were you going to tell me you were leaving? Or did you plan on just disappearing without saying goodbye?"

He widened his eyes with realization, then grimaced. "I was going to tell you this morning. I didn't think you'd hear it from the King first. I'm sorry about that."

I scoffed and sidestepped him so I could storm out again. "Never mind," I grumbled.

Unlike Searlus, Papa tried to keep up, "Let me explain, will you? Belle! Don't run from your father!"

I trotted down the stairs and found Anne with her fists on her hips and tapping her foot. Her look was the only thing that froze me for a moment. "You march upstairs right now so I can I see what havoc you've wreaked on yourself! Galloping around the castle like you don't have a four-inch gash in your head! Do I have to tie you down?"

I stood there, eyeing her suspiciously and finally decided that her bark was worse than her bite. I hopped on the railing and slid past her, landing lightly on my feet.

"You insolent mule!" She shouted after me.

The castle doors opened before I even got close but didn't close behind me. I searched my surroundings for something to do. My hands itched to punch something or do some manual labour of some kind.

My father finally caught up, wheezing and coughing. "What…" he panted, "what the hell… is wrong with you, eh?" He heaved and coughed.

I spotted a small wood mill at the edge of the forest. I had explored it only once before, and the idea of chopping wood consumed me. I stalked in that direction. Once the mill was in full view, I saw a stump with an axe ready for my willing hands. I threw down my cape and vest, rolled up my sleeves and snatched the axe up from its resting place. A pile of wood that I had not noticed before was now at my disposal. I picked up my first log and set it on the stump. I lifted my axe and brought it down with a shout and all the force I was capable of. The log did not split, but I had made good progress. I was never able to split wood in one blow, but at one point I had gotten it down to two strokes. I tried again. Still, it did not break. I growled at my weakness and brought the axe down again. Finally, it split in two. I laughed with victory. I kept up my exercise, despite my growing migraine and my father finally reached me again. He was fanning himself with a letter.

"You're not really mad at me, are you?" He accused. "What's the meaning of this?" He shook the letter in his hand then put on his spectacles to read it. "You may leave whenever you wish, and if your daughter decides to go with you, so be it. I wish you both nothing but good fortune and health." He looked up from the letter expectantly, but I kept chopping. "What happened this morning?" He demanded.

"I guess he wants me to leave," I panted before swinging my weapon down again.

Papa frowned and wagged a finger at me. "That's not what this says. Your angry about something that happened this morning. Tell me."

Before I could answer, a little note flapped its pape wings at my ear. I held my axe with one hand and snatched the letter with the other. It unfolded itself, and I read it silently.

_**Belle,**_  
_**Did you really mean what you said? If so, have you considered that you've mistaken love for tender affections spurred by our friendship? Maybe admiration, even? Please reply. In any case, I have given your father permission to leave. I hope you stay but if your vexation with me is too great, then I understand. Just please let us have a proper goodbye.**_

_**Your Friend,**_  
_**Searlus**_

"Coward of the highest order," I grumbled and tossed the paper over my shoulder to continue my work. "I'm angry," I addressed my father, "because you've been here about two weeks and already want to leave me, and you didn't say a word! You went behind my back! And the other one," I ground out and pointed my axe at the castle, "is a thickheaded dunderhead!" With another yell, I swung my axe down and spilt my next log with the second blow. "HA! I still got it!"

"You don't mean that," my father grated. "Have you told him how you feel?"

I froze with my axe above my shoulder. I wavered there for a moment as I replayed the moment I told Searlus that I loved him. His stupid face was staring back and me without a word. I dropped the axe to my side and sat on the stump.

My father sighed. "Did he reject you?"

"Why do you wish to leave?" I asked, ignoring his question.

He shrugged and dropped his hands to his sides. "I'm in the way here, Belle. If you wish to have a budding romance, your father can't hover around you."

I rolled my eyes. "Have you seen the castle? It's huge. Plenty of space for a budding romance that will never happen anyway."

He shook his head and gave me a sad smile. "He keeps his distance because I'm here."

"Yes," I acknowledge, annoyed, "he told me he was jealous. Stupid male."

"Ha!" He pointed a finger at me. "I knew it! You need privacy. He's been a recluse most of his life, doesn't matter how big the castle is, our presence disturbs him. He's had you to himself for more than half a year, and now he feels ostracized. Anne agrees you know?"

I kicked at some splintered wood forlornly as another note flitted in front of my face. I opened it and read it.

**_Belle,_**  
**_I would still agree to your new terms. No conditions or questions, but I think there is a lot to discuss. Will you meet with me again? Whenever you like. I'll be in my quarters. Same place. Unless you wish to meet elsewhere?_**  
**_Searlus_**

I shook my head, crumpled up the note, and let it drop to the ground. I watched my father pick up both letters and read them.

"My dearest child," Papa said gently as finished reading their contents, "it would put an end to both your sufferings if you went to him and told him how you truly felt."

"I did tell him. He refused to say a word. So I fled to save the crumbs of what is left of my dignity. Now he's sending me little messages because he's still afraid I'll leave. Maybe I should," I mumbled forlornly.

"Absolutely not," Papa said sternly.

"Then stay," I begged, "he will have to learn to live with others! How can I face him now without you?"

He waved me away. "Off that stump, this old man needs to sit." I moved to the floor, and he sat in my previous place. He patted my shoulder, and I rested my head on his leg. "I'll stay a while longer. A couple more weeks, maybe, but I'm in love with Anne."

I gasped and looked up at him. "Truly?"

He nodded somberly. "She can't live at the castle. She has her own life outside of here. Her own family. She has been a widow for some years now. There's a chance for us but only outside of these walls. I can't stand the thought of making more memories with her or with you to only forget them all when I walk out those gates. Best I cut my losses now." He said, quite depressed.

I stayed silent for some time. Even with everything my father said, my mind continued to betray me with thoughts of Searlus. I just kept envisioning him on that couch, splayed wide in his casual and handsome - yes, handsome -simple attire. I should have straddled him and forced out a reaction with a deep and penetrating kiss.

"Belle?" My father inquired. "Nothing to say?" He caressed my head gently.

I looked up at him again and gave him a guilty smile. "Sorry, I was…"

"Thinking of him?" He finished with a chuckle. "I gathered."

"Ugh, I'm so selfish," I berated myself.

"Ah, who isn't? I'm leaving my daughter to chase after love! Am I not selfish?" He laughed good-heartedly.

I nodded. "Papa, please stay a bit longer. A week more is all ask. I don't think I can figure out what to do without you."

He stood up and offered me his hand. I did most of the work to get up. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and put an arm around my shoulder. "I'll stay, but I think you know exactly what to do."

I groaned and looked to the sky. "I don't think things will work out. I feel exhausted! It wasn't this hard with Gerard."

"HA!" he barked out an incredulous laugh as we walked back to the castle. "Gerard, may he rest in peace, was a common dog, Belle. As clever as a rock with as much depth as a puddle after a light rain."

I whipped my head around and looked at him with astonishment. "You liked Gerard! He was your First Mate!"

"Not at first and not even when you two got married. He grew on me, it's true, but I never thought he deserved you. And I only named him First Mate out of necessity and because I knew you would pull the strings. Were you not married to him, I would have named you."

I couldn't believe my ears. "Goodness!" Was I could say to that. "And you think Searlus deserves me?"

Papa chuckled and raised his eyebrows in surprise. "No one will ever be good enough for you in my eyes, but… Searlus has come in the closest. Not only because he is a King - don't think that hasn't weighed in on my opinion. But," he shook me gently, "I can tell he loves you as you've always deserved. Even if he does not know how to show it yet."

I almost cried. "Don't give me hope like that, Papa."

"Oh, Belle, trust your father," he reassured me, "give it some time. He needs lessons! Don your sailor's hat and take the lead until he knows how to treat you in return. Work him like those virgin barmaids you were so fond of!"

We laughed loudly at that, and when my father composed himself enough to continue, another note zipped by and circled us until I took it. "For fuck's sake," I breathed.

_**Am I to assume you are so angry with me that you won't even write back to tell me so? Will I at least see you for dinner?**_

I gave the note to my father, who shook his head with criticism. "Maybe Anne and I should skip dinner so two can sort things out."

"No, if he truly wishes to speak on the matter, he will come to see me in person. He needs time to process what I said anyway. He's too emotional right now, obviously. Then I will tell him that this barrage of notes, locking himself in his room when things get difficult, or when I have guests is unacceptable behaviour. Along with roaring in my face when he thinks he needs to teach me a lesson. And if he really does love me, he needs to get along with the people I love."

"He roared in your face?!" My father cried out with outrage. "Oh, no! I shall have a word with him about that myself!" He puffed out his chest and shook his fist. "No one roars at my daughter! Without answering for it! Not even a King!"

"Don't worry, Papa, I belted right back, bit him for good measure, and kissed him into submission," I announced proudly.

My father did a double take. I winked and told him exactly what had transpired between Searlus and I that morning and the previous evening. He seemed doubly convinced that Searlus was head over heels in love with me at a loss of what to do. I dared not overthink on the theory.

I rested after Anne gave me the lecture of a century and dinner time came upon us faster than I was ready. Searlus never sent another note, and I had never replied so I didn't know what to expect. The clock struck seven, and the three of us stood at our seats, waiting for His Majesty to arrive. We waited and waited, but nothing. I sat down. Papa and Anne followed my lead and began to eat. I played with my food because I wasn't very hungry even though I'd barely eaten all day. My head, arms and back were sore from my arduous task of chopping wood that morning. I squirmed in my chair uncomfortably, and I was about to excuse myself from dinner when Searlus barreled through the doors in a frenzy. He stood there in shock and stared at the three of us as if we were ghosts. We looked at him from head to foot in complete surprise. He hadn't changed out of the outfit I saw him in that morning. He wasn't hiding under his hood for the first time in front of his guests, and his mane was unruly and puffed out like it had dried in extreme humidity. He looked haggard and even more tired than I had left him that morning. Never in the amount of time I'd been in the castle had he ever appeared so homely and exposed at dinner.

"You're here," he said aloud while eyeing me. His voice broke the spell over us, and Anne and Papa scrambled to stand to show their respect. I made no such attempt. Searlus strutted to his seat and motioned for his subjects to not bother standing. "As you were, as you were. Forgive my tardiness."

He sat stiffly, placed his hands on the table, and drummed his claws as he surveyed the food. He nodded and gnawed on his lower lip and sent an erratic glance our way. He never served himself, and I busied myself drinking wine out of my empty goblet. I refused to meet his eyes.

"How is everyone this morning, I mean this evening?" He asked.

He was never one to prompt conversation, so Anne and Papa were taken off guard. "Good." "Fine, just fine." They replied over each other. I said nothing.

Searlus nodded and pursed his lips. "I thought you were leaving." He stated as I continued to feel his gaze upon me.

My father cleared his throat. "My daughter has requested I stay a week more, if that's all right, Sire?"

I could hear him taping his claws again. "Yes, of course, Maurice, you may stay as long as you like." Not only had he used my father's name for the first time, his voice, though still hoarse, had an on odd lilt to it. He was so unlike himself that I wondered if he'd partaken in a narcotic. "As long as Belle remains a guest here, of course."

"A guest?" I finally spoke. I laughed mirthlessly. "And here I thought this was already my home. My mistake."

"It is!" He boomed emphatically then remembered himself. "I meant," he explained with more poise, "as long as you live here." He cleared his throat. "Of course, you may consider this castle your home."

"Thank you, Your Highness," I drawled out spitefully.

He sucked air through his teeth then turned his attention to Anne. "How are you, Anne?" He asked, politely.

Anne raised her eyebrows and looked at all of us at least once before turning to Searlus. "I'm well, Your Majesty. And yourself?"

"Than you for asking, Anne," he replied pointedly. "I've been better," he admitted with a shrug. He nodded his head and smirked, looking quite crazed. "In fact, I think I'm having the worst year of my life so far. I'm not sleeping well if at all, I barely eat, it's a wonder I can still run this kingdom!" He finished enthusiastically with a weird smile.

Papa kicked me under the table.

"Oh," Anne replied, "I'm sorry to hear that, Sire. Is there anything I can do?"

"Hmm," he looked at me then back to Anne, "maybe a sedative? Preferably one that could knock an Elephant over for a few days or months." He nodded and closed his eyes in bliss. "That would be glorious."

An awkward silence commenced that didn't seem to bother Searlus' imaginings. Papa spoke next. "Might we inquire as to what ails you, Sire?"

It was my turn to kick him under the table.

Searlus' eyes fluttered open and set them on my father. "How kind of you, Maurice." He smiled. "You may, in fact, _inquire_." He jutted a clawed finger at me without looking. "That _impudent_ female, sitting so coldly right there, is what ails me."

I thought Papa was going to commit regicide. Anne must have felt something similar because she dabbed at her lips with her napkin and quietly pushed her plate away. She seemed ready to fetch her medical bag for the oncoming slaughter of her new lover.

Papa merely chuckled. "She drives everyone mad, Your Highness, especially those who've fallen in love with her."

My jaw dropped, and Anne gasped. We all looked from my father to the King like we were waiting for one of them to combust into flames spontaneously. Searlus gave me a fleeting glance and then stood up. Before we could stand, the King held up a paw. "You may stay seated. Except you," he growled and pointed at me again. "Come with me."

"Is that an order?" I asked with faux innocence.

He glared at me. "Yes."

"And if I refuse?" I challenged.

"Then I shall lock you in my tower for your insolence," he mocked.

"Ha! You and what army—"

"Seize her," he commanded with a wicked grin. Instantly, my chair's armrests wrapped around my wrists and I felt bindings at my ankles as well.

I cried out in surprise when the chair backed away from the table. "You brute!"

"Excuse our rude departure." Searlus bowed to his shocked subjects as the chair walked past him through the doors he had entered from. "Have a lovely evening!" I heard him say merrily while the chair began to canter toward the West Wing.

I held on tight though I didn't need to, the chair had locked me to my seat so well that my head was in no danger of further injury. I chanced a look over my shoulder to find Searlus stalking me with purpose. He didn't have to be on all fours to look absolutely predatory. His eyes glinted in the dark hall, and his mane billowed behind him. I thought we'd head for the stairs and grimaced at the thought of what that would be like being strapped to the chair, but the prancing thing turned left and was about to crash into a wall when the stones shifted, and a secret door opened. A cool breeze caressed my face, and I was met with a spiral staircase. The chair did not slow its gait.

"Oh no," I whimpered and braced myself for a terrible experience.

The chair ascended smoothly, but the speed at which we climbed in circles made me dizzy. I shut my eyes and kept my breathing even while I imagined looking at the horizon on the sea. We finally reach even ground, the chair scuttled into a room, and the door slammed behind us. When I reached the centre, torches lit the space, and my seat turned me around to face Searlus who was standing behind a gate locking me in.

"You're actually locking me up in a tower?!" I yelled with outrage.

"Aye!" He barked at me. "Now, you can't storm off, and if you want to leave, you must answer all my questions." He tossed the keys at my feet. "When I think you've answered sufficiently, you will be released from your bindings, and you can leave of our own accord.

I thought that was as strange stipulation, he could just unlock the door himself, but I didn't comment on it and just glared at him instead.

"Now," he let out a large breath of air and rested his head on the bars as he looked at me, "did you mean everything you said this morning?"

"Well, now I'm not so sure seeing you've abducted me and locked me away like some villain!" I spat with vehemence.

"Please answer," he pleaded with such sorrow that my anger dissipated.

I shifted uncomfortably and focused on his hands. "Yes. Yes, Searlus, I meant every word," I replied quietly.

He let out a grief-stricken groan and pawed at his face. "What do I do?" He muttered. He began to pace and looked to the ceiling. "Stars above, what do I do?" He looked horrified.

I felt rejected. I tried not to sob with grief. I frowned and steeled my nerves. I thought about his dilemma, which was more awful than mine. He feared to lose me but could not love me, therefore everything was ruined. As I suspected. "It's all right, Searlus."

"This is a disaster," he whispered.

"No, it's not," I tried to comfort him even though I wished to die right then and there. "If you don't feel the same, nothing has to change."

"Everything has changed!" He blared then turned to me. "Belle, you are confused, you must be. You have tender feelings for me because we've become good friends and-and-because there's no one else around! Yes, that must be it. But-but you don't- you can't," he laughed mirthlessly, "you don't desire me. Not in that way. Impossible. I am correct, yes?"

I shook my head slowly in denial.

"No. No?" He appeared to be losing his mind. He tugged at his mane, paced around again, then rushed back to the gate. "You're certain? Are you sure? How long? How long have you-you… felt this way about me?"

My misery was all-consuming, but I hung my head in defeat. "It just happened gradually, I'm not sure. Maybe a month. More? The night we touched for the first time, I think."

He slid to his knees and stared at me with his mouth open. "It's all making sense now," he rasped.

"So glad you're finding clarity," I deadpanned.

He brought a fist to his mouth, then dropped it. "What do we do?"

I scoffed. "Hell, should I know." He continued to stare me like I was some oracle with all the answers, so I made a suggestion. "I suppose we can start with how you feel. It seems you find the idea of loving me repulsive, but—"

"_Ooh_, you are mad, truly," he interrupted me and eyed me like I was a lunatic. "You tell me you're in love with me, a beast, a thing of horror, and you say _I'm_ the one who finds the idea of loving _you_ repulsive? Daft woman, I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you."

I swore my heart stopped dead in my chest. "Really?" I asked with hope and unshed tears.

"How could I not? Your beauty alone could start wars, Belle." He shook his head. "Surely, you know that." He scoffed then. "But Amelia and others had their share of beauty as well and were hideous monsters within. I waited. Courted you to see if you had the temperament not only to be Queen but to be a companion. To rule by my side."

I nodded in understanding. "Did you love her? Or any of the others?" My jealousy started to rise before he even answered.

"I thought I loved Amelia, but she despised me. I was in love with the notion of her until we met. I've never hoped to be loved, Belle, but I did hope to rule and raise a child with a friend. Amelia nor anyone else could not even offer me that."

I tried to think of something romantic and encouraging to say. "Well, fuck her and everyone else!" I cried out instead with a smile. "What am I still doing in this chair? I can offer you that and more! Let me out so that I can embrace you now!" I wiggled in my seat, but it would not give.

"Wait," he gruffed, "wait." He banged his horn on the gate. "There's so much you don't know. I've tried to tell you, but you never understand," he said sadly.

"What, tell me now, I'm listening."

He stood up and backed away into the shadows.

The chair released me, I breathed with relief and joy as I bent over and reached for the keys. I ran to the gate and suddenly realized the lock was on my side of the door. It was such a jarring thing that I took in my surroundings once more and was confused to find that I was not locked in a cell. Searlus was. I furrowed my brow and looked at him, leaning against the dark corner. My eyes caught scratches on the stones surrounding him. Upon further inspection, I noticed a bed on the floor, a singular wing chair, some books and candles.

"Is this your room?" I asked with concern.

He shook his head. "No, but I have spent many days and nights here over the years." He sighed. "Even more frequently since your arrival."

I pursed my lips in anger and shoved the key in the lock.

"Wait, Belle," he begged, "you said you'd listen."

I stayed my hand and looked at him expectantly, but my anger was already boiling. "Go on."

"When I was young, I started becoming overwhelmed by my emotions. I began to desire things I had not dared to entertain, as most growing boys do," he said nervously.

"And girls," I corrected. "That's normal."

"Yes, of course," he admitted, "I loathe to admit this to you, but I nearly attacked a servant girl in a fit of rage. I was angry with some words I had overheard her say and I also… felt… God, I don't know how to say this."

"Just say it," I demanded.

He crossed his arms over himself. "She ran from me, my instincts drove me to chase her. I cornered her, and I could smell her fear and… her. I was overcome with desire and rage at the same time. I was dangerous - am dangerous. Nothing came of it, thank goodness, but it was enough to scare my parents. Enough for them to dismiss almost everyone and make this place for me," he motioned to his surroundings, "whenever I felt like I could lose control."

He waited for me to react. I gave him a curt nod to signify that I was still listening, but I was fit to murder. That his own parents would lock him in a cage like a rabid animal made my blood boil with violence.

"Do you understand now?" He asked, somberly. "I desire you," he whispered, "so much that sometimes I think I'll go mad. So, I come here. To keep my distance and keep you safe because I've never felt this way for anyone before. Not like this. I don't know what I'm capable of. I tried to show you - tell you time and time again. I tried to bring it home last night when I… when I… yelled. I'm sorry I did it, but I felt like I had to scare you away."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Well, you failed. Can I let you out of this dismal and unnecessary prison now?"

He began to pace again. "What do you expect from me? From us? How would this work? Hm? What exactly do you want?"

"I told you already." I gave him a gentle smile. "I want to be your companion in every way. In every romantic way."

He walked toward me, eyes dark with a mixture of desire and sadness. "I nearly killed you by accident. Not even meaning to touch you in any way. What if I squeeze too hard while we embrace? What if I reach out and scar you again in a passionate moment? Or…" he gulped hard, "crush or break you should we…"

I unlocked the gate and opened it. "We can take things slow," I reassured him as I took his hand and lead him out of his cell. "I'm not some brittle thing that will just shatter. You are strong, but you're capable of a gentle touch. We just," I tugged on his shirt to bring him closer to me, "need to explore each other." I wrapped my arms around his waist and nuzzled his chest with my nose. "Go on. Embrace me."

He did.

I squeezed him and pressed myself closer. "Now, squeeze gently, and I will say when it is too much." He started off with such a light pressure I laughed. "More and keep going. I'll tell you what strength I enjoy the most." He kept squeezing until I felt a slight discomfort. "Okay, now let up a little." He released some. "There. I like that. This is perfect."

I could hear his familiar purr begin to rumble in his chest. "Are you sure it's not too much?"

"I said it's perfect. How about me? Is this all right for you?"

"Perfect," he replied with content.

I looked up at him, and he seemed dazed. "Take us away from here. I refuse to kiss you in this dreary place.

He widened his eyes briefly. "This way," he murmured and led us out a different way. We descended some stairs, and he opened a door into a study. "This is my lab," he said with pride.

I gave the room a cursory glance and nodded. "At any other time, this would hold my interest, but not now." I shoved him toward the next door. "Where's your bedroom?"

Abruptly, Searlus dug his heels on the ground, making me bounce off his back and onto the floor.

"Oof!" My backside stung from the landing. "Ouch." I rubbed at it and then my whole body began to complain, reminding me how I had overexerted myself.

"Are you all right? Sorry, I just, well, you surprised me," Searlus said nervously while he lifted me off the ground easily. "I mean, you said we'd take things slow."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I grumbled. "Yes, slow, of course." I cursed myself internally. "Just curious is all, and I'd like us to feel comfortable. How about your private parlour instead?"

He thought about that for a moment and seemed awkward. I could almost hear his thoughts saying the parlour was too close to the bedroom. "My courtyard is charming. It's not too cold, and the moon should be bright enough."

I knew it, I thought disappointed. "Ah, yes. Nothing more romantic than kissing under the stars," I smiled mischievously at his embarrassed expression. I prodded him to the exit once more. "Come, come, now. Show me the charming, moonlit courtyard." I was jittery with excitement. I was eager to lay my claim on him and teach him some those lessons my father mentioned, and I certainly didn't want any other drama interrupting us.

He grunted but turned and led us down the hall. Searlus was right, the courtyard was lovely even at night. The moonlight shimmered in the water that trickled from the fountain to the creek. I almost ran to the stone bench near the centre, plopped down on my bruised bum, and look at Searlus with a wide toothy grin.

He stood there with a raised brow, hands on his hips, utterly bemused. "Should I light the torches?"

"Get over here," I demanded with a warning.

Searlus shook his head in bewilderment but finally dropped his arms to his sides and sauntered over to the bench. He sat stiffly as far as possible with his claws digging into his breeches. "You seem eager," he said without looking at me.

I scooted over until our legs touched and placed my hand over his tense paw. "Aren't you?" I asked softly as I caressed his knuckles with my thumb.

He nodded tersely. "Though I fear disappointing you."

"Psh! Nonsense. Silly man," I murmured. I let my hand trail over his forearm, and I could feel his soft fur rise. My mind kept screaming at me to be chaste and gentle, but my body just wanted to get on with it and claim him. His muscles seemed to tense even more. I scowled at his increasing discomfort. I decided to change tactics.

I groaned a bit and moved my hand to my shoulder to rub some of my soreness away and winced. "Sorry, my muscles are so sore from this morning."

He turned to me with concern. "Sore? Did you injure yourself?"

I laughed. "I was chopping wood. It's been quite some time since I've done anything so arduous."

"Why would you do that? You're still healing," he scolded.

I gave him a playful look. "I was frustrated after our talk earlier," I shrugged as his face fell. "I just needed to vent a little." The I sighed dramatically, "I'm afraid Anne was right, I overdid it."

"Is there anything I can do," he asked worriedly.

I smiled coyly. "Yes, in fact." I turned away from him and straddled the bench. "Will you rub my shoulders a little? It will ease the terrible pain I suddenly feel." I bit my cheek to keep from laughing at ludicrous flirting.

"Um, maybe I should send for Anne," he offered instead.

I rolled my eyes. "I'd rather you do it. You can see this as a practice to mind your strength with me." There was a moment of silence before I felt his hands rest on my shoulders and heard him adjust in his seat. I was about to guide him on what to do when he took the initiative and began circling his thumbs over my muscles. "Harder, please." He pressed harder. "Oh, yes, that's wonderful." It really was, and I couldn't help a moan from the mixture of pleasure and pain. He paused at the sound I made, and I would have paid my weight in gold to see his face at that moment. "Please continue," I asked with a breathy sigh.

I was surprised when he worked through the massage, that he hit every muscle perfectly though I had to keep reminding him to use more pressure or lighten his touch depending on the area. I moaned again when he reached my lower back. His large hands were wrapped against my waist as he rubbed his thumbs along my spine. "Good lord," I said with awe, "you're surprisingly skilled at this. How do you know which spots to get so perfectly."

"I'm versed in many sciences, including anatomy." I could hear the pride in his voice. "I'm glad the knowledge has become so useful," he purred.

My mind immediately went to filthy places as I wondered how else he'd be able to use those expert, scientific hands. I kept my thoughts to myself.

His voice seemed relaxed, so I dared to remove his hands from my waist and wrapped his arms around me as I scooted back and leaned into him. He was straddling the bench as well so his legs were open enough for me to move even further into him and hopefully feel what I would soon be up against, but as I did, he scooted back and leaned forward to rest his head on my shoulder.

He brought his lips close to my ear. "I know what you're up to, minx," he murmured.

I giggled. "I don't know what you speak of," I replied innocently.

He scoffed lightly in my ear, which sent tingles down my neck. "It's a good thing I denied you my bedroom," he muttered.

"Oh?" I turned my face to his. "You think staying out of the bedroom will keep you safe from me?" I lifted my hand to cup his face and bring him closer. I brought my lips close to his pointed ear. "This bench would suit me as would any surface, so long as I have access to what's in your trousers." I heard him gasp. "You'll have to look into a chastity belt and swallow the key if you really wish to keep me at bay."

He let out a breathy laugh and pressed his lips into my hand. "You'll be the death of me," he said before he placed a light kiss into my palm.

I shivered with delight and angled his face to mine. We searched each other's eyes, and then he glanced at my lips. I could see him wondering if he should kiss me. I wet my lips with my tongue, hoping he'd understand the meaning. He did. He came in slow and lightly touched his lips to mine. He retreated only far enough to gauge my reaction. I smiled and turned to face him by placing my knees on the stone bench to reach his face quickly. I cupped his face with one hand and softly ran my thumb across his lips.

He closed his eyes and panted softly. "Am I going to wake up and find this was all a dream?" He whispered and furrowed his brow with sadness.

I placed my other hand behind his neck and pulled him to me as I moved in at the same time. I answered him by crushing my lips to his. I used my hands to press him deeper. I tried to kiss him with open lips but he had his mouth welded shut, it seemed. I nibbled on his bottom lip, and he moaned, which gave me my opening. I took his lips eagerly and sensually. His breath came in short through his nose, and then I felt his hands at my waist. He broke away to breathe, but I did not stop my onslaught. I kissed his cheeks and the corners of his mouth while he tried to control his breath. I felt his dull claws dig into my waist and with his eyes still closed, he kissed me back. It was much more passionate than I anticipated and was definitely not chaste. My body responded to his when he pulled me flush against his chest. I could feel his heart thumping and vibrating against my breast. His purr turned into a growl at the same time his grip became too much. I winced and broke our kiss with a hiss.

Searlus looked startled and confused with his furrowed brow and dilating pupils, then he realized I was gently pushing his hands away. He let go immediately. "Oh, no, I've hurt you."

"It's fine, I'm fine," I said quickly and softly as I went to continue our passionate moment.

He pulled away and stood, but I was quick to rise as well. Standing on the bench, I was as tall as him, so I snatched him by his mane and pulled him back to me. He kept his arms and hands away from me but let me catch his lips once more. He was slow to respond, and when I teased his lips with my tongue, he turned his face from me with a pleading moan. "Stop-stop," he panted, "I feel-I feel..."

He looked like he was having the beginnings of a panicking fit. "It's all right," I comforted. "Slow. Yes? We can be slow like I said. Just sit and let us gaze at the moon together. Here," I said as I took his hand, "well, just sit." I sat back down on the bench, and he followed. I laughed and brought his hand to my lips. I gave him sweet kisses there and smiled widely. "I got carried away. I've been waiting so long for this. Forgive me."

He shook his head in a puzzled fashion and gave me a guilty smile. "I would not be in my right mind if I forgave you for that. I should instead be grateful," he laughed softly.

I shook my head and gave him a pointed look. "I don't want your gratitude, I want your love."

He swallowed hard, took my hands in his, and looked deeply into my eyes. "You will always have that."

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**AN: This is all I got for now and I'll be starting to write the next chapter tonight. My goal is to post once a week so if you're enjoying the story so far, you can subscribe for updates. You can also follow me on tumblr or Instagram at mordellestories. **


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Well, that was a faster update than I thought. Started writing it yesterday and finished it now. Maybe I can push another chapter out before the week is up, if not, I will aim to post before next Tuesday. I see I have some readers, are you all enjoying it so far? Let me know!**

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I could not sleep that night. How could I, after such an emotional day and a romantic evening such as the one Searlus and I shared? We stayed up almost all night, and I could not keep my hands off him. We kissed for so long that my lips grew sore and swollen. It was agony to maintain control over myself. I don't know how this happened! Well, I suppose I do, but I feel like over a day my world has been turned on its head! The only reason I left him at all in the wee hours of the morning was that Searlus was delirious with exhaustion. The poor man didn't say a word about it, but the longer the hours grew, the more he had trouble making anything he said coherent. I gave him at least four more embraces at the door and bid him good night. I thought for sure he'd ask me to stay with him in his room with the way he kept refusing to let go of me, but alas he did not. The sun had not yet risen, and I was filled with so much happiness that I could not steer myself back to my quarters.

Instead, I ventured out of the castle and straight for the arboretum. I weaved my way through the garden until I found the roses. This part of the garden was always colder than the other sections, and I desperately needed the chilly fresh air to clear my head. Despite their enchantments, the roses were not as full as they had been a few months before. Still, the aroma wafted through my nostrils, and I finally began to calm. Before I knew it, I was opening my eyes to a dark blue sky, the sun already rising. My body was heavy and awkward to lift off the bench I had accidentally fallen asleep on. Just as I was about to give up and curl on the seat once more, I heard some rustling nearby. I grew hopeful that it might be Searlus, but quickly found how wrong I was. A stag was staring directly at me not far from where I sat. His eyes and nostrils were wide with fear, and we both flinched when the sound of howl echoed too close for comfort.

"Shite," I breathed. We looked at each other once more before we both bolted in opposite directions, the stag toward the forest, and I toward the castle.

When I heard the pounding of paws to the earth, I didn't look back. The doors to castle flew open, and I skidded inside just in time to lock eyes with three hungry wolves before the castle doors slammed shut. I panted with relief and cradled my head in hands. Medicine was in order. I managed to tread to my rooms and draw myself a bath. I thought I was wide awake, but once more, I opened my eyes, and the room was lit with natural light from the sun pouring through the windows.

Anne's head popped into view over me, inches from my face. "Are you mad, child?" She grated in a high-pitched voice. "Sleeping in a bath up to your neck in the water while still nursing a head injury?"

I smiled wide. "Nothing and I mean nothing, can dampen my mood today, Anne. Not your constant scolding, nor almost becoming a breakfast meal for wolves. For Searlus has declared his love for me!" I squealed with joy and kicked my feet, making water splash in heaps out of the tub.

Anne's jaw dropped. "That's some news- wait. Breakfast for wolves?" She asked quizzically.

I ignored the comment as not to worry her or anyone else about what may or may not have happened had I stayed asleep outdoors. I waved her over to help me stand and exit my bath. "We kissed! Can you believe it?" I asked, elated once more.

Anne forced a smile and nodded. "I suppose you love him as well then?"

Her lack of happiness for my news made my smile fall just a bit. "Well, didn't you know? My father knew before I truly realized it myself!"

She nodded and smirked weakly. "Yes, your father made his theory known but," she looked at me with slight discomfort, "you sincerely love him then? _All_ of him?"

I snatched my towel from her hands and jutted my chin in the air with arrogance. "Yes. _All_ of him." I stormed into my bedchamber walked to the excited wardrobe doing some kind of victory dance. She opened her doors for me and showed me nothing but gowns. "Absolutely, not." The wardrobe snapped its doors shut and groaned. When she opened again, she had simple dresses lined up with the hems falling just below the knee. "Hmm, what a strange style," I pulled out a lovely blue one that would compliment my eyes splendidly. "All right, fine. This one." I caught Anne cautiously making her way to me with an uncertain look in her eyes. I ignored her.

"Belle, dear, I don't mean to sour your mood. Honestly, this is lovely news. The Queen Mother is surely smiling down on and her son. It's just," she began to fidget and bite her lip, "there's much you don't know about him and his past."

"You mean the servant girl he attacked in his youth?" I bit out pompously.

She widened her eyes. "So, he told you."

"Yes, and he told me nothing came of it. He just scared her, that's all," I finished with a hint of uncertainty. "Right?"

Anne sighed and nodded slowly. "Nothing came of it, that is true. However, no one knows if..." she took a deep breath and looked me straight in the eyes, "if things would have turned ugly or not because the Prince was stopped. One of his cousins, Prince Armand, shot him with an arrow. I didn't see it myself, but Armand's account of it was enough to change everything around here."

I was shocked into silence for a long moment. "I've always heard that the extended Royal family were not to be trusted. Maybe he exaggerated his tale."

Anne nodded quickly. "Yes, yes, also true. Armand, especially, cannot be trusted. Everyone loves him, but the servants always talk. He was greedy then and surely even worse off now. But that's to be expected from a man who thinks he can claim the throne, should His Majesty not produce an heir. Still," she approached me and placed her hands on my shoulder, "make sure you know both the man and the beast entirely before you accept the burden of being his wife and Queen. I would say this to any young person who falls in love. Anyone."

I nodded and smiled meekly. "I've seen his temper outbursts. He does not frighten me. But you're right and I will. Thank you for your counsel." I took her hands in mine and squeezed them to reassure her, and then I busied myself with making myself presentable.

The blue dress hugged my waist without a corset, which I found astonishing, and the collar was open in a v shape that exposed some of my cleavage. I was given black, flat, simple shoes and a belt to match. No stockings. "How strange," I mused as I looked in the mirror, "but I like it. My legs feel too bare, but the freedom is a nice change." I decided on leaving my hair loose. I straightened my skirt and nearly ran out of the door when the breakfast bell rang.

Just as I was walking into the breakfast room, I felt Searlus descending the stairs. I whirled around, ran past Anne and my father, and lunged at my unsuspecting beast. "Good morning, my love!" I exclaimed as I placed my hands on his chest and tiptoed to reach him while puckering my lips at him.

"Erm, good morning..." he said, unsure.

I opened my eyes to find his embarrassed face staring directly at his other guests who were ogling right back. I sucked in my lips and lowered myself away from him. I felt a pang in my midsection at the mortifying rejection. Searlus gave me a brief apologetic look, then turned on his calm and royal demeanour. Anne and my father bowed and curtsied while I stood there like an idiot before stumbling through my own strange salutation that was half a bend and half trip.

"Shall we?" He asked gruffly while he held out his arm for me to take.

"Yes, Your Majesty," I grumbled bitterly and formally took his arm.

The table was much smaller and more intimate for the four of us, and it was round! It filled me with the hope that this might be a sign that Searlus would be trying to be more sociable. He pulled out a seat for me by his side. The table was wide enough for my father and Anne to seat themselves in front of us, Papa before Searlus and Anne before me. As we sat and served ourselves, I sent glances to my suitor, which were not returned. He was put together, unlike the previous day. He wore a velvet, forest-green jacket and his silk shirt beneath was a light yellow. I couldn't help my pout. My sweet Searlus was not sitting by my side, instead sat His Royal Majesty, The King.

Searlus cleared his throat before speaking. "My father used to say that a King should never apologize, but I am of a different opinion. So, I would like to atone for our hasty retreat from dinner. It was rude of me."

My father nodded. "It was an urgent matter that needed tending to," he gave me a pointed look then sent his gaze back to the King, "I'm happy for you both."

Searlus gave Papa a curt nod and gave me a quick sideways glance. "Thank you, my Lord," he said dryly before taking a large gulp of his tea.

My Lord again, I thought with frustration. The formality was suffocating me, and Searlus' cold shoulder was depressing me. Did he change his mind about us between the time I left him and now? Did he feel like our evening was a mistake? It was torture.

"So, when's the wedding?" Anne exclaimed chirpily when an awkward silence began to grow.

Both Searlus and my father nearly choked on their breakfast. Anne gave me a wink and tried to hide her smirk. I thanked her with a look for breaking the ice. As my father drank eagerly from his water, certainly hoping it was something else entirely, Searlus thumped on his chest with his fist and tried to cough discreetly into a napkin.

I stifled a snicker while Searlus dabbed at his mouth. "Well, I, uh, suppose I should request a private appointment with you, Maurice," he coughed again, "I would have preferred to, erm, well, to-"

"Let some time pass," my father offered.

Searlus nodded. "Yes, precisely. The appropriate time for a, um, a possible engagement announcement would be after at least a year of courting, of course. With your permission granted, Maurice, obviously."

"Obviously," Papa agreed and straightened his jacket.

"Yes, obviously. Then at least another year for the, uh, engagement period before the," Searlus coughed loudly, "wedding."

My father nodded and placed his napkin back on his lap. "Obviously."

Searlus tapped his claws on the table. "Obviously."

Anne and I looked from man to beast, then burst out laughing at the same time. My Healer was quicker to compose herself than I. "Fine with me," I giggled and placed a hand over Searlus' paw. "One does not have to be wed to enjoy married life," I murmured discreetly for only Searlus to hear. His eyes widened, and he pursed his lips. He removed my hand from his grasp to pick up a slice of toast that he ended up not eating.

After breakfast was over, Searlus excused himself, saying he had business to attend to and that he would see us later in the evening. He gave me a curt bow and barely spared me a glance, then left. My breakfast turned in my stomach at his cold treatment of me. When I turned to my other companions, they were looking at me strangely.

Papa swayed on his heels, "I'm sure he's just trying to act like a proper King, Belle, don't read into it."

"Oh, yes," Anne assured, "he's quite shy as well. He's never been in love."

"He has actually," I corrected her with a mirthless smile. "Amelia."

Anne nearly gagged. "The Royal Brat! Bah! He was quick to see through that one! Thank goodness for that." She scoffed. "Honestly, Belle, I would bet my life that you are is first love. He's in over his head." She chuckled.

I thought about her words as I wandered through the castle. I thought I was aimless but soon found myself before the doors of the West Wing. I traced the engravings of the King's Crest lovingly. I felt so useless, pinning after a man like some school girl, unable to think about anything else. I tried to entice myself to read in the library, or paint in the parlour, study alchemy, anything, but I opened the door instead to find him.

I took my time walking through the hall this time. I gazed into his courtyard, and I studied the portraits more closely. I made myself believe that it was because I was genuinely interested, but I knew it was really because I feared his rejection again. Searlus was probably busy tending to issues of the Kingdom. He had said he would see us later for dinner, and these halls were strictly forbidden for me to enter even though he had invited me in the previous day, surely he would be vexed by my intrusion. I heard voices echo through a crack in the open door of his lab. Two men at least. It was the oddest thing, to hear unfamiliar voices after having no contact with anyone outside of the castle. I edged closer.

"Pirates keep attacking our ships, Your Highness, it's beginning to appear deliberate and systematic. Constant attacks from a neighbouring kingdom, perhaps."

"Let's not jump to conclusions just yet, My Lord, but I see a pattern as well. I may be able to get an expert opinion, however. Lady Belle? Do come in."

I was momentarily rooted in place, eyes widened with shock, then I slowly pushed the door open wider to find a large mirror on a far wall, and Searlus seated just off to its side. Relief washed over me when the King waved me forward with a gentle smile. As I crossed the threshold, I looked at the mirror and saw that instead of a reflection, there was a room filled with people seated at a table, three men and three women. They stared at me with awe.

"Council members, may I present my dear friend and courter, Lady Kari Belle Bonnet-Dubois, former First Mate of the Esperanza," Searlus announced proudly.

I bowed with as much grace a sailor could offer. "Good morning, Lords and Ladies."

They all stood and greeted me in unison and began introducing themselves. Because I was not prepared for such a meeting, I did not retain a single name. Each tried to engage me in conversation that had everything to do with me. They were beyond curious and asked many questions, which I could hardly answer fully when someone else would interrupt and ask another question.

"How's your stay at the castle so far?" "We've never met any of the courters before!" "What do you do in your spare time?" "Do you play any instruments?" They clamoured over each other with such questions and statements before Searlus finally put a stop to it.

"Let us return to the topic at hand," he stifled a chuckle. The Council could hear the mirth in his voice and craned their necks in his direction, utterly shocked. Searlus kept out of sight and curled his claws for me to approach him.

I was partially visible to our inquisitive audience, and some could not hold back a gasp when it was apparent that their King took my hand in greeting. He kissed my wrist softly but quickly and looked at me with amusement glittering in his eye. I blushed and smiled back.

"What course of action would you take, Lady Belle, if you suspected a neighbouring Kingdom of posing as pirates to attack undercover?" He asked, seriously.

"Well," I began, a bit nervous while all eyes were on me, "our merchant ships are notoriously under armed. It's known in foreign lands that long-range attack is not our forte."

"They weigh the ships down!" One of the council members interjected.

"Yes, they do," I agreed, "but I think it would stop many from attacking if we merely appeared to be heavily armed. Fire a warning shot and bluff, you see?"

"Ah! Good advice," one of them cried out exuberantly.

"Maybe some of the naval ships could pose as merchant ships" I added, "if the pirates try to board, well," I shrugged and smirked, "the navy is far superior to a band of ill-trained bandits. Others will think twice before attacking a merchant ship again."

They all chuckled in unison.

"But," I mused aloud, "if a neighbouring kingdom's navy is under a pirate guise? Your soldiers will know the difference. If they're just sailors hired to rob and attack us, it would be prudent to know what they favour stealing. Whatever it is, maybe be what that Kingdom lacks in trade. I may still remember a few good sailors who have a more profound knowledge of the black market."

The discourse continued for some time, and Searlus mandated that all my advice be implemented in a specific order of priority as soon as possible. His main concern was to figure out if the attacks were random coincidences or undercover warfare.

As he gave his orders, Searlus grabbed onto my hand. "Please, do make yourself comfortable," he said with a mischevious glint in his eye as he pulled me onto his lap, "sit by me."

I gazed at him with my mouth open in shock. "You mean on you, brute," I whispered discreetly. His grin was wicked when he cupped my face with his paw and pulled me to his lips. The Council members could not see our blatant mockery of Royal decorum, and it excited us both. They chattered on and on about their week's accomplishments, all trying to impress His Majesty while our lips and hands explored one another in a much more sensual way than the previous evening. What was more shocking was that Searlus lead our little sinful dalliance and not I. He had been so timid before, but at that moment, his movements and kisses were confident and full of need. His warm, piney breath washed over me, and when he teased my lips with his tongue, I gasped. It was the opening he needed, and he placed a hand on my neck to deepen our kiss, his other hand tightened on my exposed knee. Although he only slipped within my eager mouth long enough for a light dual with my tongue, the act was enough to send a pool of warmth between my legs. Searlus ended our kiss and inhaled with a soft hiss. I was breathless when I opened my eyes and saw that his nostrils were flared wide, and I knew he was taking in my aroused scent. The very thought that he could smell my desire only made my ache grow. His darkened look didn't ease my suffering either.

"Erm, Sire?" We heard one of the members ask.

Searlus' gaze continued to burn into mine when he answered. "Yes," he replied with more control than I thought him capable in that moment, "our Royal Healer will be going back to her regular post soon, not to worry." Again, his tone was as if nothing strange or untoward had happened at all. Somehow he had been able to listen to their jabber while my own world had melted away along with my restraint. I took it as a challenge. I let my hand travel down his chest.

"That's wonderful news. I suppose that means you are feeling better, Sire?" Someone else inquired.

I raked my short nails over his shirt as I stared into his lust filled eyes without blinking. "Oh yes," he rumbled, "much better, indeed." Although his tone was still calm and collected, his breathing was now shallow. I brushed my lips lightly over his own in a teasing fashion.

"Splendid!" Cried another member.

He tried to catch my lips, but I kept pulling back at the last minute. His chest began to vibrate with a low, rumbling growl. To combat my teasing, the beast actually had the gall to graze his smooth claws up my leg and under my skirt. My breath caught in my throat, and I bit back a moan while I buried my face into the crook of his neck. Another wave of lust trickled down into my undergarments, and he sucked in another quick breath. Searlus murmured a curse into my hair then cleared his throat.

"If that is all," he announced loudly, "we shall take our leave now. You are dismissed." He didn't wait for them to say another word and ended the connection with a wave of his hand. He stood abruptly with me cradled in his arms, eliciting a cry of surprise from me, then carried me over to a tall table and sat me on it. I reached out to wrap my arms around his neck, but he snatched my writs and pulled back to let his eyes travel over me with hunger. His gaze eventually stopped at my bust. "This dress," he rasped and shook his head slowly, "is the work of evil."

I chuckled and tried to wriggle my hands out his grasp but held fast. I did the only thing I could to retaliate. "Oh? Does it expose too much?" I asked innocently while I pushed my breasts together with my elbows.

He growled predatorily and then inhaled deeply once more, his eyes briefly rolling back under his lowered eyelids. "Minx, are you even wearing any undergarments?" He asked with clenched teeth.

I gave him an evil smirk, for once the knowledge that he could smell my sex did not bother me at all. It filled me with boldness, knowing that the short open skirt allowed him to notice how much I desired him. "A lady never tells, but you could see for yourself if you like."

His upper lip twitched into a snarl, and he seemed almost in pain. "Is it really my touch that you're responding to this way?" He husked in wonder.

"Oh, yes," I breathed with need.

He groaned and shut his eyes hard. "I think it's best we stop now," he rumbled with a warning, reluctantly let go of my wrists, and backed away from me.

I let out a small whimper of disappointment. I watched him back up against a desk while we caught our breaths and I snickered. "And here I was beginning to think you regretted our evening together."

He nodded. "I know," he admitted. I snapped my eyes to him in confusion. "I heard your conversation after I left the room, well, some of it." I grimaced thinking of my stupidity. I should have checked on his proximity before speaking of him. "It pained me to leave you with doubt," he continued, "but I swore to prove you wrong after my meeting with the council." He smiled impishly. "Was I successful?"

"Oho! And you call _me_ minx!" I jumped off my seat and ran into his arms. His embraces, touch, and kisses thus far were perfect. I was delighted to see what a quick learner he was, but I should have known since he prides himself on being an exceptional student.

"Forgive me if you felt that I was cold toward you, my love," he murmured passionately. I nearly swooned at the endearment. "They're right, you know? I'm unsure of how to comport myself with you while in their company."

"Forgiven - forgiven," I waved away his apology and focussed on his large hands on my lower back. So close to my rump. I gave a small moan into his jacket when I imagined how wonderful his strong hands would feel on the least modest parts of my body. "Carry me into your room as you just did," I huffed against his chest, "I think I need more convincing."

"Heaven help me," he bleated softly and peeled me off his person. "Belle," he looked at me sternly, "we must find ways to occupy our time-"

"Oh, I agree," I interrupted suggestively while I fought against his hold.

"Goodness," he fought back a smile, "I mean we should take our time getting to know each other more... intimately. After all, if we are to wed, that will not be for some time yet."

I froze mid-struggle and scoffed. "Ha! It almost sounds as if you intend for us to wait that long to be intimate!" My chortle was cut short when I caught his grave expression. I felt like someone had doused iced water on my head. I snatched my hands away from him in outrage. "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" I screeched.

He looked affronted. "Is it not the proper thing to do?"

"P-prop-propper?!" I stammered in utter indignation. I was about to let out my full fury when I caught his lips twitch with mischief. I narrowed my eyes at him, growled, and smacked his arm. "Farceur!" I hit him again when he began to laugh openly. "Jester! You scared me out of my wits!" He continued to laugh at me, and I steeled myself as not to give him the satisfaction of seeing my mirth. I turned and stalked away from him to hide my growing smile.

"Short of barricading myself behind the doors of the West Wing, how else am I to curb your persistent appetite?" He laughed again.

"I'm glad you find my plight humorous, Searlus, I really do," I deadpanned. "My appetite, as you say, has been lit a fire by you, fool. Have you any idea how long it's been for me?"

I heard him sigh deeply. "Not nearly as long as it's been for _me_," he retorted morosely. I winced again at my carelessness and turned around with an apology on my lips, but he was already waving it away. "Nevermind, nevermind," he said with a grin. He crossed to me and took my hands in his. "I jest, of course, but I do wish for us to take our time. There's still a chance you'll come to your senses after your head wound heals, and I do not wish for you to regret too much."

I gave him my best bored expression and shook my head. "Head injuries do not cause sensations of elation or love, Searlus, quite the opposite."

Searlus leaned over and gently kissed the crack on my head. "Regardless, he whispered and tilted my chin up to meet his gaze, "let's not be rash. Let us," he shrugged, "enjoy one another slowly." He squeezed my chin playfully. "If that does not sway you then just think of my child-like innocence," he finished with puppy eyes and a pout.

"Good lord," I grated and pushed him away as he guffawed once more.

"Where are you going?" He called out in his fit of laughter.

"To occupy myself, as you suggested. In my room. With my pillow!" I yelled over my shoulder then spun on my heel when I reached the door to close it. Before the door slammed shut, I caught him dragging his hand over his pained expression, and I had the last laugh.

I was very tempted to address my threat to Searlus, but the thought of pleasuring myself without him deterred me. I wanted him to do the honours and show him how much I desired him. He may have been joking about expecting me to come to my senses and end things with him, but I knew it came from a real place of doubt. If I had to deny myself relief so that he may see how much I wanted him, so be it. So, instead of marching to my room, I searched for Anne and my father hoping they'd keep my mind off my current obsession.

Time went by excruciatingly slow until seven o' clock. We made our way to the dining room and saw our seat placement had changed. Searlus' usual place at the head of the table had arrangements for us to his right and left. I was filled with joy at the sight of it, and Searlus gave me a knowing smile when he took his place among us. He greeted me with more confidence than that morning by taking my hand and kissing my wrist. My cheeks hurt from all my foolish smiling. We enjoyed conversation about what we did during the day, things we learned from our books, and my father graced us with exciting tales from his youth out at sea. It was lovely. After we were sated and a bit intoxicated, Searlus laid his palm on the table for me to place my hand into. I took his paw with a blush, and he rubbed his thumb over pulse, which quickened at his sensual touch. Then he proposed we dance! Everyone was quick to accept the offer, and we made off to the ballroom. Of course, it was not decorated as it was for our previous Royal Ball, but no one seemed to care. The magic was also not as potent or glamorous, but when the magical musicians began to play, the Kings guests all stared in wonder. As before, Searlus commanded the room with his eloquent dancing until I was breathless. The music slowed, but I still needed fresh air.

My partner led me out to the balcony, sat on a stone bench and pulled me to his lap as he had done that morning. We both glanced inside to see if we had an audience, but Anne and Papa were staring into each other's eyes, completed enraptured while they danced.

I watched them happily. "You're so worried about hurting me with your strength, but have no qualms over it when we dance. Why is that?" I asked, truly curious.

"My mother taught me to dance. She made me practice with a man made of straw before she attempted to be my partner. It took many years, but I aspired to learn to control my strength for it as well as the steps. It was the only time we ever really touched for longer than a few fleeting moments. After she passed, I continued to practice in her honour and..." he grew quiet and solemn, "I hoped I'd find someone who could enjoy dancing with me again." I gave him a deep kiss. "So, you see," he resumed, "I will continue to treat you with care until I have more practice with _other_ _things_." He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

I sighed with content and made for kissing him again more passionately, but his ears twitched, and he sent his gaze back into the ballroom with a look of concern. I gazed within and gasped when I saw that Anne was crying in my father's embrace. "Oh, no! What's happened." I jumped off Searlus' lap, but he held me back.

"They need privacy, Belle."

At that moment, my father led her out of the ballroom. I looked at Searlus, who seemed sad. "You heard, didn't you? What is it? What happened?"

He sighed deeply. "Curse these ears," he breathed. "She was overwhelmed by the thought that he would forget their time together if he were to leave the grounds."

I nearly burst into tears myself. "I've been so selfish. I begged him to stay a week more!" I confessed with grief.

"Yes, and I keep delaying Anne from returning to the hospital." He shook his head. "I did it for their sake, but it seems we may be doing them a disservice keeping them here. It's a shame... I've grown to enjoy their company."

"Oh, Searlus!" I sobbed. "Is there no way for my father to keep his memories? Like Anne?"

He shook his head. "I can only delay the effects for a handful of hours. Anne is unaffected because she was on the grounds when the enchantment was placed on the gate. I'm sorry. Truly I am."

He did sound sincere, which only depressed me more. "Then break down the gate," I begged knowing he'd refuse.

His eyes grew fearful at once. "I-I-no, I cannot."

"Why not?" I pulled on his jacket with desperation. "I will not leave you, I promise."

"It's not that," he pulled my hands away and stood.

I glared at my palms. "You told me you could not refuse me," I challenged quietly.

Searlus paced for a moment before he turned to me again. "I cannot, Belle," he pleaded while kneeling before me. I could feel myself hardening my heart at his refusal. I turned my face away and let my tears fall. "No, please look at me. Look at me," he begged again. "Do not hate me for this. Ask me anything, and I shall grant it save for this. You do not know how people react to me because you are different, my love. You were quick to see my humanity when so many others have failed! Trust me, Belle, if the people find out that a creature like me rules them, they'll be breaking down the doors with pitchforks and torches."

"You don't know that!"

"I do! Because there are those who plot against me and will see to it that it happens. Please, my treasure. My hope. My love, do not ask this of me. I beg you." His final words were said with such anguish that I finally looked into his tearful and frightened eyes.

I nodded and smothered my grief to answer. "All right. I understand," I lied.

"You do not hate me?" He asked and cupped my face to dry my tears with his thumbs.

"No," I whispered. That was true. I could not hate him. Not now. "But I do think I need time to... grieve my loss. Please give me time."

He nodded and sniffed as he pulled his hands from me and stood. "Of course. Please let me walk you to your room. I cannot leave you this way." He reached for me, and I took his hand. We walked in silence until we reached the foot of my bed. "Can I do something for you?" He winced when the words left his mouth. He knew the only thing I wanted was for my father to keep his memories, but his melancholic demeanour pained me. As upset as I was, I still tried to soothe him.

I embraced him and reached up to kiss him good night. "I'll be fine. Until tomorrow, my love," I whispered reassuringly.

Reluctantly, Searlus bid me good night and left me to cry myself to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: **

**COMMENT REPLIES: ****SarahtheSeaPrincess thank you SO much for the review! I think you made my entire month. My heart was near bursting. Thank you. This story has been retold in so many different ways that I decided to bypass those first 5 months for that reason I know Belle's backstory is a bit different but I figured that everyone could piece it together. I'm glad it worked out! Searlus is still figuring things out. He's in uncharted territory but he's a quick learner and strong when it comes to certain things. Tropes are hard to spin. We all know where this is going but HOW will it happen? HOW will it get fixed? That's the journey I'm ready to tell. AGAIN, thank youuuuu for your amazing words!**

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I was awoken by my father the following morning when the light in the room told me I missed breakfast.

"Plan to sleep all day, eh?" He chuckled from the doorway. "I'll leave you to it then." He made to leave when I stopped him.

"Papa," I uttered and reached out for him. He smiled, walked over to my bedside, and took my hand with a gentle squeeze. "You should leave as soon as possible," I said quietly. I willed my tears away.

Father frowned and sighed. "I said I'd stay a week more and I plan-"

"You and Anne deserve to be happy," I interrupted. "She's needed at the hospital anyway, and you," I shook his hand to steel myself, "from the looks of last night, she needs you more than I."

Papa nodded slowly, looking very forlorn. "We'd be starting all over," he replied despondently.

I gave him a reassuring smile. "All the more reason to go. The longer you stay, the more you'll have to rediscover. Go pack." I gave his hand a final squeeze and let him go. "I'll see you off at the gate when you're ready."

He scoffed. "If I'm ever ready," he muttered and left the room deep in thought.

I did not want to leave the comfort of my bed. As thoroughly depressed as I was, it pained me to think about Searlus and what he must have thought of my ongoing absence. That was punishment enough for him, I knew. He always seemed to hate himself so readily whenever he felt he displeased me in any way. I got up to write Searlus a note as a way to hopefully ease his torment, and therefore, my own when I heard a gentle knock. "Come in," I answered offhandedly as I brought pen to paper. I had expected Anne or my father, but Searlus entered instead. "Oh!"

His eyes lingered over my nightgown briefly before he cast his eyes to the ground. "You were not expecting me. I can leave if you like."

My wardrobe shot a shawl at my head. "No, it's all right," I exclaimed and sputtered as I pulled the cloth over my shoulders and gave the furniture a roll of my eyes. "I was just about to write to you."

Searlus closed the door behind him and approached me nervously. There was nowhere to sit nearby, so he knelt before me and hesitantly took my hands in his. "I know you asked for time to-to grieve," he mumbled with uncertainty, "when I did not see you at breakfast, I worried. I'm sorry to intrude on you." He continued to look at my hands, his expression sorrowful.

I raised his heavy hands to my lips and gave each paw a light kiss. He gave me a hopeful smile, which I tried to return, but failed. "I just needed to catch up on sleep, is all. And when I said I needed time, I didn't mean away from you."

Searlus sighed with relief. "Thank goodness," he breathed, "staying away from you is difficult for me."

I scoffed lightly. "You've done it before with much success and easily enough."

His brow furrowed and he shook his head in denial. "Success maybe, but not easily. Without lock and key, I'd have failed miserably more often than not."

The thought of him locking himself away in that dreadful tower just to keep himself away from me filled me with frustration. "And you never thought you were doing more harm than good? Leaving me alone with no one to confide in?" My tone had turned cold.

Searlus dropped his head into my lap. "I thought I was a danger to you. To be honest, I'm still not convinced I'm not, but I promise never to shun you again. I don't have the strength for it anymore anyway." He raised his head to my level, his eyes were full of anguish. "Will you allow me to comfort you as you have done for me? I cannot stand to see you hurting." I turned my face away and grimaced. I wanted to be angry with him. I wanted to yell at him and tell him that what would give me comfort was to break down the blasted gates. "You do resent me then," he accused woefully, "because I cannot grant you what you truly wish."

"You _will_ not," I corrected quietly.

There was a long moment of silence before he spoke again. "You are right," he replied dryly. "For us to move past this, I must admit that it is not a matter of can or cannot. I _will_ not destroy the gates, Belle. There are too many reasons _why_ those gates are in place. Maybe if you knew what those reasons were, you'd understand better and forgive me." He released my hands and stood. "Will you join me in my quarters after you've dressed?"

"I should spend every moment with my father. He leaves today."

"Bring him along if you must. I owe him an explanation as well. Please." Although he added the word please, it sounded like an order. I nodded curtly, and he left.

I dressed slowly in my usual, casual attire and fetched my father, who was in the middle of packing. As we walked to the West Wing, I saw him flipping through some notes and stuffing them in his pockets one by one.

"What are those?" I inquired as the doors to the King's wing opened.

"Memories. I thought if I wrote some down in my own hand... I don't know. Stupid."

I stopped and embraced him. "It's not stupid. It's a wonderful idea. You'll have accounts written in your own hand."

I felt Searlus approaching us but continued to hold onto my father as silent tears streamed down my cheeks. They both waited patiently until I cleared my throat and peeled myself off Papa.

Searlus motioned us down the hall. "Thank you for coming."

My father bowed and took my arm. "Sire, you do not need to explain yourself to me-"

"I do. For your daughter's sake as well as my own," he rumbled gravely. We reached the middle of the hall when Searlus pointed at a portrait of three youths. They were around the same age and looked related though the one in the middle wore a mask that only covered his eyes. He was the only one with green eyes instead of blue but had a cascade of golden hair surrounding his face to match the others. "Those are my cousins," he announced and began to name them. "The one on the left is Adam, and the on the right is Armand."

"And in the middle?" I asked, curious about the strange fair-skinned boy with the elaborate little mask.

"Also, Adam. He reposed to represent me in the portrait," he explained tiredly." I fumed internally. His appalling family wouldn't even allow him to be in a portrait with his cousins! "It was Adam's idea. He and Armand were only a year apart, and Adam was the youngest. He meant well and was always as kind to me as he dared. He almost became my proxy in the public eye, but," Searlus sighed heavily, "he died in a hunting accident."

"I'm sorry," I said, meaning it wholeheartedly. He must have been the closest thing to a friend he'd ever had.

My father leaned away from the portrait and faced the King. "It's rumoured that Prince Armand is...," Papa trailed off not knowing what words would be appropriate.

Searlus finished his sentence for him. "Duplicitous and conniving? Yes. Unfortunately, if I have no heir and something happens to me, he would have a claim to the throne. He likes to remind me of that fact more often than I can count and has already tried causing trouble before. I believe he is the one behind the constant pirate attacks, Belle. He's done similar things in the past but covers his track well, so I have not been able to implicate him."

I nodded with understanding and looked at the portrait again to study the slightly older boy. He was a handsome lad and wore a smug, pompous grin.

"Only family were allowed to be on the grounds when the gates were enchanted," Searlus continued. "Before Armand left this castle, he swore to me that he would do anything possible to save the Kingdom from my rule for as long as he lived. His first attack was to drive fear into the hearts of the people by spreading these." He pulled out a parchment and unfolded it to reveal a horrendous drawing of a monster with a crown. It looked nothing like Searlus and more like a ravenous demon. "Because he had no support from my aunt or his brother, Armand kept himself anonymous, and the plan failed."

My father sighed and placed a hand on my arm. "I remember those. Most saw it as a joke, but then there were some riots."

Searlus put the drawing away. "Yes, but my father put a stop to it and had gifts sent in my name to charities and the like. He paid the servants well to spread an array of false rumours about my deformity to steer people away from the image of a monster. Because there were so many different accounts, people forgot about Armand's previous campaign.

My spirits sank. I had no right to be angry with Searlus. He was right. Just because I could see past his beastly form did not mean others would. I had seen mobs at their worst, and the thought of Searlus being captured and publicly humiliated, or worse made my blood run cold.

Searlus gave me a fleeting glance before locking eyes with my father. "Maurice, I am not the only one who would suffer at the hands of Armand should he be able to get the proof he needs. Belle would be subjected to ridicule or worse because of our... because of me."

Immediately, the image of both Searlus and I chained together on a pyre flooded my mind, and my hands involuntarily shot to my stomach. We could be killed just because we loved each other. Because an idiot Alchemist cursed his form.

My father gave Searlus a hooded gaze and nodded gravely. "That, Sire, cannot happen."

"There we can agree," Searlus rumbled low and dangerous, "as long as I breathe, I will make sure she is safe. I swear it."

The air was heavy, despite the fresh breeze flowing in from the open courtyard. Some words of encouragement were said though I cannot remember them. Papa and I left the West Wing and walked back to our rooms in silence. After a leisure and tear-filled walk with my father around the grounds, the lunch bell rang, and we made our way inside. The table was set for two, but neither of us ate very much. We tried to talk only of joyous things, and we reminisced about happy times at sea. When silence finally fell between us, we both knew it was time. My father's items had already been packed into a driverless carriage, and Searlus was there waiting by it.

Papa approached him and was about to kneel when Searlus stopped him with a simple gesture. "It was an honour to have you as my guest, Maurice. I have enjoyed your company, however brief."

My father cleared his throat and seemed to weigh some options in his mind before he finally stuck out his arm for a handshake. It was a gamble I didn't think him capable of. "The honour was mine," he replied confidently as Searlus stared at his hand with a blank expression. It was quite awkward until Searlus finally took it and they shook firmly. Papa motioned for me to climb in first.

I looked to Searlus who grew concerned at once. "Anne will be waiting for him outside the gate. We'll both dismount before the gate so I can see him off. I don't want him to be confused-"

"It's fine," he interrupted my ramblings, "Just be wary. Remember, we may have enemies waiting for an opportunity to cause harm."

I nodded and pulled my cloak to the side to show him my pistol. "I'm aware."

Searlus held his hand out to help me climb aboard. He closed the carriage door but left his hands perched in the opening while he looked at me like it was the last time he may ever see me. "I'll alert the guards of your plan. Don't get too close to the gate, Belle," he whispered desperately.

I placed my hands on his and leaned out to kiss him. "I'll be back soon."

"I will be waiting anxiously." He pulled back and cleared his throat, "I have a gift for you when you arrive."

I managed to smile. "I'm looking forward to it."

He gave the carriage two big pats, and we were off. I kept my eyes on him for as long as I could before the forest trees obscured him and the castle completely. In no time, our carriage slowed to a stop before the gate. We dismounted and waited for the doors to open. I heard the guards shout their orders from the other side and above. My heart was racing, and I latched onto my father's hand. He gave me a reassuring squeeze while the doors groaned and opened before us.

Anne was the first person we saw, and although she was smiling, it never reached her eyes. This was bittersweet for her, and I'm sure she was as nervous as I. The doors opened wider and revealed a small group had gathered behind her and some guards. Loud gasps emanated from the group when they caught sight of me. A few children ran off, most likely to spread the news. The guards silenced the crowd as best they could, but more people were already hurrying to see the spectacle.

"Let's get on with it before a mob shows," my father muttered then turned to me to embrace me, "the King is probably having a heart attack already. Get home to him now, don't worry about me."

"I will see you through, Papa," I whispered in his ear. "I love you!"

There were some audible, sympathetic sounds from the forming crowd at our show of affection. My father peeled himself off me, straightened up like the captain he was and marched to the opening. He didn't hesitate. He walked straight for Anne, and when he was a few feet past the gate, he slowed to a stop.

Anne approached him. "Hello, Maurice," she sniffed and wiped away tears. My heart broke when my father surveyed his surroundings in a confused manner.

He turned around and saw me. "Belle!" He made to run to me, but the guards stopped him. "Are you all right?! That's my daughter! Let me through!"

"Papa!" I shouted. "I'm well and very happy!" I cried out as my tears flowed freely. "We had a lovely time here at the castle. Anne will tell you everything, and you have notes in your pockets to remember us by."

I saw his expression drop from concern to confusion. He nodded as it all came together for him in his mind. "Your accident?" He asked. The crowd grew quiet to hear my response. I looked around and could see they were hanging on my every word. I was filled with courage suddenly. It was my chance to spread my own rumours. "Oh, you know me, Papa. Careless and stubborn." I managed a laugh. "The King was worried for no reason. It was just a scratch."

Anne gave me a knowing look, then she whispered into his ear. Papa seemed shocked. "You're in love with the King?!"

The crowd gasped and murmured again.

I smiled broadly and nodded. "Very much so, and the King feels the same for me." Some in the group began to cheer while others shouted questions.

"What's he like?"  
"Is he monstrous?"  
"He can't be that ugly if that beauty loves him!"  
"Tell us more!"

I raised my arms up for them to quiet down and to my surprise, they did. "Our King is kind and generous as well as honourable, and he is loyal to you, his subjects." My tears had stopped, and my voice was full of pure adoration and confidence. "He always has you in his mind and heart and will never stop trying to steer our Kingdom to prosperity! Has he not been a great King?!"

The people cheered in response. "Hail King Searlus!" They continued to clap and cheer, and I smiled at them all, but when my eyes caught sight of three grave men, staring at me, I was reminded of the hungry wolves who were fit to devour me. My hand shot discreetly to my loaded pistol, and when I blinked, they were gone, obscured by the ever-growing crowd. I looked to my father who was huddled with Anne as she spoke quickly into his ear.

He nodded, then caught my gaze and raised his hand. "Write to me!"

"I already have," I shouted back. "Check your pockets!"

The doors began to shut, and I stayed put until the outside world was blocked entirely from view. The walls and gates kept most of the sounds out. I wouldn't have known there were so many people gathered behind them. The horses began to neigh impatiently. I gave them reassuring pats and climbed aboard once more. The carriage barely waited for me to be completed seated when it shot off in the direction of the castle. I caught sight of the castle first and squinted through the trees to see if Searlus was waiting for me. We finally broke through the clearing, but Searlus was nowhere in sight.

"Waiting anxiously indeed," I muttered with disappointment.

The carriage stopped, and I dismounted, but a strange sound met my ears. I turned quickly while I reached for my pistol when I recognized the fast fourlegged run of an animal. I fully expected a wolf to tackle me to the ground and I knew I didn't have time to shoot the mongrel down, and all I could hope for was that I'd have a chance to fire and then reach for my knife in my boot. I faced my attacker with a growl that died in my throat because it was no wolf that was suddenly in mid-pounce, but Searlus. In my surprise, I backpedalled and tripped over my own feet, crashing to the ground flat on my back. He landed on all fours on top of me, his growling face only inches away from my startled one. Logically, I knew I was safe, but my body trembled from the adrenaline that coursed through me. Searlus looked more animal than man with his sharp canines exposed, his irises nearly swallowed whole by his pupils, and his dark, raised fur covering every inch of his shirtless upper body. It was a miracle I didn't wet myself. He didn't say a word and just panted in my face.

I punched at his exposed chest with annoyance. "I almost shot you, you-you fiend!"

"Believe me," he rasped with a dangerous tone in his voice, "you weren't even close." He inhaled sharply, and his eyes grew darker. "You're afraid," he rumbled through a growl, thoroughly pleased.

The beast that loomed over me was not my kind, sweet Searlus. He was almost unrecognizable and appeared to revel in my petrified state. He looked hungry and ready to eat me alive. It was exhilarating. I raised my trembling hands to his muscular chest. He snarled, and I hated myself for flinching, but it did not deter me. I placed my palms on his damp fur and marvelled at his strength. I had no idea I was holding my breath, but it finally escaped me when he suddenly tore himself away. He sat on the ground and stared at me while he caught his breath. He looked angry.

"What's happened?" I asked him as my eyes travelled over his dishevelled appearance. Even though I was concerned for him, I couldn't help but find his lack of clothing utterly gratifying. The only thing on him was his short breeches, which he had rolled up above his knees. My god, what a physique! I must have looked as hungry as he had because he scoffed suddenly.

"You are peculiar," his voice seemed back to normal and not as threatening. He shook his head and sent his gaze to the castle. "I knew I could not deny you your request to see your father off the grounds. It took everything in me not to toss you over my shoulder and lock you in my tower." He glared at me again. "But I cannot stand it when you are displeased with me. I watched the carriage disappear and was filled with..." he shuddered. "Before I knew what was happening, I was hunting you," he spat with a mixture of anger and disgust.

I gnawed at my lip and grinned. "You ran after me? You were near the gate?"

"The nearest I've been in all of my life," he affirmed, still displeased.

My smile grew wider. "But I didn't hear or sense you."

"Such is the goal when a beast hunts its prey," he rumbled low, again appearing bitter.

I licked my lips and felt a dire need for him. I planted my hands on the earth, gritted my teeth, and growled. Slowly, I crawled toward him on all fours.

He raised a brow and tilted his head. "What are you doing?"

I hissed loudly and reared back. "Hunting you back!" I snarled and lunged at him. He was so fast. In a flash, he caught me, and I was on my back once more.

He pinned my hands by my head. His lips twitched from wanting to smile or snarl, I do not know. "This is a dangerous game," he grated. "I could lose control."

"Mmm, if only," I murmured suggestively as I craned my neck to try and kiss him.

He leaned away from me. "I'm serious!"

I huffed with frustration. "So. Am. I. Take me already, and maybe you wouldn't feel so _dangerous_ around me!" I mocked. With the loss of my father so fresh and the coming down from the fright of my life, I had lost all patience. I grew angry. "The longer we wait, the less control we'll _both_ have, believe me. Then maybe your fears will come to pass after all! Me, fucked to death beneath you!"

His jaw dropped open, and he released me as if my touch had suddenly scorched him. He stood abruptly and took steps back. "How can you utter something so vile so casually?" He asked aghast. He stared at me like he didn't know me.

"It's true, isn't it? All your warnings and that stupid story about the servant. That's what you're afraid of. Or maybe you think you'll feast on my bones while we-"

"Enough! Please!" His hands shot to his heart, and he recoiled away from me.

I scoffed and raised to standing. "You know what?" I said, exhausted. "I'm not going to do this with you now." I shook my head, and there was no pity in my voice. No regret. Barely any emotion except tiredness. "I just lost my father. Again. So, if you don't mind," I dusted myself off and walked past him without a glance his way, "save your self-loathing for when I can actually give a damn." I hated myself immediately, but I could not bring myself to turn back or apologize. I was emotionally and physically exhausted, and I could smell the remnants of my fear tainted sweat. My tired feet dragged on the ground, and I felt an overwhelming desire to just drop to the floor and go to sleep. While I pondered on how exquisite that would feel at that moment, I was swiftly hoisted up into a pair of strong arms.

"I am a brute, as you say," he murmured into my hair. "I will learn, I promise you."

He didn't say another word as he carried me through the castle. My eyes were closed, but I knew exactly where he was taking me. The scent of the private courtyard confirmed my location. I heard a door open and then another, and another. We began to descend until a waft of warm, humid air caressed my face. I opened my eyes to find myself in a sizeable washroom, almost completely obscured with heavy steam. Some steps led down to a circular pool of water in the ground and Searlus placed me on my feet just before the first of them. I looked around some more and saw roses petals on the ground and lit candles. I gathered the washroom was underground because there were no windows and the walls were made of smooth rock.

I looked up at Searlus with suspicion. "Is this the gift you mentioned?"

Lovingly, he brushed the hair from my face and smiled. "One of them, yes. It's a hot spring."

I gasped and looked at the water with envy. "Why don't I have one of these?!"

He chuckled and placed his hands on my shoulders. "You do."

"I mean in my quarters!" I outraged, but my voice held gratitude nonetheless.

With a curled finger, he tilted my face up to meet his gaze. "You _do_," he repeated with intent.

"But," I protested with confusion until I gasped with realization. "Am I moving into your room?!" I exclaimed with delight and threw myself into his arms.

He held me, and I shook when he laughed. "Well, your new room is across from mine," I pulled away and furrowed my brow with frustration at him, "which at the rate you become vexed with me, you may just be grateful for it." Playfully, he lifted an index finger between my eyebrows and rubbed out my angry ridges. When that didn't work, he leaned down and kissed the spot. "I still want us to take our time," he murmured.

"Yes, but-"

"But," he whispered with a smile, "I do not want to be the kind of partner to leave my beloved wanting. I certainly don't want you taking comfort from - what was it you said - your pillow?" I felt my blood rise to my cheeks as he traced my jawline with a claw. "I want to take care of your needs," he whispered sensually, "tell me what you need, and I shall see to it."

I could not believe my ears. Was he really giving me carte blanche after what had just transpired? I looked at him with suspicion and shook my head. "I'll take what I can get. In fact, I give you permission to do whatever it is you feel comfortable with. At your own time. I know I can be..." I struggled to find the right word.

"Impatient?" He offered with a smirk.

"Yes, well, it doesn't help when you tackle me to the ground with," I dragged my nails down his chest and over his hard stomach, eliciting a small groan from him, "all this flaunting."

Searlus closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them, he seemed determined. "I suppose it's only fair to play on even ground. Shall I get dressed, or..." He scanned me head to foot and left the rest unsaid.

Another chance to move things in the direction I had been longing for. I searched his features for any hint of hesitancy. He was purposefully keeping his face blank, I could tell. I sighed and regretted what I was about to say. "This should come naturally." I fortified my resolve and nodded my head. "Plus, I fear I'd be using you to distract me from my woes."

"And I would not mind in the least," he purred sensually, "but maybe it is a good idea to at least wait until later."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Later, eh? Why's that?"

He shrugged and feigned innocence. "I may have another gift for you that may or may not ease your woes to a certain degree. I need to prepare so, that door over there," he pointed to the far end of the area, "leads to your room. Wait for me there after you've had your bath, and I will fetch you when I'm ready.

I nodded silently as he gave me a final kiss on the cheek and left me to soak in privacy. The hot, steaming water was exactly what I needed. My muscles relaxed, the tension melting away along with my tears that would randomly begin to fall. When the heat in the room became unbearable, I lifted myself onto the steps to cool, I finished bathing and dragged myself to my new place.

The sun was getting low and shining its golden light through the large arched windows. I was happy to see my furniture from my old room was here. My wardrobe swung its doors slightly in greeting.

"Hello, friend! What a day," I breathed as I walked deeper inside. I spotted my bed and sighed with content.

I dropped my robe and climbed into it completely bare. I snickered mischievously at the thought of Searlus coming to fetch me and learning of my state beneath my blankets, but then my father's confused face at the gate intruded in my musings. And I cried. Again. My loss earlier had been significant, but Searlus, my dear Searlus, was my gain, I kept reminding myself. How can a person be filled with so much love and despair all at once? I couldn't even put my feelings into words or coherent thoughts because no matter how large my room, or the castle, or grounds were, I felt like I was suddenly suffocating. My sobs became unmanageable, and I didn't even notice that Searlus had entered the room until I felt his arms wrap around me. I thought I'd feel even more confined, trapped in his embrace, but I did not. His warmth and his fresh pine scent relaxed me, and my sobbing slowed to nothing. I could barely keep my eyes open, they were so puffy and tired from weeping so much, but I turned to look at him.

"I'm naked," I hiccupped, "under here."

He nodded gravely. "I gathered." He was dressed in his leisurewear, with his shirt rolled up to his elbows, the way I liked it.

As I took more calming breaths, I realized I had been wrapped in my sheets tightly as one would wrap an omelette. I giggled. "Oh, I must sound hysterical," I laughed and snivelled.

Searlus pressed me firmly against him and breathed into my hair. "You sound unhappy," he replied morosely. "Do you see me as your captor? Yourself as my prisoner?"

I ripped myself out of his arms but could not properly face him because of the bundle of sheets I had been expertly rolled in. "No! Of course, I wish I could leave the castle to see my father whenever I wanted, but I love you. I have chosen to stay with you. That is my choice." I sounded confident, but there was a flicker of doubt in my heart. I leaned against him and pushed my doubt away. I could not think of such things. "I don't want to dwell on such depressing thoughts. I want to stop crying. It's inconvenient," I grumbled like a child.

"I expect more tears after I give you my last gift, but I hope they will be happy ones." He lifted me and sat me up against my bed frame while he stood and fetched a small parcel from the foot of the bed. "I know you wanted to witness an enchantment, and you shall, but I wanted this to be a surprise," he said with uncertainty.

I gave him a curious look and opened my present. Inside was a hand mirror the size of my palm. Its handle was in the shape of a tree trunk, and its branches weave around my reflection. It was made of pure silver. "It's beautiful." A strange ripple spread on its surface, and I looked to Searlus with shock. "What does it do?"

"Belle?" Came a voice from the mirror.

I snapped my gaze back to my gift and saw my fathers large blue eyes and bulbous nose covering the entire reflection.

"Helloooooo? Blasted thing - can you hear me?"

My scream was loud and piercing and then turned into joyous laughter. "PAPA! OH, cannot - can't believe it!"

"Ah!" He cried out with a booming laugh. "It functions! Look, Anne!"

I heard Anne giggle. "Yes, yes, I see it. Hello, Belle!"

"Hello-hello!" I yelled back.

"Are you naked?!" My father exclaimed. "Nevermind, nevermind. Belle! Did you know Anne is quite _in love_ with me?!" He jeered with a wicked smile. Some kind of towel smacked him over the head. He laughed and raised a hand in surrender. "I'm a lucky man is all I'm saying!"

"Oh, I'm so happy!" I looked up to find Searlus retreating from my room. "Searlus!"

He turned and smiled. "Talk to your father and catch him up as long as you like. I will send your dinner here to you."

He was right. Tears of joy poured forth and blew him a big kiss. "Thank you!" I cried. "Thank you!"

He nodded and left.

My father had so many questions for me, and I tried my best to retell all that had happened from his short stay. I even pulled out my diary and read some things for him. His head was spinning by the end of it all, but he was glad we could now see and talk to each other whenever we wished. He admitted, later on in the evening, that the choice to leave was right for him. It had not been difficult to accept Anne's account and now mine. He felt it in his heart that it was all true. Even though he could not remember, hearing the stories did bring back a sense of familiarity and deep-seated knowledge.

My dinner rolled in by my bedside with a note from Searlus.

**My dearest,**  
**I'm glad to have seen you smile again. I will leave you to your reminiscing and see you tomorrow morning. Sleep well.**

**Yours,**  
**Searlus**

I was sad that he did not want to come, but I set my mind to find him after I was done talking with my father. I didn't realize I had so much to say. My eyelids grew heavy, the candles snuffed themselves out, and I remember my father's gentle voice urging me to sleep. He promised to call me the next day, and I fell asleep with mirror clutched to my chest.

* * *

**POST NOTES: I had trouble with this chapter because I'm eager to get these two on VERY intimate terms but it didn't feel natural. So, I had to rewrite the end. Belle needed some happiness and Searlus has done his best to fix the issue. Do you think it's enough? We got some more trouble ahead but I think we can fast-forward a bit now and get these two to the next base. Yes?**


	13. Chapter 13

I was given permission to show off the castle and grounds to my father. I reacquainted Papa with it all. His former room, where we took breakfast. The library, the dining hall, even the wood mill; all of it. My new gift encompassed almost my every waking moment, and it did not escape my notice that Searlus kept himself scarce.

I wanted so badly to orchestrate their reacquaintance, but Searlus would not have it. Apparently, my father did not react well to their first meeting. This was surprising to me, and when I asked Searlus why he had not mentioned this before, he shrugged and told me he did not want me disappointed with the news. Anne was the only reason why he had not screamed in terror even though he was fit for it. I was appalled by the discovery. My own father, reacting in such a way? Not that I didn't believe him, but I just had to ask Anne to confirm it all. And she did. Papa is not happy with himself and is happy not to remember his ill manners. He asked me to send his apologies even though he'd already done so during his stay at the castle. Searlus, of course, brushed it off. He is used to it, he says. My heart aches that he has grown accustomed to such reactions, and I told him so.

He took my hand and kissed it. "I can count on one hand how many have been able to look upon me for the first time and not recoil in terror, and you are among them, Belle. Even without the few others, I would be happy if it had been just you."

That was the second time he had mentioned our first meeting with such adoration. I felt a tinge of guilt. "Oh, my love," I despaired, "do not think I am so special, I was quite drunk," I muttered my confession finally. I knew I had hidden my inebriation well, I'm a sailor after all.

He surprised me with a chuckle. "You believe that fact escaped me?" He laughed again, "I would have been surprised not to smell the wine on you. Most of the courtiers are wise enough to drink their fill before coming to the castle of the beast!" He mocked with a growl in my hair. He laughed again but sobered. "Even blind drunk, they cower. Even more so in such a state. So, you are more special still. Tell me, Belle, what were your first thoughts. I've always wanted to ask, but feared the answer."

I pursed my lips and widened my eyes involuntarily. "Well," I swallowed down my embarrassment, "I wondered if I was dreaming it all up. To be quite honest, from the moment I decided to come here, everything was very surreal. You did an excellent job revealing yourself slowly. You kept to the shadows and conversed me with me. You were kind. You prepared me well."

"I did not wish to frighten you," he said gently, pressing his forehead to mine.

"I wasn't frightened or nervous. I was..." I didn't know how to explain.

"Resigned," he offered with a nod. "I recognized that look in your eye. The same as my own when I bothered to look in a mirror."

I cupped his face in my hands and searched those eyes. "They don't look that way now," I murmured lovingly.

He smiled and nuzzled my palm with his cheek. "Neither do yours."

I knew how sensitive he was to my absence, and yet he was so patient with me, never failing to smile and encourage me to use my gift as often as my heart desired. Truth be told, it wasn't just rebuilding what my father and I had lost that kept me at bay, but coming to terms with the reality of my situation. I think on some level, Searlus knew this. Maybe even before I did myself. I had seen my father lose all of his precious memories, a whole week's worth, in a matter of moments. I wonder how long it would take for me to lose seven months.

I shudder at the thought even now. My situation is no laughing matter, and I had to admit I had treated it too lightly. But now, how could I choose anything else? Until the threats outside the gate are gone, there is no hope to change how things are, how things must be. I fought with myself for some time, trying to eradicate the vile thoughts that plagued me. Those small voices that called Searlus a coward. It wasn't just his life that was at risk. He was now responsible for mine as well. But above all is a king, and a king's duty is to his people, whether they love him or not. The more I learned of Armand and all of his threats, the more I understood Searlus' reasoning. The vile man had shot him for goodness sake! A subject I had yet to broach for fear of bringing back awful memories.

It only took a few days to feel my resolve come back to me once more. The distance between us, even though we were now closer than ever, filled me with a void only he could fill. At dinner, I sipped at my wine and let my eyes wander over my suitor as he leaned his head back in his seat and sighed with content. He was so relaxed, dressed casually, his shirt open enough to see the beginnings of his defined chest that I hadn't seen since the day he... hunted me. Remembering it sent a thrill through my body. My gaze took in his firm, broad shoulders and travelled upward. His black mane seemed so soft, and I just wanted to take his thick locks in my hands and smell him. I giggled aloud at the thought.

Searlus opened a suspicious eye and smirked. "What do you find so amusing?" He gruffed.

"Your hair," I chuckled and offered no other explanation.

"Should I wear it differently? I know it makes me look more beastly, but it makes my ears less pronounced." He seemed self-conscious all of a sudden.

"Don't you dare touch it!" I swatted at his hand that began to claw through his mane nervously. "I was laughing at the thought of myself half buried in your gorgeous head of hair." I giggled more when he appeared bashful. "Will you let me brush it? Please say yes."

"I, erm, suppose-"

"Yes!" I jumped from my seat and tugged on his hand until he stood. "Come, come!"

He chuckled nervously as I took his arm and led the way. We walked briskly and quietly. I think we both knew what might lie ahead for us as he opened the door to his parlour.

"I suppose you will want to bid your father good night soon?" He asked as he closed the door behind us.

"I already did," I admitted with a tentative glance at his face.

His expression was somewhat guarded, but he smiled gently. "Ah. Good." There was a moment of hesitation before he motioned for me to sit. "Make yourself comfortable. I'll fetch the, uh, comb." The word "comb" had been said with confusion and resignation before he finally and stiffly spun on his heel and charged for his bedroom.

It was difficult to stay seated. I wanted to follow him, but my promise kept me in check. If he wanted me in his bedroom, he would have invited me in. I found myself warm and decided to remove my extra layers. If my suitor could walk around in just breeches and a simple shirt, so could I.

Searlus found me removing my boots. "May I?" He asked softly. I nodded my assent with glee. He laid a comb and brush on the sofa and crouched before me. Slowly and gently, he took one leg in his large paws and fished the job. It was a pleasant surprise to feel his warm palms glide over my stockings so sensually. Carefully, he used his smooth, rounded claws to peel them off my legs. When both my legs were completely bare, he inspected my legs and feet with a light touch. "Every inch of you is perfect," he murmured.

"As is every inch of you," I said genuinely and leaned toward him to kiss both his cheeks and then his lips. "But I suppose there are inches we've yet to behold." I quirked an eyebrow suggestively and was delighted that he returned it.

"Indeed," he rumbled deeply, then bent his head lower to kiss my knees.

My heart started to race as soon as his moist lips made contact. I felt playful, however, and picked up the comb by my side and ran it through his hair.

He grew still for a moment and raised his bewildered gaze."You were serious."

I snickered and nodded.

Searlus shrugged. "Very well," he stated with a sigh of defeat and turned around. With a small grunt, the hearth roared to life basking us both in its warm glow. For a moment he tried to relax against my legs but thought better of it.

I parted my legs to give him room. "Come closer." He is so broad that I had to part my legs further than I anticipated, but at last, he sat comfortably, and I began my task. After a few strokes and having cleared some minor tangles, I heard his content purr start to rumble in his chest, then something caught my eye, and I gasped with surprise. I lifted some of his hair, lest it was a trick of the light. "Why, Searlus!" I exclaimed with a laugh, "You have some grey in your lovely black mane."

"Must have sprouted with your arrival," he bantered while dragging the smooth pad of his fingers over my feet.

I gave him a light smack on the head and laughed. "Hmm. It makes you even more appealing to me," I confessed into his pointed ear. I brought my face down on his head and breathed him in. The smell of pine was light but still there. I placed the comb down and used my nails instead, eliciting a small moan of pleasure from my beast. I continued my slow and deliberate ministrations until he shuddered quite suddenly. "Are you cold, my love," I whispered, knowing the answer already.

"No," he rasped back. "Would you like me to do this for you?"

I leaned close to his ear once more. "You may do whatever you like to me," I purred.

I waited patiently for his reaction. He merely sat there and took a few deep breaths before turning around. His eyes searched my face with such vulnerability and desperation, I nearly threw myself at him. God! Just a look from him like that set my blood aflame. Warmth began to build between my legs, and I kept my eyes locked on his to see if he noticed my abrupt arousal. His eyelids fluttered before he sent his gaze down below my waist. Large paws crept over my thighs and reached for my hips, and with no effort at all, Searlus dragged me closer. I leaned in, thinking he wished to kiss me, but he placed a hand on my chest and gently pushed me back. He granted me a small peck on the lips before his head dipped slowly. He left a trail of kisses over my chin, neck, over my breasts, stomach, and still lower. I held my breath as his face hovered between my legs. It felt like ages before he moved again and pressed just above my clothed crotch and inhaled deeply. I whimpered when his hot breath spread through the fabric with a deep, rumbling groan of desire. I raked my fingers through his mane and pressed him into me once more, but lower still. I arched into him with another cry and his ears twitch, capturing my every sound. I felt more pressure and growing dampness, and when I looked, I saw that his mouth was open. A flash of green eyes turned almost black before he clamped onto me. I flinched briefly at the thought of his teeth, but there was no pain, only pleasure as he began to push into my wet breeches with his tongue.

I heard a loud tear and saw that his claws - though not sharp - had dug themselves through the sofa cushion. I bucked when he moaned into me, and with a loud hiss, Searlus abruptly tore his face away, his eyes shut hard. He held himself stiff like that for a long moment. We were both breathless, and I wanted more. I reached for him, but he growled and shook his head. "Please, Searlus," I begged softly.

He groaned and appeared troubled. "The spring," he breathed. He stood abruptly, picking me up in one fluid movement. The doors were quick to open for us, and Searlus didn't bother taking the stairs. I stifled a cry when he leapt to the bottom of the washroom and landed smoothly. The steam in the room seemed to help calm my agitated beast. I realized then why he had brought us to the hot spring.

Still panting, he let me down and hesitated only a moment before reaching for my shirt. His eyes were glued to mine, waiting for permission. I answered by stepping closer and moving my arms to my sides. Slowly, my shirt was untucked and pulled over my head. Unceremoniously, he tossed it aside and finally lowered his eyes to look at my bare breasts. He hid his emotions well as he scanned every inch of my naked upper body, and I was struggling to keep my arms at my sides. His gaze was so penetrating and studious that I began to feel vulnerable until he lifted his paws, resting them my shoulders first, then dragging them down my arms until he reached my waist. He pulled me in closer until we were pressed together firmly. I couldn't keep looking up at him, he's so tall, so I closed my eyes and concentrated on how our bodies felt together. His heart was thumping loudly and quickly in my ear.

"Now we're even," he rasped with feeling.

I snickered into his chest and tugged at his shirt. "Remove this at once."

A small grunt escaped him, but he did as he was told. We descended down the steps and into the hot, welcoming water. The deepest was the very centre, which reached his waist and just beneath my shoulders. I thought about removing my breeches, but since Searlus had not removed his own, I decided against it. After all, I did tell him I was willing to go at his pace.

He pulled me to a seat, which was not high enough for me to sit comfortably, so he drew me to his lap instead. I relaxed and leaned back, my head resting on his shoulder. I felt him shift and manoeuvre around me, he removed the ribbon around my hair, and then I felt water pour down my head. The next thing I felt where his rounded claws, gently lathering my scalp with a rose scented soap. I was delighted to find he intended to bathe me. His hands travelled to my neck and shoulders, down my back, then around to my stomach. He lingered there, but eventually, I felt the pad of his fingers drag upwards until they grazed the swell of my breasts. I sighed contentedly and lowered my self some as a sign for him to continue. His hands are so large that it didn't take much for him to cup them in his gentle grasp entirely, and when he rubbed his thumbs over my nipples, I could not help the moan that escaped me.

The ache came again, pooling between my legs in seconds, making me want to clench my thighs together, but I parted them instead in invitation. He didn't remove his hands, however, but instead began a tender rhythmic circling over my hard and sensitive nipples. Instinctively, I pushed back into him with another groan and briefly felt something hard against my bum. Both our breaths caught at the same time but it was brief, for Searlus immediately removed one of his hands and shifted me far enough away, ceasing contact with his hardness again.

I barely had enough time to be disappointed because he quickly went back to teasing my breasts. He panted in my ear, which only fueled my need for release, and I could not believe how fast I was becoming undone by his light ministrations alone. I began to moan in earnest as he sped up his rhythm while I gyrated on his thighs, legs still parted - begging to be touched. With a grunt, Searlus let go of one my breasts again and ran a finger over my hip and down the middle of my soaked breeches. When he crooked his finger inward, and I felt it press between my clothed lips, it was over. I threw my head back and arched within his embrace, crying out in pleasure while his fingers continued to circle in their respective, overly sensitive areas. Desperately, I grabbed onto his arms and pulled them away before I could go mad from the overwhelming sensations crashing over my release. He held me while I came down from my frenzy. When I'd caught my breath, I turned my face, and he caught my lips in a hard kiss. I turned my body completely to straddle him. I dipped my right hand further into the water to return the pleasurable favour, but he grabbed my hand just as I grazed the hem of his breeches.

He groaned deeply with his eyes closed. "Another time," he murmured, his voice raw with need. He opened his eyes and pulled me tight against him. A bit too tight.

"Ah!" I cried out lightly, and he instantly jerked his arms away. Before he could feel any guilt, and ruin everything, I grabbed onto his face and crushed my lips to his. He moaned but kept his hands away. I released him and murmured near his ear. "Do you see now how much I desire you? How you make me feel? You barely touched me and yet I came undone at your hands so quickly." My voice was laced with sensual longing. "I can already feel my need growing for you again."

I had grown so used to his purr, that I didn't hear it until it became louder at that moment. He dropped his head onto my shoulder and groaned. "Spare me, temptress, for I have little will right now," he whispered frantically. "I can still please you. I want to."

"Then let me gain my pleasure by pleasing you," I implored while I reached for him again beneath the water.

My beast was beside himself with need and could not outright deny me any longer. His mouth dropped open to stop me far too late, for I had already pressed my palm against his front, successfully reaching my target with ease. As Searlus choked down a surprised groan, I gasped. He was obviously... proportionate. My wild imagination was both immensely pleased and concerned at the same time.

"Belle," he croaked, "I-I-"

"Be calm," I crooned, "I will not move until you are ready. I trust you in all things. Trust me with this, with your care, my love."

Searlus tried to steady his breathing and managed a few shuddering, even breaths. His arms reached behind me so that he could grip tightly onto his own knees. He shook his head vigorously, tore his arms away again and looked to the ceiling. "I fear hurting you," he whispered desperately.

"Turn around then," I commanded as I lifted myself without taking my hand away from its purchase. Confusion glossed over his face briefly but he finally turned. "Now kneel on the seat," I instructed, "and place your hands on the next step. Hold on to it. There, now you cannot accidentally crush me," I chuckled at his side. He did not return the laugh. I wrapped my free arm around his waist and waited, and I saw his grip tighten on the lip of the stair. His breath came out in loud bursts through his nose when he finally gave me a quick sideways glance and closed his eyes again. I took that as my cue to begin.

Slowly, I moved my hand up his length, his response was immediate. Jaws slack, eyes half-lidded, Searlus whimpered softly as I rubbed up and down his girth. His lower half was still submerged, to my disappointment. How I longed to see the bulge trapped in his soaked, clinging trousers and have my suspicions of his size confirmed. He began to move against my caress, a small grunt escaping with each controlled thrust. For someone of his strength and size, I feared my efforts would not be enough to push him over the edge. I hoped that his little to no experience might give me the advantage I needed to find his release. I quickened my movements along with his, letting him set and control the pace. When I felt like his pleasure had plateaued, I turned my hand wrapped my fingers around his head as best I could with his clothes in the way. He roared so loud that my heart almost seized in my chest, but I kept going. His frenzy was building, and his eyes were shut tight while he continued to growl louder and thrust harder. I definitely need two hands, I thought again so, I let my arm around his waist drop down under his rump and between his legs. My hand fumbled a bit with the heavy fabric, but I finally felt what I had been searching for. I cupped my hand around his testicles, and he bucked and choked on a growl as he pitched forward. His shortened horns crashed against the stone step he was still holding onto for dear life when he finally let out a long, low roar. I lost my footing, but the water kept me fluid and steady as I held absolutely still while he spasmed in my grasp, his panting frantic in between his erratic, strangled moans. Music to my ears. I was ready for him again, but I squelched my desire to care for him.

I released my hold, my right arm trembling from the exertion. I moved closer to my beast and placed tender kisses on his shoulder. His ragged breathing began to steady, and he finally opened his eyes to look at me. I smiled at him. His movements were slow and languid as he lifted himself once more and took me into his arms. I closed my eyes and welcomed the cooler air that caressed my overheated skin as he raised us up and out of the water. The sound of the water cascading off our bodies and echoing in the chamber was the only sound he made before the soft pad of his feet against the wet floor told me we were moving away from the spring and onto drier ground.

When I opened my eyes to glance at Searlus' face, his features were soft and thoughtful. He must have sensed my gaze because he looked at me then and gave me a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. He set me down before a tray table holding an assortment of towels, robes, and perfumes. The silence became unbearable and wished to know his thoughts so badly. For a horrifying moment, I thought I may have pushed him into doing more than he was prepared to do.

"Are you all right?" I asked apprehensively. "Did I-was it not...?" I didn't know what to say.

He draped a robe over my shoulders and sighed. "I'm unsure of how to act or what to say," he chuckled nervously.

I took his hands in mine and scoffed. "Say whatever is on your mind. I must know your thoughts."

"Well," he cast his eyes to the ground, "I do not wish to part with you this evening. I was thinking about how to ask you," he cleared his throat, "to stay with me tonight."

I felt my heart swell in my chest and had to keep myself from jumping with joy. "I would love nothing more!" I laughed and swayed our hands with delight.

His broad smile faltered briefly. "Only I think that we should just... well..."

"Sleep?" I asked smugly. He nodded with a guilty quirk of his brow. "Yes, that is fine. I'll get my night things and -"

"No, I'll send for them," he added quickly and hugged me close to him. "Stay with me," he whispered.

Again, my heart glowed with love and longing, and I reassured him that I would sew our hands together if he wished it. Under our robes, we discreetly removed our wet things and made our way to his room. The fire and candles were already lit, and I walked in slowly, taking everything in. I recognized the vast ceiling, and the decor from my short stay the night I sustained my head injury. The bed, as I suspected, was massive and sat on the ground with no frame but adorned with thick blankets and giant pillows. The thickness of the bed was substantial enough that I could sit upon it easily. I tested its firmness by standing on it and jumping to my heart's content. Once I was satisfied, I let myself fall back, flat on my back.

Searlus loomed over me and smirked. "I should have known that the first thing you'd do is test the bed."

I giggled mischievously. "Would you like to test it with me?" He tilted his head and raised a brow. "I'm jesting! I said we'd sleep and we will. But first, chocolate. I'm craving something dark and - oh! Raspberry. Mousse! Chocolate mousse with raspberries." I clapped my hands with anticipation.

He chuckled and dragged me off the bed toward the fire. "Anything you desire, my heart."

There was barely a moment where we were not touching. We ate our deserts sitting side by side on the floor, drying in the hearths warm. I commented on his choice of tapestries in the room. Each one depicted a sad romance from mythology. The one that stood out the most was of a man, lost and distressed and a woman's shade floating away from him in the distance. "Orpheus and Eurydice," I pointed and frowned, "I despise that story," I grumbled. "It's sad and stupid. After losing her to Hades, he went through all that trouble to get her back only to blunder at the last moment because of doubt." I shook my head and scoffed. "Why do you surround yourself with such depressing stories?"

Searlus studied the image and nodded. "These were my reminders that I was not alone in my loneliness. In a strange way, they gave me solace, knowing that I was not the only one fated to a loveless life." He looked at me and smiled. "I suppose new tapestries are in order."

"Absolutely," I kissed his hands lovingly.

We climbed into bed, and I clung to Searlus as he read love poems aloud. I vaguely remember him whispering about how much he loved me and needed me before my eyes closed and sleep overtook me.

Morning came, and I stretched and reached for my beast but did not find him. I sat up and was disappointed to find myself alone. A note was left on his pillow.

**Good morning, my heart.**

**I had an urgent call to attend to. Enjoy your breakfast and come find me in my lab if I have not concluded my meeting. Our evening together consumes my every thought, Belle. I am eager to see you. Every moment we are apart is spent thinking of you.**

**Your slave,**

**Searlus**

I kissed the note, snickered devilishly, and heaved myself out of bed. I dressed and ate quickly and ran for the lab. The door was open, but I peeked inside as not to interrupt whatever business Searlus was working on. I did not wish to speak to the council today. I heard no voices and saw Searlus standing at the window, looking out. I skipped in his direction and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Good morning, my love," I purred and nuzzled his back with my nose.

He sighed deeply. "Not entirely, but much better now that you are here," he replied and pulled me around to face him. He lifted me with ease and kissed me with passion, even slipping in his tongue between my lips and into my mouth.

I responded in kind, feeling my need for him instantly. I whimpered and murmured onto his lips. "Oh, my love, take us back to bed."

He buried his face in my neck and groaned. "Minx," he hissed, "if you had it your way, we'd never leave my bedroom."

"What astounds me is that you would have it another way," I growled and nipped at his jaw.

Searlus chuckled and set me down. "Believe me, I would it have it your way if not for my doubt to control myself in such a state. Which, I suppose is a good segue into that." He thumbed over his shoulder to the tall table behind him.

I peered around him and saw large chains strewn on the table. My mind had trouble comprehending for a moment before I finally raised a devious brow. "Well, well." I walked over to the table and ran a delicate hand over the pristine and shiny links until I rested it on a cuff. I glanced at Searlus and smirked. "Are these for what I think they're for?"

He seemed abashed while he walked to the other side to face me. "They can be."

I liked my lips. "Oh, Searlus," I hissed sensually and made way around the table like a cougar on the prowl.

My beast grew concerned and meandered away from me until we switched places. He seemed to be suppressing a smile when he said, "There for your protection, not my pleasure .

His words did not deter me and I raked my nails over the chains. The cuff was perched precariously on the edge and I was able to easily slide one of my hands through it. You may find they'll serve the dual purpose-!" The cuff slid off the table and fell to the floor bringing me down with it and anchoring me to the ground. "Ooof!"

"Belle!" Searlus raced to my side and lifted the infernally heavy thing. "Are you all right?"

"Goodness! It's as heavy as a cannon!" I exclaimed and rubbed the angry mark on my pale skin.

My beast took my arm and led me to a cabinet where he fished out a balm. He rubbed the formula on wrist gently and scoffed. "That stands to reason. It must hold me ."

"I think they'll do," I grumbled. "I don't think we need those but if it'll make you feel more comfortable, then so be it. I certainly don't mind rough play, you know."

He nearly choked on himself. "Is that so?" He croaked. "Then I assume, you've used such things in the past?" He refused to look at me and busied himself with searching his cabinet.

I chuckled and slithered my way into his arms. I looked up and reached for his face for him to look at me. "If you really wish to know, then I shall tell you. Or perhaps I should just show you?"

He swallowed hard and scoffed lightly. "I know you think I am naive when it comes to these things, but I've, um, read things and, erm, done things too. So, anything you say will not surprise me." Regardless, he seemed nervous.

"Mmm. I would love to see you do those things you're referring to." I waggled my eyebrows suggestively. "How about now?"

He cleared his throat. "The cuffs aren't ready yet." He shrugged. I narrowed my eyes with suspicion. "I was going to enchant them as well. I'll also need to test them," he continued with his feeble excuses. "But I think we should wait until our guests leave us in peace before we do any of that." A shadow passed over his face.

"Guests?" I ask confused.

He looked into my eyes and I found he appeared deeply concerned. "Yes. You see, the urgent call this morning," he sighed, removed a letter from his pocket, and handed it to me. "Armand arrives in three days."

My shock was apparent. I ripped the paper out of his hand and read it. My stomach began to sour. "Not just him," I whispered in horror as I read the most important part of the letter aloud. "Prince Armand and his wife Princess Amelia of Fleur!?" I shook the letter in his face. "Armand is married to your former fiance?!"

Searlus pursed his lips with worry. "Did I never mention that?"

My mouth dropped open in shock. "And they're both coming here?"

His scowl and guilty face only solidified the frightening truth of the letter in my hands. Searlus' past was coming to haunt us both in a mere three days time.

* * *

**AN: Thank you azeran for looking over this chapter for me and catching my blunders!**

**What did you all think? The plot thickens!**


	14. Chapter 14

**I AM NOT DEAD!**

**I'm going to finish this story goddamnit!**

**Thank you Azeran and Intergalacticsupertwink for the beta and Brit-picking!**

* * *

Where do I even begin? So much has happened. Some things were wonderful. Somethings were dreadful. Some things were confusing. Some things were quite painful.

Armand and Amelia were just as I expected them to be. Condescending, devious, conniving, and completely disrespectful spoiled brats. Maybe I should start with their arrival. The three days that led up to that were mostly uneventful, unfortunately, for me. Searlus could hardly focus on anything else but the guests who were going to arrive. I spent a lot of time trying to comfort him. And though I know he wanted me to stay with him through the night–at least that's what he told me–I was denied his bed. That was quite a blow for me. But now I understand. I understand more than ever.

Still, it hurt that he distanced himself from me again. And I wonder how many times is he going to do this? How many times will he get close to me just to pull away again? I know I'm not a very patient person, but I've been in love for what it seems like months and months. I've always taken what I wanted, so I guess I'm just as spoiled as the pests that came to our door.

And let me tell you, my impatience had dire consequences. Consequences that I've still yet to process. I've been quite foolish. In fact, maybe writing this all down will help process what still leaves me anxious. But I'll get to that later.

In preparation for the arrival of Armand and Amelia, Searlus had their rooms prepared and hired staff in the castle. It was so strange to see so many people running about. The king, of course, kept to his wing and locked himself up there during the day. Only I had access to it, and no one else. That was no surprise to me. The small amount of staff was to welcome the royal family. And stay for their convenience.

Searlus finally decided that they all convene in the throne room to meet their king so as not to shock them later. Anne came to aid me in the endeavour to prepare the servants, I even knew some of them from my previous life, outside of these walls. And everyone trusts Anne.

When it was time for the big reveal, we thought we had done a great job preparing everyone, described what he looked like and told his unfortunate story. And yet, when Searlus made his appearance...

What I would have given to spare him that reception. I felt so ashamed of my fellow citizens. Only the royal guard kept their decorum, even if some did gasp. At least the soldiers did not murmur and whisper horrid things that I know Searlus heard. And that is what we forgot to mention in the meeting before his appearance, that his heightened senses would allow him to hear pretty much anything they muttered under their breath.

The fault is mine, and I don't know if I could ever forgive myself for the folly. Searlus, of course, took it in stride and didn't seem bothered at all. All went silent when he finally spoke. He gave his briefing to the staff and guards and then everyone was dismissed. I walked beside him and tried to apologise, but he would hear nothing of it. He actually smiled and said–

"I do not concern myself with the trifles of the ignorant." Then bent down and kissed me most tenderly. "My only concern is your happiness, and the fate of the kingdom that was left in my care."

He's too good for me.

Although... I suppose he has his flaws. I got a good look at those flaws. Breathed in those flaws. Endured those flaws...

Anyway, most of the staff was dismissed after that, and the _honoured_ guests finally arrived. I had worn a form fitting suit with a waistcoat and all. I wanted them to see me, who I am, unafraid of their judgement. The looks they gave me! As if I was some disgusting wad of mud beneath their shoe! Rude. But I did my part and behaved for Searlus' sake. He did beg me not to lash out at them.

So, they came, all haughty and pompous-like. They were allowed their personal valet and maidservant and two of their guards. They were weary from their travels, so they said their faux pleasantries and retired. When dinner time came, they emerged, dressed and made up. Again, I put in the effort as did Searlus.

We took our formal seats. Searlus at the head of the table, I to his right and his cousin and Amelia to his left.

Now, Amelia, I can say is rude and horrid but ultimately harmless. Armand, however? He frightens me. There is a certain look in his eye I've seen in madmen on my travels. Ill intent is written all over his face.

We ate mostly in silence at first, until Armand finally looked at me as if he'd forgotten I was there altogether.

"So," he drawled, "you must be the famous Courtier, Bella." The bastard had a glint in his eye.

"Ah, yes," Amelia chimed in, "a sailor's daughter, yes? Oh, I cannot imagine what a dreadful life that must have been. I despise being out at sea. It was awful enough travelling here, and it only took three days!" She laughed primly and drank from her cup while keeping her eyes locked on mine.

"Your _grace_," I pronounced with the most polite smile I could muster, "I am Kari Belle Bonnet-Dubois, and my father was captain of the illustrious Esperanza. Our ship almost single-handedly lifted our kingdom's economy, and I could not be prouder to have been part of it all."

I turned to Amelia and graced her with a forced toothy smile that I'm sure came off as predatory. "And I, unfortunately, do not share your sentiment. I _adore_ the sea. But I can understand that there are those who are much too delicate and feeble to weather even the shortest of journeys."

"Feeble?!" She exclaimed with a nasty glare.

"Oh, forgive me," I replied hurriedly, "I meant delicate and, hm, fragile? I think that's a better word. Do you have a better word I could use, Searlus? Me being a sailor's daughter and all, not the best of educations, you see?"

Everyone turned to poor Searlus who took his time dabbing his mouth with his napkin. "I'm assuming you must mean there are those too susceptible to sea-sickness?" He asked, instead.

"Ah, yes!" I nodded and smiled. "Yes, that is what I _must_ have meant."

Amelia could not hide her angry flush. Armand actually chuckled.

"The rumours do you no justice, madame Bonnet. So," he turned to Searlus and nodded his head at me. "On a first name basis already?" He winked with a disbelieving smile. "I have to admit when I heard there was a woman who lasted more than a week here, I was surprised. Thought it was all empty gossip!"

"I'm sure you did," Searlus replied quietly with a low rumble. "But not nearly as surprised as I am still," he continued with a smile that exposed his dangerous canines.

"No doubt," Amelia muttered into her cup.

I could not stand the idea of Searlus playing along with their games, and yet again using self-depreciation as some kind of joke. "There is nowhere I'd rather be," I said proudly. "Searlus has been very kind to me and mine–"

"Yes, your stipend will soon be enough to leave a fortune behind, I'm sure," Amelia interrupted. She arched a brow in challenge.

I wanted to smack the smug smirk of her face. How dare she?! Making it seem like I was only here because of the money... which I suppose was the original plan. Still! How dare she?! But what could I say that would ever convince those two that it is otherwise?

So, instead of saying anything in defence, I reached out for Searlus' hand. He was briefly hesitant but turned up his palm for me. I ignore the gasps and ogling, looking only into my beloved's eyes. "Aye, it is more than my family will ever need. I cannot be more grateful, truly. Thank you again for being so kind, Sire."

"As I've mentioned before, many times, I am the one who should be grateful. And I am. Very." Searlus smiled and squeezed lightly.

"How touching," Armand drawled before taking a large gulp of his wine.

Amelia was staring at me with quiet rage. "So," she said, raising her chin high with a knowing smile, "are we to assume that a marriage proposal is soon in order?"

I felt Searlus stiffen, but he continued to keep our hands linked. He swallowed audibly and took a steadying breath while avoiding our gazes. "It is customary to wait a year, as you already know, Amelia. If Belle is amenable to continue by my side, then a formal proposal shall be made on the day of the festival."

"Oh, that is a good idea," Amelia replied. "Keep the festival on just in case." She winked at me and looked so triumphant that I just could not stand it.

Searlus must have noticed a change in my demeanour because he gave me a pleading glance. "Right," I said with a small scoff of disbelief, "I think I'd like to retire. I'm suddenly... quite _tired_." I stood without the king's permission, which I could happily see scandalised the guests. I rose our hands to my lips and gave Searlu's knuckles a kiss. I believe I heard a fork clatter onto a plate. I smiled at my love and did one better. "Good night, darling."

I wanted to give him a kiss right on the mouth for them to see, but Searlus had already tolerated enough of my lack of decorum. I did not want to embarrass him further.

"Good night," he replied with a nod.

I left, but had no intention of retiring for the evening. Searlus and I had agreed that a little spying was in order, so I came back around through the secret entrance and placed my ear on the false wall. It was not ideal, but I caught almost everything, and I was quite enraged by the end of it.

"She is pretty, I'll give you that old man," said Armand.

"I find her quite plain," Amelia retorted.

"My darling wife, even a blind man could see her beauty. Don't be jealous. It's unattractive."

I heard no reply from her again for some time.

"Cousin," Armand continued, "I congratulate you on such a find. She obviously has enough ambition to stomach this charade. Quite shrewd and strong-willed. Not bad qualities for a queen. But a sailor's daughter?" He tutted. "And say," he continued with feigned concern, "wasn't the Ezperansa the ship that was sunk in some storm? If I'm not mistaken, her husband was aboard that ship. You did know she was married, yes?"

"Yes," was all Searlus replied.

"Ah, well, that makes more sense," Armand said. "A poor widow with an ailing father. Miscarried too, I hear. Nothing left to lose but to offer herself up like a virginal sacrifice on a god's doorstep. At least she isn't one of those brothel girls that have been here prior."

"Armand." Searlus finally spoke when the windbag took a breath.

"Yes, cousin?"

"Let me make myself abundantly clear," he growled low and dangerous. "You will not insult Belle, ever. Especially not in front of me."

Armand chuckled. "My, my. You get too attached to the women in your life, you know? Not a smart thing. You're a king for goodness sake. And you are intelligent enough to know that your _friend _is only here for the reward. At least I hope you know that. How could it be otherwise?"

"Regardless of why Belle has decided to stay here, I find her more than adequate to be my... wife and queen. And for that, you will treat her with the respect she deserves."

Amelia finally scoffed and giggled. "Wife! She will be no wife to you, Searlus. You'd be daft to think so. Has experience taught you nothing?"

"I'm curious," Armand added, "are the terms the same as Amelia's were? Find a distant relative to father your children?"

"That is none of your concern," Searlus pronounced slow and dangerous.

"Because, either way, dear cousin, you're damning her. An illegitimate child will be found out, you know. They always are. Then she will be shamed and charged with treason. And if," he cleared his throat and spoke softly, "if you try to father your own children? Too many complications to fathom, really! Her womb is already proven ill-suited for children, and she is quite old now. Not to mention the dangers of how the child will turn out!"

"Surely, it would be an abomination," Amelia added. "Oh, dear, and what if the kingdom finds out about what you really are, and then realise that their queen had lain with a beast? Why they'd hang her for certain! Even I don't think she deserves that."

I was so shocked, so baffled by what I heard, I hardly thought it was real. How could they be so cruel? I waited on bated breath for Searlus to roar something furious and toss them headfirst out of the castle.

"I don't know how anyone can prove what my arrangements are with Belle or _what_ I am. Unless either of you decides to spread the rumours yourselves. Even then, it would just be a rumour."

Searlus had said it so calmly that I could hardly believe it was him who spoke.

"Well, cousin," I could hear the smile in Armand's voice, "despite your unfortunate disposition, you are family. And family comes above all else. Betrayal would hardly be prudent of me. However, my offer still stands to take your responsibilities off your shoulders. Just officially name me king's regent, and I'll gladly rule on your behalf. You can stay in the castle, of course, and keep your little pet if you like. Well, if she'll still wish to stay after learning she won't be queen."

"I'm certain she won't," Amelia added. "Come now, Searlus, you do know she would not stay here or tie herself to you were it not for her ambition."

There was silence for so long that I wondered if Searlus had left the room.

"The responsibility on my shoulders is worth bearing," the king finally replied. "My rule has made this kingdom three times more prosperous than that of my father's. There is no reason for me to have a regent. And if by some misfortune I cannot rule in the future, I'd gladly hand the kingdom's fate over to Belle than ever let it fall into your hands."

I cheered internally despite the hot tears that were still running down my cheeks. Amelia made some strange, indignant squawking sound but Armand stayed silent.

"You cannot be serious!" Amelia nearly shouted.

"You may both retire to your quarters now," said Searlus with an air of indifference. "And feel free to leave the castle at your earliest convenience. It is obvious you are not here to _celebrate_ my successful courtship, as you mentioned in your letters."

"Cousin–"

"I believe I commanded you to leave this room. Don't make me order you to leave the grounds as well. It would not do to start a scandal over your sudden departure. You may rest here for a week. Then you will be on your way. Though I do hope you leave sooner. You may go. Now."

After some scoffs and dragging of chairs, I could imagine the villains bowing as they took their leave.

"Thank you for your hospitality, your majesty," Armand uttered bitterly. Then their footsteps faded away.

It felt like an eternity before Searlus finally decided to leave the dining room. The door opened, and he found me sitting on the floor, hugging my knees with my head thrown back as I stared at the ceiling.

"Did you hear everything?" He asked softly.

I nodded.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

"They are detestable," I breathed out on a tired sigh. I looked up to find Searlus looking at the ground, nodding slowly. He did not seem sad or angry. He appeared resigned, and it scared me to see him like that. As if he agreed with anything those ingrates had said. "Searlus?"

"Hm?" He wouldn't look at me.

"You know I love you. Please tell me you don't believe what they said about me. I could care less about being queen. In fact, I'd rather not be if it were possible. I only want you."

Searlus smiled wistfully and nodded but still did not meet my eye. "Yes. I... I know." It was like he was trying to convince himself and not at all like he actually believed it.

My chest hurt something awful, and I stood up as quickly as I could. I went to him and wrapped my arms around his middle, resting my cheek on his chest. "Please do not ever doubt my love for you. Please. I couldn't bear it." Then I truly did cry. Trying to hold back my sobs gave me such a headache, and my stomach was in knots. "You know–you know I'd prove it to you this very night if you'd let me."

I felt his hand on my head and back. "You never need to prove it to me."

That only fueled my desire to lavish him with comfort and pleasure. "Let me stay with you tonight."

I felt his breath hitch. "I don't think it wise, especially while they are here. I don't want to give them any reason to... to slight you more than they already have."

"I don't care about what they think of me–"

"I do." His tone was so final that I did not persist, though it cut deeper than it probably should have.

We walked silently back to our wing. When we reached my door, I paused and wrestled with my dignity. I wanted to invite him in, but the pain of rejection would have been too much.

"I hope you sleep well," I muttered instead.

"Doubtful," he said with a sad smirk. "But I wish you the same."

I scoffed and turned to my door. "If you think I will sleep at all tonight, you're daft." I stayed there with my fingers on my doorknob, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

I heard him sigh as he took my hand and brought it to his lips. "Until tomorrow." He kissed my knuckles, and it seemed he'd stoop down to kiss my lips as well, but he hesitated and stood straighter instead.

"Fine then," I let out dryly and petulantly. I couldn't help myself. I rushed inside my room and slammed the door in his face. I held my breath for fear of starting to cry again. I did not want to appear so weak, but my heart was breaking. All I want is to be near him, but he continues to resist. After a long, quiet moment, I heard him walk away, and the soft thud of a door shutting.

As expected, I could not sleep. I left my room quietly for a walk. It occurred to me, as I meandered around the private courtyard that Searlus might be of the same opinion as those serpents in our home. That maybe he thinks I would be debasing myself by sharing his bed. Even after everything we've been through, after all the progress, I felt a chasm between us opening beneath my feet.

I looked at the moon that was directly overhead and tried not to dwell on such a horrible thought when I felt his presence. I looked over my shoulder, and I caught Searlus' ravenous gaze. Even draped in shadows, the predatory glint could not be missed. I could hear his breath coming in and out, shallow and harsh, through his nose. We stared at one another without blinking for what seemed like an age.

I finally shuddered under his scrutiny, and it seemed to throw him into action. He began to circle me slowly, keeping to the shadows. The feeling of being hunted sent a delicious thrill through my body. My feet begged me to run, and when I made to do so, Searlus' growl rooted me to the spot.

"Don't," he warned harshly.

I was just so tired of this game. The emotional and physical distance. I almost obeyed. I should have... but...

I barely gained three steps before he was on me. How I did not scream is a wonder. Before I knew what was happening, I was face down on the gravel, and a searing pain in my shoulder made me bite my lip. I didn't even know I was bleeding from my mouth, I was too concerned with the teeth piercing my flesh. My instinct to escape overwhelmed me. It was as if I had no control over my body. Like I was outside of myself entirely.

I tried to move, which only made the pain worse as Searlus growled again and pressed me down further.

I kept silent, I don't know how, but I endeavoured to remain as calm as possible. When my mind finally came back to me fully, I assessed my situation.

Searlus had pinned me to the ground. His mouth covered the base of my neck and the meat of my shoulder. I was quite sure some of his teeth had breached my skin. The image of mating cats came to mind as did a frightening and yet arousing realisation.

He was mounting me. Like some wild animal, ready to breed in the frenzy of heat.

I took a few steadying breaths between more warning growls. I relaxed my body as much as I was able. When I felt Searlus shift his weight, I used the opportunity to mimic a willing mate by raising my backside and bringing my knees beneath me. It's a good thing most male cats do false mountings at first because it seemed my beast had the same instinct. Still pinning me down, I felt him curl over my back and bring his pelvis flush to me. He began to rub his clothed, hardened length against me. I was wearing no undergarments, and in my thin nightgown, it would have been easy for him to lift my clothing and take me in earnest.

I heard him whine pitifully and I knew he was tearing himself apart within.

"It's okay," I panted in a hushed voice.

It was all the invitation he needed. He began to thrust, shallow but hard. My body stiffened at the onslaught, and my back began to ache, but not as much as the ache between my legs.

It was not how I wanted it to occur. It was definitely not how Searlus wanted it to happen. I was afraid and lustful at the same time. The friction he provided was enough to force moans and cries from me despite my effort to keep quiet. I wanted him inside me as much as I wanted to get away. His blunt, large head began to bruise me, and still, I could not help but open wider for him like some wanton whore. I covered my mouth for fear of being heard. The idea of someone finding us like this was both horrifying and exciting. Anyone could have walked through the halls and seen us. Not to mention the dreadful thought that he could break me in half with one wrong move.

I was soaking wet with sweat and arousal. The fabric forced between my cheeks, and my lips grew so damp that I felt completely exposed. I came undone with a shout into my palm. My climax was lengthened painfully as I endured Searlus' frantic pumps.

With two, three slow thrusts, he came in his trousers, and I could feel the warmth of his seed as he pushed at my entrance.

He stayed still for only a moment after that. Then he whimpered, and I was abruptly left cold and alone in the dirt and rocks. I was relieved at first. I could not sense his presence at all, so I allowed myself to catch my breath as I rolled onto my back.

The moon looked down on me, its crescent appearing like a frown. I was too exhausted to cry. Too confused. I knew what had happened. I knew I wanted it. Still, a lingering sense of fear and shame made me feel used and abandoned. I wanted to sleep right there on the cold ground, but I knew I could not let Searlus find me in such a state. He was most-likely locked up in his cage or tearing off more of his horns–some form of self-flagellation, I'm certain.

With a great sense of numbness, I washed in the spring. I had the wherewithal to drop healing oils that Anne had shown me into the water. It soothed my aches, and I hoped it would heal me before bruises could blossom.

I did sleep.

The next day, I almost wrote a note excusing myself from basically all the day's activities and meals. I was terrified to see Searlus as I was sure he felt nothing but shame, and I still had not processed what had happened. I would have thought it a dream were it not for the clear bite mark on my right shoulder, the scratches on my knees, the tender flesh between my legs, and the stinging pain in my lower back.

I was sore all over. I covered up with as many layers I could stand. The wardrobe made no complaints. I used makeup on my injuries just in case. And I practised walking and sitting. I actually laughed at myself in a fit of hysterics after I winced from resting on my vanity chair.

I left my room and stared at Searlus' door before finding the courage to knock. There was no answer. I tried going in, but the door would not budge.

"Searlus?" I called timidly. "I'll be going to breakfast now. I was hoping to see you before then." No answer came, and I did not expect one.

No one joined me at the breakfast table. I actually had quite the appetite, surprisingly. Possibly due to the previous evening's _vigorous_ _activities_.

I decided on a walk in the gardens only to have the misfortune of finding Amelia there. She was sitting on a bench, throwing bird seeds onto the ground. Little sparrows flitted down and pecked to their heart's content.

"Hello there, sailor," she greeted with boredom lacing her voice. She turned and gave me a slow once over and raised a brow. "Don't you look handsome, if not a bit... worn out."

Her laugh made me cringe, and I suddenly feared she knew what had transpired.

"You should leave," I said to her. "There's no reason for you to be here."

"There is actually," Amelia replied with a knowing smile. "A few reasons."

"Well, then, say what you have to say and be gone."

"You are so rude."

"I can be more than rude, I assure you." I took one step closer and opened my coat to discreetly reveal my pistol.

Amelia had the decency to look a bit concerned. "I'm sure you know how to defend yourself, sir," she derided. "I mean you no harm. My husband? That's another matter entirely. He's plotting something. Thought you should know."

"I have no doubt about that."

Amelia smiled and began feeding the birds again. "I overheard him speaking with a naval officer before we arrived. The information could be of use to you."

"Why would you tell me anything? What do you want?"

"I want for nothing, and even if I did, there is nothing you can give me, merchant's daughter. My husband is off hunting, I can safely give you information for the mere sake of helping another woman more imprisoned than I."

"I am no prisoner."

Amelia gazed at me sadly. "Yes, and neither am I." She rolled her eyes and continued. "The Esperansa did not sink. It was captured."

Someone could have knocked me over the head with a horn again, and it would have yielded the same results. I wavered and took hold of a nearby tree for stability. "How dare you say such lies!" I spat out.

The glare she gave me then could have murdered me. "I don't lie. I don't have to. I'm telling you what I heard. If it's true, you could have your old life back, keep the riches you've earned for keeping that monster company, and maybe even find your husband alive."

I found it difficult to breathe, and by sheer will alone, I kept myself standing. "Gerard would have at least written to me."

"Not if he were a prisoner, he wouldn't have." For some reason, she refrained from twisting the knife further and actually looked at me with genuine pity. "He is dangerous, you know?"

"Your husband? No doubt."

"Your beast."

I had no response to that. As much as I wanted to tell her she was wrong, I was still quite shaken and unsure over what Searlus and I had done. And then, the horrid woman gave me such news! I was in complete turmoil and couldn't grasp onto one thought long enough to reply.

"He nearly raped and mauled a girl once. Armand had to shoot him to make him stand down. Did you know the King and I were engaged? Of course you do. I can see the jealous glint in your eye. Sometimes, I'd walk around the castle grounds and feel as if I were being hunted by him. I wonder if you've felt the same way?"

The look I gave her must have confirmed something because she smiled wickedly and shook her head.

"Get out while you can. If he lets you leave."

"He loves me."

Amelia frowned. "And you love him?"

"... Yes."

"Then ask him to find your ship. Ask him to find your husband. I heard Armand say that the ship was sold to the Eastern royal family. Your king has the means to find out if that information is true easily enough."

With that, she stood up, dusted her hands and walked past me. She paused by my side. "You are nothing to me, sailor. But you do not deserve the kind of death that haunted my dreams whilst I was in your shoes."

Then she left me. Alone. Drowning in a sea of doubt, hope, and dread.

I must speak with Searlus and find out if Amelia's news is true. But I am torn. As much as I hope that Gerard is alive, what shall I do if he is? I loved him so terribly, but I'm in love with Searlus. The king will surely chase me out of here if he finds that my husband is alive.

And I'm not sure I want that. I don't want that. I... I think.


	15. Chapter 15

**What?! Another chapter so soon? I have been re-inspired, what can I say?**

**Thank you Azeran and Intergalacticsupertwink for fixing my messes. Best beta's ever!**

* * *

I must write quickly.

My dreams are troubling me. It's why I'm writing now. I'm trying my best to make sense of it all, but it's like trying to hold the ocean in my hands. I've lost almost an entire year of my life, and I am floundering in a desperate need to fill in that gap.

I don't know why. Something awful must have happened for me to leave the castle grounds, knowing that I would lose my memory. I did find scars—one on my head and a few small ones on my neck.

My father is at a complete loss and can't tell me much else, save for I was happy at the castle, and I was... in love. What's more, apparently the king had loved me as well. How much he loved me, I am not sure. He let me leave. Or maybe he exiled me. Papa seems more distressed than I am, and he keeps trying to catch me alone and whisper things to me to help me remember, but Gerard does not like it.

My husband is beyond jealous over someone of whom I have no recollection.

My husband...

I don't know how to explain the shock I endured the day I found myself outside the castle gates. One moment, it was a winter night, and I was ready to enter the castle grounds, set on making some money and then... well, then leave this world. And then suddenly it's daytime, and it's summer. And my dead husband is staring down at me. At first, I thought I died. That I had gone through with my plan and just not remembered.

But then I felt pain. A dull ache all over my body, like the times I'd woken up after a drunken fist-fight. My head felt like it was splitting in two. And I felt... empty.

I remember being despondent before lining up for scrutiny to apply for the courtship. I had felt numb for so long. But the numbness was gone. The despondency had turned into desperation, seemingly from one moment to the next!

How can things have changed so drastically without explanation? I look at my husband, the one I loved and lost as if he is a stranger. It breaks my heart every time he touches me. At first, I thought my hesitancy was out of shock. After all, I had been mourning his loss, and then I could not remember a single fucking thing–and I can't. I can't take this for much longer.

* * *

I need answers, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what I will find. My father's fiance, another new thing to wrap my aching head around, she is very kind. Anne is her name. She had tried to go to the castle on my behalf and inquire as to what happened, but she was not allowed entry. She is quite worried about the king. She says his tendency toward melancholy has always been a concern and that my loss could have pushed him over the edge.

Can you imagine? The death of the king? His blood on my hands? I can't bear to think of it. I know I don't remember him, but I do not wish for him to suffer on my account. After all, if what Anne and my father have said is true, and there is no reason to doubt them, his majesty and I were good friends before we fell in love. Best of friends. His heart must be broken. Unless he broke mine?

And I also find out that there had been talk about a pending engagement? I would never have thought I would remarry. But my heart knows that the rumours are true. That I was in love. That I lost more than my memory when I awoke outside the gates.

* * *

It's been two weeks of this back and forth, this indecision. It's like I'm walking through a fog, and I can't find my way out. I just wander to the next path I can see, but it leads nowhere. What else am I supposed to do?

I could go back to the castle.

What if I'm not wanted there? The king hasn't even inquired over me, and there must be a reason. There must be! What if I get to the gates, and I too am turned away? Then the life I just got back would be over for certain. There is no possibility of Gerard forgiving me for it. He's basically said as much.

* * *

I have so many questions, but everyone is hesitant to give them to me. Anne and my father hold back information because Gerard is always around.

Another thing that worries me is Gerard's enigmatic resurrection. He hasn't given me the entire story, I know it. He snaps at me when I ask too many questions about his capture and imprisonment and then his miraculous freedom. He says it's for my own good that I don't know everything. He's barely looked me in the eye since his return. Not that he met my eye much before he set sail. Still, something is different with him. That is no surprise. It's been a year since his departure. He has his memories. Could there be more to it? Or is this doubt a fit of paranoia?

* * *

My dreams. I don't know what to make of them. There is a lion, prowling, but he walks on two legs. He follows me everywhere. If I run, he attacks, and I wake up. I awake with a roar in my ear so loud that I wonder if the lion has followed me into the waking world as well.

Sometimes, the lion speaks to me, like a man. He says my name. I swear I can hear my name being called in that voice while I'm awake too.

I'm so tired. All of this thinking, going in circles, just drains me completely.

* * *

It has been weeks since my last entry. It's hard to find a moment alone long enough to write discreetly. Gerard is drinking far too much again. He's passed out on the settee in the parlour, which is why I know I will not be interrupted.

A few days ago, I heard raised voices. I walked downstairs to find Gerard and my father arguing.

"Where were you really, you lying cad?!" my father cried in outrage.

"You know the story, old man!"

"Then why didn't you write ahead? Why now? And why is there talk of you leaving town?"

I got between them and rounded on my husband. "What is this? You're thinking of leaving?"

Gerard almost snarled at me. "_We_ are leaving, Belle. We can't stay here if we want to pick up the pieces of the lives we almost lost."

"And you didn't think to consult with me first?"

"I'm your husband. I don't _have_ to consult you!"

"How dare you?!" Papa shouted. "You're using her money to steal her away, and you haven't even told her?"

"What," I breathed in shock, "what have you done?"

Gerard, for a moment, looked guilty and ashamed. Then he shook himself and dragged a hand down his face with a frustrated sigh. "I've booked a passage to the south." He spoke over my outraged gasp. "We need to start over if this is going to work between us, Belle. All we do is argue–"

"Because you are trying to keep me from the answers I need!"

"Why do you need them?!" Gerard began to pace and looked as crazed as a madman. "You want the truth? Here it is! The king is a monster! A literal walking, breathing monster, and he had you under some spell or enchantment! If you don't believe me, ask your father!"

I was stunned. I turned to Papa who looked just as stricken. "Is it true?" I asked him.

"Belle, you don't have the whole story–"

"Then tell me!"

"Go on, Maurice, tell her about the abomination she was supposedly in love with."

I looked at my father expectantly, and he deflated with a look of misery on his face.

"You see, Belle?" Gerard grabbed me by the shoulders and gave me a shake. "He can't even admit it. He just wants to be the father of a queen, no matter what the cost."

"I have no such desire!" Papa outraged.

"Belle, listen to me," Gerard pleaded, "I was told everything–"

My father tried to grab my arm, but Gerard pulled me away. "Who told you? You know nothing, Gerard! Belle, I love you, I want nothing but your happiness! And you are not happy!"

"How can she be?!" Gerard threw his arms up and laughed mirthlessly. "She has it in her head that a king swept her off her feet! And here I am, a sailor–not even that anymore! Of course, she can't be happy!" My husband turned to me again, tearful eyes begging. "He is deformed. He's a beast that walks, talks, and acts like a man, but he is an animal. He nearly killed you with the very horns that sprout from his head! And you think I haven't noticed the other scars? Those marks on your neck? What do they look like to you, Belle? Tell me, honestly. You're clever. What are they?!"

At this point, I was shaking. My heart felt like it was tearing in two, and my head began to hurt again while I tried to remember even a shred of my time in the castle. The lion in my dreams suddenly made sense.

"Teeth," I whispered. "They look like teeth marks." Gerard let me go and nodded slowly. I gazed at my father, and the truth was there, plain as day.

Papa gave me a pained look. "But you loved him," he muttered with a hint of uncertainty.

"Yes," Gerard spat with disdain, "like a battered wife loves her abusive husband. Gods know what he did to you! I can't bear to even think about it."

"No, Belle, no," my father shook his head with denial. "It wasn't like that."

"How would you know?" Gerard demanded. "You have no memory of the place, yourself!"

"How do _you_ know any of what you've just said? I have Belle and Anne's accounts! And I remember some things!" He turned to me quickly. "Belle, that's why I came! I have some memories from the castle. I had notes, stuffed in my pockets! The memories came to me when I finally deciphered my infernal handwriting!"

Both men were panting and waiting for me to say something. I looked from one to the other and felt like I didn't know either of them.

"I need to be alone."

I'm still at a loss. I feel paralysed. Gerard only gets worse the longer I prolong our stay here. Maybe it is best we leave. Start over.

Don't I owe him that?

But don't I too, deserve to know what really happened?

* * *

Gerard and I went to the shore. We had a picnic. For a while, I remembered the good days. The days we were in love. We laughed as we reminisced. Maybe this can work. I just need to move on. It's the right thing to do. Isn't it?

* * *

I've agreed to leave. I'm letting Gerard take the helm. I can't bear the weight of all the choices before me. I can't keep living in a world of what if's. I hope life will make more sense soon. Gerard wants to try again to start a family. I'm not sure I feel the same way. Maybe, once we've settled and left this nightmare behind us, I may have a change of heart. We leave in two months.

* * *

The whole town is in a tizzy. Something has happened, but the gossip is all twisted. Some say the festival has been cancelled. Others say the king is planning a ball. And still, others say the gates will be torn down. There is no official news. Papa has not come to visit again. He and Anne left the village, and I have no idea where they've gone. I can't help this feeling of dread that wells up inside me. But is it dread? Sometimes it feels like excitement. Something is happening, and it's connected to me, I can sense it.

The dreams are becoming more vivid. Now, I am the one following the lion. He is injured and there are hunters closing in from all sides. I want to help him. I ache to heal him. But I can never reach him.

* * *

The town is in a complete uproar now. A Herald came. The festival is not cancelled. It won't be celebrated in the city. Instead, it will be celebrated on the castle grounds. It is an open invitation. There will be a ball in the grand ballroom.

What's more?

The whole affair is sounding off with the destruction of the gates!

Anyone who enters, anyone who witnesses... they will keep their memories.

I am no fool. This is my only chance to get real answers. Perhaps my memory will return as soon as the gates are blown to bits.

Is the king really doing all this for me? Or _because_ of me? Maybe our courtship ended so badly that he has changed the tradition because of it. Or maybe he just wants to see me again. But why go through all of this? He could just send for me.

Why hasn't he?

* * *

Anne and my father have written to say they are well. My father had one of his coughing fits, and they went to shore. Anne is worried about my father's health. She says the stress of what's happened is keeping him awake at night. It seemed there was a page missing. Gerard had given me the post already open. I pretended not to notice, but I am livid with anger.

* * *

Gerard was able to hasten our travel plans, to my chagrin. Our departure will be the day before the festival. I didn't think I would be so upset, but I am. We fought. He says I must make a choice soon. Him, or the beast.

He's my husband, and I don't know this beast! Why can't he just understand that I only want to know why I left? Does it have anything to do with my scars?

I may never find out!

Gaston came for Gerard today. They went off to who knows where. The look in their eyes left me uneasy. I saw some more men from the village looking quite sinister. Three of them seemed familiar to me though I cannot place their faces.

Gods, what are they plotting?!

I must find out.

* * *

Gerard assures me that there is nothing nefarious going on, but I don't believe him. Going to the ball may mean I get to have an audience with the king. I have not been forbidden to come, so I must also be invited. Yes? The meeting may never happen. The king may not even show his face. But time is running out. I want to go to the ball. I need to go to the ball. Gerard can be angry with me all he wants. Better to apologise than ask for permission, as they say. He's been lying to me anyway.

* * *

I can hardly believe it. Three days. Three days until the festival. All of our belongings are packed. My father is eerily resigned with the whole affair. He even mentioned he might buy property in the south and visit, maybe even move when the opportunity arrives. But he's made no plans. That is unlike him. He's been avoiding my gaze as much as possible. Anne has given me a few reassuring winks. Something is afoot, and my skin is itching with anticipation. Gerard continues to think that his dutiful wife will comply with his unmerited demands. I don't want to give a reason not to trust me. But he knows me. The clock continues to tick.

* * *

What have I done? Hopefully, the right thing. I've always been one to follow my instincts and my instincts say I must go to the castle. The festival is tomorrow. Right now, our things are being loaded on the ship that will take us to our new life. Well, that can wait.

Gerard has packed all of my formalwear. He must suspect I intend to go. If he thinks that will stop me, he is sorely mistaken. As if I'd care a fig about strutting through the castle doors in my tattered trousers! Ha!

Besides, the most interesting thing happened this morning. A royal envoy came to the house. The carriage she came on was larger than my new fancy parlour! Six horses. Six! What unnecessary extravagance, I thought to myself when I saw it from my window. Does the king think to impress me? Woo me?

But then I understood why the carriage was so large. Four guards and one young man exited the wagon as well and surrounded the messenger. The woman was tall, almost as tall as me, and that is saying something as I am almost six feet tall!

Her stern face was set in a permanent frown. It looked like she could handle herself in a fight. I'd certainly be wary of her, and I've never shied away from a scuff. Gerard was already outside by the time she reached our front gate.

"What is the meaning of this?" Gerard demanded. "He's sent for her, hasn't he? He might be king, but he cannot just take whoever he wants!"

The severe woman looked bored as she pulled out a scroll. "I have a package for Lord Kari Belle Dubois."

"Bonnet-Dubois!" Gerard corrected.

The woman ignored him. "I am to hand it to her personally."

"Well, I'm her husband. You can give it to me."

The messenger looked as if she was straining to keep from rolling her eyes. "My orders are to stay here until I safely deliver the package directly into Lord Kari's hands."

I was downstairs in a flash. "I am Kari!"

"Belle, what are you doing?" Gerard hissed.

"Getting my royal mail, what does it look like?"

My husband grabbed my arm as I tried to walk past him. At that very moment, every single guard brandished their guns. The messenger held up a hand and looked me dead in the eyes.

"Are you being held here against your will?"

"How absurd–!"

"I was not speaking to you, _good sir!" _Her tone was deadly, but she did not take her eyes off me. "Are you, Kari Belle Dubois, being held here against your will?"

I looked back at Gerard and wondered what would happen if I said yes. "No."

The guns were put away simultaneously.

"Chip," the woman called to the young man. A boy really. Without further instruction, Chip approached me and handed me a box wrapped in gold and a black ribbon. He bowed and retreated.

"Your Lordship–"

"She is no lord! What is this farce?!" Gerard looked fit to combust with rage.

"Your _Lordship," _she tried again while sending a glare in Gerard's direction. "Here is a personal invitation to His Majesty's ball tomorrow evening." She pulled out a card from her pocket and gave it to me.

I took the invitation, a smooth, heavy envelope with the king's seal. I felt strange holding it in my grasp. Like my destiny lay within.

"I shall stay if you wish to answer," the tall woman said gently.

There was silence as everyone stared at me, waiting for my answer. My gut twisted. My instincts were telling me that something was not right. I handed the card back without opening it, though it pained me to do so.

"No. My answer is no."

If the woman was disappointed, she did not show it. She took the invitation. "The king wishes you and your family safe journey and good fortune."

I made to give the package back as well, but the messenger held up a hand to stop me. "That belongs to you. Something you left behind."

"Oh..."

I hardly noticed their departure. I was stupefied and staring at the box. Once the horses galloped away, I ran. I bolted up the stairs and locked myself in my room. I tore the wrapping apart and slowly lifted the lid.

Inside was the most gorgeous suit I've ever laid eyes on. A vision of a blurring ballroom nearly toppled me over. Holding the clothes in my hands, I knew I had worn this before. It was mine.

* * *

Fortuitous news. Though our belongings have been shipped, we will not set sail tomorrow. The captain gave us some vague excuse. Something about the weather not being ideal. I don't really care. That's a load off my mind. Now, I don't have to worry about jumping ship. Not that it would have come to that. I don't think.

* * *

It's tonight, or never. Gerard has given me an ominous warning.

"Don't go, Belle. This is unprecedented. Who knows how the public will react when they lay eyes on the beast that rules them. There could be a mob. I don't want you getting hurt. I would do anything to protect you."

"I already said I wasn't going."

He nodded. "Will you come to bed tonight?"

"Yes."

"Oh," he was genuinely surprised. "Oh, good. Good." He blushed and seemed sheepish as he left me to my books.

But I was not reading.

Tonight, I will be a dutiful wife.

* * *

Gerard is finally asleep. It appeared he was going to stay up, but the laudanum that Anne gave me took care of that for me.

I'm wearing my suit. I've donned a dark cloak and hood.

I'm going to the castle.


	16. Chapter 16

**Almost done writing the next chapter. About more than halfway!**

**Thank you Azeran and Intergalacticsupertwink for the hard beta work you guys have done! This would be a disaster otherwise!**

**Thank you for comments, kudos, and messages! You all make my day!**

* * *

I was dropped off at the gathering point near the gate of the castle grounds. There were so many people, I could barely see the thing. I kept my hood up and thanked the gods that it was so dark. Even with all the lanterns and torches, I was certain no one would recognise me. Not that anyone really cared to look in my direction anyway. All eyes were facing forward, watching the gate. What were they going to do? I wondered. Barrel through with a battering ram? Would destroying the doors be enough? Or would they use gunpowder and blow it to smithereens as I thought at first? As it turned out, we didn't have to wait long to find out.

The guards on top of the gate came down. I couldn't see over the heads of so many people, but I knew they were ready to proceed. It took maybe twenty more minutes, and I was beside myself with anticipation. I had no idea how long Gerard would be out. I had no idea when he would come find me, and for certain, he would find me. And then who knows if I would ever get the answers I searched for.

At first, there was a sound, like a burst, and then a pulse rippled out from the direction of the gate. Some people screamed, some people gasped, some people ran away.

I took advantage of the disarray and the commotion. I pressed forward, bumping into the sea of people before me. Even with that distraction, some of the crowd tried to keep me back, berating me to wait my turn. Again I had to grit my teeth, stay put and wait. I could not draw attention. I knew that Gerard had lied to me about the plot he was involved in for tonight. Someone was bound to go and get him if he didn't show up for whatever they had planned. And I feared the worst. The King's life was certainly in danger. Although I didn't know for sure, my gut told me it was so. I've seen people afraid. I've seen people attack just because someone or something is different from them and their beliefs.

If the King really was a chimaera, which I suppose there was no doubt about it now, I feared the ball would turn into a massacre. An angry mob in a confined space, and then what would happen? Did the King prepare? Did he even care anymore? If he really was prone to grief and sadness, this night could be his last. Would he willingly give himself up to be killed? Stoned? Hanged? I hoped not.

Another pulse rippled out more screams and gasps. Then I saw it. There were cloaked figures, three of them. Each one had a rod in their hands, at least six feet in length. Once the ripple stopped, they raised their rods, and slammed them back down to the ground, chanting something I could understand. Another pulsation, but that one was much more significant.

There was a strange sensation on my body. I felt like every hair on me was standing on its end, like standing outside in a lightning storm.

"Everybody stand back," said one soldier. "The walls are going to come down. We are removing the protective magic on it first. But then there will be several explosions along the gate walls stretching a mile in each direction. It will be loud. Prepare yourselves and stand as far away as possible!"

Some people became frantic and started to run, and then others fed off of their panic as well. Soon I was being bumped and shoved, and if I had fallen, I would've been trampled to death for sure.

I tried to stay in place, but I was forced to retreat. That is when I caught sight of one of those men I thought I had recognised before. The grave men that kept hanging about with Gerard. I averted my gaze before he could catch me. I kept walking away from him but then there was another, a second man from the trio. I thought he was looking right at me, but when I moved out of the way, he'd been staring at the third associate. It appeared like they wanted to get through as quickly as possible. They were inching their way through the crowd trying to get closer to the gate.

Briefly, I thought about brandishing my pistol, but what was I going to do? Shoot a man in cold blood without him having committed a crime? Yet.

There was a wagon next to the wall of a bakery. As discreetly as possible, I got underneath and stayed there. It was hard for me to see, but the darkness was necessary for me to keep hidden. Those robed people started their task again, lifting the rods and slamming them down over and over and over until a bright purple glow expanded from the stones. The violet light retracted just as quickly into a large puff of nothing. The magical protection seal had been broken.

The guards did not wait. As soon as the magic was gone, explosion after explosion rang out through the night. The wagon shook as the ground trembled.

The rubble and dust quickly found their way into my lungs. I couldn't help the coughing fit that came over me. But there was so much commotion, so much chaos that nobody heard me.

The explosions stopped, but the tremors continued. A mob was stampeding towards the fallen barriers.

I rolled out of my hiding spot and saw them coming, like a tidal wave headed straight for me. I turned around and ran like my life depended on it. I am sure it did. Horses bounded beside me, racing past me, jumping over the rubble. It was madness! If this is what they were like, just trying to get to the castle, I could not imagine what lay in store for the King seeing his deformity.

"Belle!" a familiar voice shouted. I turned around, looking wildly. "Over here!"

"Papa!" He was on a carriage. A strange-looking wagon of the likes I'd never seen before. There were no horses attached to it. Instead, it had legs like a spider. All steel and wood.

I cut across. Trying to get to my father and that strange contraption. Someone knocked me to the ground, and I felt someone trample my leg. Suddenly I was lifted off the floor and found myself sitting next to my father. Next thing I knew everything was a blur.

"Are you alright?!" My father asked.

"What is this thing?"

"I haven't the slightest idea! Isn't it great? I've named it Philippe! Hold tight Belle! Time to batten down the hatches!" My father cackled loudly like a lunatic, and we charged forward.

So much had happened in such little time that my frantic nerves had not settled. I looked behind us, and we were quite far into the grounds already. The thing we were on had climbed over the rubble easily and never faltered once. It was going at least as fast as a horse could go.

"What's going to happen tonight," I asked, "it seems you know more than you've let on!"

My father gave me a sideways, apologetic look. "Nobody actually knows! The King is very enigmatic, as we all already know. He's been leaking information little by little. Gathering staff over the past month to ready these celebrations. They say there are over a hundred women ready to apply for the courtship."

I couldn't believe it. People hadn't even seen the King yet. They had no idea what they were doing! And what was the King thinking? How deep did his feelings run for me if he was already planning to court somebody else? Not that I had any intention to take back my position mind you. It was the principle of the thing!

The castle came into view as the forest thinned. I was awestruck. Overwhelmed with a sense that I had seen it before.

Banners were hanging from windows, the King's crest flapping in the breeze. All the flowers were in bloom, and the aroma was so thick it almost felt like one could swim in it. My father took a hard left, steering the mechanical creature away from the castle's entrance.

"What are you doing?"

"We're going in another way. Something is happening, Belle. I've seen Gerard and Gaston and that idiot Baker gathering young men and taking them to the pubs and brothels."

"I know."

"We can't let them see you," my father added as he pulled up to a different door on the east wing of the castle.

We dismounted and my father turned off the machine. We got down and he gave it a few pats as if it were a horse. "Atta a boy Phillipe! Gods, I hope Searlus lets me take this for a ride every once in a while!"

"It's the King's?" I cried flabbergasted.

"One of his enchanted inventions! I haven't had this much fun in ages, Belle! I feel young again!" Then my father doubled over and had a coughing fit.

"Papa!" I lit his pipe for him quickly. Thank goodness it was only a short spell.

"I'm fine. I'm fine," he waved at me dismissively. "Now, let's go save your beast!"

My beast… I didn't argue. I followed him to the servant's entrance of the castle. He knocked, and the door flew open almost immediately.

Anne greeted us with a large smile. She launched herself at me and kissed me on both cheeks. "Deary, your husband is an arsehole."

I scoffed with disbelief, mostly at her foul language. It always catches me off guard. "He wasn't like this before. Something's changed him."

"Bah!" Father rolled his eyes. "He was always like that, you were just too in love to see it! And then he died , and you put him up on an even taller pedestal. I've told you before, Belle, he's a dog! A handsome dog, but a dog nonetheless."

"That's enough Maurice, she's been through so much, and there are trials yet to come. Come on, sweetie. Time to find the King and put an end to this charade before he gets himself killed."

She took my hand and tried to lead me inside, but my feet would not budge.

"Belle?" Father called. "Don't tell me you've come all this way to turn into squash now?"

My heart was picking up speed, and not from all of the excitement. "Papa, what if something bad did happen? What if–"

"Only one way to find out, sailor!" My father yelled, using his Captain's voice. "Belle, listen," he grabbed me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes. "He's been good to us. Anne has cared for him since he was a babe, and watched him grow up. You were besotted! Yearning and aching with love for that juggernaut! It made me sick! Do you think I had a grand time knowing that you kissed him, and who knows what else?" He shuddered.

My eyes widened at the implications. "What about the bite?" I asked quietly.

Both my father and Anne look at each other with a hint of worry.

"Girl," said Anne with conviction, "we don't know what happened between you two, but after getting to know you, and knowing how Searlus feels for you," she turned to my father, "cover your ears, love."

"Oh, no." He did as was told and even started humming.

Anne rolled her eyes and then took my hands in hers. "I'm willing to bet that's a love bite you got there. You were pretty voracious and quite single-mindedly gung ho to climb that tower, if you catch my meaning."

It was mortifying to hear those words coming out of her mouth, but it did sound like me. "Juggernaut, tower… am I assuming correctly that his majesty is quite large?"

"My girl," Anne said while dipping her chin and raising her eyebrows pointedly, "huge. Got the bits to match too."

"Shit!" My father cried. "I thought you were finished!"

I laughed earnestly for the first time in what seemed like years. Anne chuckled and tugged on my hands. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be, I suppose." We walked through the threshold with my father in tow.

"Wait, how do you know about the king's bits?!" Papa whispered accusingly.

* * *

We walked through the kitchen, the servants paid us no mind. I'd never seen a kitchen so big and full of people and food! So much food! Delicacies at that! There were even ice sculptures! In summer!

Anne led us through a series of narrow halls until we came into some kind of parlour. Waiting inside, was the envoy that had delivered the suit I was wearing.

"Good evening, Lord Kari," she greeted me and bowed.

"I never got your name, sir," I replied with my own salutation.

She smiled at me and stuck out her hand. "You can call me Lumiere."

I took her hand and shook it. "A pleasure, Lumiere. How else should I address you? I feel like you, and I am cut from the same cloth."

"I was told we are, yes," she grinned, "I prefer male titles if it's all the same. Yourself?"

"Either." We smiled knowingly at each other before Lumiere motioned for us to sit. "Will, the, eh, king be joining us here?" I asked nervously.

"I'm afraid not," he said as he closed the doors and locked them. "No one knows where he is. Presumably, he's in the West wing, but those doors are locked. Anyway, orders are to stay away from that area."

Papa lit his pipe again and puffed nervously. "What if we take Belle there? Certainly, he'd see her."

Lumiere frowned and shook his head. "I cannot disobey my orders, my lord. But I can tell you what I know. I told his majesty that you declined the invitation–"

"Oh, dear," Anne bemoaned. "How'd he take the news?"

Lumiere shrugged. "I couldn't see his face properly, but he seemed to take it well enough. In fact, he was pretty sure you'd come regardless."

Papa barked out a laugh. "The scallywag! He's got you pegged, Belle."

"If he knew I would come, then why won't he see me?" I just could not comprehend it. "Why is he doing all of this?"

Lumiere shook his head sadly. "No one really knows, but people seem to think it's got something to do with you."

"Obviously!" My father let out with a groan. "Well, he won't let us in, and he won't come out, so, what do we do? Climb the walls?!"

"You won't have to," Lumiere pulled out a piece of paper and unfolded it. "The King will make an appearance. A public one. I have the itinerary here."

He gave me the schedule. "But it says here he won't come out until after the third dance! That could be hours away! Lumiere, people are coming to harm him, I'm sure of it. You must tell him not to leave his quarters."

"I have no way of doing that. And, as for the culprits, he knows."

"Gods be merciful!" Anne breathed and placed a hand to her chest. "I knew it. It's suicide!" She burst into tears and my father went to her quickly to comfort her.

"Lumiere," I pleaded, "tell me he has his soldiers at the ready. Tell me he has prepared for an attack."

He sighed and shook his head slowly. "There are guards but not nearly enough to control a mob, should there be one. And I'm afraid, when I brought up the possible assassins, the King's words were 'let them come.'"

Anne gave another cry and began sobbing in earnest.

I felt something cold and ugly in the pit of my stomach. I did not know this man, beast, King, whatever, but my whole being trembled with fear for him.

"There's nothing for it then," I muttered, "we'll have to wait. Then maybe Lumiere can get me an audience with him before things get ugly."

* * *

Lumiere was able to get someone to put me back together after the harrowing journey to reach the castle. I was a right mess! I had them put excess powder on me and directed them on how to make me up. One of the servants tutted about me looking like a man, to which I responded, "that is the point." Not even Gerard would recognise me should he arrive.

There was no possible way that everyone would fit in the ballroom. I thought it would be limited to lords and ladies, or at least those who wore formalwear, but apparently it was first come first serve. The entire evening only got stranger. No one was announced. Anyone had access to the whole castle except the West wing. When the palace became overrun with people, the guests who arrived later were restricted to the gardens. The King was surrounded by strangers who could all turn on him. It was madness.

I didn't eat or drink. I wandered about, waiting, looking around for clues to my memories. The library and dining room gave me pause. I thought about searching for my room, but there were so many! I would have never guessed which one it was anyway. Nothing came to me. Just a sense that I'd been there before.

I was in the ballroom when I abruptly felt a twinge in my head. I flinched, and Lumiere said something, but I could not concentrate on what he was saying. The air itself seemed to have thickened. I looked around to see if anyone else was affected, but everyone was just going about their business. I closed my eyes against the sting, and that's when I saw a red glow. In my mind's eye, the red aura had just exited the West wing.

"He's coming, "I gasped as I grabbed onto Lumiere for stability. He looked at the clock and nodded.

The final dance before the King's arrival was almost complete. At the rate he was walking, he'd be in the room just at the end of it. I had trouble breathing. The anticipation was too much.

"Lord Kari," Lumiere pulled me aside, "I must announce the King. Stay here until I signal you to come forth."

I nodded my head, but I panicked all the same when he left me, fearing I may have misunderstood the instructions, and wondering what the blasted signal was supposed to be.

The music stopped. People laughed and clapped. Then the band started up again and played as soon as the doors opened. The King's personal guard appeared first. They marched inside, and a trumpet called everyone's attention. When Lumiere appeared at the entryway, the whole room quieted.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between," he called out loudly, "you are all honoured guests at the King's castle. And now, you will have the honour to meet your King for the very first time! Announcing the arrival of His Majesty, King Searlus!"

There was no warning. No code of conduct. No announcement whatsoever to prepare the crowd for what they were about to see.

King Searlus entered the ballroom.

I'd been holding my breath already, so I did not gasp or make a sound. Surprisingly, neither did most people.

Save for some gasps and murmuring, the room beheld the seven-foot-tall beast-king with awe. It seemed they were all waiting for someone to take the lead on how to react. When I started to notice some panicked yelps, I heard my father yell over the crowd.

"LONG LIVE KING SEARLUS!"

Anne followed right behind him, and then so did most of the sheep gathered there. Some stayed, some left as quickly as their dignity allowed. But most stayed. They stayed and stared at the King as he walked toward his table reserved in the back of the room. The sea of people parted for him. Many bowed and curtsied, others were too stunned to move, but no one took their eyes off him.

From where I stood, I couldn't make out much, but I saw his large golden crown, shaped like a ring of antlers that wove around two stumps on his head, where I guessed his horns should have been. His expression was blank, his posture was straight, and his steps were surefooted. There was no sign he was distressed or insulted in the least.

A nervous-looking servant moved forward to pull out his large chair for him. He sat, gazed around the room, and made a motion with his paw-like hand. "Proceed," he said with a low baritone that needed no loud-hailer.

It took a few minutes, but the orchestra finally began to play again. I paid no mind to anyone else. My eyes were fixed on the panther-like man, sitting so poised, and unbothered. How could he be so calm, I thought to myself, when I was fit to faint from anxiety!

Lumiere approached him. The King nodded him forward. Lumiere bent and spoke close to his ear that peeked out of his glorious black mane. Briefly, the King scanned the room with his eyes. I thought I was going to retch. I swore my heart stopped dead in my chest when his eyes finally locked on mine. He closed his eyes in what seemed like prayer and then turned to Lumiere. I could not read their lips, but some decision was made. I expected for Lumiere to wave me over, but he merely looked my way and gave a slight shake of his head.

I was utterly bewildered. He did not wish to see me. He never looked at me again. I felt a pain in my middle that I could not understand. His rejection should not have hurt so bad, I didn't know him, but it did. I thought about leaving, but I held on to my purpose. Warn the King. I had to find a way to speak with him.

"Fuck it," I muttered as my feet took action and stalked in his direction. I was stopped by a guard.

"My lord," the man said, "all will have a chance to meet His Majesty after this dance.

I glared at the King while he leisurely took a sip from his goblet, but he paid me no mind. I looked at the guard and seethed. "Does it look like anyone is dancing?" I hissed. The guard didn't even make to look around. He stared at me, blankly. I turned on my heel and marched to the wine kegs. I allowed myself half a glass to fortify my nerves. I planned to run straight through. Undoubtedly, the King would not let his soldiers slay me in the middle of his debut!

It turned out that I didn't have to resort to such theatrics. The trumpet sounded after the dance was over and Lumiere took to the centre of the room.

"Before we continue with the celebrations, I call on all who applied for the courtship ceremony."

"Unbelievable," I whispered with an eye roll. A ruling monarch's life was in danger, and they were going to parade a bunch of ninnies before him now?!

But the ninnies did not come forward. No one did.

Lumiere cleared his throat. "It appears there are no applicants, sire."

"How shocking," the King deadpanned.

Some people had the nerve to chuckle but quickly smothered it with coughs.

"You may line up whoever wishes to approach me," the King instructed.

That is when Lumiere looked directly at me and gave me a curt nod. I nearly ran there, and still, others beat me to the front of the line. I was practically dancing with frustration. It was utter nonsense! I heard some pleasantries exchanged. No one got too close. By the time it was my turn, my temper was almost beyond my control.

"May I present, Lord Kari, your Majesty."

I didn't wait for the King's permission. I strode up to the table, gave a quick bow. I had every intention of giving him a tongue lashing! But as soon as I reached the table, and found myself so close to the fantastical creature wearing an enormous crown, with an even more gargantuan sword at his side–I lost my voice completely.

His green, human eyes, bore into my blue ones. We just stayed there, staring at one another. He didn't twitch or blink. His face was as it had been all evening–blank.

I opened my mouth, and an embarrassing squeak came out of me. I heard a few sniggers, which made things worse on my nerves. I closed my eyes and took a breath. When I opened my eyes again, my mouth followed. I thought I was going to say something along the lines of, "Greetings, sire. I have something urgent I must speak with you about, preferably in private."

That is not what I said.

Instead, what came forth was, "Blast this shite, you daft brute. Can we talk without all these landlubbers listening to my every word?"

It was as if someone had stopped time. The music died off dissonantly, and no one breathed.

_I'm dead_, I thought to myself as the King blinked once, slowly.

And then, he laughed.


	17. Chapter 17

**I think this can be done in two more chapters... (she lies to herself)**

**Thank you Azeran and Intergalacticsupertwink for the beta work! You guys are amazing!**

* * *

It was a light chuckle at most, but his voice was so low and deep that it echoed through the ballroom. I was transfixed as I watched that poised, cat-like face smile. His teeth were human, save for the sharp, pearly white canines. His green eyes had a glimmer in them for the first time since his arrival. The vibrations in his laugh, I felt them shake my soul.

I loved his laugh. I nearly cried with joy at hearing it. I could not help the beaming smile that spread on my face. Something in me was reaching out for him, and I knew then and there that I had been in love.

The mirth was short-lived, unfortunately, though the King did seem more relaxed and pleased than he did prior. He cocked a brow, never taking his eyes off mine. "Lumiere, it appears Lord Kari requires a private audience."

"Indeed, sire," his man replied.

"Unfortunately, Lord Kari, I have _appearances _to maintain. It would be rude of me to leave so soon. Whatever you wish to say to me, you may do so now."

I deflated and shook my head with confusion. "Your Majesty," I noticed him flinch, "it is very important that I speak with you in private."

"Impossible. As I've already mentioned–"

I strode up to his table until my hips hit the edge, and I was able to slam my hands down. "Your life may be in danger," I hissed through clenched teeth.

The guards grabbed me by the arms, but the King waved them away.

"It is valiant of you to be so concerned for your King that you put yourself at risk, but a monarch's life is always in peril. Such is the way when there are those who seek riches and power."

"Sire," I pleaded, "there are at least three men here who wish you harm."

"Yes, they are scouting the castle as we speak," he replied casually as if he were announcing what was for dinner. "No doubt, searching for the perfect vantage point to assassinate me from."

People started moving closer, muttering concerns. The King disregarded them all.

"So, you're just going to sit there and let them shoot you down like an..."

"Like an animal?" He supplied helpfully.

I nearly swallowed my own tongue. I leaned away from the table and clasped my hands in front of me, begging. "Sire, please–"

"Why does this concern you so greatly? As far as you are concerned, you've just met me."

I gaped at him, at a complete loss at what to say. Was he mad? Who in their right mind would allow a person to be assassinated?!

"You're a person."

The King closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He opened his eyes again, he'd schooled his face back to that blank expression. "Your warning is noted, but you need not concern yourself further. There are precautions in place. I failed you once, and I am nothing if not a quick study. I will not fail you again."

I was stunned by his enigmatic words. "I... I'm afraid I don't know what you mean," I uttered timidly.

The King gave me a sad smile and murmured kindly, "I know."

For some reason, I was close to tears. I felt like I was losing something precious. I believed his words that he was prepared for the worst. I had done my duty.

"Please enjoy the festivities, Belle." The way he said my name, not Lord Kari, just Belle. What my loved ones call me. I felt a flutter in my heart. "I'm glad that..." he paused and his breath became shallow before he finished his words, "that I got to see you one last time."

The glistening in his eyes betrayed his calm exterior. There was so much anguish there that my heart clenched in my chest painfully.

I was trembling with a vast array of confusing emotions. I could not tear myself away. His forced composure was driving mad. "Did you make me leave?" I said though the lump in my throat that threatened to asphyxiate me.

For once, the King looked surprised, shocked, really. He opened his mouth and then quickly shut it again. He took a sharp breath. "It matters not."

"It matters to me," I rasped as I fought back tears. The King's eyes shifted nervously. I could see he was trying to find a way to be rid of me. "Did I do something? Did I hurt you?"

He snapped his wide eyes back to mine. "This is no place to speak of this."

"Then grant me my wish. A private audience with you. No guards, no servants. Just you and me. Please... Searlus." I shut my mouth tightly, horrified by my own brazenness.

The King stared at me, looked me over, taking stock. He was weighing his options, and I could see the inner turmoil in those expressive eyes. Then he smirked. "I shall grant it on one condition."

"Fine. Name it."

"You're not going to like it," he warned with a rumble in his voice.

I would have been afraid had I not seen a hint of mischief in his gaze. It was a challenge. "Name it."

"Dance with me." The King leaned back comfortably in his chair, all languid and carefree but his pupils dilated, and I could tell his breath was shallow by the rapid rise and fall of his chest.

"I can't dance," I replied with embarrassment.

"Oh, I am quite aware."

An amused scoff escaped me. "Cheeky."

He grinned wide and shrugged.

I shook my head fondly and could not hide my smirk. We really must have been great friends. "I have a feeling we argued a lot."

The King made an exaggerated roll of his eyes. "Like the dickens."

I barked out a laugh and murmuring broke out behind me. "Fine then. Let's dance." I bowed then held out my hand in invitation.

The King stared at my hand for a long moment before he stood up. The music died down, and curious whispers erupted. He walked toward me and crowded my personal space. I had to lean back to see him properly. "People will talk," he murmured.

"As if they aren't already." I stepped back and held out my arm again. That time, he took it. We walked together through the parting crowd until we reached the centre of the room. "We've danced before?" I asked discreetly.

"Yes."

"Was I at least mediocre?"

"No."

"Ah, well. Can't rely on muscle memory either then," I mumbled nervously.

He chuckled and took his stance. My hand in his, his other hand on my waist. Everyone gasped, including me. His touch was gentle but firm. I caught some of the whispers from the ogling crowd.

"Is that Kari Dubois?"

"I hardly recognise her."

"She's letting him touch her."

"Do you think the rumours are true?"

"A waltz?" I said to keep my mind off the rude ingrates that surrounded us. "Thank goodness. I thought it was going to be one of those–"

"Boring minuets," he finished my sentence. The corners of his mouth drooped briefly with sadness, and I realised that I must have said it before. "Do not resist my movements," he warned.

I nodded and swallowed hard. This man could break me like a twig, I just knew it.

The music started, and the room spun. Or rather, we did. My feet barely touched the ground. His grip on me made sure I did not stray. I couldn't make a false move if I wanted to. The ballroom erupted with gasps of both delight and dread. I could barely hear the music. Even my sturdy sea legs weren't enough for me to keep the dizziness at bay. Still, it was thrilling, and I found myself laughing whenever I did get a breath in me. It was like that sense of freedom I missed at the helm on the Esperanza, but better.

The music ended, and we came to a standstill. People actually clapped and cheered, but some scoffed, and I briefly heard someone ask if the beast was going to jump through fiery hoops next. I whirled around to punch the arsehole in the throat, but Searlus threaded my arm through his and led me back to the table.

"Go with Lumiere," he requested full of hope, "we can discuss whatever you wish in private."

"Thank you."

Lumiere announced the King's temporary leave and discreetly led me another way. It was a long walk, but I was finally left in front of the doors of the library.

"I'll be here," Lumiere reassured.

I knocked.

"Enter," the King's voice commanded.

When I walked in, it felt like the room was alive and greeting me like an old friend. I felt so at home there that I could have cried. There were shelves upon shelves of books. More books than I've ever seen in my life.

The King was standing by the fireside, bracing himself with one hand on the mantle and facing away from me. I thought I saw he was heaving, but he cleared his throat, dragged his fingers through his mane and turned to face me.

His look rooted me in place. I was alone with him. The reality of the moment kicked up my pulse.

"You need not fear me," he said softly.

"I'm... I'm not afraid." I sauntered in further until I was only a few paces away from him.

We were silent for a while, watching the flames dance. Then he spoke. "Why do you wish to know about your stay here?"

I scoffed with disbelief. "Because I lost an entire year of my life! Don't know if that's ever happened to you, but it's quite distressing!"

He glanced at me and gave me a sad smile. "The way you speak to me," he took in a shaky breath, "it's like you know me."

Out of the public eye, his guard was down, and I could see he was falling apart at the seams. I had the urge to grab his sombre face with both hands and soothe away his sorrow. "Well, I suppose I do know you. In a way."

"Do you remember–" it seemed he was going to say "me" but corrected himself before it came out. "Anything?"

I shook my head slowly.

He let out a breath that almost sounded like a sob and gripped the mantle with both hands and hung his head. He looked utterly defeated.

"I want to remember," I said timidly, not knowing how to comfort him. If he even wanted me to.

"Why? You have your old life back. Your–your husband is alive. And he's... taking you... far, far away from here. You have the means to start anew. To be... free. I'm sure your husband is not happy that you are here."

"He won't be happy I drugged him either," I muttered and pursed my lips.

The King's head snapped up so quickly that I jumped. "You drugged him?"

"I couldn't have him chasing after me and causing a scene. Besides, I think he is in league with those who wish you harm."

He turned back to the flames. "He's not directly involved. Just shows up to a few rebel meetings."

"What a fool!" I yelled with outrage. "It's a wonder you haven't arrested him yet! Or the others! We were supposed to set sail yesterday morn!"

"Yes, and I'm sure the captain mentioned something vague about the weather not being ideal."

My jaw dropped. "You... you're the weather?" I shook my stupid head. "I mean you are the cause we did not leave?"

"...Aye."

"Well," I raised my brow, completely bemused, "that was smart."

He scoffed. "More like childish," he grumbled. "Not the only immature thing I've done to the man," he admitted.

My eyes grew wider. "What did you do?"

The King let out a long tired sigh. "I may have denied his request to rescind his death certificate... and... may have also burned the application to renew your marriage license."

"Ah!"

"And... completely dissolved your marriage in any legal sense. Poof," he said with a motion of his hand. "Like it never happened."

There was a pregnant pause before I burst into laughter. The King looked at me like I was growing a second head.

"Well," I barked as I caught my breath, "I suppose I don't need to file for divorce then."

As soon as those words escaped my mouth, the King rounded on me and reached out to grab me but aborted the action last second. "Divorce? You're not... you're not happy?"

I grew serious as I thought about what I had announced so carelessly. Was I happy? My evening in the castle, at the ball, was the happiest I had been for a very long time. Not once did I think of Gerard other than fear his arrival. My only consuming thought was to see the King. I was not happy. The realisation was too much to admit to at the moment, plus, I had questions.

"Was I happy here?" I asked quietly. "I want the truth. Even if you think it will hurt me. Please."

The King nodded. "You said as much. Yes."

"And I always say–"

"What you mean," he finished.

I stared at his hopeful face before I asked my next question. "Were... were we, erm, were we..."

"In love?" he whispered.

"Were we?"

He sent a hand to his chest, and his face twitched with the effort of staving away his grief. "Yes," he finally let out on a sob. Apparently, that broke the camel's back because he turned away from me and wept. "I was such a fool, Belle. I doubted you. I doubted your love for me at every turn, and then you were snatched away." He sobbed and shook violently. "Gods, when I realised–_ fuck _! When I realised Armand had stowed you away in their carriage, I tried... I tried. I ran, but with all the strength and speed this cursed body affords me, it was not enough. I watched that carriage go past the gates and I... I gave up. Like Orpheus in that blasted myth you hate so much, my doubt was what finally ripped you away from me."

I didn't realise I was crying too until he had finished. "I'm not," I said hoarsely.

He looked over his shoulder with a questioning look in his wet, bloodshot eyes.

"I'm not happy." I fell to my knees, buried my face in my hands and gave in to the grief that had been safely stored away from my lack of knowledge.

I felt him touch my shoulder, and I flinched before meeting his eye.

"Forgive me," he whispered. "I say that I learn quickly, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I am a dismal student. I should have trusted in our bond. I should have summoned you sooner. I should have turned those gates to rubble when you asked me to. I've been a coward. But you are the reason I have done away with my cowardice once and for all."

He held out his hand. I took it, and we stood together. "Tonight I will find out who Armand's accomplices are. I will see who my true allies are." His voice took on a dark and dangerous tone with a growl beneath it to boot. "And then I'm going to find my dear cousin and show him exactly how much of a beast I can be."

I snivelled and hiccupped until I found some composure. "What about me? What will become of me now?"

The King's eyes grew kind, and he thumbed my tear-streaked cheek. "Whatever you wish. But you did say you wanted the truth, even if it hurts. And you've said you are unhappy. There are a few things you should know–"

There was a loud explosion as the castle trembled. The King took me into his arms in a flash and sheltered me from falling debris.

"It's begun," the Kings alerted, eyes fiery and determined. "Come with me. I'll take you to safety." He took my hand, and I had no choice but to go along.

He pulled a tapestry aside, revealing a door. His Majesty grunted something unintelligible, and the door opened. He pulled me inside and kept a pace that had me running to catch up. Some more loud noises, gunshots and who knows what else, sounded off. We wound through the narrow passage until we reached a room. It appeared to be a laboratory.

"The enchantments I put on the castle should keep them out for a while longer, but I must go. You'll be safe here as long as you do not leave this room." He closed the door behind us. "I'll return for you soon."

"Like Hell!" I shrieked. "You are the target, not I!"

"You will be a target if you interfere. Your husband has kept you out of Armand's plots, but he is not known to keep his word. He knows how much you mean to me. He's already used that once." His expression grew wrathful. "I will not let that happen again."

"Then stay here!" I caught his sleeve with a vice-like grip.

The way he looked at me, he was so close, I thought he might kiss me.

"What kind of King would I be, leaving my people in the middle of an attack?"

"Oh, fuck them!" I yelled.

"Belle, your father and Anne are out there."

I yelped in realisation. "I'm coming. I can help. He's _my _father!"

The King was not pleased, but he sighed and stalked toward a table. I followed him. He pulled off a sheet, revealing two golden cuffs, ornate with strange engravings and small red crystals.

"Before you were... taken," he explained, "you had these made for yourself. And I believe you enchanted them."

"Me? What are they," I asked in awe. They were beautiful. "How did I enchant them? I don't know–"

"You studied alchemy here. I was quite surprised to find these. I didn't know how far along you'd come. Those crystals are red spinel. They stimulate physical vitality and strength. And those are red amethyst and hematite. Together they incite courage, tenacity, inner strength and... well, other things," he finished with an embarrassed mumble. "These engravings here are Kratos' prayer for strength. They will only work on you, so I have not been able to test them. But from what I can see, you followed the recipe without flaw. I'm actually ashamed of myself for not thinking of it first."

"What are they supposed to do? Turn me into Hercules?" I chuckled nervously.

"Just about."

I looked at him in confusion, and it seemed he had trouble meeting my eye. "Why did I make these? I have no desire for that kind of physical... strength..." I'm certain I would have seen a matching blush on his face were it not for the fur.

The King swallowed audibly and grimaced. "Erm, I can only guess..."

"Uh, huh." I nodded slowly. "I suppose it has something to do with my bite mark?" I asked, my voice a bit too high-pitched for my liking.

The King looked stricken. "Bite mark?!"

I furrowed my brow. "You mean, you didn't do this?" I removed my cravat and pulled on my collar for him to see.

He hissed and put a fist to his mouth. "By the stars," he breathed. "I... I..." he looked like he wanted to be buried right where he stood. "I don't know what to say." The poor brute. "I didn't mean to... to..."

"Mark me?"

"Oh, gods."

"Did I enjoy it?" My stupid mouth sometimes, I swear.

The King's eyes darkened, and he inhaled with a shudder. "My doubt made me believe otherwise, but if I'm honest... you... seemed... to. Yes."

The room was sweltering. I picked up the cuffs and muttered. "I wouldn't have made these if I didn't." I slipped them on and locked them closed. They were a perfect fit. The stones and engravings glowed once. I peered up and cocked a brow. I felt invigorated. "Shall we test them?"

"How do you suppose–"

I cut him off by wrapping my arms around his waist and put all my might into trying to lift him. He let out a surprised grunt when I was able to get him a few inches off the ground. He was not light in the least, but I knew there was no way I could have done it without those cuffs.

I leaned away and leered up at him, my hands still lingering on his coat. "How much do you weigh?"

"Enough to be terrified right now," he uttered with a hint of dread.

I chuckled. "_ You, _frightened of _me _?"

"Have you met you?"

My laugh was cut off by another tremor. "We should go."

"Aye. Listen, Belle, those won't protect you from gunshots or swords. He went to a cabinet and pulled out a rifle, a pistol, and a dagger. "Take these."

"What about you?"

The King patted his massive sword. "This will be more than sufficient. Come on." We raced to the door, but he abruptly stopped before opening it.

"Sire?"

He cleared his throat. "Could you... could you call me by my name."

My heart skipped at the request. "Yes... Searlus."

"May I kiss you?" He was still facing the door. His shoulders rose and fell quickly. "I know that you don't remember me–"

"Yes." The word was out of my mouth before my brain could catch up.

I saw Searlus stiffen. He turned around with a desperate, hopeful look. The depths of his love was so clearly written in his features. "You are the most singular person I have ever met," he said quietly, bemused and awestruck.

That look sent cupid's arrow straight through my heart. Anyone else would have been terrified of this creature, but I found him fascinating and even... handsome. "Singular. Or I've got bats in the belfry. Take your pick."

Searlus grinned wide and hesitated only a moment before dipped down and kissed the scar on my head. I felt a prickly sensation overcome me, and I shuddered. He was already pulling back when I grabbed his collar and used my newfound strength to pull him lower into a closed mouth kiss.

I released him, and he fell back against the door. I thought I had overstepped from the look on his face, but then his eyes grew hungry. "I love you," he nearly growled out, leaving a purr in the wake of his words.

I was breathless. My whole being wanted to say it back, but the lack of memories would have made my words baseless.

I opened my mouth, but Searlus held up a hand and shook his head. "I'll give you all the time you need to think it over, but I want you here. I had every intention of proposing to you today. Give me another year, and I shall endeavour to earn your love again if you allow it." With that, he pulled me to him and crushed his lips to mine with such urgency and passion that it left me dizzy.

"M'kay," I said, dazed and unsteady, and smiling like a fool.

"To battle then," he snarled and wrenched the door open. "Stay behind me, my heart. I cannot lose you again." Those words and the way he unsheathed his sword–well, my heart somersaulted, and my body grew hot.

And then we charged our way through the dark halls of the castle.


	18. Chapter 18

**This story is getting longer than expected. I hope that's good news to you all lol.**

**Thank you Azeran and Intergalaticsupertwink for all the hard beta work that you do!**

* * *

The guests in the castle were in utter hysterics. They were so beside themselves with fear that no one minded their seven-foot-tall beast-king barking out orders and pushing them back toward the ballroom. One woman even tried handing him her child! Anyone not fit to fight, if the need arose, were led to the great hall and throne room. Those who were able-bodied and willing took up arms, taking their place with the soldiers.

In the madness and chaos, Searlus was our rock. He was calm and steadfast. Without losing urgency, he was kind and patient with anyone who tried clamouring for his protection. Throughout all of it, not once did he release my hand that was clamped tightly in his massive fist. This man I had no memory of was quickly beguiling me. In only an hour, he had turned my world upside down, and I knew it would never be righted again. At that moment, gazing up at him as the room blurred by in a sea of people and deafening clamour, my soul became more restless than ever.

"This is madness," Searlus grumbled with frustration. Then he pulled me toward the stairs and climbed a mere three steps to be seen by all. "SILENCE!" The King literally roared, my ears barely tolerated it. When the room was shocked into silence, he took a large breath. "Please," he continued with a low but still loud and commanding voice, "panic will only incite more fear and danger. As I speak to you, the elderly, incapacitated, and those with children are being ferried across the lake to safety. My soldiers are making quick work of it. Then they will move on to everyone else."

"What is happening?!" Someone cried.

"Why are we being attacked?!"

Searlus held up a hand. "Prince Armand has been whispering in the ear of the Southern King for years to wage war with us. Although King Rupert denies it and has not declared war, we believe it is his royal treasury that Armand has been sinking his greedy hands into to stage a coup. He's been pirating our ships from the start."

"But why?! He's your cousin!"

Searlus nodded gravely. "He believes you will all accept him as your new King, now more than ever, because you now know the truth of what I am."

There were whispers and murmurs, but Searlus continued over them all, and they grew quiet again.

"All my life, I've been told to believe people like him. That my citizens would turn on me despite everything I have done to raise this kingdom above all others. That you would hate me despite making sure there is true justice and peace amongst us, despite all the changes in the law so that no one would ever go hungry or have access to healers and medicine within our borders. All because an attempt to save my life as an infant had cursed my body. So, tell me now. Is the would-be usurper, right?"

More murmuring and only a few lonely shouts of "No!"

"I do not need your love," Searlus said with conviction, "I've been given more love than I ever thought was possible for someone like me." He looked down at me and smiled sadly. "Even if I do not have it any longer," he said more quietly. Then he turned back to his people. "What I need is your trust. What I need is your loyalty. I broke down the gates to give you _my_ trust. And now, I face an enemy to renew _my_ dedication to you all as your King. If you cast it aside now, then I will step down this instant and leave you in Armand's hands."

"NO!" More people shouted.

Searlus stood straighter, unsheathed his sword, and pointed to the sky. "Can I count on _you_ as you have all counted on _me?_"

"YES!" The people cried in droves. "Hail King Searlus!" Hail the Beast King!" The chants rang out. The guards egged them all on, crashing their swords to their shields and giving out a war cry.

Searlus's sword sparked to life. Currents of lighting hugged his weapon and crackled. The room gasped in awe. "I need all able-bodied fighters at the back of the line. My hope is that you will not need to fight, but Armand has come prepared with alchemists and enchanted machines. I promise you they will meet their match."

The King let out a short roar, and the most fantastic thing I've ever seen began to take place. The furniture came to life and began to march toward the doors of the castle. People jumped out of the way and marvelled at the spectacle that took place. The furniture barricaded the doors, and then the sound of metal on stone filled the air. A small army of hollow knights with swords and shields marched up and lined themselves protectively in front of the citizens. The wonders did not cease there. Spider-like machines, like the one that carried father and me to the castle, crawled their way forth and up the walls. Once they perched, they sent spindles of sparking webs down.

It was only then that the King's soldiers readied themselves before their charges as well and brandished guns of the likes I've never seen.

"Holy shit," I murmured in wonder.

I felt Searlus squeeze my hand. "As I assured you before. Precautions have been taken."

"So I see!"

Lumiere and a group of servants made their way to us. "Sire, your armour awaits."

"Perfect timing," Searlus muttered, then pulled me into the parlour.

Once we were inside, Lumiere closed the doors, and Searlus let go of my hand as he staggered, nearly losing his balance completely.

"Searlus!" I cried with concern. "What is the matter?"

"Nothing," he rasped as he stumbled and collapsed in a large winged chair. He closed his eyes, held his head in his hands, and panted.

I ran to his side, full of worry. "Nothing? Clearly not nothing!"

"Please, don't shout," he begged with a wince. "It will pass. I'm just not used to so much noise... and people."

_Of course not_, I thought with a frown. He'd lived most of his life as a hermit, and now, on top of the stress of an uprising, his castle was filled to the brim with panicking strangers. A king with much on his shoulders indeed.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked softly and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He stiffened under my touch and raised his gaze to mine, brow furrowed in what looked like pain. "Nothing I have any right to ask of you, my heart."

Lord how he says the most perfect things! I just wanted to throw myself at his feet and tell him to ask away. At that moment I probably would have agreed to anything! Instead, I stared at him, speechless.

Searlus quirked a curious brow. "What is it? You're looking at me strangely," he chuckled nervously.

I felt a blush creep up my neck to the tips of my ears. "Nothing. It's just... you're the most singular person I've ever met." I echoed his words to me with as much dedication and love I could muster.

He gasped and reached out to touch my face when the doors flew open, and Anne came storming in with my father in tow. "How dare you?!" she shrieked as she stormed to the King and gave his hand in midair a hard whack.

The King flinched away from her in complete shock.

"How could you?!" she yelled again, angry tears welling up in her eyes.

I looked to my father for answers, but he quickly shook his head in warning.

"Wh-what? What have I done?" Searlus nearly squeaked with dread.

Anne put her hands on her hips and fumed. "You shut me out! You shut everyone out! I am your physician! I swore an oath to your mother to see to your health and keep you alive at all costs! And what do you do? You deny me my purpose!"

"Anne," Searlus raised his hands in surrender, but she smacked them down again. All the King could do was drop his jaw and blink at her while she continued her tirade.

"Look at you!" She shrieked. "You're skin and bones!"

_Skin and bones?! _I thought bemused, _why the brute is nothing but muscle!_ Did she mean he was even larger than this?! It boggled my mind. I couldn't even picture him any bigger and stronger than how he appeared before me!

"You look like you haven't slept in weeks!" At this point, Searlus had cringed into his seat. "And what's more?!" Anne started to cry through her words. "You practically invite your corrupt rat of cousin to come and murder you!"

Searlus opened his mouth, but she raised her hand to silence him. He clamped his mouth shut.

"All of that is bad enough, but what hurts the most, is that in your moment of need, you turned me away. Do you think I was not affected by Belle's kidnapping? By her loss of memory of me?! And you... I've looked after you since you were a babe. I thought I was more than just your healer. Obviously, I was wrong!" A large sob burst out of her and then she threw herself at him, wrapped her arms around his neck and wept.

The King could not have looked more startled if he tried. "Anne," he said hoarsely, full of emotion. "I didn't know you... that you–"

"Loved you like family?!" she bawled. "Of course I do, you dense idiot!" She continued to wail until Searlus finally brought up his hands and patted her on the back in an attempt to console her.

Searlus looked to me in what seemed like a cry for help. I used my arms to hug the air and encourage him to give her a proper embrace. Then I mouthed the words "apologise".

"I-I-I I am so sorry, eh, Anne." He sighed deeply and returned her embrace at last. He looked defeated. "My self-loathing seems to ruin all of my..." he looked at me then back to the weeping woman, "relationships."

Lumiere cleared his throat. "Sire, I lament to inform you that we are still under attack."

"Erm, yes," Searlus utter and let Anne go with a guilty face.

Anne peeled herself off of her charge and sniffed. She pulled out a vial and handed it to Searlus. "I made this special in case I found you dying in this wretched, lonely place. It will boost your energy and fortify your nerves. I'm sure all this ruckus has taken a toll on you."

Searlus looked close to tears. "Thank you, Anne," he whispered.

A small group of servants entered carrying the King's armour. Searlus drank half of Anne's tonic then closed it and pocketed the rest.

"Excuse me," he uttered quietly as he met the servants who had set up a folding screen for him to change.

My father took my hands. "How goes it?" he whispered. He nodded discreetly toward the corner where Searlus was changing.

I looked over my shoulder and caught quite the sight. The screen was too short for him, and I saw his muscular back flexing right before he donned his arming doublet. I cocked a brow and looked back at my father.

"Um. Good. Mhm." I nodded dumbly and then frowned. "What the fuck am I going to do?" I whispered back in a panic.

Papa dragged me further away from Searlus and groused right into my ear. "You're going to kick Gerard's arse back to where he was sleazing about _before_ he helped Armand ruin your godsdamned fairytale romance, that's what!" He sent a quick glance to see if anyone was listening. "Do you remember anything yet?"

I shook my head and furrowed my brow. "What makes you think Gerard is helping Armand?"

My father shut his eyes hard and then gave me a stern glare. "The cad disappeared for two years without a word, Belle. Then suddenly he shows up just weeks before you're to get engaged to the King. While at the same time, Armand turns up, kidnaps you, and drops you out on the street at Gerard's feet! Do you really believe his horseshit about being some pirate's slave or prisoner or whatever the hell his story is?"

Searlus cleared his throat, and we spun around to see His Majesty in his gold and black leather armour. "Maurice, you should get to the ferries with Anne. Belle," he came closer to me and frowned, "you should go with them."

I looked between my father and Searlus, not knowing what to do. "What about–

"It's not a request. I order you to evacuate with your family," Searlus commanded. "I..." he held out his hand to me, and I took it. He smiled down at our hands and thumbed my knuckles gently. "I hope you will give my offer some thought and that I will see you again soon." He only hesitated a second before he bent down and kissed my hand. Then he let me go and turned away from me swiftly. "Lumiere, please see them safely to the boats. The rest of us, to the front."

The King and his soldiers marched out of the room while my heart tore itself in two. I didn't want to leave him. I looked at my father, who gave me a sad smile. "You can fight, but you're no soldier, Belle. This isn't some drunken brawl. He's a King. He's been prepared for this sort of thing his whole life. I'm sure he'll be fine."

I nodded though I didn't feel convinced.

Lumiere led us out of the castle. As Searlus had said, the soldiers had made quick work of taking the citizens to safety. There was only roughly sixty people left waiting on the lake's dock. We waited anxiously while the sounds of battle grew louder and nearer. A bright green light shot upward from the castle to the night sky and dissipated with a resounding blast.

"What's happened?!" I cried.

Lumiere stared at the castle with worry. "I believe the magical barrier has been breached." It must have been that because we could now hear the screams of men, gunshots and clashing of weapons. He turned to us. "Can you all swim?"

"Of course we can!" My father said indignantly. "But even I know I'm too fucking old to swim across nearly a knot of a lake that can freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"

Anne hiked up her skirts. "I say we go back in there and beat the pulp out of those ingrates!"

"HOY!"

We all turned toward the hailer shouting from the lake. We were met with the sight of a boat that was quickly approaching, bypassing the King's vessels ferrying more people across. The soldiers helped the sailor dock.

"Get your daft arses in 'ere now 'fore yer all killed!" Gerard raged from the boat.

As angry as I was at my husband, I was relieved to see him.

My father groaned and shook a fist in his direction while taking Anne by the arm and dragging her to the small ship. "Don't think this puts you in my good books, ye rotten scalawag!" Papa spat out a few more curses at Gerard even as my husband helped him and Anne onto the ship.

"Give it a rest, Maurice!" Gerard nearly slurred.

"Look at ye!" Papa grated. "Had time to get three sheets to the wind before coming to save us, did ye?!"

"No! Yer barmy pride and joy drugged me!"

My father whacked him on the back of the head. "Don't insult my daughter again, ye liggin' maggot!" Then he turned to me and gave me a stiff nod. "That's my sailor!"

"Fuckin' hell! Belle!" Gerard turned to me and pointed to his feet. "Get 'ver 'ere righ' now!"

Just when I was about to move my feet in his direction reluctantly, a blast came from behind me. I whirled around to see large stones falling from the castle. In the huge, gaping hole, I could see Searlus wielding his lightning sword against a large mechanical creature being controlled by a man inside it. Searlus beat it back, but then I caught sight of Gaston and his men with a giant crossbow on their shoulders.

"No," I breathed. "No!"

The arrow flew. With a blur of speed, Searlus dropped his sword and caught the massive, hurtling thing in his hands before it could pierce his chest. But now he was weaponless, and the automaton took the advantage.

It lunged forward. Searlus tried to use the arrow to defend himself, but it was too late. The enemy clamped a steel claw around his throat and lifted him in the air.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was running toward the battle. I vaguely heard my name being shouted from behind, but I kept going. I was fast. So fast, I nearly stumbled. I realised my cuffs were the cause. If they could bound me across a whole field in a mere ten leaps, then maybe I could spring myself into one of the windows and reach him in time.

With all my might and a piercing scream, I jumped. I didn't have time to think about how painful the landing would be, but it didn't matter. I barely made it over a balcony. I could hear the fighting above me. I ran inside, lamenting my loss of memory again because I had no idea where to go in order to get to the King.

Then I recalled the aura in my mind before Searlus made his appearance at the ball. I closed my eyes and prayed that the castle would help. The red glow came to my mind's eye, along with a pounding headache. And then, I just knew. I knew where to go and how to get there. So, I ran through the dusty halls, and I caught sight of the bizarre things along the way. A broom was whacking a man unconscious, a chair was throwing a rebel over a bannister, and I even witnessed a standing clock slamming its doors on the head of a traitor.

After a fuckload of stairs, I finally reached the fight. I barrelled through the group of rebels already reloading the crossbow. The adrenaline rushing through my veins mixed with the power of my cuffs turned me rabid.

My fists flew in all directions, knocking even the largest man out of the break to plummet to the ground. Gaston got a punch in, breaking my lip in the process but it barely made me waver. I jeered at him. His eyes were wide with fear as I charged. He dropped to the ground for the trigger of the crossbow.

"Belle, no!" I heard Searlus cry.

Just as the large arrow catapulted toward me, I jumped. I swear the world around me slowed. In midair, I kicked Gaston on his cleft chin, kicking him right through the stone walls of the castle.

I dropped to the ground on all fours. My cuffs that had been glowing scarlet in the fight grew dim. That's when I was snatched from behind and lifted above the massive machine. I kicked and screamed as the world turned upside down. I could hear Searlus roar in outrage as I hung from my ankle.

"Well, now!" A man leered at me through the protective glass of his contraption. "So good to see you again, my dear. I was going to let you live, you know? But you are quite a nuisance."

"Let her go, Armand!" Searlus roared.

Armand chuckled. "My wife tells me you actually fell in love with this monster. I'm curious. Did you let him fuck you like the stray bitch you are? Oh, wait. That's right. You don't remember, do you?" He tutted and shook his head. "Damn. I really wanted to know."

"Prince Armand!" I heard Gerard yell through heaving breaths. "Please, Your Grace! Let me take her away from here. She won't meddle again, I swear it!"

"So sorry, that won't do. You should have controlled your wife before she decided to interrupt me." He clamped tighter to my ankle. It should have broken instantly, but it didn't. Still, I screamed as if it did. It honestly wasn't good thinking on my part but a mere reaction to what I really thought would be beyond painful. But then it did give me the idea to keep up the act. I screamed and cried. My cuffs were still working. Maybe it just needed a little recharge.

Searlus let out a vicious snarl at the same time Gerard cried out.

"LET HER GO!" Searlus bellowed.

"All right, all right," Armand rolled his eyes and then smirked. "A life for a life, dear cousin. You know the rules of alchemy. Come on then. Surrender and I will let your bitch go."

I shook my head and tried to look at Searlus. I caught a glimpse of his desperate face. We made eye contact briefly. I gave him an exaggerated wink while keeping up my pitiful whimpering and hoped he understood.

The King inhaled sharply. "Fine."

"Say it," Armand demanded. "Say you surrender for all to hear."

"Give Belle to her husband first, and I will," Searlus conceded.

"I don't think so," Armand scoffed and then hung me out of the hole in the wall.

I looked below me and panicked. We were so high!

"Belle!" Searlus shouted. "Pray for strength!" he pleaded.

"Ha!" laughed Armand. "If the gods do exist, you think they'd listen to this whore?"

That's when I remembered. The prayer for strength was written on my cuffs in my mother's tongue! "Kratos, donne-moi ta force!" I invocated with all my being.

The crystals glowed so brightly it blinded me. It must have blinded Armand as well because he screamed right before a rifle went off, and the sound of glass shattering filled my ears. I was released when the machine toppled over to the ground. I opened my eyes to find Gerard pulling me into his arms as Searlus wrestled with Armands machine.

I watched in horror as Armand swung a mechanical arm so hard that the contraption rolled over and out of the hole with Searlus trapped in its embrace.

I shrieked and scrambled to the edge. Searlus was hanging from his claws on a loosened stone, dangling from his leg. The King was growling something mad while trying to kick off his cousin, but he was causing the stone to dislodge further. He must have noticed, because he looked up at me and rasped, "I love you," just as the stone finally gave way.

With a broken scream of protest, I reached as far as I could and caught him by his mane. He growled and snarled from the pain. Even with my glowing cuffs, he was too heavy with Armand still clinging to him. That is when Gerard stood beside me and aimed his rifle at the King.

"Gerard, no, please!" I begged.

He fired.

There was a bullet hole through Armands terror-stricken face. The villain's grasp on the controls slipped away along with his soul, and the machine fell.

Searlus wrapped one hand around my wrist and used his free hand to dig his claws into the wall. I let go of his hair and held onto his arm with both hands as Gerard kept me in place and helped me haul him up.

"Heave!" I ordered. "Ho!" Gerard pulled with me at the same time. The three of us fell on our backs, atop of one another and wheezed. I could barely breathe with Searlus draped over me, but his weight filled me with relief and grounded me.

But then he wasn't moving.

"Searlus? Searlus!" I rolled him off of me and gasped at the sight of all the wounds he'd endure in the battle. His armour was torn in several places. He was bleeding. I removed his breastplate with barely any effort and began searching through his trousers.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Gerard shrieked, aghast.

I found what I was looking for and pulled out the vial that Anne had given him. I uncorked it, forced his massive jaw open, and poured the tonic in his mouth.

I waited on bated breath, dismayed when it didn't work right away. A sob escaped me that I didn't know had been trapped in my chest. I pushed the King's matted, bloody hair away from his face and caressed his cheek. An errant thought about his fur being so soft made me sob again.

Then his beautiful eyes fluttered open, and he groaned. He gave me a ghost of a smile before his eyes shifted and landed on Gerard. Then the King looked furious.

Searlus got up a bit too quickly and wavered, but then he caught Gerard by the collar and lifted him to eye level. I sat there, dumbfounded as Gerard yelped and begged for his life.

"Silence!" Searlus hissed. My husband shut his mouth and whimpered. "I am loath to know that I owe you a life debt, you stinking heap of horseshit! So, I won't rip your throat out, but that won't stop me from charging you with treason and leaving you to rot in the darkest pit I can find!" The King dropped him on his arse and pointed at me without looking. "Tell her the truth, and I'll spare you that fate as well, with exile as your punishment instead."

Gerard looked from me to the King and drooped. "The Esperanza wasn't captured," he muttered.

"LOUDER!" Searlus bellowed so loud that I had to cover my ears.

"I SOLD THE ESPERANZA TO ARMAND!" He shrieked back angrily. Then he gazed at me and started to weep.

I was too tired and shocked to react with the rage I would feel later. All I asked was, "why?"

"Pirates _did_ capture us. We were surrounded. They took everything, save the ship. Left us alive. Then Armand's ship reached us after. He boarded. He told me the Esperanza was the fastest and sturdiest ship he'd ever seen and that he'd make me rich if I gave it to him. He offered the rest of the crew the same if they joined his militia." Gerard looked at me with his pained blue eyes. "We lost that trade, Belle. We would have lost our home. So, I made the deal. I sold the ship to him, and he paid me."

Silent tears streamed down my face as I listened to his story of betrayal. "Why didn't you come home? You had the money. My father would have understood. I would have too! Why didn't you come back?!"

Gerard hung his head and sighed. "I wasn't in my right mind. I was still grieving the loss of our child. And I was losing you too. And then I lost the money. By the time I wanted to come home, I had nothing to show for. So, I stayed away because I knew it'd be over between us anyway. I'm sorry," he finished with a whisper.

I stayed silent for a long time, looking at his still boyish face. My beautiful Gerard, who had swept me off my feet. Handsome and a damned good sailor. He really did seem like a stranger to me then.

"Papa was wrong. You're not a dog." I shook my head and scoffed mirthlessly. "You're much worse. At least a dog is loyal to their family," I said, barely any emotion to my words. I felt numb.

I turned to Searlus, who was staring at me warily and finally my furry overcame me. "You knew," I accused him. "You knew what he did, and you were going to let me leave with him. And you say you love me?!" I pointed at Gerard. "Fuck you!" I pointed at the King. "And fuck you too!" I stormed off, not knowing where the hell I was going.

"Belle!" Searlus yelled after me. "BELLE!"

I started to run, not understanding my error in doing so. Searlus was in a frenzy and chased after me. I looked behind me and barely let out a scream at the sight of the enormous panther-man bounding toward me. He pounced and cornered me.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled.

In response, he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me through the halls and down flights of stairs until we reached a room. It looked like a cave. I could barely see a thing, but the heat and humidity on my face told me there was some kind of hot spring nearby.

Searlus rounded on me and grasped me by the shoulders. He was panting. His eyes were almost entirely black, and he appeared crazed. There was a constant hum emanating from his chest. I was stunned motionless, every hair on my neck standing on end.

"I told you," he said on a growl, "that I'd been a fool." He brought his face mere inches away from mine and sniffed deeply. He gave me a look of such disgust that I felt embarrassed. So embarrassed that I grew defensive and angry again.

"Don't look at me like that! What the hell do you think I'm going to smell like after a brawl?! ROSES?!"

"If only you smelled of blood and sweat. But there is another scent that has lingered on you since you strutted up to me in _my_ castle, at _my_ ball, and _insulted_ me for everyone in the blasted room to hear!"

_Oh, shit, _I thought with dread. I didn't have time to think much else because Searlus only drew closer and sniffed again.

"I was in denial before, but now I can't ignore it's _him_ I've smelled on you all evening. You _reek_ of that sorry excuse of a man. Do you think that makes me happy? Hm? To know I am the reason you were in someone else's bed instead of _mine?! _Not just someone else_. _But _him_! A leech not worthy of even looking at you!_"_

I tried to shake the confusion off me and failed. Before I understood that the beast was jealous–angry, and also aroused–he grated in my face again, only closer.

"I know what I am, but even I know I am more of a man than that lowlife traitor! I let you go once because I thought I was undeserving of you. I am _not_ about to make the same mistake _twice_! And I'll tell you something else. I had no _intention_ of letting him take you from me. Not until I was certain you'd recoil from me. Not until I was sure you were happy with that mongrel. Because that is what matters to me, Belle. Your happiness."

His voice faltered at the end, and he closed his eyes.

"Losing you," he sobbed, "knowing you'd forgotten me, it _killed_ something inside of me. I thought I'd die of heartbreak, but I didn't. I kept waking up in this empty castle without you and I couldn't–I could not live the way I had lived before you came upon my doorstep!"

He leaned away and took a steadying breath. "So, I made a choice. That weak, pitiful thing that you destroyed in my heart, I buried it once and for all and I _chose_ to _fight_. I had to fight Armand first before I had any chance of fighting for _you_."

He opened his eyes and searched my own. "It's over now," he murmured. "We're both free. And now that I've said my piece, you can storm out of here if you like, but I will _not_ _give up_." His eyes grew fierce again. "Not this time. Not ever again. I will continue fighting for you. I don't care how long it takes." He bent low once more and whispered in my ear. "One day _I_ will be the one you reek of."

I shuddered as warmth pooled between my legs. I swore I was going to die of heat.

He let me go and staggered backwards. His eyes rolled up behind his eyelids briefly as he swayed. I stared at his battered body and whatever shock I was in finally lifted.

"Searlus, you're hurt," my voice was so small, I barely recognised it.

"The water," he slurred, "get me in the water." He reached out to catch himself on the wall beside him, but I caught him instead.

"I have you," I consoled as I threw his arm over my shoulder. My cuffs glowed and flickered. He was starting to get more cumbersome, but I managed to get him to the spring and into the water.

"The cart... healing minerals..." he barely managed to say.

I got out of the water and found what he asked for.

I poured two large bottles worth of the stuff into the pool. Searlus sighed with relief almost immediately.

"Anne. Get someone... to fetch her. And come back. Don't leave me alone. Please."

How could I deny him? After I found someone to get Anne and any other healer on the grounds, I got in the spring with Searlus. "Come here, I'll hold you up," I told him as I moved behind him on the steps and hooked my arms under his shoulders to keep him above water.

"You always do," he mumbled back and fell asleep in my embrace.


	19. Chapter 19

**"Rigging Monkey refers to a crewmember of a sailing vessel whose primary responsibility is to climb the mast, usually with the assistance of a boatswain's chair, to work on the rigging of the ship." -Wikipedia**

**Thank you Azeran and Intergalacticsupertwink for the hard beta work you put into this!**

**I hope you all like this chapter. It's much longer than I anticipated. I'm halfway through chapter 20 but I'm on the pmdd train rn and can't concentrate on writing so it will probably be another week or so before it's ready.**

**Keep safe out there!**

* * *

Searlus was ripped out of my arms by a team of fretful but stern healers. Anne rushed in, shouting out orders. She looked me over as I dragged myself out of the pool.

"You're hurt," she said with a disapproving shake of her head.

"I'm just a bit tired. I should probably take these off now," I muttered and removed my cuffs.

And that's the last thing I remember. Apparently, the cuffs were giving me the strength to keep conscious after all the physical and emotional turmoil. I was told that as soon as the first cuff came off, I swooned headfirst into the spring.

When I awoke the next day, it was already late afternoon. My body was sore, but it could have been worse. My lip hurt something awful, though. I opened my eyes and found myself in a medical tent with a handful of other patients. I braced myself for a dizzy spell as I stood up, but nothing happened. I was fine. I looked myself over. I was in a white tunic and trousers, and barefoot.

"Well, now, look who's awake!" Anne chirped and smiled brightly. "Quite the heroic show you put on last night. Everyone is waiting for you, you know? The King, especially, of course." She rolled her eyes affectionately.

"He's alright?" I asked, hopefully.

"Oh, yes," Anne dismissed my worry with a wave and a grin. "A few broken bones, but his body always heals quickly. He's very eager to see you."

Flashes from the evening came to me, and I shuddered when my mind finally supplied the moment Searlus had crowded me into a corner and poured out his heart. I shivered again when I recalled what he whispered in my ear.

"I'm not sure what to do about him," I admitted.

Anne sighed with exasperation. "You do what you think is right for _you_, dear. I can only hope you give him a chance. Circumstances were quite different when you fell in love with him the first time." She gave me a glass of water. "He seems different to me now," she mused aloud.

I swallowed a generous amount of water before I asked, "How so?"

Anne shrugged and smirked. "He seems happy. I know that might be an odd thing to say, but he always seemed so sad before. With good reason of course, but even when you two got your head out of your arses and moved things along," she let out a puff of air and shook her head. "He still seemed quite depressed."

Hearing Searlus recount his pain and blaming his doubt for what happened; it made sense. There probably wasn't a moment he endured where he wasn't afraid of losing me. Then he did. But just as Searlus said, it's over now, and we are both free.

I was filled with a desperate need to see him suddenly. "Can you take me to him?"

Anne beamed at me and nodded. She led us to a large tent with two guards at its entrance. Before I could even announce myself, I heard his voice.

"Let her in."

I walked inside and found the King on a large cot, sitting up against a mountain of pillows. His lower half was under blankets, and he wore a loose shirt. I could see bandages peeking out under his collar. His eyes were twinkling with mirth, and the corners of his mouth were turned up slightly. He seemed so content. Anne was right. His demeanour was a far cry from when I had beheld him at the ball.

I smirked and gazed around to keep from melting under his piercing gaze. "How'd you know it was me?" When I peered at him, he was smiling with amusement.

"I'm well, thank you. And yourself?"

I cringed at my lack of manners and stammered out a reply. "I-I I'm good. Fine. Yeah. Sorry, I should have asked, but Anne told me–"

His deep chuckle cut me off, and when I met his gaze, he had a wicked grin of mischief that nearly took my breath away. "Pleasantries have never been your forte, Belle. I've always thought it refreshing."

He waved me over to a chair by his bedside. I sat and tried to suppress my own smile. "Refreshing," I mocked. "I'm sure."

He hummed and nodded. "I knew it was you because I know your gait. For someone so blunt, crass, and who can't dance if her life depended on it, you're quite light footed."

I widened my eyes and scoffed, but I had no reply. I was still too caught up on him recognising the sound of my steps.

"And," he nearly purred out, "I know your scent."

I felt my cheeks heat, remembering how jealous he was at smelling Gerard on me. The spring must have taken care of that because he didn't seem perturbed. "That's a bit embarrassing," I mumbled. "Being able to smell me from inside a tent."

Searlus tilted his head and quirked a brow. "I've told you before that I knew you were special from the moment I laid eyes on you. Would you like to know what your first words to me were?" He grinned and showed a sharp canine.

"Goodness," I breathed, "something stupid I imagine, but go on."

"Imagine my utter astonishment," he lilted, "when I came out of the shadows, certain you'd at least gasp with shock, and instead, you merely widened your eyes, craned your neck up to get a better gander and said 'Blimey, you're tall.'" He looked at me expectantly.

I bit my cheek but could not stop my toothy smile from forming. "Better than the second first time I saw you."

Searlus dipped his chin and gave me a hooded glare. "Indeed." Then he sniggered and let his head fall back on his pillows. He sighed contentedly at me. "You surprise me at every turn."

His stare made me squirm in my seat. "Did you have something, in particular, you wanted to tell me? Anne said you wanted to see me."

"I always want to see you," he replied fondly.

I cleared my throat and dusted off imaginary fluff from my knee. "So, what now?"

Searlus frowned and shrugged. "Life goes on, I suppose. The castle is virtually in ruins. I think this tent will be my home for some time." He groaned at the thought.

I chuckled. "My poor King, reduced to living in a grand canopy with lavish pillows and blankets. Servants waiting on him hand and foot. Woe, what has become of the world?!"

"If you're coveting my pillows," he mocked, "then have one."

Before I could move away, a pillow was flung at my face. I cried out in outrage but quickly joined him in laughter. "Brute," I admonished with a smile.

"Impudent female," he retorted in the most loving way an insult has any right to sound.

Our matching smiles faded as we gazed at each other. The silence started to make me feel awkward. I didn't know what to say or how to act. I was stuck between treating him as a stranger and being familiar.

"What will _you_ do now," Searlus asked quietly.

I stared at my hands for a long while. "I think I'll start with throwing all of Gerard's belongings into the gutter."

"A good start," he said gravely.

I giggled hysterically and saw he was waiting for more. "I don't know," I whispered as guilt flooded me.

Searlus held out his hand, and I took it readily. He thumbed my knuckles reassuringly and nodded. "That's good too."

I felt my eyes burn and moisten. "Is it? Weren't you hoping I'd... that I'd..."

"You not knowing, is not a rejection. So, yes, that is good. It means 'maybe'. It means," he brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it. "It means I still have a chance," he murmured on my wrist.

Then he let me go and winked at me. I nearly snorted out a laugh. My emotions were at war with each other, and I could not figure out which belonged to me now and which belonged to me then.

"Have you always been this cocky?" I said while wiping a tear from my cheek.

Searlus shook his head wistfully. "Sometimes, one needs to pretend to be brave to be rewarded with real bravery. I want to be brave," he whispered with longing.

"Well, I see nothing but that."

"Then I'm pretending exceptionally well." We were still holding hands when Searlus looked at the entrance of his tent. "Let them in," he called while giving me a smug grin.

Anne and my father were allowed inside, and I snatched my hand away with a tut. "Show off."

The glint was back in his smiling eyes when he greeted his new guests.

"I'm happy to see you well, Searlus," Papa said as he bounced on his heels with joy.

I was worried he was too informal, but Searlus only nodded and motioned for them to sit. "How is your health, Maurice?"

"I'm afraid this forest does nothing to ease my lungs," my father replied. I heard the wheeze in his breath and grew worried.

Anne patted Papa's hand. "We wanted to ask permission to leave the grounds. You see, we have a house by the shore. It helps his ailment very much and, well," Anne blushed and looked at me. "We'd like to get married there as soon as possible.

I gasped and brought my hands to my mouth. Tears threatened to spill again. "Oh," I breathed and launched myself at them both, "that's wonderful!"

We laughed and cried, and when we finally settled, Searlus shook my father's hand and congratulated him and Anne.

"Of course, you may leave whenever you wish. I'll provide transport for," he forced out a polite smile after giving me a sideways glance, "all of you."

"You mean all of us," Anne glared at the King in a warning.

Searlus furrowed his brow. "The three of you, yes."

"Well," Anne scoffed and placed her hands on her hips, "I'm quite sure that your education included arithmetic, young man. There are four of us here." She cocked a brow and raised her chin in challenge.

The King's mouth dropped open, and his brow climbed up to his horns. "Oh! Oh..." His eyes shifted nervously. "By the sea, you say?"

"Yes," Anne replied.

"Outside of these grounds? Outside of this city..."

Papa chuckled. "Yes, Sire, you are invited. Seeing that your castle is in disrepair, we'd like to offer to host Your Majesty, if it pleases you."

Searlus' eyes were as wide as my own. We looked at each other at the same time and then looked away. Anne and my father scowled at me, prompting me to speak.

"I think that's a brilliant idea," I squeaked.

"Thank you," Searlus mumbled to his hands. "I will think on it."

"Think on it?!" Anne cried with outrage. "Don't tell me you won't come to my wedding after everything I've done for you!"

Searlus swallowed hard. "I've, erm, you know I've never–I've never been... out there."

Of course, my stupid brain supplied. The poor man was nearly trembling with dread just thinking about leaving his safe haven. But the castle was no place for anyone to live in and the gates had been destroyed. I took his hand before I could think better of it. He snapped his gaze to our hands before he sent them to my eyes.

A mixture of fear and hope painted his face. "Someone once told me," I chided, "some wise words about being brave."

Searlus closed his eyes and gave my hand a grateful squeeze. "Yes," he said before he opened his eyes once more. "I'd love to attend your wedding and, erm, be your guest."

I gave him a proud and encouraging wink, which he responded to with a nervous smirk.

I didn't see much more of him after that. His council meetings were often and long, and he had many correspondences to answer in regarding the state of things from other kingdoms. I felt guilty when I finally went back to his tent the next morning and bade him farewell. I needed to go back home, pack and help Anne and my father with preparing our travels. Although he kept calm, I could see the dismay in his eyes.

"Safe travels, Belle," he said quietly. "As soon as I am fit to travel, I will meet you at your father's estate."

"I think _estate_ might be too grand a word," I chuckled. "It's a large house, I'm told, but it's no castle."

Searlus dismissed my words with a wave of his hand. "As long as you're there, I will be more than happy with my accommodations."

I blushed fiercely. "Flirt."

"Says the flirt," he smiled coyly. Then his smile vanished, and he cleared his throat. "I should tell you that I fully intend to formally request a courtship. Again."

My mouth went dry, and I nodded cautiously. "Right. I figured as much."

"Yes, well, I just wanted to give you forewarning. I'm sure you'll be propositioned by many others now that you are a free woman, and a hero at that."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "I was better off as a widow. I'm a spinster now, thanks to you. I don't think anyone wants an old maid for a wife, well, except... erm, you apparently."

"No, Belle," he denied gravely. "You are a bachelorette. A rich bachelorette at that."

"Also thanks to you," I muttered. "It'd be rude of me to accept an offer when my dowry was gifted to me by another suitor. Don't you think?" I lilted.

Searlus blinked at me and inhaled. "I know you're jesting to deflect. And I hope you know that you owe me nothing. In fact, I owe _you_ a life debt. If..." he swallowed and started again. "I know you will only marry for love, you've told me as much before. But if you do get other offers, I implore you not to rush your decision. If you can wait, of course."

My heart constricted in my chest. He was holding himself together for me, but I knew the prospect of losing me was tearing him apart.

"Well," I stood from the bedside chair and poured myself some wine from his bar, "you said you'd fight for me regardless. I assume that means you'd still try to woo me away from anyone else who is after my heart... and riches." I gave him a side glance and saw him narrowing his eyes at me.

"Yes. You may count on that," he nearly growled.

"In any case," I emptied my glass and walked back to his side, "I can promise you I won't elope, at least not until you're a shoo-in."

Searlus raised his brow and tilted his chin up. "Am I not a shoo-in already?"

I scoffed and tossed my hair over my shoulder. "What? You think that being a King, saving my life, making me rich, providing for my family, and a couple of kisses are enough to merit you my hand in marriage?"

He was failing to fight back a smile while at the same time, his eyes grew dark and hungry. "I'll have to come up with something more agreeable to your standards then."

He snatched my arm and pulled me on his lap. I yelped in surprise, but it was cut off by his lips on my own. It was closed-mouthed but passionate. He gave me another softer peck and looked into my eyes.

I was breathless and terribly warm, and a bit shocked, if I'm honest. "That was very bold of you, Your Majesty," I murmured with a gasp.

"You said a couple of kisses didn't do the trick, so I ventured to see if a couple more might tip the balance," he purred.

His warm breath smelled of the forest, and I was quickly intoxicated. "You should still," I panted, "ask for permission."

Searlus scoffed softly and quirked a brow. "Then next time, ask for mine. Did you know," he whispered, "when you kissed me before the battle, that was the second time you initiated without bothering to warn me? The _first_ time earned you that scar." He looked up briefly before catching my gaze again.

"Oh," I piped. "Papa left that part out." Searlus stared at my lips. His eyes grew darker, and a soft purr or growl began to rumble in his chest. I swallowed hard and shivered.

Abruptly, I was practically tossed off the bed. I staggered but caught my balance. "Brute!" I jeered, but his look rooted me to the spot. It was the same look on his face when he chased me through the castle halls.

"I'll see you soon, Belle." It was a clear dismissal with a warning attached to it. "Be safe, my heart."

I nodded dumbly and backed out of the tent slowly.

* * *

I'd been at the beach house for two months with no word from the King. The wedding was a couple of weeks away, and I feared he'd decided not to attend. Maybe his devotion and bravery, his kisses and promises were only because of the heat of battle. Or injuries. Or medications for those injuries.

At one point, I started taking calls from suitors. I thought that I should keep my options open but quickly found that I only did it to goad _His Majesty_ to do _something! _Oh, those men were boring. Lord! One lady was quite fetching and witty, but I just kept thinking of the King. At first, I thought it was guilt that held me back, but no. I thought of him every day and almost every moment of the day. I had even started studying alchemy... again. I dreamt of him too.

I was getting quite depressed when correspondence from the King finally arrived. I was eager to open it but found it was addressed to my father. I pouted and trudged to find him.

"Open it," I demanded as I dropped the letter on his desk.

Papa blinked at it and then at me through his spectacles. "Run along then." He shooed me away with a wave.

I huffed and stormed out of the room.

My father did not come out of his study until dinner time. I was a mess. I had tried everything to keep my mind off the letter for hours with no results. Papa swaggered his way in, whistling a merry tune and sat at the head of the table.

"This looks delicious," he praised the food and the kitchen maid.

I stared at him with a withering look, but he kept pointedly ignoring me while he began stuffing his face. I cleared my throat.

"Do you need a drink, Belle?" He asked without looking from his plate.

"Incorrigible man," Anne chastised with a smile. "You know we're all waiting for what was in the post."

"Ah, yes!" Papa exclaimed and pulled out a stack of letters from his waistcoat pocket. "Belle, a suitor has asked for your hand."

I tampered down a gasp and waited as casually as possible. "Oh? Who?"

My father made a show of not finding the letter before finally producing three instead of one. "Several suitors actually."

He placed the stack in front of me, and I very nonchalantly skimmed them. There was nothing from Searlus. I glared at my father over the pages while he tore into a chicken leg, completely unperturbed.

"Nothing from the King?" I asked sweetly with a forced smile.

"Hm?" He looked at me and thought long and hard before answering. "There was a letter from the King as a matter of fact, yes." Then he kept eating.

I threw the letters over my shoulder and snatched my father's plate away from him.

"Ho! Now, Belle, you won't get a husband acting like that," he scolded sternly with narrowed eyes and a wagging, greasy finger.

"I think the dogs are hungry," I mused.

He nearly jumped out of his chair. He knew I'd do it. "Ah-ah! Fine! Fine-fine. Give it here, and I'll talk."

I gave him back his plate while Anne gave me a proud nod of approval.

"The King wrote to _me, _alerting _me_ that he will be arriving soon."

There was a long silence, and then my father nodded curtly and began eating again.

I suppressed a snarl. "_When_?" I pronounced.

"Why do you care?" My father said through a mouthful of food.

"Maurice," Anne admonished. "Come now. We need to be prepared for his arrival, so you should tell us when that will be."

Papa shrugged. "Soon."

I was about to strangle him when our housemaid entered the kitchen in a tizzy. "Beg your pardon, sir, but a guest has arrived."

"Ah, he's arrived—punctual man. I admire that." My father stood up and followed the maid out of the kitchen.

My jaw dropped open. "Impossible," I rasped and shot out of my chair. "It can't be. Anne?" I looked at her only to find her smirking into her wine glass. "I can't believe you two!" I whispered harshly and ran out of the kitchen, muttering angrily. "Doesn't tell me... outrageous... not dressed... hair is a mess... King in the fucking parlour!"

As I dashed up the stairs, stomping like an elephant. I nearly tumbled down them when I heard Lumiere's voice. I rushed to my mirror. I was flushed and breathless from running, surely just from running. My hair was a disaster. I undid my plait and combed it enough to be acceptable and decided it looked best all hung over one shoulder.

Proper decorum was for the entire household to wait for the King. Oh, well, I thought. He made _me_ wait! I changed into fresh clothes as quickly as possible. Combed my hair again and then threw my door open. I paused at the steps to listen in as I heard some murmuring below, but it was merely the servants gossiping.

"Goodness, the poor man!"

"I didn't think the rumours were true!"

"Well, if Lady Belle doesn't marry him, I just might. I love kitty-cats."

They giggled like little girls, and I cleared my throat loudly. They scattered as I climbed down the steps. My breath was shallow as I reached the door to the parlour. I heard the deep rumble of his voice as clear as day.

"I don't want to keep you from your dinner."

"Nonsense," I heard Anne say. "We had a late start because _Lord Dubois _decided to keep us all in suspense. Sup with us, Searlus, you're still not eating enough, I can tell."

"Thank you, Anne, but I am quite weary, and I'm not hungry. I'm not used to travelling."

His voice, goodness, his voice alone had undone me. I chided myself internally for being so affected by a man I hardly knew, but he had left quite the impression. Maybe I wasn't in love, but I was clearly infatuated. Still, some dignity was in order. So, I schooled my face and opened the door.

The room quieted as I entered. There he was. Sitting in a large winged chair that my father had made exclusive for the King. I honestly didn't know who else was in the room, because my eyes were only for Searlus. He was as remarkable as I remembered.

He was in travelling attire, wearing a lovely green shirt and black breeches. His black knee-high boots were muddy. His mane was a bit unruly, and I found that I quite liked it like that. His tired emerald eyes were guarded, and his smile was polite.

Searlus stood, and the rest of the room followed. "Good evening, Belle," he greeted me with a slight bow.

"Decided to come under cover of night like a highwayman?" I said instead of pleasantries.

He smiled, showing his sharp teeth and shook his head fondly. "I didn't want to cause an uproar," he explained with a shrug.

My father cleared his throat and bowed. "If you'll excuse us–"

"Excused," Searlus said eagerly.

I heard some chuckles, and the room cleared out. I took one step toward Searlus, and he took two.

"You didn't write," I pointed out with a jut of my chin.

He tilted his head and furrowed his brow. "I never said I would. And you didn't write either. Nor did I expect you to."

What cheek! "I see. So all that worrying about someone sweeping me off my feet was for nothing? I suppose you've changed your mind then?"

Searlus stepped closer with a knowing smile. "Had to give the poor chaps a chance. And, no," he purred, "I have not changed my mind." I failed to suppress a shiver, which prompted him to step even closer until he was only a foot away from me. "I heard you have quite the list of suitors. What is it now? Fifteen proposals?"

"This week," I boasted with a smug grin of my own. "Some of them are quite handsome–" I wanted to be swallowed by the ground. I clamped my mouth shut and took a quick breath. If he was offended or hurt by my stupid statement, he did not show it. I was about to apologise, but Searlus spoke first.

"You called me handsome once," he bragged, "so if any of them are as handsome as I am, then I'm not too concerned."

I covered my face with my hands to hide my embarrassment. I heard him get closer, felt the warmth of his body, then my hands were being pulled away.

"But if any are as handsome as you, well, I just might worry... a bit." He smirked and kissed my exposed wrist.

"Just a bit?"

"Mhm. Money can solve a lot of problems if you haven't learned yet."

I chuckled and blushed. "You'd really pay off my suitors?"

Searlus gave me a comical frown and shrug. "Better than hanging the lot, I would think."

A ridiculous and hysterical giggle escaped me, and I felt myself burn hotter. "You must be exhausted," squeaked and then cleared my throat. "I can show you to your room if you like." The words had come out, as usual, without my permission and I caught Searlus' eyes widen before he outright leered at me.

"Oh, I _would_ like. _Very_ much," he growled low.

I bit down on my lip and did an about-face while Searlus let me go and followed me. Walking through the dark and quiet halls, I imagined that night in the castle again, and the hairs on my neck stood on end. I wanted to look over my shoulder and see if he had that same hungry look he had that night. It was thrilling. It almost felt like I was... being hunted. I shuddered.

We climbed the stairs, and I pointed to my door. "That's my room," I admitted quietly with another blush.

"Good to know."

I decidedly did not look at him as I turned and led him in the opposite direction. I reached the door to his quarters, and my hand floated over the handle. I was trembling. I steeled my nerves and opened it. I stood aside and motioned for him to go in.

The lanterns were on, as well as some globes of light I had been able to make with my newfound knowledge of alchemy. So, the room was well lit when I saw him smile wistfully at my inventions.

"Did you make those?"

"I did."

Searlus turned to me and dragged his eyes over me from head to toe. "Thank you."

"Should I send someone for your things?"

"No, Lumiere has that handled. I didn't bring much tonight. We travelled light." He gave me a pointed stare. "I wanted to get here as quickly as possible. He'll make sure my belongings get here soon enough."

I smiled and nodded. There was an awkward silence before I cleared my throat nervously. "How is the castle coming along."

"Slowly, I'm afraid," though he didn't sound put out. "My stay here, unfortunately, shall be indefinite as a result."

And that's why he didn't sound put out. "Ah, that is unfortunate." I found myself staring at the large bed. "I made sure you got the best pillows in town. I know how much you like your pillows."

"Belle?"

I whipped my head in his direction.

There was that look again. That hungry gaze that said so many things. That said 'I need you,' 'I want you,' 'I'd die for you.'

"Yes?" I breathed.

"Would you like to come in?" he murmured. When I didn't answer, he took a step back. "I'd say I don't bite, but we both know that's not true."

The wicked glint in his eye finally snapped me out of whatever daze I'd been trapped in. "Sleep well, Beast," I whispered slyly.

He didn't miss a beat. "Sleep well, beauty."

I nearly ran to my room. I shut my door and leaned on it for stability. I covered my mouth to keep my laugh from ringing out. My cheeks were sore, and when I caught sight of myself in the mirror, I realised why.

I was beaming.

I barely slept that first night. I had bags under my eyes, and I was not ready to face the day in my state, but the prospect of seeing Searlus and hopefully spending the day with him launched me out of bed.

Just infatuation, I kept telling myself. And how could I not be captivated? Searlus is a King! Not just any King. He was the infamous and now famous Beast King! The only Chimaera in the known world, as far as anyone knew! And he is not some mindless, frightening creature. He is intelligent, more intelligent than anyone I've ever known. He can be alarming, but he is so kind. And he had the courage to change his fate and come out into the world that he thought would despise him. Knowing he attributed his bravery to me was not only flattering, it turned me to mush. He is such a romantic. Oh, and the way he talks to me!

I was in trouble. I knew I was, and I ran straight for it anyway. I ran through my morning routine, down the stairs, and into the breakfast room only to find out the brute had left the house!

"What do you mean, he left?!" I nearly shrieked at Papa and Anne.

"It's too early for your theatrical outbursts, Belle," Papa said drily as he sipped on his tea.

Anne kissed us both goodbye before she patted me on the shoulder. "He wanted to see the sunrise over the ocean. You know he's never seen the ocean in person."

"I know that!" I pouted. "Which is why I thought would be, oh, I don't know, showing him around! I could have taken him to see the sunrise!" I nearly stomped my foot in my little tantrum. It would have been so romantic, and he left without me.

"Gods," Papa groaned, "go to him then. Not every man is going to cater your every whim, especially if you don't voice the whims to begin with!"

I turned to Anne for help and found her nodding. "Remember, dear, you're the only sweetheart he's ever had."

"Bah!" I stormed out of the house and headed straight for the beach.

It was still too early for anyone else to be out there and I found Lumiere and a couple of guards watching over the King who was lounging on the shore. He was wearing a simple hooded cloak that covered most of him and had his feet buried in the sand. I exchanged some pleasantries with Lumiere and the other men and beelined for Searlus.

I stood over him, put my hands on my hips, and gave him my best frown. He didn't even look up at me when he spoke.

"I could sense your vehemence before you even greeted the men. What have I done now?"

"Cheeky man," I scoffed and then plopped down beside him. "We could have watched the sunrise together."

"Mm. But you're not much of a morning person. And..." he inhaled deep and slow, "maybe I wished to be alone."

I felt the blood drain from my face, and my stomach made an awful knot. "Oh," I breathed. "Sorry, I'll go," I said quickly and quietly. Before I could stand, Searlus grabbed my hand and pinned me down.

He continued looking out to the sea and took in a shaky breath. "I miss you so much," he whispered. "I miss your embraces, your kisses, your hand in mine, the way you used to look at me, and all the times you told me you loved me."

I breathed through my open mouth and tried not to burst into tears. There was so much pain and yearning in his words.

"I'm trying my best, Belle. Please understand how difficult this is for me. I can't help but mourn your loss from time to time. Even though I am so happy and grateful to just be near you." Searlus finally looked at me, his eyes tearful but hopeful. "Forgive me?"

I had to swallow several times before I could speak. "There's nothing to forgive." I lifted his hand and kissed it. "Do you know what helps to soothe sad thoughts?"

He shook his head.

I waggled my eyebrows and nodded towards the water. "A swim." I shot up, kicked off my shoes, and sprinted toward the water. I dove in perfect time to breach the waves and emerged with a loud gasp. The water was frigid, but I had long since grown used to it. I moved my hair out of my face and caught Searlus inches away from the water, staring at me with a strange look. "Scared of a little water, you overgrown cat?!" I shouted with a laugh.

Searlus narrowed his eyes at me. He looked around suspiciously and finally removed his cloak. His mane blew in the wind. He pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it as well. My eyes were locked on his broad, muscular torso, so I barely noticed he was taking off his breeches as well. When I focused on the rest of him, he was half-naked in merely his drawers. And that's when I saw it.

"You have a tail!" I screeched with excitement.

"Shut it," he retorted with a glare and then charged for the water.

I swam away, but his powerful strokes led him to me quickly. I laughed at him openly when his head poked out of the water. His dark locks were flattened on his head, his ears were more prominent, and they were pointing back. He looked like an angry wet cat more than ever. Although he had perfect form swimming the distance, keeping himself afloat seemed to be giving him trouble.

"Not very buoyant, are you, Your Majesty?"

In answer, he dipped below the surface and yanked on my trousers, submerging me. I came up and splashed water at him, which I quickly found to be erroneous because he retaliated, and it was like a tidal wave. Before I could complain, he dragged me to him and hopped backwards until he gained footing. He was panting but smiling broadly.

"Better now?" I asked as I gazed at his joyous face.

"Much," he admitted.

I was transfixed, and my heart was fit to explode. I decided to trust in my past self, the one I had no memory of. It just felt right. It felt like the only thing to do.

"Do you know what else would help?" I asked a bit more subdued.

"What?" He grinned with a curious quirk of his brow.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my body close to his. His hands came up to my waist, and his smile transformed into something needy and desperate. My face hovered before his as I searched his expression.

"I find that kissing does a great job of lifting the spirit. Especially if you're kissing someone you like very much," I said softly.

"I see," he murmured and looked down at my lips. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me tighter to his body. "And you like me?"

I nodded. "_Very_ much."

His lips were on mine in a flash. Another passionate closemouthed kiss that left me breathless but wanting more. I licked his bottom lip, and he moaned. The sound went straight to my undergarments. He opened his mouth, and I took advantage. I could taste the salt of the sea on his lips and mint and pine on his tongue. We kissed like that until I moaned with pleasure. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he gasped. My breath hitched. I could feel him hard between my legs, and I started to ache.

"Belle," he rasped and then rocked his hips and began kissing my jaw and neck. Then he pulled my soaked collar aside and kissed the mark he'd given me. When he nipped at my skin there, I shuddered. He growled softly and rested his forehead on mine. "I promise only to ask this once, and I won't doubt you ever again. Is this pity? Are you just trying to be kind because of what I said?"

"No," I said loud and clear and then kissed him again. His grip began to be too much for me. I ripped my mouth away and patted his shoulder. "Too much," I let out tightly.

He released me but kept his hands on my waist, keeping me above water. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing in steadying breaths. When he opened his eyes, there was barely any green left.

"We should go before we catch our deaths," I whispered.

Searlus seemed dazed, but he nodded and grunted in assent. I could tell it took great effort to let me go. We swam to shore. I was shivering and cursing myself for not thinking to bring a change of clothes. I should have swum in my undergarments as Searlus had. Before I could complain, Searlus draped his cloak over me and wrapped it tightly. I stood there and watched him squeeze the water out of his hair. My eyes travelled lower, and although it didn't seem like he was still aroused, the soaked drawers left nothing to the imagination.

"How far did we get exactly?" I blurted out and almost regretted it when he froze and looked at me with a hooded gaze.

"I assume you mean how much physical intimacy we shared?" He muttered cautiously.

I pursed my lips and nearly changed the subject, but then I nodded.

He bit down on his lower lip, sighed, and dragged his rounded claws through his mane. Searlus took a step forward and scrutinized me a moment. "What _exactly_ do you wish to know?"

So many questions. So many things I wanted to know. I took a deep breath and settled for something safe. "Have we seen each other naked? And I mean no garments whatsoever in the way of... everything."

He shook his head slightly. "No."

My eyes involuntarily went back to his crotch. "Oh."

His fingers went to the drawstring of his drawers and paused. When I looked up, his brow was arched. "I was surprised you never asked me back then. What I looked like." He smirked.

I scoffed and made like I didn't care either way. "Hardly matters, I think."

Both his brows shut up in surprise. "I highly doubt that. Let me ask you. You, knowing yourself, how far did you think you'd be _willing_ to go?"

My eyes kept rising and falling from his face to his hands, still holding the drawstring. I swallowed hard and shrugged. "Knowing me, especially if I was as in love as everyone says I was?" I paused for dramatic effect. "As far as _you_ were willing to go."

Searlus nodded slowly. "There was a time I would have settled, and been exceedingly grateful, for merely a chaste kiss on the cheek. But then you came along." He let his hungry gaze travel over me again. "I suppose you should know what to expect before making a blind offer like that again." With that, he pulled on the drawstring, and his pants fell to his ankles.

"Well, blow me down..." I muttered while ogling his impressive and moderately alarming package. He was only at half-mast, but he was clearly a full-rigged ship. "... and call me a riggin' monkey."

Human. It made sense that it would be human-like. The rest of him was humanoid in almost every aspect. That was a relief though I'm not sure it would have stopped me otherwise. Alas, we'll never know. He was dark-skinned and uncut, and his testicles were drawn up, most likely from the cold.

"Curiosity satisfied? If you haven't noticed, it's a bit nippy."

"Mhm." I nodded quickly and watched him put on his trousers and shirt, missing his nude form immediately. For someone considered deformed, he was chiselled flawlessly.

After he was fully dressed, he picked me up and carried me all the way back to the house. I found myself grinning like an idiot at the gesture. I was like a feather in his arms. His chest and shoulders were firm, and he had no trouble walking with me in his arms at all.

We parted in the house to wash off the salt from our hair and skin. By the time we met for lunch, a legitimate courtship was sanctioned. All suitors were notified, and I never received another offer.


	20. Chapter 20

**Only the epilogue left!**

**WARNING: NSFW content ahead. Smut. Limes. Lemon. The whole shebang.**

* * *

Searlus and I were practically inseparable. All of our idle time was spent together. We read to each other, and he tried teaching me to dance, he'd guide me in my studies, we poured over our experiments in my lab. We kissed. We kissed so much. Any time we were alone, our lips would join. That was the perk of being a King, no chaperon! Not that my father would have cared either way. So, we were alone often. From then, it only took a few days for Searlus to grow bolder.

It was evening. I was in bed, drunk on warm fuzzy feelings and thinking of him. I ached. I imagined him coming to my door after everyone had already gone to sleep. Just as I was about to touch myself, I heard a soft knock. I shot up in bed and listened just in case it was only in my mind. The knock came again.

I all but sprinted to my door and opened it, revealing Searlus with only a candle as his source of light. He was wearing a white nightshirt and knee-length drawers. I knew very well that I was in my nightgown. He looked me over with dark predatory eyes. Without a word, I stepped aside, and he came in. I shut the door gently and locked it.

I turned around and walked toward the foot of the bed where he stood. Slowly, I brought my hands to his chest and dragged them down his stomach. I began pulling up his shirt, and he complied by removing it. I raked my nails through his short fur, and the rumbling in his chest began. I knew what that meant. So, I kept going until I reached the hem of his pants.

Searlus took my wrists and pulled me to the bed. He sat on it, and the infernal thing made such a loud creaking noise that we froze to see if anyone had stirred. Then we sniggered until we were breathless. My bed was not made with him in mind, so I pulled off the blankets and pillows and laid them out on the floor.

I reclined first. Searlus loomed over me. His eyes shifted all over my body, not knowing where to land. His breathing was shallow, and he licked his lips before finally kneeling by my side.

"Belle," he whispered, "may I see you?" I nodded and sat up. I let him do the honours, and he stopped breathing. I was completely nude. He took in a sharp breath. "May I touch you?" I nodded again. His hands came to my face first, and he kissed me tenderly. Then he let his hands wander down my neck, my shoulders, to my waist, and then up until he grazed my bust. "I've had the honour of touching these before," he murmured as he cupped one breast and rubbed a thumb over my nipple gently.

I was quickly losing my mind. "Wait." He stopped immediately, and I pointed at my hope chest beside us. "The cuffs."

His eyes darkened further. He brought me the cuffs and put them on me. The new crystals I had installed glowed once. And then he was on me. "Beautiful," he whispered while running a hand down my body until he rested it on my hip. We kissed, and I revelled in the feel of his soft fur on my skin. He pushed me onto my back and caged me with his body. He moved my hair off my shoulder and growled when he saw his mark on me. I thought he was going to bite me again when he buried his face in the crook of my neck, but instead, he placed a kiss on each scar. When kissing could no longer ease our need, he laid on his side and pulled my legs apart. His nostrils flared, and he groaned.

I spread them wider in invitation, and his fingers traced patterns over my inner thigh until he reached my sex. He was gentle, so gentle it drove me mad. I was throbbing by the time he pressed a finger in me. Not enough to breach me entirely, but enough for my hips to thrust involuntarily. He swallowed my moan and then he placed his lips to the side of my head.

"May I taste you," he breathed so quietly I wouldn't have heard it had he not spoken it directly into my ear.

I was heaving with anticipation. I nodded and whispered my consent. He licked, sucked, and nipped at my breasts until I was a writhing mess. He left a trail of kisses all the way down and breathed me in. He groaned again and let his head drop on my thigh to regain composure, something he was getting better at every time. Then he hooked his hands under my knees and pushed my legs up. I was completely exposed to him and felt heat creep all over my face, neck, and chest.

I jolted when his lips finally kissed their way down my pubis and into my folds. His tongue was warm and large. He explored me all over, and I had to bring a pillow to my face to keep from crying out. I only removed it twice to guide him. He found where I liked it most and drove me wild. Then he dipped his tongue into my entrance. I bucked, but his strong hands kept me in place. He pushed his tongue in and out, slowly building up speed until he was downright fucking me with it. He let go of my legs to rub his thumb on that spot I liked and pushed me over the edge. I keened into my pillow as my climax wracked through me. All the while, he continued his onslaught until I started pushing him away.

Searlus refused my offer to repay him in kind, and then he carried me to bed after I started nodding off in his arms. He kissed me goodnight, told me he loved me and went back to his room. It was like a dream. When I woke up, I wondered if it had happened at all, but the ache between my legs and the pillows on the floor told me it had.

* * *

The next evening, I paced in my room, waiting for him, my cuffs already on. I was determined to bring him pleasure. There was barely a knock before I threw the door open, yanked him inside by his shirt and nearly tackled him to the blankets on the ground. The brute was chuckling with amusement, but his laughter quickly died off when I shoved my tongue down his throat and cupped his groin. He was already hard, and his back arched off the floor. I pushed him down with my added strength and covered his mouth with my hand before his moan woke the whole house.

He was heaving, and his eyes were wild. "Shush," I consoled, "I'll be more gentle now, I promise. Let me touch you. Let me please you."

Searlus shut his eyes and mumbled into my hand. I released his mouth and let him speak. "I don't want to hurt you," he nearly whined while at the same time giving a shallow thrust into my hand.

"You won't, my sweet beast."

"I lose control quickly. I don't think... I don't think I'd be able to stop."

"You won't need to." I shushed him. "You'll do as I say. You want to please me, yes?"

He nodded quickly.

"Then follow my instructions." He nodded again and whimpered, squirming on the ground. "Up." He stood up faster than I've ever seen anyone do. "Take off your clothes." He did as he was told while I fetched the lubricant. When he was completely naked, I guided him back down to his knees. "Keep your legs as they are and lie back when I say." I placed a pillow behind him. "Lie back and clasp your hands behind you."

He was lovely, and I had to tell him. "You're beautiful," I whispered.

Searlus let out a small scoff, but I could tell he believed me. "You're daft. I don't care, mind you. I find it quite suits me. No one in their right mind woul–"

I cut off his nervous prattling with a kiss. "I know it's not a very comfortable position, but that will help keep you more focused."

He nodded. I clenched my fists, and my cuffs glowed. First, I caressed his chest and scratched down his abdomen. Searlus groaned. I smiled at his response and quirked a brow.

"You're so sensitive." I kneaded his thighs until his body relaxed more. "I'm just going to use my hands, alright?"

Searlus shut his eyes hard and nodded.

I didn't want to shock him, so I slid up gently. He still jerked violently when I merely grazed his testicles with my little finger. He was panting. "Take deep, controlled breaths. I'm only going to explore for now so you can accustom yourself to my touch."

He nodded again and began to control his breathing. When I cupped his balls, he gritted his teeth and hissed to keep from crying out. I tugged and soothed, working in a slow massage. He was already leaking and began to thrust up into nothing. A whimper escaped him, so I put an end to his misery. "I'm going to take you in my hand now." It looked like he shook and nodded his head, as if not knowing what he wanted himself.

I placed my free hand on his chest, and he remembered to breathe again. "Ready?" I asked.

He growled with frustration. "Just do whatever and don't tell me. It's worse hearing you say these things!" I sniggered, and he opened his eyes to glare at me.

"Sorry," I said through a quiet laugh. "Maybe you should keep your eyes open. It's grounding."

A pained expression twisted on his face. He tilted his chin down to see what I was doing to him, and he whined. Who knew such a massive beast, with the most profound voice I'd ever heard, could sound so helpless. I dragged my caress up slowly and wrapped my hand around his cock.

Searlus' eyes nearly rolled back as he let out a loud moan. I covered his mouth quickly and pushed his head back to the pillow. I stroked him slowly with a loose grip. He was so smooth, so large. My fingers barely reached all the way around. My mouth salivated at the thought of what he would feel like inside me. I kept my other hand clamped over his open mouth. He grunted, groaned, and whimpered. His cock was leaking something fierce, so the lubricant was unnecessary. With an upward motion, I grazed his head with my thumb, and he bucked up into my hand. With his own slick, I tightened my grip and began to stroke him in earnest.

By somewhere close to the tenth stroke, Searlus' demeanour changed. He growled into my hand, and his breath came out harsh and shallow through his nose, and his pupils blew wide. He looked feral. He started thrusting into my hand with urgency, but the position made it difficult for him to do much.

Then his eyes locked on mine. He looked wild and hungry. I saw him shimming and knew he was about to let his hands go. Not used to seeing him so fierce, I grew a bit troubled. I kept my calm and reminded myself that I trusted him and more importantly, he trusted me.

I used more of my strength to pin his head all the way down and hissed. "Keep your hands clasped, or I'll stop."

Searlus snarled into my palm and tried to lift himself. I pushed harder to keep him down. It was beginning to be a trial. I picked up my speed to distract him. It worked. A rasp was torn from him, his hips stilled, and his thighs stiffened. He moaned and growled louder, but at least he stopped moving. His frenzy finally peaked when I focussed my touch on his tip. His whole body hardened before he let out a long, low roar into my hand, and he pumped his hips up, hard and slow. Then he spilt over my fist and shook for a long while.

With a long, deep, animalistic whine, Searlus melted into the pillows beneath him. I stayed still and waited a few moments before releasing him. Mouth still open, his head lolled to the side. He was so limp that I wondered if he'd fallen asleep. I cleaned my hand on a damp rag I'd left nearby and then used it to clean Searlus as well. He didn't move.

As gently as I could, I reached beneath him and unfastened his hands, then pulled his arms out from under him. Then I stretched his legs out. I rubbed his calves and thighs, and then I massaged his hands and arms.

"Searlus?" I whispered as I tucked his dark tresses back.

His eyes cracked open and fluttered.

"Are you alright?"

He hummed in ascent and made the slightest motion, beckoning me to him. I stretched out beside him, bringing a blanket over us both. I was going to snuggle into his embrace, but he turned over and nestled into mine instead. He draped his heavy arm over my hips and tugged me closer, then nuzzled his face into my shoulder until I slid my arm under his neck.

"M'stayin'," he babbled into my neck.

I chuckled and pet his head. "His Majesty can do as he pleases."

Searlus grunted. "Damn right." He sighed heavily. "I love you," he mumbled groggily.

Before I could even think to respond, he was asleep.

* * *

A knock on my door the next morning woke us both.

"Shit!" I hissed as Searlus blinked awake and froze in my arms.

"Belle," Anne called, "will you be making it to breakfast this morning?" She asked cheerily.

"Eh, yes! Yes. Um, be down in a tick!"

"All right!"

Searlus and I let out a relieved sigh, but Anne knocked again. "Oh, I almost forgot. Searlus, dear, your belongings have started to arrive from the castle. Where should we start putting things?"

We stared at one another before we broke out into hysterical chuckles. "Wherever the Lord and Lady of the house would like to put them, thank you, Anne." How he can control the commanding tone of his voice while being so utterly embarrassed is beyond me.

"Good! I'll see you both downstairs!" Anne's steps receded.

We laughed more openly and then we were kissing. It was so lovely to wake up next to him, feeling his warmth. His body is so large and strong that I felt safe and grounded. He must have enjoyed waking next to me too because I felt his arousal on my thigh, already leaving a moist trail every time he prodded.

"You're all right?" he murmured, "I didn't hurt you?" He gave me an expectant look.

I hummed my assent.

"I," Searlus looked away and cleared his throat, "I smelled your fear. I'm sorry if I frightened you."

I tried not to show too much lest he think I was lying. "I wasn't afraid. For a moment, maybe a bit startled and concerned for you, but I knew I was safe."

He gave me the slightest of smiles and then kissed me again. "You drive me mad with desire," he mumbled on my lips. Another knock at the door elicited a small snarl from Searlus. "What?!"

I tried not to laugh at his frustration.

"Sire, the council meeting?" Lumiere's voice was muffled behind the door.

"Fuck," Searlus breathed, and that made me laugh all the more. He never swears! It's frustrating, so when he does, it's always a shock and amusing to me. Makes him more human in my eyes. "Yes, yes. On my way." He dropped his head between my breasts and groaned.

"Stupid meeting," he muttered, "stupid council, stupid kingdom."

I chuckled and petted his hair. "The sooner you finish your duties, the sooner we'll be together again."

"S'not fair." He growled and snapped his head up to give me one more passionate kiss before he stood up and began to dress. "Brilliant. Now I have to parade back to my chamber in my undergarments, in broad daylight no less," he grumbled petulantly.

"My goodness!" I mocked. "I give him a wank, and he turns into a sulking baby. It should have the opposite effect, you know?"

While pulling up his pants, he glared at me. "Foul minx," he pointed at me after donning his shirt, "this is far from over."

"Oh, I know it," I purred. He scowled at me and then charged out the door. I was stretching my sore muscles when he poked his head back in.

"I love you!" Then he was gone as quickly as he had come.

I grinned like an idiot and realised right then that I loved him too. "Oh, shit." I sat up wild-eyed and put my hands to my burning cheeks. "It's too soon. I can't possibly... ah, fuck."

* * *

Searlus was occupied all day with that blasted meetings, but I was grateful. I had no idea how to proceed with my newfound knowledge. I paced and imagined a hundred scenarios on how and when to confess. I knew it would mean the world to him. My sweet beast deserved something special and romantic. As excited as I was to tell him how I felt, I told myself to wait and see how I would feel in a week. After all, we had just become intimate. Emotions and hormones were at the helm.

Logically, there was no reason not to marry Searlus. I had married for love and look what happened! Even if my heady emotions ran their course, Searlus was kind, loving, intelligent. I respected him, and he respected me. If my love were indeed fickle, at least I'd have a companion that I cared deeply for. But I didn't want to lie to him. I wanted to be positive before telling him.

Searlus was quite busy most days. He'd be ecstatic whenever I intruded on him with tea, or lunch, and give me beaming smiles and tender kisses (a little groping too if I'm honest). He came to my room every night. We didn't go much further than what we had already done, intimacy wise. But every night was incredible. This went on for a few weeks, and then, I was ready. I knew I was in love. I knew I wanted him in every way a lover could have him. The trick was to say it at the right time. Maybe on the beach at sunrise. Maybe in the gardens. Something romantic. But, alas, I am Kari Belle Dubois, the sailor, and my nature would not allow any of that.

It happened in the lab. Searlus was prattling on and on about whatever I was supposed to be learning, but I kept staring at him dreamily. He was just so impassioned at the moment! He was smiling and excited about the contents inside a vial he was holding. His voice was mesmerising. My heart just filled to the brim and then washed overboard.

"It's very potent, Belle," Searlus warned with a gleam in his gorgeous green eyes. "Beautiful, but dangerous. So you really have to–"

"I _love_ you," my mouth regurgitated on a dreamy sigh.

Searlus dropped whatever he was holding, and the table caught fire. Quite an impressive explosion, really, for a vial that small.

"By the stars!" he squawked while retrieving the fire repellant. He was quick to put out the flames, but then we were both choking on smoke.

Searlus hauled me outside then went back in to open the windows and make sure the house wasn't going to burn to ashes. When he came out, he doubled over and braced himself on his knees.

"Woman," he panted, "I know I've said you'd be the death of me, but I never thought it would be _literal_," he finished with a hysterical crack in his voice.

"I honestly have no idea what just happened," I admitted.

Searlus rose, completely winded and still coughing. He shook his head in utter bewilderment and crossed the distance between us. He held my face in his hands, his searching eyes were desperate. He opened his mouth to say something, then quickly turned his face to hack away from me. When he gained his composure, he tried again.

"I have exceptionally keen hearing, and yet I'm not sure–"

"I love you," I repeated again more firmly.

Searlus hung his head and let out a sob, then pulled me into his embrace. "You mean it? Really?"

"I thought you said you'd never doubt me again."

Another cry escaped him as he breathed me in. "I don't–I won't–I mean I love you. I've loved you for so long. Please, indulge me and say it again."

"I love you, Searlus. I'm in love with you. I think I have been since the ball. My eyes may not have recognised you, but my heart did. These past few months have only strengthened my feelings for you until I could no longer deny it."

"Oh, Belle," he gasped. He pulled away only to kiss me hard and long and full of tears. "Gods, I didn't expect... I thought it'd take... I would have waited forever, my heart..."

"You don't have to wait a moment more," I reassured him and nuzzled my cheek on his. I pulled him lower to whisper directly in his ear. "Let's go to your room tonight."

His breath hitched, and then I was abruptly flung over his shoulder. Searlus charged through the house, and all I could do was laugh as my father and Anne gawked at us. He dashed up the stairs three steps at a time and sped through the halls. He nearly broke his door down, trying to get in.

"The cuffs," I barked.

"Blast it all," he turned around and rushed to my room. He didn't even put me down while he opened my chest and retrieved them.

When we arrived in his room, he closed the door. I thought he was just going to throw me on the bed in his frenzy, but he lowered me gently to the ground. He was heaving and smiling between kisses.

"May I?" He requested while holding up the cuffs. I nodded, and he slipped them on like they were the most precious jewels in the world. "What do you want," he whispered fervently, "I'll give you anything, do anything, you need only say."

I smiled wryly and fisted my hands in his shirt. "You. I want all of you." I pulled him down forcefully and crushed my lips to his, whispering in his ear. "Inside me."

"Gods be merciful," he gasped and swayed, sending us crashing to the bed. He scrambled up and hoisted me further onto the bed. His face hovered over mine, a mixture of hope and worry in his gaze. "You're certain?"

"Oh, yes," I said through a grin and began unfastening his trousers.

He dropped his head next to mine and groaned. "I think my handcuffs arrived today. Maybe I should get them..."

"You're what?!"

Searlus lifted his head and frowned. "Oh, right. It was, eh, before. That was supposed to be a possible solution to, eh, well, to me."

I laughed. Of course, I would have agreed to that. "I don't think we need to chain you up, love."

Searlus shut his eyes and whined. "Please keep calling me that."

"Yes, love. All the time, love. Whenever you need to hear it, my love."

With a growl, Searlus shot up to his knees and literally ripped his shirt off, then he reached down and tore mine in half as well. I yelped and laughed but quickly started to ache as he kissed and nipped at my skin until he reached my trousers. He paused there, and he looked up at me with dark eyes.

"How do you want to do this? You should lead because this is a dance I am unfamiliar with, other than in the literary sense."

That warmed my heart, and I thought I might cry. "You're so lovely." I made a show of thinking hard on the matter. "Well, you're rather heavy, but that won't bother me with these on." I lifted my arms. "You're also... rather _large, _if you catch my meaning."

He hid his embarrassed face in my clothed crotch.

"Maybe I should be on top _after_ I've _prepared_ for your generous size."

"Is this what dying feels like?" Searlus muffled between my legs, sending a delightful warmth straight through my pants.

I giggled and scratched his head. "Get naked and then get me naked, please."

He was slow to comply, and I caught his hands trembling when he finally pulled off my trousers and drawers. Both naked, I moved to the centre of the bed and beckoned him to me with a curl of my finger. Searlus crawled his way to me until he bracketed me on the mattress.

We kissed long and slow, and I could feel his heat on my bare skin as he hovered above me. Eventually, he worked his way down and began to drive me mad with his tongue.

"Do you have lubricant?"

In answer, he merely retrieved it from his night table.

I pulled away from him, slicked my hand and sent it down to work myself open for him. A thrilling shiver ran through me as I watched him stare at my fingers. Shame and arousal can be quite an exciting thing when mixed together. He gawked so openly that I began to blush and tremble. It was like Searlus was memorising every bit of it. The task took a bit long. I had never tried using all of my fingers before, and it proved to be quite tricky.

"Come here," I gasped and removed my hand. I sat up and handed him the oil. "Now, you."

Searlus took a few steadying breaths. "You want me to... touch myself?" His voice was so hoarse. I almost told him to go drink something.

Instead, I nodded.

He swallowed hard and poured the oil on his hand. Full of nerves, he stalled a few more moments before he finally took himself in hand. His hooded gaze met mine as he began stroking himself slowly. I could see his chest rising and falling as if it were the only thing keeping him in check, and maybe it was. I could feel that purr from where I sat. It began to build until it was an unmistakable low growl. His pupils were blown wide. I could see more beast than man in his look, and I did not fear him. That predatory gaze had become familiar to me. I had started to not only look forward to it, but to crave it.

The slide of his grasp, along with that constant rumble from deep in his chest, made the most erotic combination. I was transfixed. I stared at him as openly as he had stared at me. He began to move his hips in rhythm. All I could think about was how incredibly sensuous that fluid and strong movement looked. I tried to imagine how it would finally feel when those hips worked him inside me. I didn't have to wait long to find out.

With a sudden snarl, Searlus pounced eliciting a surprised scream from me. His eyes scanned my face while his own contorted in what looked like rage. But I knew it for what it really was, desire. I realised then that he could not bring himself to speak. Something else I had gotten used to in our moments of great passion. I had to read his face, the way his eyes flickered out his emotions. I knew what he was asking, what he was saying.

"I'm fine," I said through a smile. I held out my hand near his face and he leaned into it and closed his eyes. He couldn't stop himself from giving a slow thrust on my thighs. His eyes snapped open as he groaned. "Lie down, love," I whispered as I caressed his cheek.

I had to wait until he calmed himself, then silently, he did as I asked. His claws were dug into the mattress, and he held his breath when I straddled him. His eyes studied me from head to where our bodies met. I gave him a pointed nod as I lifted myself to take his cock in my grasp. Searlus let out some choked breaths as I positioned myself above him.

His gaze was locked on my fisted hand as I began to lower myself onto him. As soon as there was contact, Searlus moaned and growled at the same time, which was new to me. I watched his face twitch with yearning and anticipation, with awe and raw hunger.

Even with preparing myself to take him, and with all the slick between the both of us, it was slow progress downward at first. When his tip finally pushed inside, I mewled with longing and pleasure. Searlus' eyes nearly rolled into his head while he tore through the duvet beneath him. He began to heave something fierce when I went lower still. I saw he was quickly losing himself. He'd toss his head side to side as if trying to wake himself from a nightmare. The man was trying his best to keep the beast at bay, but I knew it would not be long before the man in him lost the battle.

He was so large that I could not fully seat myself before starting to move my hips as I leaned over him, one hand on his chest and the other on the bed. I should have known better, but I snapped my hips up without warning. He thrust upward with a roar as his paws clutched my waist and thigh with a grip that I knew would bruise. I lost the lead for a moment as Searlus began to quicken the pace and tried to drive deeper. Before I could get a handle on things, I felt him jab into me, grazing a spot that sent a jolt of pleasure through my entire body. I know I said something, but I can't recall because I was soon breathless as Searlus repeated that exact movement.

The feel of the stretch around him, how he filled me so profoundly, it was too much. I needed to slow things down, so I took his wrists in hand and used all on my strength to rip his bruising paws away and trap them on either side of his head. He snarled in my face, sharp canines exposed and seemingly threatening to bite. My movement had been limited by the position, which was to my benefit, but it was fruitless. Searlus had fallen into a frenzy beneath me. He squirmed and growled, and bit the air near my chin. I pulled away abruptly at the threat, which gave him his freedom.

I found myself being flipped onto the bed beneath Searlus. No sooner than my back hit the bed, he bit into my scarred shoulder and began to whip his hips at a ravaging speed. I was powerless, not only because he had the upper hand, but because the pleasure pounding below had knocked the wind out of me. It was my turn to claw the bed, then his arms, his neck, face, whatever I could grab hold of. I became mindless, making sounds I didn't even think I could make. The pressure built up quickly and I could not catch my breath. My throat was raw from my loud cries. Then Searlus wrapped one arm around my waist and pulled me to him, giving him complete control of my entire being.

I couldn't move, save for my fingers that dug into his mane. I could only endure as the new angle only let Searlus drive deeper and harder. Eventually, barely a sound came out of me at all; my energy exclusively reserved to breathe through the ruthless pace. And Gods, the bliss that overtook me left me motionless anyway. I didn't want to move either. I heard myself scream out his name as I came undone, seeing stars as he continued to pump inside me. Before I could feel him spasm within me, before I felt the heat of his seed, another climax ripped through me without warning. It lasted so long and was near painful. Searlus was still roaring and burying himself as far as he could even when he finally collapsed on me, trapping me beneath his massive body.

He came down from his frenzy slowly. I was motionless, eyes closed as I fought for sanity. I wanted to hold him and caress him, but I could not bother to lift my arms, I doubt I was capable of it at the time anyway.

What sounded like my name, rasped out of Searlus in a voice I hardly recognised as his let alone as human. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. It must have worried him because his face was suddenly hovering over mine, his eyes wide with fear and distress.

"Talk to me please," he grated out.

I focussed my sleepy, gruntled eyes on his pained ones and tried once more to speak.

"Marry me," I croaked out in some imitation of a toad.

It took a moment for him to register what I had said, his face turning confused until he scoffed in bewilderment. Then buried his smiling face in my hair and began to shake and sob. I was unsure whether he was crying or laughing. It turned out to be both but mirth finally won out.

"Yes, you daft creature," Searlus finally choked out.

I never slept in my room again.

* * *

**AN POST NOTES: I'm on a mission to make this story my first published novel! After some rewrites and name changes, of course. If you'd like to contribute to my self-publishing endeavor, please go to my ko-fi page at ko-fi dot com / mordellestories I've met 19% of my goal so far in a few days! Thank you SO much for sticking around!**


	21. Chapter 21

**This is it! The very last chapter. I am so sorry it took so long to complete but I am ecstatic it's done! Because now the real work begins to self-publish this officially as my first novel!**

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(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

* * *

Searlus could not hide for long in my father's house. Eventually, word broke out that the King was in town, and we began to receive calls in heaps. His royal guard was quick to emerge from the shadows they had been hiding in. They surrounded our home the moment one of the servants finally loosened her tongue on a drunken evening at the local tavern. Searlus, of course, became quite stressed.

"You can't expect to hide forever, love," I admonished with a peck on his pouting mouth while we laid in bed.

He muttered something under his breath about having been successful at hiding for thirty-odd years until someone came along.

"Yes," I agreed, letting him know I heard him well enough. "But did you really escape your prison just to end up in another?"

He gave me a petulant shrug. "There is nowhere that can be a prison as long as you are with me."

"Bah!" I waved dismissively. "I'll start to drive you mad soon enough."

"Too late," he grumbled.

The wedding was beautiful. My father's and Anne's, I mean. We would have never announced our engagement before the happy day, of course. The bride and groom were the talks of the kingdom when it was announced that the King himself would be the one to officiate the ceremony. Papa was so thrilled, walking around with a dazed look and beaming smile on his face throughout the whole affair. Poor Searlus suffered from nerves the entire day until his part in it all was over, and we retired at a decent hour.

In jest, or maybe not, Papa begged us not to ruin his wedding night by making our usual "racket." Oh, if Searlus had no fur, we all would have seen a blush for sure. My sweet beast is easily flustered when it comes to our activities in the bedroom.

It took some time for Searlus to adjust to actual lovemaking and not just fucking me out of my senses. That was more than fine by me–believe me–for a time, but it has been rather lovely for both of us to be more present in the act. The brute can barely keep his hands off me, almost getting caught not acting very kingly several times by his subjects. I don't help matters as I do so love teasing him.

A month after my father's wedding, Searlus officially asked my father for my hand in marriage. Papa was kind enough to play along with the formalities, but once he caught Searlus alone much later, he tried to celebrate our engagement with his future son in law. My father obviously did not consider Searlus' size because he fully intended to drink the King under the table. Searlus ended up having to carry his unconscious, future father in law to bed. I am so happy that they've grown so close and get along so well!

Because the castle was nowhere near ready for our arrival, Searlus had more things sent from the castle to my father's home. Amongst those things was a wardrobe. Searlus told me that it had belonged to his mother and then me while I lived at the castle.

Such a gorgeous thing! I didn't know it was enchanted until I was alone with it for the first time in my room. It scared the dickens out of me! It wobbled to and fro, side to side, groaning and creaking, flapping its doors. I had stumbled away from it thinking it might explode! The whole household heard my scream. Searlus came to my rescue. Upon seeing the piece of furniture burying me in all manner of clothing, he doubled over, pointed and laughed at me. The wardrobe is enchanted, and was very excited to be reunited with me. I reacquainted myself with my old friend, whom I had no memory of.

For being a piece of furniture, it seemed so sentient. I made some light, awkward conversation because what can you possibly say to a wardrobe. I apologised to it that I could not remember our time together because I had lost all my memories.

It's whole demeanour dampened and drooped with a loud groan. But then, as if something just occurred to it, it started flapping its doors again. When it finally calmed down, it opened. I approached while it shook and groaned. I peered inside. There was nothing in it but a single book. I opened it and skimmed through the pages recognising my handwriting and sketches.

"This is mine," I whispered. The wardrobe creaked is its assent.

I sat down at my vanity and placed the book gingerly on the table. I turned to the very beginning and quickly became riveted. It was a diary! A diary with all of my memories, or some of the most important ones anyway, from my time at the castle! I could barely control my excitement.

Once I finished the first page, something odd and incredible happened!

Everything I had read on that page had somehow brought back the memory in my mind! I saw it all so clearly as if I never forgot in the first place. The more I read, the more came to me! I even recalled things that were not accounted for… like my abduction.

By the time I was finished reading my accounts, I was stunned with tears rolling down my face. I felt like I had just sewn together with a piece of me that was missing. I felt whole. And my feelings for Searlus grew even stronger, which I didn't think was possible.

The last few days in the castle had been difficult. After the incident in the courtyard, Searlus had locked himself up in his quarters. I had let a day go by, but he did not come to dinner, and I had to share a meal with those vile people. They were hideous, jeering and underhandedly insulting me–insulting the King! I excused myself and ran towards Searlus' room.

I begged and pleaded for him to come out, but he did not answer. I wondered if it was because he was ignoring me or because he wasn't in his room at all, and was actually in that infernal cage he had promised never to lock himself in again.

I tried for days to find the entrance to the tower, but it was as if the castle itself was leading me astray.

I grew very angry with Searlus. At one point, I went back to his door and shouted that he was a coward. It was not my finest moment, but I was so lonely, and he had left me there in the cold after what we shared that should have been special but turned out to be a bad memory.

I yelled at the locked door that he was being overdramatic, told him he was a brute, and I threatened that I would leave. I meant none of it. I hope he did not hear me.

I was not idle, however. To stay away from the evil guests in the castle, and to try and fix the main issue with our relationship, I spent a lot of time in Searlus' study. I poked around and snooped. When I came upon the handcuffs he had made, an idea came to me! I called on the enchanted mirror, not knowing exactly how it worked. Someone answered the call, a man named Cogsworth I had seen before. He is who I ordered to make my golden cuffs. I wondered whether he would listen to me at all since I was not exactly his superior, but he was actually very accommodating. He helped me take my measurements, and he wrote down everything I requested. The Goldsmith delivered it the very next day. Everything else I needed was in the castle, the stones, the books, and tools. I worked day and night until I finished my task.

I tried them on. When they worked for the first time, I cried with joy. I wanted to keep it a secret and surprise Searlus with them, but I had no idea when he would be coming out of his room! I decided to give him the space he needed instead of breaking the door down with my new invention.

One day, I decided to leave the King's Quarters to go for a walk. It had been days after all. Some fresh air, nature, was very much needed. It would be the greatest mistake I ever made because it was then, when I was alone in the forest, that three men came upon me. They forced something down my throat, and I lost consciousness.

I wasn't sure whether it was a nightmare or not, but I heard a mighty roar, full of anger and grief. It woke me, and I sobbed, then I was hit over the head, and everything went dark again. You know the rest.

It was dinner time when Anne knocked on my door. I composed myself and asked her where the King was. She said he had not arrived yet from a meeting. I waited near the door, pacing back and forth like a madwoman until I heard the royal carriage and the usual commotion that came with Searlus' arrival. I threw open the doors.

Searlus exited the carriage and beamed when he saw me but then grew severe. He must have seen my tears and yearning in my face, for he dismissed everyone at once. I was all but running when I threw myself into his arms.

"My love, what has happened?" he panicked.

I looked up at him, and those troubled emerald eyes ripped the truth from me in an instant. "I remember," I whispered. "Take us somewhere we can be alone."

Searlus furrowed his brow and frowned, but then his eyes grew wide, and his jaw dropped open with a gasp. "You remember... you remember your time at the castle?"

I nodded.

His eyes were fearful, and he was so stricken. I could not understand why, should it not have been good news? "Come so we can talk," he whispered and led me to the garden by the hand. We strolled quietly at first until Searlus found his voice. "Do you remember everything?"

"I think so."

I heard him swallow loudly. He sighed and halted to face me. "So you remember that night," his voice shook. "The night I," he looked at where he had marked me, "gave you that."

I nodded slowly. "I do."

Searlus looked away and sniffed. "You remember how I abandoned you." It was not a question. "I left you to the wolves," he swallowed down a sob and fisted his hands. "I've apologised before, but it meant nothing because you did not remember. So I will beg your forgiveness again." He knelt before me, holding my hands in his and staring up at me with those beautiful, sad eyes.

"You were right," he confessed with a strained tone. "I was a coward. For that, I lost you. I promised myself I would try to get you back. At first, I thought it was my selfishness that drove me, and I was fine with that to be terribly honest. Then all I could think about were your words of love and the loving gleam in your eyes when you looked upon me that had not been there when we first met. I believed you every time you told me that you love me, but soon enough, I would allow my insecurities to fill me with doubt. I have promised you that I would never doubt you again. Belle, please forgive me, my heart, my love."

"You silly beast," I smiled through my tears. "Of course, I forgive you. But it is not your fault I was taken from you. Searlus," I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. "You have no idea how much everything you've done since then means to me. I had already thought you brave for tearing down the gates but knowing–remembering what I remember now... I don't think there's a word in all the world to describe how brave you really are." I cupped his damp face in my hands and thumbed his tears away. "You broke through your chains on your own! I loved you then, and I love you now, that has not changed. You have my respect, my loyalty, and my love. And I am so, so very proud of you." I began to cry in earnest. In the few lucid moments I had before passing the threshold, I had hoped you would come for me… and you did!"

"But I was too late!" he cried. "I failed you."

I shook my head swiftly and scoffed. "Look around! We are here together. I have fallen in love with you twice now, and there is no one else for me. I am even more certain than ever that I belong at your side, wherever you go." I grinned wide. "Had this travesty not happened, we would not be here now."

I got down on my knees and wrapped my arms around him. We stayed there for some time, just breathing each other in and feeling the warmth of our embrace. I looked toward the main house and saw there was barely any light through the windows.

Then an idea occurred to me.

"We could do it again," I whispered. "Do it over. Do it right."

Searlus pulled away with a furrowed brow. "Do what again?"

I extricated myself and smiled up at him wickedly. "That night in the courtyard," I murmured.

Searlus took in a trembling breath. Even in the dark, I could see his eyes grow hungry with want. He looked around, and then he sniffed the air. "The closest guard is at the entrance," he muttered. He gazed down at me, desire written all over his face. "What do you want," he asked, breathless.

I fisted my hands in his shirt and pulled him close. I stared directly into his eyes. "I want you to take me here," I whispered back. "Let us do that night over again, but this time with a happy ending." I grinned and winked.

Searlus' breath became shallow, and I could feel a warmth coming off him from his mounting arousal. "Are you certain?" he asked again, boring holes into my eyes.

"Oh, yes. Please."

Searlus whipped his head around again to make sure no one was near. He sniffed the air once more, and then he growled low and deep. "We'll have to be quiet. The patrol is too close enough not to hear our usual… sounds."

I shivered with lust. "I don't care."

He hummed in approval. "Your cuffs?"

"Forget them. I trust you," I said as I pulled him into a passionate kiss.

He groaned and broke our kiss to look at the night sky. "At the very least, you'll be sore, my beauty."

I tugged him down to me again and crushed my lips to his. I demanded entrance with my tongue, and he complied eagerly. I broke the kiss and smirked. "Good. I wish to awake, knowing exactly what you've done to me."

In answer, he snarled and turned me over without warning. I felt his warm breath by my ear as he whispered, "I think about that night a lot—more than you can ever know. I'm filled with shame but mostly because... I liked it." He purred and nuzzled the side of my face. "I liked having you beneath me, with the smell of the earth and grass in your hair."

He grabbed onto my hips and pulled me toward him until my backside was flush with his hardness. Warmth pooled between my legs, and I moaned softly.

"I'm loathe to admit that I even enjoyed the scent of your fear." He purred and dragged his claws down my side. "Does that frighten you?" he rasped in my ear again, sending shivers through my whole being.

I shook my head in answer.

His paws reached my rear, and he kneaded into my cheeks almost painfully. "I liked the taste of your delicate flesh in my mouth." Dragging his hands back up my legs, Searlus pulled at the hem of my trousers. He didn't even bother unfastening them, he ripped them in half, exposing my undergarments. I gasped and yelped in surprise.

"Shush," he commanded while hooking his thumbs in my pants. "I liked your smell. You were so aroused, as you are now. Your scent alone drives me mad." He inhaled deeply and sighed with pleasure. "I liked the sounds you made, the soft cries into your hand. I was lost in desire, Belle. I lost control." He growled low and deep. "But even then, I knew you wanted me. Just the thought, lords above, drove me to seek my pleasure in you." He dragged my pants down slowly, and I felt the crisp air on my bare sex.

First, he teased me with his fingers, circling my folds slowly and softly. Too slow. Too soft. He was set to drive me mad because then I felt the first lap of his tongue, and I almost forgot to swallow my cry of pleasure. Even then, he did not pick up his pace. His languid and gentle licking had me pushing back into him for more, but he would only hold me fast and growl in warning. And that was something . I was a bit late to cover my mouth and smother my sob.

Searlus had enough mind to pause, to my chagrin, and listen for the guards. There must have been no change because he gripped my hips tighter and continued his task until I was whimpering into the earth.

I was dazed and out of my mind when Searlus pulled back, and I heard the rustling of his clothes. I breathed with my cheek pressed in the dirt and stray weeds. Then I felt the warm tip of his large cock align with my entrance, and I keened into my hand, it felt so incredible.

Searlus panted as he probed lightly. Although I had grown used to his size, he started slowly and made sure I was soaked with his slick before pushing in his tip. He barely held in his moan, but he managed. I did not.

Searlus hissed in my ear. "Silence," he said on a growl. "Or is it that you want to be heard?" He slid in further, and I felt the first uncomfortable stretch before I could grow accustomed to the intrusion. "No one would dare approach," he tempted, his voice hoarse and low. "No one would dare speak a word of it."

It was the most erotic thing we had done this far, and I loved it.

I shook my head. I wanted to be quiet. I wanted to feel like I couldn't let anyone else hear. It was exciting, and I dripped with anticipation.

Searlus drove forward again, and I clawed the ground while taking in a lung-full of air. "By the stars," he rasped and cursed. I felt his claws dig into my hips as he rocked forward once more, completely seating himself. Neither one of us could hold down a groan of pleasure. He didn't move. He stayed there and spoke again, cupping one of my breasts and teasing it. "To think," he breathed, "that I was certain... I would never have this, that I would never be able... to touch you in this way." He shuddered, and the vibration travelled the length of my body and up to my delirious brain.

I began to whimper in earnest and tried to thrust back, but it was impossible. Searlus was all-consuming, and I could think of nothing else, which is why it was a shock when he abruptly tore off half my shirt.

"Do you want me to…" he asked.

I let go of my mouth and hissed. "Yes. Please, yes. Bite me. Bite me and fuck me until I lose my senses."

Searlus said nothing. He just clamped his teeth over my scar, fast and hard. He did not draw blood, but it was a damn near thing, and I relished the pain and pleasure, rolling my eyes under my lids and groaning into my palm. I let out a string of muffled curses and the bastard actually chuckled. I released my grasp and groused "All this talking and laughing . Clearly, you've grown too bold."

I could feel Searlus' smile on my shoulder, and he let me go to speak. "And who's fault is that? Hm?"

I growled like an animal and snapped over my shoulder. Before I could rebuke him for his cheek, he pulled away and thrust back in with such force, and it knocked the wind out of me. It wasn't near the strength he used when I had my cuffs, but I saw stars anyway.

"Like that?" he questioned with a hint of concern.

"Yes," I panted, "just like that."

That was all the invitation he needed to ravage me like the beast he was while pinning me to the ground once more. I knew I would be full of scratches and bruises the next day, but that is precisely what I wanted. I craved the animal in him, and I wanted to be marked everywhere. Searlus pumped into me with shallow thrusts at a dizzying speed. I was forced to release the hold I had on my mouth again because breathing became difficult. My breath came out in high-pitched wheezes, and it was a miracle I did not shout through the maddening pleasure that tore my senses to pieces. I hadn't felt so out of my mind with bliss since our first time. I'm pretty sure I was smiling because my cheeks began to ache along with the rest of me.

Gods above, it was incredible.

My climax came out of nowhere. I came hard, and with Searlus unrelenting in his onslaught, I knew my second one was fast approaching. And I was correct. Searlus gave his final thrusts with a low growl. The sensation of his pulsing cock and his spend pushed me over the edge once more, making me keen loudly into the earth.

My whole body convulsed with aftershocks and I knew my legs would be useless. Searlus huffed and heaved as came down from his own pleasure. He kissed my bite mark several times, laid me out flat on the ground and turned me over. I saw the night sky first, full of stars. Then Searlus hovered above me, his expression was soft and loving, and a bit drunk.

He brushed his lips on mine softly and mumbled. "I love you." He didn't wait for me to reply. He kissed me tenderly, righted his clothes, and then wrapped me in his cloak. I sighed and fell asleep almost instantly. I awoke in the hot water of our bath, but Searlus shushed me and told me to sleep. I suppose he bathed me. I cannot remember anything else after that. It was the best sleep of my life.

Well, actually, I've had many more since then…

The castle was complete just in time for our wedding, which was grand and celebrated throughout the entire kingdom. It's been years since and I'm a queen now, if one can believe it. I hardly can even now. Best of all, Searlus and I have three children, one boy and two girls. We took the babes in as our own and plan to adopt more whenever the opportunity arises again. How they love Searlus! He had been so worried they would be frightened of him. But we are the only parents they've ever known, and in fact, our boy asked him one day when he'd grow his own tail and horns! The darling. Our darlings.

There is still peace, and our kingdom continues to grow prosperous, and most importantly...

We are happy.

Whosever hands my accounts have fallen into, my wish to you is that you find the kind of love we share, in whatever form that may be. Life is not without its troubles, but love can carry you through them.

Love,

Belle

Notes:

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